Of Mice and Mustaches

After a full weeks worth of growth, I decided that it was time to shave today. I was sad to do it too. My mustache grew in thicker this time than it did during Mustache March. I felt like this was something out of "Of Mice and Men." It was like the powerful climactic scene where George has to kill Lenny. I walked into the bathroom slowly as to not arouse suspicion for my mustache.

Mustache: Where are we?

Me: Just in the bathroom.

Mustache: What for?

Me: Uh.......

Mustache: Are you going to show me those mustache combs you were telling me about? Oh boy that would be great!

Me: Yes. Mustache combs. That's what we are here for.

Mustache: Tell me more about the mustache combs. It sure does make me happy.

Me: Close your eyes and I will tell you.

Mustache: Oh boy, gee golly wiz I'm excited! Tell me, tell me!

Me: The combs are so soft and gentle, it's like being touched by a cloud.

Mustache: Tell me how they work. Please!

Me: Oh they work wonderfully. Their superior design allows them to smooth out even the most malformed under-developed mustache hairs. 

Mustache: Like me?! 

Me: Yes. Just like you. 

Mustache: Oh gee that sounds nice! When do I get one?

Me: Soon...........soon.

Mustache: Oh boy, I can feel the soft bristles running through me now. So soft and gentle. I'm excited!

Me: Maybe one day. For now it's time to sleep.

With tears escaping my eyes, I brought my razor to my mustache and went to work. I thought it would be a quick couple of swipes since it wasn't at full strength. Much to my surprise, my mustache was surprisingly stronger this time. It took multiple swipes just to get one side! I could hear my mustache's cries of agony. It was like executing someone by shooting them in the chest only to find out that they were wearing a bullet proof vest the entire time. After my mustache was done, I got to the rest of my face. I went to work on my nasty neck and chin hair. They took it like a man and went down without a scream or a fight. 

I eventually regained my composure after brutally butchering a piece of classic literature. I got ready for my day, looking like a normal human being again. 

This has got to be one of my most shameless writings. Sorry, John Steinbeck for making you roll in your grave.

It was worth it. 

Goodbye mustache and affiliated facial hairs. See you again, someday.