Since 2006 I have made it something of a tradition to reflect and write about the years past on New Years Eve. I always read the past ones before I write the new one. Each time I read them, I travel back in time and remember it all again. It serves as inspiration to write the new one with a sense of fun and hope.
One year ago, the end of 2008, was spent party hopping with Nicole and Jeff. We hit a couple of places and ended up at Nicole's friends house drinking beer in one hand and cheap champagne in the other. The place was crowded to the shoulder. It was the type of overcrowded party you only see in the movies. The new year was wrought in with a hundred voices in a small house. Afterward, we went to the Belgium Waffle where Jeff drank beer in the car and got drunk. He felt compelled to have a heart to heart talk with me in his car over a beer. I don't remember the specifics, but I remember we shook hands afterward.
I remember January as a time of transition. I was unhappy at SLCC and was looking for a new place to go. I remember driving to Weber for the first time and driving around the entire place on less than an hour of sleep. I took pictures of myself at the Roy Air Force Museum. I remember feeling so at home there. Feeling a sense of belonging. I remember the drive there and back and how foreign, new and exciting it felt. I started my intermediate course later in the month. I remember eating Quiznos during class breaks and listening to the Two Tongues CD. I remember coming to an epiphany about my life. Originally it was to become a paramedic, then do nursing school. I had realized I could not do medical school...... for now
I remember interviewing at the U in February for a job in the ER. I was so excited to have a shot to work in the one place I had always wanted. I remember a second trip to Weber and getting the news that I had gotten the job later that day. In fact, it was all in the same day. I had taken my sister with me to tour the campus.
I remember taking a random trip to Vegas for spring break in March with Jessica, Kevin and Nicole. Matt would later on join for less than a day and take us back home. I was sick for the 4th time that year. I remember Kevin getting too drunk on an alcoholic pina colada smoothie from the Paris. Matt and Kevin popping bottles of champagne and drinking straight from the bottle. I remember signing up to live at the dorms at Weber state and feeling so nervous. I remember dropping the paramedic idea just accepting the idea of nursing school. I remember Nicole getting way sick on her birthday after a night at Squatters and The Keys.
April started off with the ugly mustache contest. It looked awful and tore down my self esteem. It was still fun. I remember the pancake dinner at work and the shaving of it. I lost to Tyler from work. I remember working long weeks training at the U while keeping up my job at LD. I burned out so fast. I remember feeling so self conscious while training at the U because of my ugly mustache. All of April I was sleep deprived.
May was uneventful. I remember buying new paintball equipment for Memorial Weekend and gladly welcoming the return of warm weather. I also remember taking the difficult airway course and loving every second. It was probably around this time where I had felt to give med school one last try for reasons unknown to me. I could not let go of my pride and wanted to be a doctor.
I remember Joe's bachelor party in the mountains and everyone getting sick from the massive amounts of budweiser beer. I remember being sleep deprived and drunk talks with Kevin. We scared mice away from our beds so they wouldn't crawl on us. I remember Brennon and Matt snoring and making fun of Matt's chest hair (the host)
July was frequent trips to Weber to get things sorted out for my transition there. I remember always listening to the Lonely Island CD and getting my roommates names. I remember having to take my mom to the ER because her gallbladder was acting up and the final decision for her to finally have surgery.
August was the time getting ready to leave and moving to Weber. I didn't go to Warped Tour because I felt too old to go. I didn't know any of the bands. I remember being so nervous and uncertain. I remember my first day there. The people. The noises. The feeling of finally being at a real college. I remember actually having to wake up in the morning and try to move back to a regular schedule.
September I tried to adjust to everything. Weber was so new. The commute to work. Being away from my friends and family. I remember starting to play pool frequently to pass the time as I was usually bored up there. I enjoyed the warmth and sites of Ogden.
October I had finally decided to go for nursing again. I realized I really really could not do med school at this point. No matter how hard I tried. It was over. But I knew I could achieve this goal more realistically. I remember more pool and the Golden Jade Chinese restaurant. I remember the start of Venture Brothers Sunday at work. Halloween was uneventful other than seeing my dad in a tinkerbell costume
November was a long month. I felt more isolated and alone and went on to hate my stay at Weber. I dreaded going back my room knowing I would find no solace or silence there. It was a constant barrage loud noise all day. I just wanted to get through finals. Thanksgiving was nice and relaxing. It was the break I sorely needed. I struggled to make my apartment payments on time. I remember having a relaxing birthday day, but a drunken night on my friends on my birthday weekend. Matt and Heather took me out. Kevin and Nicole would show up later. It was a fun night. I remember hearing about Jeff being accepted to med school in New York
December was the long awaited process of wanting to move back home for once. I wasted no time and got home as fast as I could. I could not stand another day in the campus housing. I realized that everything I wanted wasn't away from home. I did enjoy school there and do wish to go back. But I missed everything I had at home. I'm happy being home but do wish to move out again but in the general area. I remember last minute Christmas shopping and being awake for 27 hours on the 23rd.
And now I'm here. 2009 was not a particularly exciting year. But like every year, it was a time for change and getting a little older. (and wiser hopefully) As I get older, I have realized the time I have lost and wasted. It's been hard for me this year to come to terms with who I am and who I am not. Much of my future is unknown and scary to me. I only wish that I can succeed in what I actually need to do rather than just what I want to do or think I can do. It's been nearly 5 years since high school and little has been accomplished on my part. I hope that 2010 will be the ultimate year for accomplishment. Though, I worry more about everything gradually slipping away from me as my friends start to go their separate ways.
Goodbye 2009. You will not be forgotten. Hello 2010, I hope it is a kinder and more forgiving year.
