Due to extreme boredom, I decided to write a part two about old cartoon shows. I write this to bring you back to the days of cartoon intros full of fast paced synthesized 90's music, corny theme songs, and when eating pizza was the coolest thing to do. I will bring you back to days when cartoons were good. Well kind of. These are examples of crappy cartoons. But still, we all might remember some of these.
Let's just say, they stopped making good cartoons a long long long time ago.
California Raisins:
There is no other explanation for this except for one word: Hippies. Only hippies could have possibly concocted something about singing raisins. More like the singing munchies. A group of raisins that tour the country and sing all the classic hits of the 60's and 70's. Yeah.....I think that explanation speaks for itself.
The Magic Schoolbus:
Educational. Very. But how do you come up with a schoolbus with the ability to do anything? Once again, I think this has to do with well intentioned hippies on acid. I can already see how the show came together. "Dude I was totally gone last night. After we bought the acid we broke into a gnarly school bus. I kept tripping out. I kept having illusions that the bus would shrink and I was the driver. I could go into my own stomach and see how it works. After that I went to pluto and proved how cold it was. We should make a cartoon about it and name the main character after the bubbly acid I took. How about Mrs. Frizzle?" How the hell did these people get jobs?
Robocop: The Animated Series:
All I will say is this: The day this show came on air was the day the world stopped caring about children.
MTV's New Kids On the Block:
That's right. New Kids on the Block, the earliest boy band of the 90's had a cartoon made after them. It almost makes me want to vomit and sit on a pinecone. Would anybody ever classify this as quality programming? The plots were all the same. They went concert to concert and had little adventures before they were on stage. Such crazy adventures like riding skateboards, meeting girls and eating pizza. The show would always end with them skateboarding away into the back of their tourbus as a parade of girls chased them. How do the artists and writers live with themselves for even putting this on tv?
Extreme Dinosaurs:
These aren't just any dinosaurs. They are EXTREME Dinosaurs. These dinosaurs have technology beyond our years, fly jets, firm six packs and possess weapons that any advanced civilization beyond our world would be jealous of. These dinosaurs fight crime for humans against other dinosaurs who evidentally dont like humans. I don't know anyone who ever watched this show, but if you're reading this and remember being a huge fan.......I'm sorry that you were born.
Street Sharks:
I almost forgot about this one. Although a part of me wishes that I had. This cartoon is about 4 normal guys who get transformed into humanoid sharks by science. I don't know what kind of scientist would think that would be a good idea or would even think that would have "Nobel Prize" written all over it. But after these people get transformed into humanoid sharks, they realize they can carve under and through streets like water. If I was a taxpayer, I would be pissed that these sharks were causing more constructions and ruining my commute to work. I would protest they be put to sleep at once! Anyway they realize they want to fight crime and ride motorcycles. That's basically it.......Wow.
Hammerman:
Believe it or not, this cartoon is about MC Hammer. This makes me laugh just thinking about it. In the cartoon he has magical shoes that not only help him bust a move in his famous hammer pants, but they also talk and help him fight crime. When he steps into the shoes, he magically sports an all black outfit with some bling. Thanks to these magic shoes, he is able summon musical notation to beat up bad guys and help him fly. I wish I was making this up.
Captian Simian and the Space Monkeys:
This is about a monkey that was thought lost by NASA but found by highly advanced extraterrestrial beings who decide to make him an intelligent space hero. He then commands a starship of his own monkey compadres who help him battle the evil of the universe. Thanks to him being a monkey and all, he is able to shoot guns with all four hands and give high fives with his feet. They appear to fight villians with the ability to shoot their brain and spinal cord out and attempt to strangle them. Human art and creativity at it's finest. The Renaissance don't even match this artistic beauty.
In case you're asking yourself, "Gee wiz, what good cartoons did come out of t his era?" Allow me to list a few: Eek the Cat, Talespin, Duck Tales, Chip and Dale Rescue Ranger, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, X-men, Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Mighty Max, Darkwing Duck, Inspector Gadget, Swat Cats, He-man, Rocko's Modern Life, Ren and Stimpy, Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, Ahh, Real Monsters, and many many more I'm sure you can think of.
I hope you enjoyed this 2 part series of attempts at humor. :)
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
I Can't Believe I Used to Watch That Crap! Part I
Can you remember when we were kids and the cartoons we used to watch? Don't get me wrong, many of the cartoons we used to watch still kick ass but many of them actually sucked in real life. Allow me to point these out to you.
Biker Mice From Mars:
When I was younger, I even knew this show was stupid. Its about 3 humanoid mice who escape Mars which has been taken over by hostile aliens. They come to Earth on motorcycles to defend it from the same aliens that took over Mars. Evidentally the giant mice are welcomed by Earth instead of shunned because of their smaller counterparts infamous title of being four-legged disease bags.
Captain Planet:I've rant ranted about captain planet before, but seriously, why did that cartoon stay on the air for so long? In case you're not familiar with the show, it's a tree hugger show. It features 5 kids who have the ability to summon a blue man with a green mullet to clean up trash and thwart evil doers who have the intentions of cutting down rain forests and polluting our waters. I wish I was kidding. Sure the intentions were good, but all I got out of it is that people from the Soviet Union like to pollute and hate everybody and trusting tacky blue men with green mullets might help you clean stuff you don't care about when your 6. If you're curious, I know for a fact there is parts of episodes on the myspace videos section, be prepared to be thoroughly unimpressed.
Free Willy: The Animated Series
It's bad enough they made a 3 part sequel of that lame movie, but they had to go the extra mile to make it an animated series. In this version, the whale can talk. The supervillian is a half robotic man bent on trapping whales and/or destroying them in a large submarine. Together, the whale and the boy make a great aquatic crime fighting team. I don't know how you can make episodes about a whale and a 10 year old boy fighting oceanic crimes. That's like the ultimate handicapped crime fighting duo.
Gargoyles:
I couldn't think of a worse concept than dinosaurs defending New York City. I know they are gargoyles and not quite dinosaurs, but really, thats all they are is dinosaurs with wings. I really don't see what made this show so damn popular for kids of my generation. Each episode was relatively the same. At night, they broke out of their stone and defeated petty thugs and some guy who wanted to destroy them repeatedly.
James Bond Jr:
This is about James Bond Senior's love child (one of many) who was lucky enough to be named after his dad (and know who is dad was) I actually watched this show. Thanks to this show, I learned to be a charming British womanizer with a crack team of people who weren't as good as me when it came down to it. This show was cheasy on so many levels. But to address one obvious one, he had to introduce himself at least once an episode as "Bond. James Bond (pause to hold for a effect) Junior. If I was a villian and Bond Jr. introduced himself my first thought would be "Damn it, one of Mr. Bond's illegitimate children finally went somewhere. I knew this day would come."
King Arthur and the Knights of Justice:
Sounds pretty normal right? The answer is no. In this show, the real King Arthur and his knights of the round table are captured. Merlin with his all-wise knowledge goes to the future and enlists a high school football team named the knights to bring them back in time and protect camelot. It's a full proof idea! Protecting a legendary city/castle with 17 year old arrogant assholes who know how to throw a ball and catch it while wearing a vast arsenal of padding. Nevermind you can go forward in time and enlist a historian who knows the tactics of the European kingdoms and military personnel from around the world. Yep, football automatically qualifies you to fight 14th century battles.
The Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series:
I'm not even sure where to start on this. It really blows my mind. This show features actual humanoid ducks from another dimension who play ice hockey. Somehow they get trapped on Earth and become a super hockey team there. They set up their headquarters in an old run down hockey ring where in their spare time, they fight the scum of the world. Their pads are equipped with all the things necessary to start World War III and win. The show sends a strong message that when you mess with ducks on skates, you will definitely pay the price.
Pokemon:I think just about everyone was guilty of watching this for a while. It's a Japanese cartoon where creatures known as pocketmonsters or pokemon for short, are captured in balls and used to fight other pokemon in competitions. The only words these pokemon could say were their own names. I remember going through school and having people wish with all their hearts that pokemon were real so they could battle people. We actually do have something similiar to this. They are called cockfights. Please refer to Mexico for all your cockfight needs.
Rocket Power:
This cartoon came around when the "extreme" age was starting. Where extreme sports were huge. This show follows 4 kids who love extreme. They are pretty much good at everything they pick up and pull off tricks that are beyond the laws of what we call physics. From skateboarding to rollerblading, they do it all while throwing in buzzwords like "radical" "gnarly" "bodacious" and other slang we didn't even consider cool at that age.
Super Mario World: The Animated SeriesDon't get me wrong, I loved Super Nintendo as much as the next guy. But not that much to have a cartoon made out of Super Mario World. Pretty ridiculous. Mario and Luigi were the start of the ultimate Italian stereotype. Eating pizza as often as they could while managing to save a princess that portrayed women as fragile and utterly helpless. This features lines like "Now the plan is complete and now nothing can stop me. Not even Mario!" Just then Mario busts through the wall on cue and does stop the complete unstoppalbe plan.
And finally, I have these last few to address into one category. I felt it would be unfair not to even though they aren't cartoons.
Big Bad Beetleborgs, VR Troopers, The Masked Rider, Super Human Samurai-Cyber Squad, Tattooed Teenage Alien Figters from Beverly Hills, (I didn't make that up) and of course, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers:Every single one of these are the same. Some divine force calls upon teenagers to dress in ridiculous plastic costumes and defend one city that happens to be plagued by monsters dressed in even more plastic costumes. Our heroes give us lessons in teamwork and what it means to use martial arts to defeat numerous enemies. Together they use vehicles that attach to each other and form one hell of a piece of crap. This was used to defeat over-sized enemies at the end of each episode. Instead of using the piece of weaponry that ultimately killed it at the beginning, They waited until they took a real beating at the last second to use it. But alas, evil was punished until next week when the same costume appeared only with spikes! I remember most of these shows quite vividly. I'm sure you do too.
I went through a lot of research to find these cartoons again. Check out www.retrojunk.com to find what I did. It will jog your memory and make you wish you were in 1st grade again.
If I missed any, leave a comment and some of your own memories and views as I did. If not just leave a comment. I like hearing from you. I hope you enjoyed this. :)
Biker Mice From Mars:
When I was younger, I even knew this show was stupid. Its about 3 humanoid mice who escape Mars which has been taken over by hostile aliens. They come to Earth on motorcycles to defend it from the same aliens that took over Mars. Evidentally the giant mice are welcomed by Earth instead of shunned because of their smaller counterparts infamous title of being four-legged disease bags.
Captain Planet:I've rant ranted about captain planet before, but seriously, why did that cartoon stay on the air for so long? In case you're not familiar with the show, it's a tree hugger show. It features 5 kids who have the ability to summon a blue man with a green mullet to clean up trash and thwart evil doers who have the intentions of cutting down rain forests and polluting our waters. I wish I was kidding. Sure the intentions were good, but all I got out of it is that people from the Soviet Union like to pollute and hate everybody and trusting tacky blue men with green mullets might help you clean stuff you don't care about when your 6. If you're curious, I know for a fact there is parts of episodes on the myspace videos section, be prepared to be thoroughly unimpressed.
Free Willy: The Animated Series
It's bad enough they made a 3 part sequel of that lame movie, but they had to go the extra mile to make it an animated series. In this version, the whale can talk. The supervillian is a half robotic man bent on trapping whales and/or destroying them in a large submarine. Together, the whale and the boy make a great aquatic crime fighting team. I don't know how you can make episodes about a whale and a 10 year old boy fighting oceanic crimes. That's like the ultimate handicapped crime fighting duo.
Gargoyles:
I couldn't think of a worse concept than dinosaurs defending New York City. I know they are gargoyles and not quite dinosaurs, but really, thats all they are is dinosaurs with wings. I really don't see what made this show so damn popular for kids of my generation. Each episode was relatively the same. At night, they broke out of their stone and defeated petty thugs and some guy who wanted to destroy them repeatedly.
James Bond Jr:
This is about James Bond Senior's love child (one of many) who was lucky enough to be named after his dad (and know who is dad was) I actually watched this show. Thanks to this show, I learned to be a charming British womanizer with a crack team of people who weren't as good as me when it came down to it. This show was cheasy on so many levels. But to address one obvious one, he had to introduce himself at least once an episode as "Bond. James Bond (pause to hold for a effect) Junior. If I was a villian and Bond Jr. introduced himself my first thought would be "Damn it, one of Mr. Bond's illegitimate children finally went somewhere. I knew this day would come."
King Arthur and the Knights of Justice:
Sounds pretty normal right? The answer is no. In this show, the real King Arthur and his knights of the round table are captured. Merlin with his all-wise knowledge goes to the future and enlists a high school football team named the knights to bring them back in time and protect camelot. It's a full proof idea! Protecting a legendary city/castle with 17 year old arrogant assholes who know how to throw a ball and catch it while wearing a vast arsenal of padding. Nevermind you can go forward in time and enlist a historian who knows the tactics of the European kingdoms and military personnel from around the world. Yep, football automatically qualifies you to fight 14th century battles.
The Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series:
I'm not even sure where to start on this. It really blows my mind. This show features actual humanoid ducks from another dimension who play ice hockey. Somehow they get trapped on Earth and become a super hockey team there. They set up their headquarters in an old run down hockey ring where in their spare time, they fight the scum of the world. Their pads are equipped with all the things necessary to start World War III and win. The show sends a strong message that when you mess with ducks on skates, you will definitely pay the price.
Pokemon:I think just about everyone was guilty of watching this for a while. It's a Japanese cartoon where creatures known as pocketmonsters or pokemon for short, are captured in balls and used to fight other pokemon in competitions. The only words these pokemon could say were their own names. I remember going through school and having people wish with all their hearts that pokemon were real so they could battle people. We actually do have something similiar to this. They are called cockfights. Please refer to Mexico for all your cockfight needs.
Rocket Power:
This cartoon came around when the "extreme" age was starting. Where extreme sports were huge. This show follows 4 kids who love extreme. They are pretty much good at everything they pick up and pull off tricks that are beyond the laws of what we call physics. From skateboarding to rollerblading, they do it all while throwing in buzzwords like "radical" "gnarly" "bodacious" and other slang we didn't even consider cool at that age.
Super Mario World: The Animated SeriesDon't get me wrong, I loved Super Nintendo as much as the next guy. But not that much to have a cartoon made out of Super Mario World. Pretty ridiculous. Mario and Luigi were the start of the ultimate Italian stereotype. Eating pizza as often as they could while managing to save a princess that portrayed women as fragile and utterly helpless. This features lines like "Now the plan is complete and now nothing can stop me. Not even Mario!" Just then Mario busts through the wall on cue and does stop the complete unstoppalbe plan.
And finally, I have these last few to address into one category. I felt it would be unfair not to even though they aren't cartoons.
Big Bad Beetleborgs, VR Troopers, The Masked Rider, Super Human Samurai-Cyber Squad, Tattooed Teenage Alien Figters from Beverly Hills, (I didn't make that up) and of course, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers:Every single one of these are the same. Some divine force calls upon teenagers to dress in ridiculous plastic costumes and defend one city that happens to be plagued by monsters dressed in even more plastic costumes. Our heroes give us lessons in teamwork and what it means to use martial arts to defeat numerous enemies. Together they use vehicles that attach to each other and form one hell of a piece of crap. This was used to defeat over-sized enemies at the end of each episode. Instead of using the piece of weaponry that ultimately killed it at the beginning, They waited until they took a real beating at the last second to use it. But alas, evil was punished until next week when the same costume appeared only with spikes! I remember most of these shows quite vividly. I'm sure you do too.
I went through a lot of research to find these cartoons again. Check out www.retrojunk.com to find what I did. It will jog your memory and make you wish you were in 1st grade again.
If I missed any, leave a comment and some of your own memories and views as I did. If not just leave a comment. I like hearing from you. I hope you enjoyed this. :)
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
The J.W Chronicles of Life
It's been a while since I've posted a life update blog. I usually try to post one at least once every month with the delusion that at least one of my subscribers and passerby readers care. ha ha. But I like to give the ol' update. Kind of helps me recap things.
It's been a busy couple of months for me. School hasn't been easy. Not hard because the work is bullshit. But getting up and staying motivated to actually do easy and demeaning work that dulls my motivation and steals my soul is the tricky part. It makes me worry about my own sense of motivation and where I want to go in life. If I have the right motivation to carry me through to my goals. It worries me. I feel like I'm not at college half the time. It doesn't even feel like college. Salt Lake Community College is like an extension of high school only you're old and should know better. It's not a bad school. It's done a lot of great things for me. But it's definitely time to move on after this semester to a bigger school. Will it solve my problems with motivation? Of course not. But I'll get to feel like I took a bigger step in the right direction. That doesn't make it necessarily right either. But it helps.
Aside from that, my job situation is looking up. So I will address a rumor right now. I'M NOT A WORKAHOLIC! I work 10 hours a week. Soon to be a whole 17 hours after I'm finished training at my new job. Currently I still work at radiology for the major IHC hospitals only Fridays and Saturdays. I recently got a new job doing EKG at the U of U Hospital. I'll be training for it the next couple of weeks but after that, I'll only work Sundays when needed. Which seems like it will be every sunday now since I learned they are shortstaffed. Fine by me really. Its a pretty hands on patient care job throughout the whole hospital. I see a lot of cool stuff and do a lot of cool stuff. Some of you knew that I was pushing for a wound care job at LDS Hospital. I was offered the job this morning and turned it down. Just as well too. They wanted me to work 8-4pm monday through friday every week. I can't do that while going to school. It's too much and not worth it. Though the patient care experience would be rewarding, it would be pointless since it wouldn't allow me to go to school often. Right now, I have my ambitions set on getting a job at either LDS Hospital ER or U of U Hospital ER as an EMT. I'm really pushing for the U since it has more stuff to do than LDS Hospital. But I'm aiming more to work on call or per diem there. That way I could work 3 jobs with low hours and days and have the hours all add up only to a part time job. That wouldn't be too bad at all since I know the circumstances with all those jobs. That way I could still go to school, gain valuable experience, move out soon, and pay for other crap. Best part is I could pick up more hours if I wanted during school breaks and what not.
I still want to be a doctor. But I fear my motivation isn't as strong as my spirit and good intentions. I really want to do it, and yet the road to get there seems so out of reach for me. I think that's what kills me. Is that the road seems like its too far out for me. But I guess I'll see if I can find the motivation to do this.
That's pretty much it. Aside from those things I just chill with my amigos, my girlfriend and write when I can. Nothing too exciting. Anyway thanks for reading and thank you to my subscribers for reading too. It means a lot that you subscribe. :)
It's been a busy couple of months for me. School hasn't been easy. Not hard because the work is bullshit. But getting up and staying motivated to actually do easy and demeaning work that dulls my motivation and steals my soul is the tricky part. It makes me worry about my own sense of motivation and where I want to go in life. If I have the right motivation to carry me through to my goals. It worries me. I feel like I'm not at college half the time. It doesn't even feel like college. Salt Lake Community College is like an extension of high school only you're old and should know better. It's not a bad school. It's done a lot of great things for me. But it's definitely time to move on after this semester to a bigger school. Will it solve my problems with motivation? Of course not. But I'll get to feel like I took a bigger step in the right direction. That doesn't make it necessarily right either. But it helps.
Aside from that, my job situation is looking up. So I will address a rumor right now. I'M NOT A WORKAHOLIC! I work 10 hours a week. Soon to be a whole 17 hours after I'm finished training at my new job. Currently I still work at radiology for the major IHC hospitals only Fridays and Saturdays. I recently got a new job doing EKG at the U of U Hospital. I'll be training for it the next couple of weeks but after that, I'll only work Sundays when needed. Which seems like it will be every sunday now since I learned they are shortstaffed. Fine by me really. Its a pretty hands on patient care job throughout the whole hospital. I see a lot of cool stuff and do a lot of cool stuff. Some of you knew that I was pushing for a wound care job at LDS Hospital. I was offered the job this morning and turned it down. Just as well too. They wanted me to work 8-4pm monday through friday every week. I can't do that while going to school. It's too much and not worth it. Though the patient care experience would be rewarding, it would be pointless since it wouldn't allow me to go to school often. Right now, I have my ambitions set on getting a job at either LDS Hospital ER or U of U Hospital ER as an EMT. I'm really pushing for the U since it has more stuff to do than LDS Hospital. But I'm aiming more to work on call or per diem there. That way I could work 3 jobs with low hours and days and have the hours all add up only to a part time job. That wouldn't be too bad at all since I know the circumstances with all those jobs. That way I could still go to school, gain valuable experience, move out soon, and pay for other crap. Best part is I could pick up more hours if I wanted during school breaks and what not.
I still want to be a doctor. But I fear my motivation isn't as strong as my spirit and good intentions. I really want to do it, and yet the road to get there seems so out of reach for me. I think that's what kills me. Is that the road seems like its too far out for me. But I guess I'll see if I can find the motivation to do this.
That's pretty much it. Aside from those things I just chill with my amigos, my girlfriend and write when I can. Nothing too exciting. Anyway thanks for reading and thank you to my subscribers for reading too. It means a lot that you subscribe. :)
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