You'll Never Understand The Opposite Sex You Fool!

Thats right, I said it. You can never possibly understand the opposite sex. We are both blinded by our own arrogance. Some people think that men are just defective women. Basically a woman with a penis. Others think that women are defective men. Or a man with a pocket. We can't possibly think that we are the same people with different body parts. It just doesn't work like that. I don't remember the last time I watched the superbowl with a woman and heard her say "Hey, how about after the superbowl, we watch some porn and then go pick a fight. Hell, we should get drunk afterwards just to celebrate!" That's definitely not something a woman would say (usually). Hence, she is not a man without a penis. I don't remember the last time I heard any guy say "Hey how about we go eat ice cream, watch a few chick flicks, then go in my basement and call some guys while reading magazines" I haven't even heard a gay guy say that.
There truly is differences between us. However understanding the differences can mean understanding each other just a little bit. Not much so don't get your hopes up. Here is some differences I have picked out that you may recognize.
1. Excuses
Women: They always have excuses right on hand. Even if they are possibly the most outrageous science defying stories ever, they somehow work most of the time. Example: If a guy asks something as simple as "Why were you late?" be prepared for the story of a lifetime.
Woman: Why was I late? Why was I not late? First I was driving down the street when I almost hit this one guy. Then I went to the store and it turns out I had to help unload the milk truck. Then my friend called me, her boyfriend just broke up with her so I talked to her for a little bit. And its all because I only got 4 hours of sleep!"
Sound familiar? Probably not. But you get what I mean. They are always ready to talk with some sort of story.
Men: Men have excuses. But they are short. There is no story behind them most of the time. Nothing juicy. You ask a guy why he was late and it's usually a sentence.
Man: I was late because I had to help my mom move, sorry.
That's it. Nothing to it. There's no background info. Theres nothing like "I had to help my mom move because she hurt her back, then we went to lunch at this really good restaurant that you have to try. Then we took another break because we were so tired. Then I looked at the clock and realized I was late. I was like oh my God, I'm late."
2. Food
Women: I don't know a lot of women who are my size that will try to eat more than me. Not necessarily a bad thing. But women tend to hide how much they can eat until they get married. Then the pounds add up faster than a blink of an eye. Until that time it's always a salad, or maybe a little cheeseburger. You can take them to an expensive restaurant and it will still be a salad and a nibble on the 40 dollar steak.
Men: Men aren't nearly as self conscious half the time. Most men can enjoy a 40 dollar steak and eat it like it was their last meal in the presence of an attractive woman. Some do this in the knowing that this may not get them a good night kiss or any form of contact later on. But they are spending the money on the meal so why not enjoy it, right?
3. Driving
Women: Men are scared of women's driving a lot of the time. And it's not always because of the poor musical taste of the girl during ride. Women drive like no one else is on the road while creating the illusion they are being sensible cutting the guy off who "isn't going fast enough." Women are rational drivers. Everything that is done is rationalized somehow in the form of an excuse. "That guy is too slow" "That lady wouldn't get out of the way" "That light didn't stay green long enough" "That person shouldn't have been crossing the street while I was driving through"
Men: Men generally realize they are bad drivers because they are more risky. There is no excuse for the way they drive. It's just "I'm going to cut this guy off in front of the cop while my buddy moons the cars on the other side of me because it would be fun" And usually that is fun. It's a blast! Men drive risky most of the time for the rush of getting caught or almost getting in a horrible accident that will be on the evening news. Somehow this impresses some girls. I don't know how, but it does.
4. Problems
Women: Problems for women is a lot like some sort of bad tasting chocolate they can't put down. They hate being a part of it, they hate it to happen to people they know, but damn it they do love to listen to it and give advice that would seem almost like drunk talk to the average person.
Woman 1: My boyfriend broke up with me. I'm so hurt.
Woman 2: Maybe it's because he is just trying to get over you because he loves playing rugby so much
Woman 1: He doesn't play rugby..........but you're probably right.
The thing about women is, they love to talk about it more than they like to solve it. It's talked about and drug out for soooo long. Analyzing every facet of the situation like there is some sort of symbolic meaning with each word said.
Men: Problems to men are just problems that don't have solutions yet. Men like to fix things. They like answers and solutions. Not maybe's or what if's. It's just that simple.
Man 1: I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. What should I do?
Man 2: Dump that bitch and you, me and everyone else will have a boys night out. Take it easy for a while and go out and meet more women when you're ready.
Man 1: You're right. It's a good thing that wasn't needlessly complicated or drug out for the sake of mere attention and conversation.
5. Emotions
Women: There is no explanation as to why some women are more emotional and others are seemlingly emotionless and cold. There is no way to pinpoint that. Womens emotions are all about complete balance. If something is out of line, so is everything else usually. Like a stand of christmas lights, if one bulb goes out, so do the rest. How do you handle it? You don't. You just roll over and give up. Fighting the emotions of a woman is a lot like the Flintstones going to war with the Jetsons. There is no winning scenario for the Flintstones except for overwhelming destruction. Am I serious? No. But I'm not the one to tell you how to handle the emotions of women.
Men: Men have emotions that come and go. The simple ones are the easiest to see. If he looks happy, then he's probably happy. If he looks pissed, then he is probably pissed. There is no guessing game with that. It's the deeper emotions that are usually a mystery. Maybe the stress, family problems, personal dissatisfaction. It takes time to reach that. You can't just ask what's wrong and instantly expect him to put out an answer like it's easy to talk about. Men's emotions are simple generally. But many people look too deep for what isn't there. We aren't like women in the fact there isn't a huge hidden meaning or story behind the emotion. It's just raw emotion, plain and simple.
Does this help? No. Not at all. This list of horrible stereotypes will bring you no closer to understanding the opposite sex. You're pretty much screwed and on your own no matter how good of oppinions you may think you have. But I did have fun writing this and I hope you gained some amount entertainment reading it. If you haven't subscribe, I hope you take the time to do so. I really appreciate those who read my blogs consistantly and tell me what they think of my writing. Thanks for reading and puttin up with this!

Updated Me: Version 7.16

The tests of life are a lot like getting dumped by a crummy boyfriend/girlfriend, but you don't realize how much good it was for you until much later. My patience, temper, and stress levels have definitely been put to the test the past little while. Mostly my crap ass job has been putting this to the test. This month was more than I could stand. Filled with stories featuring incompetent middle aged supervisors with nothing to live for and nurses without a soul. It came to the point where I completely snapped and yelled at my supervisor. And I don't mean "yell" as in I sat down with my supervisor, had a genuine intelligent conversation about my treatment at the workplace. It was the first time in my entire life where I had raised my voice in anger towards another person with the intention of mentally destroying them. Despite my angerous lashing, nothing was accomplished. I felt more depleted and stressed. I was just going to quit my job for a while and hope to get a new one. Before I did that, I was going to report that supervisor to the director of human resources, hoping that there would be severe consequences for the actions taken. I feared losing my job anyway for the way I had acted. The one time in my life, I explode is the time it could cost me my job. The next day, I got offered a job at Alta View Hospital as a Clinical Lab Assistant. I gratefully accepted and decided to not turn in my supervisor. But I did vow to be particularl lazy and less caring about my job. So far so good.
Finally, the day I had longed for. The day I could leave the job I have now and do something new and different. A burden feels lifted from me in a way. I have been waiting for this day for almost year after countless interviews and broken hopes. On top of that, if it wasn't for my friends keeping me sane, having late night fires and adventures, I probably would have snapped a long time ago and probably more often. Thanks to all of them! I feel great now. Next month I will be starting an EMT class and probably taking more of my college classes with my good amigos. It will definitely help the semester go by faster and easier. Things are starting to shape up the way I want for now. I realize that things will go back to being stressful and what not. That's life. But I feel recharged and ready for more of what life has to offer me. :)
I miss Local. That store was a big piece of my life. I never realized how much I went there until it was gone and had no where to go. I miss the people greatly. The people that made it fun and worth while. I miss staying up late and watching movies and watching Allred practice. I miss talking with Eric in a witty fashion and speaking with Erin about any opinion that comes to mind. I miss Courtney's upbeat personality and John's rants. I miss Shila in the way she made it seem like I was somehow funny a lot. I am definitely proud to have been a part of the music that makes up a part of my life and I'm proud to have helped and worked with the people I did there. It meant a lot to me and I will always miss it. It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me it was something that I will surely never forget.
The other day I was driving with one of my friends. We were talking about something casual when my friend noticed the people in front of us being all cuddly and what not. He blurted some angry comments about how he hated happy couples and how he wanted something like that. He was jealous. I didn't think anything of it. I haven't at all recently. At this point in my life, I realized that girls are a bonus but not a necessity. I couldn't even think about me being tied to a girl right now. Honestly, I'm sure it would be great. It could be something different. Could be something I could use. But it's something that hasn't been on my mind at all the past few months. I've gotten over a couple of individuals recently and I have never felt better. I haven't really found anyone worth dating and it hasn't bothered at all. Those feelings of loneliness come and go but right now, I'm happy knowing that I'm in no rush and eventually to some degree, maybe my patience will pay off like it has before. I'm not going to go out of my way looking for something to throw myself into. This part of the blog may possibly be the most pointless. But it helped me realize that it has put my mind at ease to not worry about things like this and to just live life and let whatever happens happen. I'm excited for the future and what tomorrow's possibilities bring. Good or bad, I feel just a little stronger than I did a few months ago and even more so than a year ago.
And that is my life update as of now you silly shits.
Subscribe and enjoy. :)

I Waste Your Time Because It Brings Me Joy

I like July. I can go as far to say its probably my favorite month of the year. There is so many different ways to enjoy the month. The way you can walk outside at any time of the day and never feel cold. The way you can have your car window rolled down at 3 A.M just take in the mild summer air. The way the rain smells after it hits the warm pavement. The way the wind moves around your body instead of cutting through it like winter air. The way you can almost always smell fireworks in the distance for most of the month. The way you can always hear little kids laughing and screaming enjoying themselves. So many ways. Looking at little kids have fun this time of year kind of makes you appreciate your own childhood. How much easier it was then. The only thing you had to worry about was avoiding chores all day. Other than that, your best friend was typically the one with the personality closest to yours and with the cooler toys and video games than yours. You didn't have to worry about getting a job or what the opposite sex thought of you. (ewwww cooties) July was that magical time of the year that you lived up because in August you were doing back to school shopping. I guess now if you're in college you do relatively the same thing. 4th of July always seems to get better too. The one day of the year where you can blow shit up, get drunk, eat ridiculous amounts of greesy foods, while possibly having heat stroke at the same time. New years can't compete! New Years, you get drunk while freezing off valuable body parts. And if you're lucky you're the one lighting off illegal fireworks when it strikes 12 instead of watching them from a distance while you're asshole neighber bangs pots and pans in your ears. Is there anything July can't do?
If you live in Utah you get to celebrate the 24th of July. The 24th of July basically celebrates the day Utah was admitted to the union as part of the United States. Its a second 4th of July with a slightly different reason. Does anybody ever think of that when they celebrate the 24th? At least once during the 4th of July you think of something semi-patriotic. Maybe George Washington, the revolutionary war. And yes even Uncle Same counts. I don't think I have once celebrated the 24th of July and thought
"Woo Hoo for Utah! Lets all drink beer and get hydrated!"
or
"That Brigham Young was on to something when he founded this place and made sure that the state closed down completely on Sunday and at 9pm on the weekends! Thank you!"
or even
"To Utah! May your winter seasons be unforgivingly cold, your summers unforgettably hot and your women completely untouchable!"
I could go on.............
But that would be wrong of me since I do like to celebrate the 24th of July. I see it as a second chance to do all the shit I didn' get to do on the 4th. Redemption if you will.
I'm sure you're wondering by this point if this blog is going to go anywhere.......the answer is no. But to be hoenst, I tried writing this blog once before. My sister scared the crap out of me and I accidentally clicked out of the blog. It was a lot like this but better. So I thought I should try to recreate it. There was very little success. In any case, I'm done wasting your time. The next one will be filled with a little more meaning. Which I'm sure I will be writing almost directly after this one.
Enjoy.