Thats right, I said it. You can never possibly understand the opposite sex. We are both blinded by our own arrogance. Some people think that men are just defective women. Basically a woman with a penis. Others think that women are defective men. Or a man with a pocket. We can't possibly think that we are the same people with different body parts. It just doesn't work like that. I don't remember the last time I watched the superbowl with a woman and heard her say "Hey, how about after the superbowl, we watch some porn and then go pick a fight. Hell, we should get drunk afterwards just to celebrate!" That's definitely not something a woman would say (usually). Hence, she is not a man without a penis. I don't remember the last time I heard any guy say "Hey how about we go eat ice cream, watch a few chick flicks, then go in my basement and call some guys while reading magazines" I haven't even heard a gay guy say that.
There truly is differences between us. However understanding the differences can mean understanding each other just a little bit. Not much so don't get your hopes up. Here is some differences I have picked out that you may recognize.
1. Excuses
Women: They always have excuses right on hand. Even if they are possibly the most outrageous science defying stories ever, they somehow work most of the time. Example: If a guy asks something as simple as "Why were you late?" be prepared for the story of a lifetime.
Woman: Why was I late? Why was I not late? First I was driving down the street when I almost hit this one guy. Then I went to the store and it turns out I had to help unload the milk truck. Then my friend called me, her boyfriend just broke up with her so I talked to her for a little bit. And its all because I only got 4 hours of sleep!"
Sound familiar? Probably not. But you get what I mean. They are always ready to talk with some sort of story.
Men: Men have excuses. But they are short. There is no story behind them most of the time. Nothing juicy. You ask a guy why he was late and it's usually a sentence.
Man: I was late because I had to help my mom move, sorry.
That's it. Nothing to it. There's no background info. Theres nothing like "I had to help my mom move because she hurt her back, then we went to lunch at this really good restaurant that you have to try. Then we took another break because we were so tired. Then I looked at the clock and realized I was late. I was like oh my God, I'm late."
2. Food
Women: I don't know a lot of women who are my size that will try to eat more than me. Not necessarily a bad thing. But women tend to hide how much they can eat until they get married. Then the pounds add up faster than a blink of an eye. Until that time it's always a salad, or maybe a little cheeseburger. You can take them to an expensive restaurant and it will still be a salad and a nibble on the 40 dollar steak.
Men: Men aren't nearly as self conscious half the time. Most men can enjoy a 40 dollar steak and eat it like it was their last meal in the presence of an attractive woman. Some do this in the knowing that this may not get them a good night kiss or any form of contact later on. But they are spending the money on the meal so why not enjoy it, right?
3. Driving
Women: Men are scared of women's driving a lot of the time. And it's not always because of the poor musical taste of the girl during ride. Women drive like no one else is on the road while creating the illusion they are being sensible cutting the guy off who "isn't going fast enough." Women are rational drivers. Everything that is done is rationalized somehow in the form of an excuse. "That guy is too slow" "That lady wouldn't get out of the way" "That light didn't stay green long enough" "That person shouldn't have been crossing the street while I was driving through"
Men: Men generally realize they are bad drivers because they are more risky. There is no excuse for the way they drive. It's just "I'm going to cut this guy off in front of the cop while my buddy moons the cars on the other side of me because it would be fun" And usually that is fun. It's a blast! Men drive risky most of the time for the rush of getting caught or almost getting in a horrible accident that will be on the evening news. Somehow this impresses some girls. I don't know how, but it does.
4. Problems
Women: Problems for women is a lot like some sort of bad tasting chocolate they can't put down. They hate being a part of it, they hate it to happen to people they know, but damn it they do love to listen to it and give advice that would seem almost like drunk talk to the average person.
Woman 1: My boyfriend broke up with me. I'm so hurt.
Woman 2: Maybe it's because he is just trying to get over you because he loves playing rugby so much
Woman 1: He doesn't play rugby..........but you're probably right.
The thing about women is, they love to talk about it more than they like to solve it. It's talked about and drug out for soooo long. Analyzing every facet of the situation like there is some sort of symbolic meaning with each word said.
Men: Problems to men are just problems that don't have solutions yet. Men like to fix things. They like answers and solutions. Not maybe's or what if's. It's just that simple.
Man 1: I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. What should I do?
Man 2: Dump that bitch and you, me and everyone else will have a boys night out. Take it easy for a while and go out and meet more women when you're ready.
Man 1: You're right. It's a good thing that wasn't needlessly complicated or drug out for the sake of mere attention and conversation.
5. Emotions
Women: There is no explanation as to why some women are more emotional and others are seemlingly emotionless and cold. There is no way to pinpoint that. Womens emotions are all about complete balance. If something is out of line, so is everything else usually. Like a stand of christmas lights, if one bulb goes out, so do the rest. How do you handle it? You don't. You just roll over and give up. Fighting the emotions of a woman is a lot like the Flintstones going to war with the Jetsons. There is no winning scenario for the Flintstones except for overwhelming destruction. Am I serious? No. But I'm not the one to tell you how to handle the emotions of women.
Men: Men have emotions that come and go. The simple ones are the easiest to see. If he looks happy, then he's probably happy. If he looks pissed, then he is probably pissed. There is no guessing game with that. It's the deeper emotions that are usually a mystery. Maybe the stress, family problems, personal dissatisfaction. It takes time to reach that. You can't just ask what's wrong and instantly expect him to put out an answer like it's easy to talk about. Men's emotions are simple generally. But many people look too deep for what isn't there. We aren't like women in the fact there isn't a huge hidden meaning or story behind the emotion. It's just raw emotion, plain and simple.
Does this help? No. Not at all. This list of horrible stereotypes will bring you no closer to understanding the opposite sex. You're pretty much screwed and on your own no matter how good of oppinions you may think you have. But I did have fun writing this and I hope you gained some amount entertainment reading it. If you haven't subscribe, I hope you take the time to do so. I really appreciate those who read my blogs consistantly and tell me what they think of my writing. Thanks for reading and puttin up with this!
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