Goodbye 2011 and Welcome in 2012!

Every year, I start off the New Years Eve blog the same. I always explain that since 2006 I write a new blog recapping the year. Usually before I start writing the new blog, I read the past New Years Eve blogs. It gets me in the mood to write and gives me ideas on how I'm going to structure the new one. It gives me an opportunity to look for changes through the years and reflect how this one is different.


A year ago today, it started off at Joe and Randi's New Years party at their apartment. Kevin and Jeff were back in town for the holiday. All my best friends, except RJ were all under one roof celebrating the new year. I was happy and felt strangely at peace. I then drank the most I have ever drank in my life. I had gulped down Jell-O shots made in a 20 mL syringe like it was no one's business. The rest of the night quickly became a blur of random drunken conversations. I vaguely remember a conversation about politics and healthcare reform while I stumbled about the room. I consumed large amounts of bean dip and before I knew it, I was passed out on a chair. I don't remember much else except for throwing up a lot. I now get sick to my stomach when I even look at Jell-O

January of 2011 started off sad. Kyle's father passed away that month. I felt guilty for having not been there for Kyle up to the days his father wasn't doing so well. I only knew the man by association but he was a good man whom I had always admired. I attended the funeral with much sadness in my heart. Earlier that same month, my friend Jeff's father passed away as well. I never knew him but it hurt me to know how much Jeff was hurting. Later that month, My aunt had a series of debilitating strokes that rocked my Mom's side of the family. School was a struggle with so much going on at once. January was also an intense month of burn-out at work as well.

February was no better. My aunt eventually passed away after a long stay in an ICU. I was unable to attend the funeral. I started to get serious about my education and decided to switch to day shift, hoping it would enhance my quality of life and school performance. I didn't start on day shift for a couple of months after. I dabbled in other fields of work. I thought maybe law enforcement is a way I would want to go, figuring I might be too ignorant for medicine. I eventually shied away from that aspect realizing it was a just a fast way out for my current burn-out.

March wasn't stellar either. I had to stop going to work realizing a fault at the government level screwed over my EMT certification. Long story. I spent all of March not at work. Instead I was doing CME's every day. On the bright side, it gave me some time to adjust to the day schedule. I was supposed to start day shift in March. Now that I had no where to go, I had time to adjust from night shift schedule to a regular person's schedule. I feared for my job. I thought for sure, I would be fired. Eventually, things worked out after 2 weeks of waiting for my papers and tests to go through. I also dabbled in thinking I should go to paramedic school, which I eventually turned away from realizing I would not be happy going this route either. I eventually went back to work by the end of the month doing morning shifts.

April was largely uneventful but good. My dad had a couple of ER visits which was starting to get scary. Working days was a good change. My mood stabilized and I was happier. I was still burned out at work, and needed a vacation badly. I was starting to pull myself together.

May was an eventful month. I had a resolution to be more of an outdoors type person to help keep me in shape. I bought a mountain bike and that rocked. Though I didn't get to ride it as often as I had hoped. I was trying to find more ways to get out and about. The weather constantly put wrenches in my plan. Memorial Weekend came and went, which was fun but it ended up being really cold and snowy.

June also turned out well. Brennon got me back into fishing after a failed trip to Utah Lake. I got heavily invested in it. I stopped picking up extra shifts by this point, which did a lot of good towards maintaining my sanity. Summer started and I felt happy again. I was happy to see the sun and bask in it. I was happy to be outdoors and have a normal sleep schedule.

July was relatively uneventful, but fun. It was full or more fishing trips and enjoying the outdoors with all of my friends. I was happy travelling to new lakes and parts of Utah I had never known about. I felt great but still burned out at work.

In August, I went fishing some more, and hung out with Kevin, while he was in town. His presence was oddly inspiring for me to finish school. I went back to school with a new found love for learning and getting school work done.

September was very much the same. Squeezing in fishing and for the first time, REALLY cracking down in school. I formed study habits and an ethic worthy of school.

October was a busy month. My dad's health had dropped in quality. I had a lot of yard work to do while balancing out school and work. Mid-Terms came and went with success. I was starting to really get a hold of getting better at school.

November was mostly busy with school and working. Fishing became a nice way of releasing stress but my trips had declined due to the weather. Thanksgiving was good. After the holiday things would dip down into a stressful time.

December was a crazy stressful and busy month. I had to prepare for finals while having to take care of projects for work. My dad ended up being admitted to the hospital for renal failure during finals week, which sent my stress levels through the roof. Then I worked nearly 2 weeks straight so I could have money for the holidays. The last week of December was nice with all my friends in town visiting for the holidays. It has felt like old times again.


Despite it's rough beginnings, 2011 was a time for confidence building. Switching to day shift has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I credit that for many of the positive changes that have occurred this year. It may seem like it was an uneventful year, but that is a good thing. It wasn't this awful stress ridden year that I hated. I look back on this year in fondness for the change, adventure and the best success I've ever had in school. It brought me closer to my family and friends and everyone who I love. The trials weren't devastating (though very unpleasant) but helpful in some ways. It has been an inspiring year that has shown me what I want in life and who I want to be apart of it. I feel like a better and stronger person this year. I only hope that I can carry out this generally positive attitude to this new year.

2012 is supposed to be when the world ends. I don't believe in that crap. I think 2012 will be the beginning of a path in my life that leads to good times, new hopes and new adventures. It certainly won't be without it's hard times, but I feel like whatever comes at me, won't feel so hard anymore.

Now, on to Joe and Randi's annual New Year's Party that I will blog about one year from now.

Happy New Years!

Taking a Break

Currently, I'm taking a break from writing a terrible final paper. I just had to write something different than contrasting the ideas of two different philosophers. Barf.

So instead, I will tell you about my terrible eating habits. Since about my birthday last month, I have been eating terrible shit. The stress of the holidays and finals have caught up with me. I always eat like shit during finals. In fact, today I had breakfast from McDonald's, 2 donuts from 7-Eleven (working on my third and have a danish as a back up for later on), and 2 cups of coffee. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Gee golly whiz, Johnny! How is that you can eat so much terrible food but still find time to do homework and write a blog without having shit your pants repeatedly?" My thoughts exactly. My superhero-esque colon has the super power of food and fecal retention despite the presence of McDonalds lurking somewhere in my digestive system.

Don't be jealous.

I'm not sure what the back story is to my super-colon but I'm sure it has something to do with being exposed to radiation during my seemingly uneventful birth. Though, I'm admittedly disappointed that my probable radiation exposure didn't do something better for me, like give me super intelligent powers or help me grow an unnecessary limb in an illogical part of my body.

Oh well, I'll take it. My super-colon and I will be taking this show on the road soon. Feed me whatever you want. Beto's. Taco Bell. Applebee's. You name it. My pants will be 100% clean 24 hours post-ingestion of these known laxatives.


Yes, I know. Poop jokes.......... I really am running out of good material to write about.

Time to Rally! Civil War Style!

I'm trying to motivate myself to give a shit and study. The more demotivated I become, the harder it is for me to rally.

Stupid finals.

I feel like I should be taking a new perspective on this. Maybe I should be feeling like a Civil War general losing a tough battle. In a moment of stubbornness, I get off my horse, draw my sword and point towards the enemy lines. This is where I'll take my last stand. I call out the order to "charge." It's my last attempt to rally a lost battle. Maybe the surprise itself will be enough to win it.

I run out ahead of my regiment of soldiers from different backgrounds to lead the way. Some of my soldiers are from my dignity. A large portion are from my will to persevere. Others come from minority groups like my integrity and intelligence. Nonetheless, they are all committed to come together to win. One last stance to make it worth it........

Even if we lose.



Civil War analogies...... Am I so bankrupt of good ideas that I must now borrow from depressing parts of history?

Things Women Lie About

Both genders are bad about lying about something in a stereotypical kind of way. I have compiled a VERY general list of things that women tend to lie about. It's not meant to be malicious, just kind of funny.

5. "The Guy I Meet Would Ideally Have a Great Sense of Humor. That's Very Important to Me, a Guy That Can Make Me Laugh."

This line does give credit to women for not being obscenely shallow, but it's simply just not so. A guy having sense of humor is actually quite low on the list of qualities for prospective male dates. There are a lot of guys out there who are just not capable of humor that wouldn't be able to appeal to any female brain or an autistic man-child. Women seem to find the most un-funny douchebags with the lamest sense of humor ever. At first his awkward jokes are "cute," or "kind of funny." But the novelty wears off when bad jokes get repeated and attempts at witty banter end with uncomfortable silence. I know I'm not a comedian, but I know I'm not entirely impotent (yes, "impotent" is the term I meant to use and I'm sticking to it) in the humor/wit department. If having a sense of humor was so important as quoted by half of my dates, I would have been rolling in the ladies in high school. But it turns out, humor isn't as important as women make it seem. Humor somehow takes a backseat to other inferior qualities such as "dresses nice" or "has a big dong," or "doesn't live in the basement of his deceased mother's house." Pfffffff. Women. Picky, picky!

4. "I Want a Man, Not a Boy!"

This is an admirable goal. Who wants to date a 34 year old guy who plays beer pong with frat guys and wears the latest fashions of the days youth? Nobody except for female douchebags (I don't know the term for female douchebag. The best I can guess is douchebagette.). But the term "man" is as ambiguous as the quest for a man with a "good sense of humor." Some women see the ideal man as the tall muscular fireman, police officer or maybe even a lumberjack. The type of men who are gentle enough to save a kitten but also trample it if it threatens their kids. Others see being a man as being sophisticated and refined. The type of man who is intelligent, takes no joy in dirty jokes and is the ultimate gentleman; the kind that are only seen in bad chick-flick movies, the deep backward south and the UK. Problem is, studies show that women consistently tend to marry the man who has more effeminate characteristics such as enjoying cooking, cleaning, emotionally open and so forth. Some women will argue that "real" men cook, clean and blah blah blah. Nothing wrong with a man like that. However, women are terrible at defining what a man is and often change the definition according to the most recent chick-flick they recently saw or change it when they realize the manly man is a douche, the effeminate dude is too effing annoying and the guy in the middle is too average. You don't want a man or a boy, you want a woman.

3. "Girls Don't Fart or Poop."

This is an obvious lie and I hate it more than I hate flavored coffees. Of course women do. Why would you even think it's cute or funny denying it? I've worked in a hospital for years. I've taken many classes regarding the human anatomy. My experiences and academic knowledge tells me with 100% certainty that yes, girls do indeed fart and poop. I hate it even more when women say, "Oh I do, but it's not as bad as a mans." Yes it can be and sometimes its worse. Bleh. Ladies, you fart and poop and it stinks. Accept it. 

2. "I Like You."


I don't mean "I like you" in the sense of having a crush. I mean "I like you" as in "I like being around you and enjoy your company." Women lie about this all the time directly to the faces of people they despise the most. My question is, why? Why would you do something so contradictory? I have seen this so many times of women of all ages. I would even go so far as to say I see it more than 10 times a week. Not even joking. It happens almost like clockwork every time. A woman or a group of women will be talking more shit than a group of teenage goth girls; then the subject of their bashing will walk by or enter their conversation. The conversation suddenly turns to praise towards the subject.
"Oh hey! How are you? Cute hair! Did you buy that house? Those pants look great! Where did you get them?"
I've heard defenses such as "it's irony" or "tongue-in-cheek sarcasm." My personal favorite is, "I don't want to cause any problems by being mean." Well, let's just say it is just irony and sarcasm but brilliantly acted to seem like a compliment. Let's just say the subject doesn't pick up your use of irony and sarcasm. Does that make it any less mean? Furthermore, if you don't want to be mean or seem mean, it would really help your cause by not talking crap on them in the first place and just keep it to yourself. Eventually, that type of stuff gets out and it sucks. At least have the decency to say to them "You're a bitch and I hate you. The end." Then there would be none of that ironic crap. Just out-in-the-open truth and awesomeness for all to enjoy.


1. "I'm Fine."

Yes, that is the #1 thing women lie about. No, you're not fine! That mad or sad look on your face says otherwise. You're folded arms and silence says quite differently. Then when asked again, "Are you sure you're ok?" This is usually followed by a response that ups the ante "I'm great!"
Blah! No! You're not! How much more of this prodding will it take to get to the core of this? Guys will always assume they are somehow the chief cause of your obvious misery. It will drive them mad until they figure it out. It's [not] a scientific fact!



The moral of this blog is that women are cryptic puzzles that make the Mayans, the Egyptians, and the Bible all look like an easy to solve children's puzzle. Women speak in code where their sentence is not what it really means. Women could actually be the modern day Wind-Talkers of this war. They can talk their cryptic code over the airwaves in enemy territory with complete impunity. No Arab man would be able to decipher it. Arab women wouldn't be allowed to try to translate because of cultural barriers and their relative  oppression in such matters. It would be full-proof in backward undeveloped nations.

Actually, the real moral of this blog is that it's all a joke. It's all meant to be humorous and is not meant to have any sort of sexist undertones.



Just for the record.









[Don't sue me. I'm poor.]

My Musings for the Day

I have to admit, the Winter so far has not been a bitter fight to summer. I've been pleasantly surprised by the lack of snow and copious amounts of sunshine thus far. I have noticed that my Winter disposition is slightly better than it was last year when I was working nights. Still, I notice that I cannot entirely shake off my Winter blues. They always hang on tight until they melt away in the Summer.

On an unrelated note, why do people have wheels on their backpacks? I mean seriously. If you have a back condition, fine. But if you are too lazy to hoist a backpack on your shoulders, that's just ridiculous. Baggage and backpacks greatly differ. Though backpacks can be heavy with books your destinations are probably short  in distance. With luggage, you have to drag heavy bags through a crowded, complicated obstacle course of assholes in a large airport. That makes sense. Drag your luggage. It's probably heavier. But dragging your backpack on wheels? I cannot justify that. That's a new level of laziness I'm just not willing to endorse. The only thing that could possibly make the rolling backpack worse is if it had a built-in heater or cooler in it so you can drag your books and food with you. Don't be lazy, just put the straps on your shoulders and walk the 45 feet to your next class.

On a positive type of update note, my Thanksgiving was good. I worked, ate tons of food, then slipped into a deep food coma the likes of which I have never experienced before. My semester is just about over and I can't be more happy to finish this one and start another one. I have had a most positive semester this time around and hope to carry this momentum on to my future semesters.

On a less positive note, the holidays are here. Christmas music, Christmas decorations, and Christmas "cheer." Yes, it's all here for me to gripe about frequently. I don't love this type of year greatly. I don't love crowded stores. I don't love shopping. I don't love being broke at this particular time of month. I think Christmas is great on paper. An annual holiday dedicated to looking beyond ourselves and buying gifts for those we appreciate most. A holiday dedicated to a time for family and enjoying their company. In reality, Christmas does have those things but is often buried in the stress leading up to the 24 hour event. Buying gifts for family and friends. The money spent, the time wasted fighting douchebags in stores, the worries of not getting the right gift for the right people, or forgetting to get someone a gift. We all stress so hard to have this seemingly magical and cinematic. In the end, the real gratification actually comes from the holiday being over rather than presently enjoying it. The stress and the holiday cheer almost seems forced to me. In many ways that disappoints me. Why is everyone trying so hard to be happy when the actual Christmas day itself is sometimes anticlimactic. Don't get me wrong, I like getting gifts for people and I like to receive gifts myself. But the stress of it all takes away the good elements that we, as society, try so hard to promote and live up to. Maybe my holiday cynicism is the buzzkill for myself. After it's all said and done, I'll be more happy that it's over with and I can continue on with my life not worrying about it for another 11 months.

On a more positive note, my break from school is coming up! Soon I can soak up some nice relaxation time and my friends will be in town to see again. Realistically, I'm sure I'll end up picking up shifts to supplement my income to get ready for the next semester, but it will be nice to have some free time.

That's all for now, folks.