Some people are handy with just about any task. Some have the talent of being able to build and fix just about anything. Some can sit at a computer and figure out technical problems. I've met some who are handy with weapons and knives. There are others are who are gifted with mathematics.
I envy those people.
I'm essentially useless in handy tasks. I can do the basics on a variety of things. And I do mean the very basics. I can operate a hammer or a screwdriver if need be, but no one would make the foolish mistake of asking me to help them put together cabinets or work on a housing project. I can work on cars a little bit. But no one would be stupid enough to ask me to repair their car. I can troubleshoot generally easy computer programs, but no one is going to pay me to fix their computer.
My only handy ability is really bad jokes. Really bad poop and dick jokes. That's about it. If someone were forming a crack team of super handy intellectuals for a heist, I can't imagine I would be drafted into such an elite group. You would have your Tom Cruise look alike who would be the brains, a Toby Maguire wannabe who was the computer exper/resident nerd, the actual Jason Statham as the weapons expert, a few others with useful talents and then me........
I can imagine an old man who would be the mastermind of it all going through the roster of his crack team aloud. He would get to my part and say,
"And then there's Johnny. An expert in semi-comical dick jokes, he is capable of rattling off a minimum of 10-12 phallic jokes per hour. Which would be great if we were competing at the local improv."
I can't imagine a high stress situation where the team is working together in a high stress situation during a heist, on the verge of getting caught, and one of them turning to me and yelling: "Johnny, we need that dick joke yesterday!" I would fumble through my words, unprepared for the pressure of having to tell a bad joke that would help the heist go smoothly. Somehow, I would use my wits to tell the perfect joke and then suddenly the safe opens! We are rich. So rich we can own a small piece of Alaska collectively. And it was all thanks in part to my uncanny ability to tell bad jokes at the wrong time.
That's the type of universe I want to live in.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Death of a Stranger
A few days ago while driving home, I noticed there was a car accident. The car was rolled on its side with significant damage. Police were there and had managed to secure the scene with no sense of urgency. I assumed the person in the vehicle was fine. As I drive around the accident it became obvious to me that the person in the vehicle was not fine. They were dead.
It was likely that the person was ejected and possibly rolled over on by the vehicle since the body was so close to the car. The police weren't in any hurry because even they knew, this person was dead. I didn't bother stopping to help. There would be nothing I could do except prolong suffering of someone who was likely too far gone.
There it was. A body on the road. Alone. Motionless in a large puddle of blood.
For some reason this bothered me. I've worked in a hospital setting for over 10 years. I've seen people die in front of me. Talking one minute, dead the next. I've seen people die tragically. Trauma. Overdose. Freak accidents. I've seen people die young and some die with nearly a century of life under their belt. I've seen it all. In the hospital and in the field. Death is something that has never bothered me as it is just a part of my job and everyday life.
Yet my heart broke when I saw the body of that young woman, nicely dressed in a business skirt and blazer, lying alone on the side of the road. No one there to cover her up to keep people like me from gawking. No one by her side so she didn't have to die alone. Nothing. She was dead and alone and no one knew or cared.
This person woke up in the morning. Got dressed and lived life as they always would. Not expecting to die. Not expecting to meet their fate. To them, their day began just as any other day would. To them, tomorrow was just going to be another day like the one before it. Nothing was different. There was no way to expect the unexpected. It was likely a preventable death by wearing a seatbelt. But no one expects to die. Everyone lives like they are always going to live..
In a way, I think we all hope that our deaths mean as much as our lives. That we died with passion. That we died knowing that we will be missed. That we died making a difference to those that matter most to us. That we died being remembered for the best of who we were and not the worst. This anonymous stranger deserved more than to just die alone on the side of the road. She deserved more than to just be a footnote in a strangers blog who happened to pass by their corpse. A stranger died for no reason. Didn't make the news. Didn't mean anything. It just happened and that was the end.
I guess this was just a reminder that our lives are fragile. No one is invincible. No one is immune to death. We can be here today and gone tomorrow just by chance. Be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Contract a deadly virus or have a disease we didn't even know we had. There is no guarantees of a tomorrow or even the rest of the day you're living now. It doesn't matter how healthy you are. It can happen to anyone.
I hate the old cliche to live like you're dying. It's impossible to live like you're dying every day. Not without forgoing every day life and becoming incredibly selfish. It's simply not practical. But it's just as impractical to live like you will never die. You can't do it without being reckless or lacking a sense of urgency. Cherish the days you have with your friends and family, but don't overstay your welcome. Spend money on yourself every once in a while, but have some stored away for your rainy days. Be kind to all those around you, but still remember that not everyone likes you. You don't have to take shit from people, but you also don't need to make enemies; enemies stick around for a while.
I guess it all comes down to moderation. You never know when your time will come to face death. You may not even know when it hits you. Or you may have to confront the fear of your ending over a slow time period. Life is simply too long and too hard to live in either extreme. The safest course is to live like you're preventing your own planned demise every day. Exercise. Eat healthy. Wear your seatbelt. Drive safely. Wear sunscreen. Don't drink or do drugs. Simple things that arguably sometimes take the fun out of life.
The most practical plan would be to live like you have people who care about you.
It was likely that the person was ejected and possibly rolled over on by the vehicle since the body was so close to the car. The police weren't in any hurry because even they knew, this person was dead. I didn't bother stopping to help. There would be nothing I could do except prolong suffering of someone who was likely too far gone.
There it was. A body on the road. Alone. Motionless in a large puddle of blood.
For some reason this bothered me. I've worked in a hospital setting for over 10 years. I've seen people die in front of me. Talking one minute, dead the next. I've seen people die tragically. Trauma. Overdose. Freak accidents. I've seen people die young and some die with nearly a century of life under their belt. I've seen it all. In the hospital and in the field. Death is something that has never bothered me as it is just a part of my job and everyday life.
Yet my heart broke when I saw the body of that young woman, nicely dressed in a business skirt and blazer, lying alone on the side of the road. No one there to cover her up to keep people like me from gawking. No one by her side so she didn't have to die alone. Nothing. She was dead and alone and no one knew or cared.
This person woke up in the morning. Got dressed and lived life as they always would. Not expecting to die. Not expecting to meet their fate. To them, their day began just as any other day would. To them, tomorrow was just going to be another day like the one before it. Nothing was different. There was no way to expect the unexpected. It was likely a preventable death by wearing a seatbelt. But no one expects to die. Everyone lives like they are always going to live..
In a way, I think we all hope that our deaths mean as much as our lives. That we died with passion. That we died knowing that we will be missed. That we died making a difference to those that matter most to us. That we died being remembered for the best of who we were and not the worst. This anonymous stranger deserved more than to just die alone on the side of the road. She deserved more than to just be a footnote in a strangers blog who happened to pass by their corpse. A stranger died for no reason. Didn't make the news. Didn't mean anything. It just happened and that was the end.
I guess this was just a reminder that our lives are fragile. No one is invincible. No one is immune to death. We can be here today and gone tomorrow just by chance. Be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Contract a deadly virus or have a disease we didn't even know we had. There is no guarantees of a tomorrow or even the rest of the day you're living now. It doesn't matter how healthy you are. It can happen to anyone.
I hate the old cliche to live like you're dying. It's impossible to live like you're dying every day. Not without forgoing every day life and becoming incredibly selfish. It's simply not practical. But it's just as impractical to live like you will never die. You can't do it without being reckless or lacking a sense of urgency. Cherish the days you have with your friends and family, but don't overstay your welcome. Spend money on yourself every once in a while, but have some stored away for your rainy days. Be kind to all those around you, but still remember that not everyone likes you. You don't have to take shit from people, but you also don't need to make enemies; enemies stick around for a while.
I guess it all comes down to moderation. You never know when your time will come to face death. You may not even know when it hits you. Or you may have to confront the fear of your ending over a slow time period. Life is simply too long and too hard to live in either extreme. The safest course is to live like you're preventing your own planned demise every day. Exercise. Eat healthy. Wear your seatbelt. Drive safely. Wear sunscreen. Don't drink or do drugs. Simple things that arguably sometimes take the fun out of life.
The most practical plan would be to live like you have people who care about you.
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