I haven't felt like myself lately. This past month has most certainly been a rollercoaster for me. I can't concentrate. I can't focus. I can't get anything done. I'm so much more forgetful. I'm easily irritated. I'm impulsive. I get random days where I just suddenly feel stripped of my energy and happiness. I haven't felt this way in so long.
It feels so wrong and isolating to feel this way. I know that something is wrong. But I don't know what. I want to pick myself up. But I don't know if I have fallen. If I haven't been myself, who have I been? I know this can't all be stress. I know there has to be more to this and no matter how I try I can't quite put my finger on it.
I feel like everything that keeps me tied together is coming loose. Knot by knot I'm coming undone. It feels like I'm being torn apart from the inside. As if I am my own destruction. My days haven't been that stressful. My financial situation is strenuous but not bad. And yet I can't help but feel like I'm carrying a large weight upon my chest. A weight I cannot define nor see. A weight that's crushing me and stealing my breath.
I know the past 4-5 blogs I've written recently have been more humorous than dark. But I honestly dont know how to fix or process the way I am feeling. For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling lost. I feel like even I don't know who I am anymore. I wish I knew how or why this is happening because this is starting to happen more often than not. I'm not as level as I usually am. I'm either up or I'm down.
I'm sorry to those who have experienced my abnormal behavior recently. It's been something I've been unable to predict, notice or control (or not until it's too late) I wish I knew what was going on. I wish this was something I knew more about. I used to feel this way a lot throughout high school. When I didn't have this problem anymore for a year or two, I figured it was something I just grew out of. But now that it has returned to haunt me again, I'm scared that it will make a longer stay.
Well that it.
P.S here is a quick overview of what's new in case you didnt know: moved out to Murray with Matt and Brennon, possibly taking my EMT Intermediate class this summer, and I might go back to working for Alta Vew Lab again.
