Goodbye Unlucky 2013, Hello Non-Superstitious 2014

I've never been one for superstition. However, I found that the year 2013 was generally unlucky for me. Having looked back on the year, it was full of the good and the bad like any year, but it felt......unlucky. It felt like I could not catch a break. For every one good thing that happened, two bad things followed. Some happened at the hands of my own decisions, but many were out of my control. I soon felt that my optimism for the year 2013 was running out of steam.


This time last year, I was celebrating once again at Joe and Randi's place. Once again, it was joyous time for everyone to get drunk and be in each other's company. It started with beer pong, progressed to drinks, and ended in Joe's ice tent in the backyard smoking fine cigars.

January was cold. In fact, it was downright frigid. That's the most I remember. Just utterly cold and dry temperatures that made me unhappy. I started a new semester retaking an old class I loathed to begin with.

February and March were very much the same. Cold. Dry. Stagnant. I could feel myself get out of shape. It wasn't all bad. But it wasn't all bad either. I wrecked my car in the snow on a curb and had it fixed for over a month.

April, I started crossfit, one of the best decisions I ever made for my health. I worked out twice a day and ate healthy. I seem to got through this cycle every year. But for the first time, I felt like I was really in good health.

May was fine. As per usual, it ends with a trip to Memorial Weekend that was fun but stressful. I felt as though I was playing camp "medic." Helping put medical problems out like fires. I felt the weight of the pressure upon me as I helped treat my own family members.

June/July started another summer school odyssey. I remember being strong and consistent with my work out and eating healthy. I loved the routine. I loved what I had done for my health. I saw the departure of 3 good doctors from the workplace, all of whom had influenced me positively in medicine. Very little fishing or fun was had. I remember going to Idaho a couple of times to see my grandparents. They were trips that I genuinely enjoyed and wish to do more of.

August/September/October I fell into a slump. Nothing felt right. I started another semester, but I couldn't get myself going. Work was hard. Home seemed chaotic. I fell out of my work out routine. One of the few things that kept me sane and happy. I moved out to Salt Lake which has been the brightest part of the last few months.

November/December have felt better. Not great. But better. Slowly getting out of a slump. Having my car break down for good, the search for a new one. It's been a lot of change lately. Matt moving to North Dakota. Having a good birthday.


Change. That's what best summarizes the year 2013. There was a lot of it. So much I almost haven't been able to keep up. So much of it, I haven't been able to decide if I'm still the same or if I too have ridden the waves of change. If I have changed, has it been for the better or worse. I feel darker inside, yet I know this is all just temporary and soon things can and will be better. It wasn't a strong year for me. So much happened that it's impossible to write it all down. It's impossible to define it all. I imagine I'll look back on this year someday. Maybe I'll chuckle and realize it was for the better the way things turned out. Maybe I'll shake my head and vow for it to never happen again. I don't know.

All I do know for sure is that 2014 can't be any worse. I only hope that I can make it better. Make better decisions. Be a better man. Be a strong man. Make 2014 what 2013 should have been. Last year, I had such hope for 2013 and I tried my hardest to live up to that hope. But life had other plans and no matter how strong my spirit, it all eventually overcame me.

See you in hell 2013. You had your moments. You had your times. But mostly, I didn't feel good about myself or about life despite my best intentions and actions to make it better. I hope that 2014 provides me with the strength and energy to continue to make good decisions. I hope I can still try to be a better person, to try to make others lives better. I cannot speak for the future and what it holds for me. I can only speak for myself and what I intend to do to make my future better.

Inconsistently Writing

I feel like I haven't had as much time to sit down and write like I would want. Things feel......rushed. Pressured. As if there were not enough hours in one day to accomplished all that I wanted. It could be worse, I suppose. Not writing on a blog for 3 people to read is the least of my concerns. Still, I miss writing here. I wish I could come up with some sort of dynamic and super complicated plan to fit it all in. But I imagine such a plan would require a Ph.d in physics and an extensive amount of knowledge in the concept of time and how to manipulate it.

Unfortunately, short of having a flux capacitor and a DeLorean, I don't believe there is any way for me to make time my slave. Which is probably a good thing. If I had more time, I would probably just waste it all with napping and using the internet to look up funny pictures of people in bad Star Wars costumes. I wish I didn't have so much to do. 

Oh well. I'll deal with it. And I'll try harder to write. 

Maybe. 

"Falling" Into Stereotypes

Today is the first day of October. In my mind, that signals the first day of Fall. I know that fall technically started 9 days ago, but it just didn't feel like it. October always signals Fall for me. As if on cue, today is the day I noticed leaves actually changing. I've actually been looking for leaf changes and haven't seen them at all. Not a single tree turning color. As I pulled in to school today, thinking about October and Fall, what do I see? Trees with changed colors! They weren't that way when I was there 2 days ago! It truly is the first day of Autumn in my mind.

It kind of seems stereotypical. I think it's Fall and the leaves change colors. Seems kind of like a bad stereotype. It's what you expect and so that's what happens. It wouldn't have surprised me if other stereotypes grouped under the newly changed trees just to make it the ultimate stereotype meeting place. Underneath, there would be Mexicans eating burritos with Asians eating only rice. Maybe a snooty professor in a brown jacket with taupe patches, casually smoking a tobacco pipe pondering complex problems; possibly while stroking his beard.



But reality is boring and there is no such thing as a meeting ground for stereotypes to meet up.

Must...Complain...About...Cold Weather

Are you kidding me? September isn't even dead yet and already there is snow in the mountains moving in like bad deadbeat neighbors. There goes the neighborhood! It's tradition for me to complain about the cold weather the instant it starts to move in. But this early? Really?

I realized how disappointing my Summer was today. I hardly went fishing or hiking. I got screwed. I just thought I had more time. But now Fall and Winter is slowing coming upon us.

Am  I being a tad bit dramatic?

Most likely.


But I can't emphasize enough how I hate this. I just want to wear shorts and t-shirts all year round. But unfortunately, the universe hates me with a passion equivalent to the passion of soccer fans and right wing neighborhood militias.

A Dog's Life

As I was preparing to leave my house this morning, I noticed all three of my dogs were just laying on the floor doing nothing. It's 10  in the morning! Do something! I looked at them and said sarcastically "Don't get into too much trouble." They all looked at me as if to say "You idiot, we're dogs. We don't know what you're saying." As I casually strolled out the door to go to my chemistry class, I thought how boring it must be to be a dog. They are dogs. They can do almost anything they want all day! They can run, play, hump, poop. Anything at all. But here they are, just laying there like lifeless lumps

.........I thought to myself as I strolled out the door to my chemistry class.......

Who am I kidding? I'm the boring one. I just literally pitied my dogs for getting to be lazy while I spent my day off learning about precipitation reactions. But maybe my dogs are boring. Dogs have no concept of time. They don't understand life anymore than they understand death. They don't understand the concept of living life knowing that they could die tomorrow of natural or tragic causes................

............I thought to myself as I strolled out the door to my chemistry class..........

Damn it! I can't pity them for that. In their mind, they probably think they live forever so laying around and being lazy is a good use of their perceived infinite life. I would do the same. In their mind, they can always sniff another dogs butt whenever they want or hump that other dog when it feels right. No hurry. Life is forever. But maybe dogs don't understand emotions, or fun like humans do..........

.........I thought to myself as I strolled out the door to my chemistry class.........

Double damn it! I have every advantage in the world. I should be living out my life knowing that I don't have a lot of it in the relative scheme of things. I do know that life is finite. I do know what fun and emotions are. I know that today I could be here and tomorrow I could be gone. Who knows. My dogs get to hang out and do whatever. I get to study chemistry and hate myself for it. I should be out fishing. I should be out travelling the world........

.............I thought to myself as I finished my 6th page of chemistry notes..............

All this school crap better pay off some day. 

September is Half Over

This month has really flown by. Before I know it, it will be October and I'll be forced to wear hoodies and look at tacky Halloween decorations wherever I go. I really don't mind the Month of October. It's easily my 2nd favorite month. It's cold, but not too cold. It's warm but not too warm. It's festive but not terribly commercial. Football season is in full swing. The colors of the leaves change dramatically. Overall, It's a pretty awesome month. The only downfall of it all is how it marks the true end of warm weather and gradually slips into winter.

Anywho, that's neither here nor there. The point is, the days of September are nearly over and I didn't even realize it until someone informed me today that in 2 weeks the month will be over. Where does the time go? It still feels like September 3rd. I guess a lot has been happening to me lately. It's been a month of change and transition that I have not quite wrapped my head around yet. So much going on. So little time to sit and just process it all. My days are full but my life feels scattered. I haven't yet picked up all the pieces of what's going on and put them back together. It's nothing tragic. Just different. Just not what I thought. Just stuff I wasn't prepared for.

I suppose it's not all bad. I've never been a fan of September anyway. So ending this month isn't a terribly horrible thing for me. The best thing for me to do right now is to take life's lemons, clone them, make super lemons, then sell them to an overcrowded market at an unreasonably inflated price.

That's the best I can do.

5 Months is a Long Time. Did You Miss Me, Internet?

Well I haven't been entirely absent from the internet. My other blog website, Walkerpedia, has taken up most of my writing time. It's a little bit more successful than this blog of ranting and pointless thoughts. I think up to 8 people read that one while this one sports a muscular following of 2.

I don't know why I stopped writing on here. I just sort of did for no particular reason. Lack of time maybe. Lack of anything to say. I don't think it matters one way or the other. The point is I'm back.........maybe. I don't know. We'll see if I can stay focused long enough to keep writing on here. I'd like to. But I'm also lazy and have a hard time delegating my time appropriately.


Anywho, back to my old ways of filling your heads with my pointless thoughts.


Today I wondered what it would be like if I had become a DJ. It's not a profession or hobby I've ever been particularly partial towards. Truth be told, I don't care much for the genre of music that DJ's are capable of producing. I think it's an interesting genre but I've never much got into it. I think the most fascinating aspect of being a DJ is coming up with your own DJ name. I've found that many of the names are moderately to extremely douchey. Like DJ Smooth or DJ Beautiful and DJ Freestylez. Just terrible names. Some of them can be funny and I feel like that's where I would excel. I decided that if I should ever somehow become a DJ, my name would be DJ Diddles Your Mom. I imagine that for the people offended by my stage name but still admire my music would likely abbreviate my name to DJ DYM. That might wrongfully lead potential fans to believe that my DJ name is pronounced like DJ "dime" or "dim." Such a mispronunciation would cheapen the gross cleverness of my name and everything that it stands for. There would be no way around it. Nothing I can do to stop it.


I guess that's just part of the high price of being an artist.



Admit it. You missed this.

So Very Tired

School. Work. Gym. 

I'm so very tired. Finals are around the corner. 2 weeks actually and I don't feel anywhere near prepared. Seems like there is so much to do and so little time to do it. 

I can't wait for this semester to be over. I can't wait to have just a tiny break away from it all. 

Slacking Again

Ok, so it's been about 2 weeks since my last post. I haven't posted at all in April. I've been kind of lazy lately. In general, I've had very little motivation for anything. School. Work. Writing. I don't know why. I feel drained of my life.

I blame the internet.

And baggy pants.

And grand corporate marketing.



It's most likely school. I have to keep reminding myself that in less than three weeks, this semester will be over. I just have to stick it out.

Coffee Mug Reunion

Yet another beloved item of mine went missing a couple of months ago. My favorite coffee mug was lost on an on ice fishing trip somehow. It went on the ice with, but somehow never made it back. I know what you're thinking and no, it did not fall into the water, and no I did not leave it on the ice somewhere. My best guess is that it fell out of my backpack while walking back to the truck.

Anywho, the point is I haven't been able to find a replacement for the last couple of months. It used to be really easy to find in stores. But suddenly, I couldn't find it anywhere. I called every store that might have it and no one seemed to. My next best bet was to order it online. However, this was further complicated by my lack of funds and sometimes motivation to do. I kept holding out hope that I would be able to find it at a store somewhere. I finally broke down and ordered one off of Amazon.

At first, I was ambivalent about having to order it online. It's just a coffee mug, right? Once I got the box in the mail, it was obvious that this was not just any coffee mug. This was THE coffee mug. I didn't want any other mug. So much so, I had to go online to obtain it. I pulled it out of it's wrapping and I knew this was meant to be. It may not be my original mug but damn it, it's the mug for me.

Needless to say, the quality of my life has improved substantially since I received my mug yesterday. Life is back to normal. No more wasting cups. No more cold coffee after 20 minutes of buying it. No more wondering where my coffee cup may be. Being reunited with this mug gives me feelings of hope and joy. Much like old lovers reunited after being distant for so long.




Joy for me.

Spring Tease

It does this every Spring season. Every March and April has about 3-10 days of awesome Spring weather. The sun is out, everyone is in short sleeves, sometimes shorts. The world just seems like a brighter place again. No snow. No cold. Just sunshine, raining down its harmful UV rays upon your skin. But it's ok, because it feels good. The cancer feels good. A warm day of sunshine is just what you need to feel alive some days.

But just like every year, the weather goes back to shit in a matter of 24 hours. One minute you're enjoying the sunshine, the next day you're confronted with driving on icy roads because nature has decided that snow is somehow much better than sunshine. Even as I write this, I'm watching the snow fall to the ground. It's as if nature is laughing at me. Mocking me. As if it were to say:

"I'm glad you liked the sunshine. But I'm more happy when you're miserable. Here's some snow, asshole."


Nature is a dick.

Caffeine Makes Me Friendly

Any time I have to present a report or do a speech for school, I make sure to get loaded up on caffeine. My regular amount of caffeine is no longer enough to prop me up. It's just enough to make me mildly pleasant in the morning. However, a little extra is just about enough to make me gregarious, social, and seemingly friendly with strangers.

I've always known this fact about myself. A caffeine overdose is just what I need to get me going. I get too much energy. I get a little jittery but it's worth it. All that excess energy gets put towards social endeavors because there is no where else to put it. I find myself chatting up strangers in line places. My recessive gene social skills suddenly become dominant. I can speak in front of crowds well. I can soothe say my way in and out of things. I become impervious to criticisms. Yes, the perks of a social butterfly become my essence when excessive caffeine is in my system. My mom's side of the family is known for this type of thing. While I retain some of that skill for work and forced social situations, I'm usually silent and keep to myself.

Like a drug, the caffeine wears off. I go from invincible, back to human. I get hungover on the lack of caffeine and find myself to be irritable. Suddenly, everything and everyone bothers me. But it's ok. I couldn't imagine wanting to be friendly all the time. I couldn't imagine being so talkative. I'm much happier in my comfort zone of being equally less friendly to everyone, all the time.

Stupid Mischief

As I was driving out of work today, some teenager with a skateboard under his arm pretended like he was going to jump in front of my car on a busy street. Initially, I was mad. What if I had swerved and hit the car next to me? What if I over-corrected and crashed into something else. What if I swerved into him? I was going rather fast since it was a busy street. If he did cause me to crash, he would have to hope that I was injured or dead. Otherwise my first task once my car was stopped would be to jump out of the car and harness my temporary adrenaline-fueled retard strength to kick his ass. I don't care if he was a minor and I went to jail for it. But then I realized this is all stupid. None of those scenarios were likely to have happened. Aside from that, that's the exact same kind of shit I used to pull around that age.

The other day there was a group of 13-15 year old boys walking down the street. As I passed them, one of them thought it would be funny to make eye contact with me and then grab their crotch with a smile on their face. At first, I was mildly annoyed. Then I was pretty entertained. Again, I was reminded of how I used to this exact same thing. It was so entertaining to do stuff exactly like that.

Honestly, there is no real harm in it. The odds of a driver being so offended by you grabbing your own crotch on the street and saying something about it are low. I can't imagine someone pulling over and saying

"Hey young man, I would appreciate it if you didn't grope your crotch in a humorous fashion in public. It offends me to the deepest core of my beliefs. If I see it again, you're in trouble."

No one would do that. That's more trouble than it's worth to even address. It made me wish I was that young again. Society frowns on grown men doing this kind of stuff because it is assumed that we should know better. I knew better back then. I was just able to hide behind the "young and stupid excuse." I only wish that I could just do that kind of stupid stuff now. It's so cheaply amusing. It's funny and generally harmless. I look young enough still that I might still get away with it, but it's not the same without a group of equally irritating friends to help you.


I want to be young and irritating again.

Lack of Words

I've had a difficult time concocting something good to say on this blog. I have so many projects in the air as far as writing goes. This blog. Mustache blog. False Wikipedia biographies. Personal journal. School papers. I'm stretched thin as far as creativity goes. 

Soon it won't be so bad. Perhaps soon this blog can return to it's former glory of not being so pointless. 

Unfortunately, it won't be too soon. So you're stuck with my shitty half-assed posts in the meantime. 

Bummer. 

Journals Reflect the Ghosts of Who We Used to Be

In class recently, my teacher tried to explain that journals and diaries reflect the people who we once were. And perhaps when we pass on, they'll one day make it so others can understand us a little bit better. It's a novel idea. I like it a lot. Though I doubt that anyone would gain a greater understanding of me from reading this blog or my deeply personal journal. If anything, I think it would leave people more perplexed and confused. Perhaps on some level, it might bring closure to some to read things I never told them, or to read things they never knew even if it was pointless.

It is true that older writings are ghosts of who we used to be. When I read older entries in old journals, blogs, poems and diaries, it's like staring the old me in the face. I can remember who I was (or who I thought I was), what I thought, what I believed in, where I was going (although where I was going at the time was uncharted territory), the people in my life, the way I felt when I wrote it, a large portion of what I was thinking.

When I read some of those entries, I don't like who I see and what I remember. I don't like the decisions I've made or the thoughts I had in my head. Other times, I'm left wondering what the hell happened to that part of me or wonder why I'm not like that anymore. I don't totally resent myself when I read these old writings. I can't change who I was, the things I had done or the stupid things that I had thought. Often times, these older counterparts of myself made for some of the better stories I have to tell in my life. The older versions of me weren't totally horrible either. But they weren't satisfactory versions either. Choices left unmade or made poorly. Thoughts that were selfish and unfinished. But I guess I can't blame myself for being young and ignorant.

I sometimes wish I could meet those older versions of me. Just jump into a DeLorean and race back 8-10 years. My best guess is that I would probably want to kick my own ass for being that way. Though it would be comical, it would probably cause some sort of butterfly effect ripple in the timeline as I know it and change me. It wouldn't be worth it to fuck with physics just to teach myself a lesson about being an arrogant prick.

I suppose if it does come down to it, that people will seek answers from my writing after I'm gone, I hope they at least think I'm a good person. If not a good person, I imagine that I'll fit into the category of the complex and misunderstood.

I wonder what I'll think when I read this again in a few years....

Cracked Phone

I dropped my phone the other day when trying to leave work. Now it has big ugly cracks across the screen. I hate that. I always think it looks trashy to have a phone that looks so broken. But I'll just have to deal with it.

The irony is, I had it in this huge case that would pretty much protect it from a nuclear blast. But I took it off last week because of difficulties with hearing people and people hearing me. I figured it would be fine. I never drop it anyway. It just so figures that I drop it when the case is off.


Life hates me.

March is Here!

I can't believe March is already here. I'm somewhat excited for it. We are just one step away from spring being here. One step closer to warm weather, sunshine and fun. However, living in Utah has taught me not to be too excited for this month. It's often a disappointment weather-wise. You get 5, maybe 6 days worth of good sunny weather. Just enough for you to get a taste of the nice weather to come. But then the weather just shits on the state the rest of the time with various forms of hell such as snow, rain, sleet and outrageously cold temperatures.

I won't complain. Any good weather is fine with me. I just want spring to be here so bad that I can taste it. On that note, if spring had a flavor, I think it would be a mildly sweet flavor. Perhaps something similar to sweetened milk or vanilla ice cream.

Watch your ass, winter. Spring is on its way to clean house.

Summarizing: Part III

More of the same cynical Disney movie shit. Enjoy.


Pinocchio
In this paranormal odyssey, a lonely elderly man crafts a boy made of wood which is magically brought to life by his desperate request by an unknown entity. Once alive, the timber creature is forced to wrestle with the ambiguities of human morality in order to earn the right to live as humans do.


The Incredibles
A seemingly normal nuclear family unit tries to hide their unnatural super abilities while leading a normal life. But when their washed up father wants another taste of sweet glory, the rest of the family (children included) accidentally gets involved. With little care for one another's well being or mental health, the family battles a villain whose ultimate goal is to murder them with a variety of horrifically violent techniques.


Tarzan
This concept doesn't need me to make fun of it. I'll just give the most basic premise: An abandoned baby in the jungle learns to adapt to it's new life as part of an ape family unit.

The Near Death of an I-Pod

My I-Pod scared the crap out of me yesterday. I went to plug it into the I-Pod jack on my car stereo. Then came the worst words I could read.

"No music files found."

What?! How? Why? 

Why???!!!!!!!!!

I unplugged my traitorous music player and tried to access it. Sure enough, nothing was there. Then it just died. No warning. No goodbyes. Just a sudden blank screen of death. I clenched my I-Pod in my fist. 

"NO!!!!!! Fucked by Steve Jobs again!" I yelled at the ceiling of my car. 

Ok, maybe I wasn't that dramatic. But suffice to say, I was pretty unhappy. That I-Pod has seen nearly 6 years of action and had yet to show any sign of wear and tear. 50 gigabytes of music went down with that music player. 50 gigabytes that I didn't have backed up on my computer. I was now a music hobo. I had nothing to my name. All my music was there and then gone in an instant. Ironically, I had made myself a promise to back up my music this weekend just in case such a catastrophic event happened. 

If there is one thing I have learned this last month or so, when it rains, it pours. In fact, it dumps. Losing my music was like the icing on the cake. But how could this happen? What did I do to make my I-Pod do this to me? There must be a way......

I charged my I-Pod, somehow thinking that power would bring back my cowardly music files. And what do you know, it worked! How? I don't know. I barely know how to operate a microwave without supervision, little alone an I-Pod so simple in design that they hand them out to kids as gifts. The point is, all my music was back. My world went from a dark stormy night to just a cloudy day. 

Phew, that was close. I was close to soliciting for charitable music donations. I need music for my sanity. Without it, I don't know what I would do. I was also not wild about facing the prospect of paying money for a new I-Pod, which just upsets me based on principle alone. I'm not a huge Apple fan. But their products are both useful and basic, the way I like most of my crap. I'm a slave to their genius product engineering. I would need a new I-Pod to live. 

Now I'm sure you're stuck wondering, "have you backed up your music yet?"

No. No I have not. 

But I will soon. 

Camouflage For Every Day Dress

Army camouflage is a neat thing. It keeps you from being noticed by enemies easily. This is especially handy if you are actively combating terrorists in jungles, forests, snow, or the desert. It's applications are mainly for the military, but has other useful applications in outdoor paintball and hunting. Other than that, there is no place for camo in your every day life. 

I find it both laughable and alarming to see people walking around in camouflage apparel for no real reason. Some of these camo wearing people are nothing more than harmless hipsters making an ironic fashion statement. Others, I'm not so sure. While I was walking through school the other day, some guy was walking around in a camo jacket with plain army green pants, a camo lunch box and a camo backpack. Seriously? You're at school, not the jungles of Vietnam. What practical purpose, if any can you possibly have for wearing that. He clearly wasn't military. Probably a hunter. But still. It's a little unsettling. For all I know, this guy hangs out in the bushes stalking people, waiting to rape or mug an unsuspecting passerby. Ok, he was probably not a rapist or a criminal. Perhaps he was just passionate about camo apparel which reflects his love for the hunting season, which is now over. The camo lunch box and camo backpack was kind of funny. That's like accessorizing with your dress like a woman. 

More and more, I've been noticing people sporting camouflage like it's no big deal. I guess it isn't. But you have to wonder what they are thinking. Do they have a secret compound somewhere? Is it just comfortable? Are they old veterans who just can't let go? Are they wannabe army personnel? When I go camping, it's easier for me to wear camo. It's comfortable, tough, water resistant and there is no one around to wonder if I'm some sort of nut-job. 

I suppose it's not that big of a deal. But it was an observation worth making. 

Summarizing: Part II

I've decided to summarize more of your favorite films. Disney movies in particular. It's just too easy.


Aladdin:
In this delightful family rom-com, a young Arabic hobo enslaves the powers of a genie in order to manipulatively pursue a princess.


The Aristocats:
A family of wealthy cats are forced to seek the help of jazzy commoners in this early 20th century tale of socioeconomic tolerance.


The Little Mermaid:
A royal teenage mermaid rebels from the strict rules of her king father by sacrificing her natural abilities to talk and swim in order to experience life, love and disability.


Snow White and the 7 Dwarves:
A pasty, naive woman escapes a brutal assassination by taking residence in a remote forest with 7 adult male dwarves with various untreated psychiatric conditions.


More to come when I'm feeling bored again.

Summarizing

"A British boy successfully co-exists with anthropomorphic insects inside of an absurdly large peach during an implausible adventure."

That's how I managed to summarize "James and the Giant Peach" today. My teacher raised her eyebrows and basically commented that I live in a magic-less world. In a way, I was somewhat proud of that. I feel like I have no illusions otherwise. Besides, I thought I was being clever in a cynical way. Apparently, she didn't appreciate it........Nor did anyone else in the class. I don't think they took time to consider that black, white and even shades of gray are colors too.


"In this skewed view of history, a Native American teenager in the 1600's somehow avoids disease and the horrific destruction of her people when she participates in a questionable relationship with an older male stranger from another land."

My teacher shook her ahead after she read my synopsis of the Disney movie "Pocahontas." She made it a point to remark that it wasn't funny.

"This compelling look into the lion psyche details the psychological torment experienced by a young cub whose father's murder propels him to self-exile and his eventual glorious return to monarchical rule."

My instructor closed her eyes and rubbed them for a second. "Why?" she asked. "Why not? I'm not necessarily wrong. It's my interpretation of the movie."


I enjoyed this so much, I think I'm going to make this a regular part of my blog.

Time to Kill

How does one actually kill time? Sure, I can waste time but to be able to put time to an end, murder if you will, appears to be a completely different concept altogether.

It's such a common expression. But I doubt anyone has really thought of what it is to kill time. Is it even possible? Time is well......Timeless. Can you really kill it? It has to exist even after the universe is gone right? Or is there a proverbial kryptonite to time? Like some sort of time-killing bullets I can load into a gun and just go nuts.

Ok, this is stupid. I am just wasting time. I don't want to go back to doing homework again.

But I feel better knowing that I wasted my time as well as yours.

Double whammy!

Black and White Movies Sadden Me

It sounds kind of crazy, but black and white movies make me sad. Not because the content of the movies are sad or the acting and story lines often laughably sad; but because the actors in the movies remind me of aging.

I'm not particularly afraid of death, but I am deathly afraid of becoming old. When I see the actors on the screen, I am seeing those actors as they were in the prime of their life and youth. On screen, their youth is timeless. You see their characters as they exist in their universe. You don't imagine those characters becoming old and feeble. You experience them in the moment of their existence in the story being told. When the story ends, it ends. There is no continuity. The movie is over and the characters timelessly exist in their realm until you watch the movie again. The characters live on forever, but the actors do not. Their lives move on, they age as we do and then die.

When watching old movies, I look at their beauty. They have almost a luminous quality to them. Just young actors living in a time that we don't understand anymore. I often find myself wondering what they looked like when they aged and probably passed on. What were they like when they were old? What happened to them when their youth passed them by? Did they find themselves looking back at that time in their life in fondness wishing they could have it all back? Their looks? Their age? Their energy? Or did they eventually accept that time holds us all accountable for our biological lifespan?

It sounds awfully morbid, but any old movie reminds me of aging. It reminds me that although Hollywood glorifies beauty and youth, we are all eventual victims of time and age. We all want to stay young. We all want to have the same energy and strength in our 20's as we do in our 80's. We don't want to have to compromise our looks and physical independence to time and disease. Everywhere we look, we emphasize looking young by eating this, exercising that, putting this mixture on our faces, having a surgeon adjust that. Despite all the advances in science, quack and real medicine alike, time catches up.

I don't know why this subject makes me so morose. I guess the best fix is to not watch old movies. Out of sight, out of mind. I plan to be in my 20's forever.

That sounds reasonable, right?

Happy Corporation Day

I know that this "holiday" has been around for hundreds of years before it was commercialized. But I'm still going to bitch about it anyway.

Before becoming familiar with today's history, I was under the impression that Saint Valentine was the patron saint of "business enterprise." Long story short, I was wrong. Anyway, I wanted to have a good idea of when we commercialized the shit out of this. It appeared to really take off sometime in the 1800's. Some brilliant guy had the idea of suckering people to pay money for Valentine cards. Genius. From there, it just went out of control. Chocolates. Gifts. Dinner. Cards. Obligatory sex. Who would have thought someone could commercialize the abstract concept of love and turn it into a grand money making scheme? Doesn't it seem slightly evil to imply that the complex emotion of love is equivalent to material goods or in some way enhances it? When people think of Valentine's Day, everyone seems to think of dinner, flowers, movie, chocolates and love. Seems kind of wrong to lump all those things together with such a large concept. 

Anywho, I never got the appeal of Valentine's day. Some people really enjoy it. Some people enjoy just the candy, which I argue is gross. Those chalky hearts are disgusting. Everything else is the exact same crap they sell at Easter in just a different shell. I guess for some people, it might be the one day of the year they feel appreciated, even if it is practically obligatory. For others with co-dependent personalities, I'm guessing it does make them legitimately feel loved. 

I don't have anything particularly funny or insightful to say today. But I hope you're having a wonderful Valentine's Day. If you're a nonbeliever in the holiday such as myself, I hope you are having a Merry Corporation Day. 

Making a Man

What makes a man?

Is it being prepared to do the right thing, even if it hurts in the end?
Is it offering a helping hand knowing that you could be just taken advantage of?
Is it hard work and the will to persevere?
Is it as simple as manners and a decent attitude?
Is it being able to admit when you're wrong?

I guess these don't make a man necessarily, but apply to making a good person in general. I often wonder if I am looked upon as a good man or if I'm just merely a shell of a man with no sustenance. It seems silly to think about, but these are the type of questions that plague my mind for hours and days at a time. I want to be a good man. I want to do the right things. I want to be helpful. I want to be knowledgeable.I want to be useful.

I try. So help me, I try.

But am I trying hard enough?

Future Car Predictions

As I was driving in my rental car, I spent a good portion of my time messing with the on-board computer rather than paying attention to the road. It's a wonderful thing to have. It feels so futuristic. And don't get me started on the seat warmers. For years I regarded seat warmers as an unnecessary thing for pretty much any chair to have, unless it's for treatment of hypothermia of the ass (Which I don't think is a real medical affliction). However, after having sat in them I'm now a believer. Never before have I been so warm and eager to sit in a seat. I could see myself purchasing a car just for such a luxury.

But I got to thinking about this. In another 10 to maybe 15 years maximum, all of this kind of crap will probably just be standard on even the most basic model of cars. It wasn't long ago that only luxury cars had power locks, power windows, cruise control, and a clicker to lock/unlock your car remotely. Now that's pretty much the standard with only a few exceptions. Logically, it won't be long until we are all enjoying on-board computers with navigation, direct mp3 player compatible, satellite radio, seat warmers, blue tooth for smart phones, etc. Eventually there will be new highly innovative luxury technologies to replace those.

I'm thinking in about 20 years cars will drive themselves in luxury editions. Almost no driver thought will be required to operate the vehicle. It will only be a matter of time before luxury cars feature coffee makers, food dispensers of some kind or perhaps a fridge. They will most certainly have complete internet wi-fi. I also envision the future of cars catering to the male audience. I'm figuring cars will be able to pleasure men sexually in never before thought of creepy ways. I'm sure they'll call it "The Male Sports Package Edition" (with pun actually intended). Ideally, future luxury cars will have the ability to disable the cars of lesser drivers and perhaps even have the ability to communicate with other cars with similar abilities. I'm not talking about cell phones. I'm talking the ability to hail any car you want with the capability to receive the messages. This will allow for the ultimate shit-talking experience. At last we will be able to vent our road rage from the comfort of our cars without having to roll down the window or get out of the car to let other people know how bad they suck at driving. 

You might laugh now. But won't you feel silly when I'm right about a couple of these things in a couple of decades?

Clogging Up the Internet

Writing 410 posts over the last 8 years is kind of stunning. If you count the additional 39 that are on my Mustache Blog, I have nearly 450 posts of sheer crap. My postings detract from reputable authors who probably have insightful things to say. My blog talks about personal adventures, odd observations, and a general dislike for humanity. My blog is like a book that no one reads. If it were in a library, it would sit there until it was donated to a shittier library where it will sit there until it is burned for heat.

Frankly, I'm proud of it. In a hipster way, it's nice to be obscure. In a selfish way, I sometimes wish more people read it. In another sense, I'm just happy to be cluttering the internet with my useless shit. Somewhere out there, my content is floating around disrupting the flow of good content. Every time I post, a good author dies or possibly gets severely injured. It's like the butterfly effect of writing.


Perhaps this is all a slight exaggeration. I guess all I really wanted to write about was how much I've actually published. Most of it useless. Some of it decent. Some of it really bad due to half-assed editing on my part. I certainly would have never thought I would post this much.

I wonder if I'll ever reach 1000........

Uber Creeper

I'm in the school library anywhere from 2-6 days a week, depending on my schedule. After being here so often I have begun to recognize familiar faces of other people who are equally lifeless. Most of the people look like your average student just trying to scrape by academically. However, I've noticed a couple of oddballs who fall into the category of "creep" or "mildly disturbing sociopath."

There is one person in particular whom I've come to recognize. He is a much older gentleman. Easily in his late 40's or early 50's. Perhaps late 30's if he's lived hard, but I doubt that. Anyway, his age isn't really the issue as much. I find it refreshing and admirable to see people of older age going back to school. But this guy is just weird. I generally sit at the same row of study desks every time I'm here. Most of the time, this guy happens to also be lurking about other various areas of the library. I have noticed over the past couple of semesters that average to very hot women are susceptible to this guy sitting next them at study desks. This normally wouldn't be alarming if there wasn't 9 other desks in a nearly empty row he could also sit. I have witnessed it many times. A cute young woman will be sitting at a desk studying, minding her own business. Then the lurking predator sweeps by. Every time, he makes one walk past as if he is inspecting which woman to sit by. A couple of minutes later he makes another pass and sits next to a woman of his choosing. He does this in blatant disregard to social norms and how creepy he will most likely look. Before I wrote this, he sat next to this poor beautiful blond woman. She was the only person sitting on her row of individual study desks. What does this guy do? He sits directly next to her. Not a couple of desks away. No, directly next to her as if he had no where else to sit. Interestingly enough, when she left, he left a few minutes after.

I've been trying to get an idea of who this guy is. My first guess is that he is super lonely and sitting down next to an attractive woman might make his day a little brighter. This all sounds vaguely sweet, but then I remembered this is how lonely rapists start. My next guess is that he might just be socially awkward enough to not care or realize what he is doing can easily be misinterpreted, but I doubt it. These seem like calculated moves. My third guess pins him as a diabolical sociologist/social scientist. I keep thinking that he is writing in his experiment journal as he sits next to these poor girls. They almost always look uncomfortable but try to play it off otherwise. I can imagine him writing in his journal:

Entry #42 4:00 PM
Blond subject looks at me with objective disgust and shifts uncomfortably in her chair. I proceeded to move my chair closer and to clear my throat as loudly as possible.

Entry #43 4:01 PM
Blond subject is now visibly uncomfortable by my presence. She appears to be unable to concentrate on her studies as I periodically look over at her with a shockingly neutral expression on my face.


My final guess is that he may not even be a student here at all. He may be just some creepy guy who enjoys looking at hot chicks in his free time in between collecting his disability checks.


I hope he doesn't like reading random shitty blogs that are not obtainable in any search engine. I may wind up in pieces in a fridge somewhere, or perhaps at the bottom of a popular recreational lake.

Your Problem

I hate when people say "If you don't like me, then that's your problem." That seems like backwards thinking to me. If somebody doesn't like you, it sounds like it very much is YOUR OWN problem. While it is true there is always going to be somebody who doesn't like you for no good reason and that you can't please everybody, that tends to be the exception and not the rule. Chances are, if someone doesn't like you, you have most likely done something or are actively doing something to disenchant them so.

I think it's rather arrogant and narcissistic to pin the problem on the other person for not liking you. It implies everyone should like you unconditionally and any opinion otherwise indicates a huge problem on their end as it is impossible for the problem to be on your end. I get the mindset behind the statement. I'm sure that type of thinking was created to help oversensitive people get over their affliction of not being able to please everyone. I can see the benefit there. However, this toxic mindset has blanketed over the general public. Living in this mindset that we are entitled to be liked unconditionally by everyone is, for lack of a better description, fucking stupid.

If we just be honest with ourselves for a minute, there is a lot of reasons for people not to like us. But there are just as many reasons for people to like us. The things that are most likable might be the most hated by someone else. And the worst things about us are sometimes liked, though not often. In the grand scheme of things, we often inadvertently piss people off with our deep-rooted mannerisms, behaviors, and speech. It really is silly to pin the problem on someone else. Chances are if someone doesn't like something about you, others probably don't appreciate it either. As I said before, there will be people who won't like you for no good reason. That's life. But more often than not, the problem is on our end, not theirs. For most people, we want to change that behavior and become more likable or to prevent conflict. Often we don't mean to offend.

Still, I just can't get over that rotten-ass mindset of blaming someone else for your own defect.

Stupid. Fucking stupid.

Blank

I legitimately have nothing to say today. Maybe I shouldn't write at all. But for some reason, I would feel mildly cheated for having not done so. There is something addictive about writing here frequently, even I have nothing to say. I suppose it helps just to let my mind flow freely at least once a day. No distractions from the real world. Just writing the first thing that comes to my head with a grotesque lack of relevance in content to me or the reader. 

Liberating. 

Why? 

I don't know. I'm not particularly stressed. I'm not really relaxed either. I suppose it all just comes down to venting. Having somewhere to put my thoughts with no meaning. Maybe they'll seem meaningful later on down the road when I come back to read this. 

Or maybe this post will be just as pointless and empty in the future as I intended it to be. 

Sub-Tropical Weather

It's currently 42 degrees Fahrenheit, with the sun shining gloriously bright in a crystal clear blue sky. Not a cloud to be seen. No sign of smog. A light wind blows in the north. It's a beautiful day to be out and about if you have the chance.

The funny thing about this weather is that everyone who is out and about, is treating this like it's summer weather. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly enjoying the slightly warmer weather. It's truly a testament to how cold it has been this year. It's been so cold that 42 degrees feels like summer. Already, people are driving with both windows rolled down. People are walking around in just t-shirts. I even saw a few people in shorts.

Let's slow down here. Let us all remember that we are just a mere 10 degrees above freezing temperatures. That can change at any moment because it's still just the beginning of February. I'm not tempted to break out the SPF 100, crank the A/C, and wear scandalously revealing clothing in public just yet. It's just not the right time. Comparatively, this does feel like tropical weather as opposed to the 8-15 degree days we've been having lately. I too, was intoxicated by this "warm" weather. I rolled down the windows in my car while driving to my destination. That was a short-lived venture. After driving 30 feet, the wind chill froze my eyeballs to the backs of my eyelids. True story [maybe].

In any case, let us all remember that it is only February 1st. Let us not be easily seduced by this temporary warm weather, as it will leaveth as soon as it cometh. Warm weather is nothing but a fickle prostitute in the realm of winter. Let us all be patient for the real warm weather to come in the next month or two. Believe me, I'm just as excited and impatient for warm weather as you might be.

But I'm just not ready to start wearing shorts and t-shirts in 42 degree weather.

Snow Plow

I live in a state that takes great pride in its snow. Ironically, this same state does nothing to clear it up when it dumps several inches on the roads. It's not as if the local weather guys missed this giant storm and the snow took us by surprise. No, we often have days of advanced notice that we are about to get dumped on. Yet for some reason, a snow plow is not to be seen until around 10 A.M. Of course, this is after several people are late for work, school, and several others injured from losing control of their vehicles.

When you think about it, it's really a bunch of bullshit that the roads aren't plowed for public safety much earlier than they are. It's ridiculous that despite advanced notice, plows are not visible until much later in the day. I'm not complaining about this on an inconvenienced level. I'm complaining about this on a safety level. Hundreds get in accidents as a result of these unplowed roads. Sure, bad driving is certainly incorporated, but I think it's more likely that the snow was a larger factor.

I can actually envision a meeting involving local leaders discussing the plow issue. They debate on whether or not using public money to fund more snow plows for the safety of it's citizens is necessary. Some feel government involvement is not their business. Others argue it will save them more money later on if they just paid for the plows. Then suddenly, an odd looking gentleman speaks up. His black suit is finely and meticulously pressed. His thin mustache and goatee are perfectly straight. He smiles a bright and toothy grin.

He calmly states, "Gentleman, you already have an efficient and cost-effective snow plow."

Everyone goes silent and turns their attention towards him.

"Why pay hundreds of men to drive gas-guzzling snow plows when you have the sun to do all the dirty work for free? The sun will eventually melt it all away."

Everyone in the room stands up and applauds the man. The man stands up and politely takes a bow. His pointy red tail visibly wiggles back and forth in happiness.

"Now that I've solved that problem, I have other nefarious solutions for other meetings I must attend," says the man as he puts on a matching wide-brimmed hat over his protruding horns.

The crowd of leaders continue to follow the man with applause as he confidently strides to his stretched limousine.

"Where to now?" asks the driver holding the door open to the back seat.

"To Wal-Mart headquarters. I've got a new idea for employee exploitation that will change the way we abuse minimum wage workers and sell unnecessary consumer goods at every day low prices."

Locked Down

If you have tried reading my blog only to find it locked, I apologize. I found that some random Russian websites were replicating my content and posting it as their own. I decided to put my blog on lock-down to see if that alleviated the problem, which it did.

I don't know who would want to reproduce this shit and make it available in other countries. That person must lead a very sad and horrific life. There is no content here that is worth reproducing and then distributing to other countries. If it was some sort of financial scheme, I'm sorry but my content is worth the equivalent of 1 peso. That's just because Google eats the cost of posting my bullshit with bandwidth and server costs and what not. Otherwise, no one has wanted to buy or steal my content because of it's alleged value.

However, if it happens again I will be tempted to lock down my blog for good and only allow a select handful to read it. If it continues to happen, I would be tempted to take legal action. That's right, legal action. I'll go to such lengths to protect my worthless content so fuck you.

Anywho, if you missed my blog, I'm equally sorry that you have actually missed it. There is nothing here worth missing either. In any case, I'll be resuming writing here, business as usual.

Coughing On My Attention Span

Stupid flu season. Stupid inversion. Stupid people who can't take cough medicine.

In most of my classes, I've been allowed to record class lectures on my I-Pad. But the problem is everyone is sick. Every few seconds there is a nasty hacking, wheezing cough coming from someone. I am not kidding. Every few seconds. Everyone is sick. Yet no one has the decency to take even the most basic of cough medicine to keep from coughing on everything and being a loud distraction. When I went back to listen to my lecture, I found that a lot of it was obscured by coughing from everyone in the class. Even while I was in the class I was annoyed that everyone was coughing. It's distracting. It's hard to listen to the teacher when you hear "cough cough cough. mmmmmmm". What's up with that? Why does almost everyone end their coughing spell with "mmm"? Presumably to test if there is phlegm in their throat. But still. Every few seconds of that is obnoxious. Take some Dayquil, or a cough drop. Something. Anything. Don't be an inconsiderate prick by coughing your germs everywhere. Don't be an inconsiderate prick by being louder than the instructor, even if it is unintentional.


Ending rant.........now.

Freezing Rain

Today, the weather was a bit different than it normally is during this time of year. The state experienced freezing rain, which is apparently an uncommon event in this state. Freezing rain has been identified as more of a Seattle, Washington kind of thing. This state is all about snow. You know, rain that freezes ahead of time, then lands on the ground as a powdery white substance that fosters pretentious personalities that like to ski and snowboard at expensive resorts. While this state is no stranger to icey conditions, it's inhabitants are generally incapable of safely navigating the roads in it's presence. Today was no exception.

The rain came down and then froze on the roads. This resulted in a record number of accidents on the freeways and roads. To top it off, nobody got anywhere in a timely fashion. There were delays up to 2 hours long to just go 10 miles. Ridiculous.

Although the tires on my car are bald and incapable of safely handling my reckless driving, my spirit to persevere was strong. I knew that if I took to the roads early enough and stayed the hell away from the freeway, I could maybe make it to my destinations in a punctual manner. However, my spirits were only strong enough to feed my compulsive need to be on time. They did nothing to diffuse my grotesque road rage en route to my destinations.

It's probably just as well. I wouldn't want my spirits to be stretched too thin or to be overly concerned with treating shitty drivers with common courtesy.

The Sun's Empty Gesture

I like the sun. It provides life, light and heat. Basically, it makes my existence possible, like it or not. My favorite part about the sun is the heat it provides. It's no secret that my favorite season is Summer. I love the heat. I like the sun shining down providing that heat. 

However, it is January and not a month that normally provides sunny warm weather. We haven't had a storm in a couple of weeks. The sun has been out shining but to no effect. I thought I would be happier seeing the sun shining so brightly. As it turns out, I just like warm weather. The sun shining is just a bonus. The sun shining down but providing little very heat is like the universe's grand cosmic joke. A sun without heat is like an empty gesture from a co-worker who offers to help you move but doesn't actually mean the offer. A sun without heat is like a beautifully gift wrapped box with no gift inside. A sun without heat is like achieving success without passion. 

I need to plan a trip to somewhere warm. Like Arizona or the Sahara. Hawaii would do nicely. I would even  go somewhere that only had 50 degree weather. I'm desperate for even a mildly warm outdoor experience. 

Sad.

Complimentary Observation

Compliments are funny. They are nothing more than very nice subjective opinions. There is not necessarily a right or wrong compliment, though there is a generally a more correct answer. If someone is a known douchebag with a long and treacherous history of douchebaggery, it is likely most people will think they are a douchebag. However, there may be a small percentage of people who feel this person is not a douchebag and may use positive words to describe them instead. This minority probably consists of close friends and family. It's probably difficult for parents to come to grips with their offspring's utterly blatant douchebag traits. Parents/grandparents tend see their children as great accomplishments who understand their quirks and personality. This type of blindness makes parents/grandparents particularly resistant to being open to the possibility that their son/daughter is a douchebag. Close friends will also be resistant to this type of factual thought-processing, but less so resistant than family. Friends are only bound to the douchebag by silent verbal contract. They aren't tied to them by blood, obligation, or cultural norms that demand familial loyalty. Friends have the potential to recognize douchebaggery. They either ignore it or embrace it. In some rare cases, the friend of the douchebag may wish to dismantle their friendship in favor of not being associated with a douchebag. If the family does come to grips with the douchebag behavior, they will often times try redirect the behavior in a more positive direction though they just tend to put up with it anyway.

*It should be noted, if you have been called a douchebag by your parents or grandparents, you have taken a series of wrong turns in your life. What kind of horrible person do you have to be in order to have your parents and/or grandparents, the people who were the most tolerant of your existence, to call you that?

My point to all this is that the only thing separates us from douchebags is the quality and quantity of compliments we absorb over time.  A co-worker of mine once described a member of their family as someone that "all the goodness in the world is wrapped into." That's a powerful compliment. Even if it was their own family, it's still a big statement to make about anyone. I can safely say right now, I believe that person when they say that. That family member is probably not a douchebag and will probably not fall into that unappealing lifestyle. I will probably not receive a compliment like that in my lifetime. I don't think I could be that good anyway. But positive compliments define us. Positive compliments define the nice guy at the office, or the nice neighbor that steps up and helps without having been asked.

In short, we should all try to live in such a way that we never have the title "douchebag" or something worse attached to our names.

Be genuinely nice, assholes.

Delusions of Artistry

Going back and retaking old classes has been a pain in the ass. But it has also served as reminder of who I thought I once was. Most of the classes I took back in those days were based on my vague desire to be somewhat unique and to be identified as artistic. That's right, I somehow had the audacity to consider myself an artist.

How in the hell did I manage to fool myself into that delusion, you ask? Well, this was somewhat provoked by my early 20's identity crisis. Combine that with the delusion that I thought my writing was good enough to be considered art and the other delusion that I thought music could still be a viable career for me, I was pretty set on feeling like an artist. The main problem with this attitude was that I hadn't written anything artistic. I was still under the impression that my "poetry" was good enough for publishing because of it's artistic value. I hadn't matured enough to realize that my attempts at poetry was just over-dramatic crap, not art. I failed to recognize the difference. Aside from my "poetry", I have exactly 12 pieces of unfinished work. These works include screenplays, scripts, short stories and "novels." When I read them now, they lack anything that would be valuable to anyone except me. They are really bad. Just terrible. But as a self-proclaimed artist, I had already thoroughly convinced myself that these writings could "go somewhere."

Fast forward to the present day. My English/creative writing course, film analysis course, and holistic medicine course do not fit me now. It's like trying on clothes that I wore when I was 8. I grew out of them....more than just a little bit. While I do enjoy creative writing and analyzing movies, the holistic medicine course is just way out there. I didn't believe in it or like it much back then. I thought it would be a good experience, plus I was taking it with a good friend. But now it feels like trying to put on underwear that I used to wear when I was 5. It's just ill-fitting and really uncomfortable. It's very much like a wedgey that you just can't fix. I look around at the class and remember how I thought that I identified with these types of people. These creative types. These hippy/hipsters. These mellow, low motivated, entitled people. These types are in all three of these classes and all I want, more than anything, is to not deal with them.

Now it's not so important to be identified as an artist, or this and that. It's more important that I just good in the world and just be happy.

Gallbladder Failure

I think I've finally started to wear down my gallbladder a little. It probably wasn't a good idea seeing as though gallbladder disease runs in my family. I'm pretty sure I've had two moderate gallbladder attacks in the last couple days. After eating something greasy, I got the pain in my back that is often associated with gallbladder attacks. It wasn't enough to put me down and make me vomit, but I certainly didn't feel like moving for a little while. And just as fast as it came on, it suddenly disappeared a little while later.

Now I'm being forced to eat healthy or possibly suffer a real gallbladder attack. I suppose it was only a matter of time before my body started to feel the effects of years of greasy abuse.

I guess it's a better warning than a massive heart attack or stroke. Still, I can't help but wish that my gallbladder would stop being a pansy.

Video Games at School

There is a long list of things that are beyond my comprehension. The list would likely be the length of a large, drawn out novel. Today, I'll be focusing on one thing in particular that is frustratingly beyond my grasp of understanding.

What I do not understand is how people come to school only to play games on their computer. I'm not a boring stiff who doesn't appreciate the value of a good video game here and there. While it is true that I'm not a "gamer" or whatever genre of video game nerd you may be familiar with, I can't understand coming to school to just play a game. Couldn't you be doing that at home instead of wasting the school's limited bandwidth? Or better yet, shouldn't you be doing that another time when you should be allocating more of your time towards studying? I realize that statement is a little ironic. Here I am in the school library typing up this blog when I need to be reading 3 chapters. I've also wasted precious bandwidth and time in this library to stall for time instead of doing an important assignment. However, every semester there is always a group of people who do nothing but play their computer games in the library. They have backpacks that carry textbooks, which confirms they are students, and yet I've never seen any one of them do homework or reading. They just sit there and play the game. I simply cannot wrap my head around that. You come here to just play the game? But you're at school. When do you do homework, if at all? Sure, one could argue that perhaps they do their homework at home or somewhere else or that they manage their time differently. If they do homework somewhere else, why not play the game somewhere else as well? They didn't develop the love of the game somewhere else. They probably play it at home too. So why not just stay there? I can get playing it for an hour or two as a break or to stall for a short period of time. But every time I see them playing, they play the ENTIRE time I'm there studying. Hours and hours of time used at school to do that. That's why I blog. It's a nice break but I fully intend to get back to my assignment.

I guess it's not my place to judge. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with school and managing their time. My ways are far from superior and I haven't always been a good student. However, I think it's worth mentioning that after a month goes by, I no longer see this group of people playing their video games. In fact, I don't see them at all. It's as if they disappear. My best guess is they drop out or stop going to class in favor of playing the game or other things that are similarly stupid. Though it's possible they buckle down and focus on school after a month's time, I highly doubt it. I had a couple of classes with a couple of them. They just one day stop showing up. I even notice they had the audacity to play during the class as well. That seems like that's kind of a problem, right? I'm also guessing that they might play at school to cope with some sort of social anxiety. I'm not saying all of them are nerds with no people skills, but it certainly appears that way from what I've seen. I'm also guessing they may play at school because they might be wasting their parents money for tuition by playing games at school. You can't exactly play video games all day at home and then convincingly tell your parents that you've been hard at work with your studies.

Most of these people are young. I get it. I was a horrible, shitty student when I was that young. I just want to tell them that they should either go to school or just play games. Not both. Instead of wasting someone's time and money by playing games at school, just be honest with yourself and not go to school until you're ready to commit. That talk wouldn't have worked on me back then though.

I simply don't understand it.

Winter Insanity

January is easily my least favorite month. Ironically, it contains my 2nd most favorite holiday: New Years. Other than that, January serves no purpose than to be cold and miserable. It's the coldest month of the year. It's freezing. It's dark. It's smoggy. It's winter personified. December is bad but January is worse. January is that extreme realm of winter shittiness. I never realize how hard winter hits me until I have a really good day and realize that the rest of my days during the month have felt like being drug through a cactus patch. It's only during this time of year that I feel this way this strongly. In the Summer it's practically euphoria. A mental orgasm induced by the sun and the promise of outdoor adventures.

I need more ways to combat the winter blues. Maybe I'll pick up knitting or some other pointless hobby. Maybe I can build model ships and then knit my models warm clothes in case they get chilly. Perhaps I can start collecting random ceramic knick-knacks, and then build them a display case made from Legos, K'nex, Lincoln Logs, and pieces of an old Erector set. Better yet, I'll collect expensive spoons, knit them warm sheaths, and then construct them a grand palace made exclusively of colored dominoes. It will be hard work but well worth it in the end. Right?

Spring and Summer, please come quickly. I need you.

The Introverts Nightmare

I'm now dreading one of the classes I'm taking this semester. I've taken it before but it was close to 6 years ago. I'm retaking it now to get a better grade. When I first took it, I thought it would be an easy A. I also took it because my friend was taking it and he insisted it wouldn't be so bad if we did it together. He was mostly right. The class wasn't so bad since he was there. However, the class did tend to offend my logical, scientific mind with the grandiose claims of holistic medicine. Although I knew this is what the class would entail, I had a hard time just going along with it. My teacher unfortunately prodded me into engaging her with my views, which she found offensive. I'm not talking about vulgar offensive. But offensive in that everything she taught I disagreed with based on the fact almost none of it was scientifically evaluated or evidence based. I would have been happy to just go along with it silently. But no, she always asked me my opinion, shook her head and gave me a terrible participation grade. Long story short, I didn't do so well in the class which is why I'm retaking it now.

Flash forward to today's class: I'm totally screwed. This class is full of super extroverted, self-indulgent, egotistical hippies and hipsters. Just about everyone could not shut up talking about themselves. Just about everyone had no problem talking loudly to others while the instructor was talking. Just about everyone was under the impression they were unique and talented individuals with a smug "better than thou" attitude. I just wanted to disappear. I couldn't hear myself think over all the noise of what was supposed to be a classroom. They were all the stereotypical hipster/hippy crowd, except on proverbial steroids. These weren't just any self-important hipsters. These were rude, entitled, arrogant, don't-give-a-shit assholes who will make this class a living hell. But I have to take it. It's the only day that works with my schedule, I have to repair my old grade and this class will be an A. I've already seen the course load. I would be a fool to not follow through just because everyone else bothers me. 

Still. I don't like it. 

I'll be the class hermit. 

That's a title I can be proud of. 

People Are Moderately Funny Sometimes

The first week of class every semester provides some entertainment for what is normally a boring and often frustrating period of time. It's almost the same every new semester. The younger girls are often laughably overdressed to impress as if it's the first day of high school. Though, many older women are also a bit overdressed to impress as well. In fact, overdressed is probably not the right term for it. Underdressed would probably be a better word. This morning it was literally 7 degrees outside. 7! That is horrifically cold. Yet everywhere I looked there was some 19 year old girl in short shorts, legs exposed, walking around as if the state were enjoying unseasonably warm tropical temperatures. How desperate for attention can you possibly be?

However, it would be unfair for me to pin this sort of attention-seeking behavior on the women here. There is plenty of douchebag guys roaming the premise in nothing but tight shirts and gym shorts. Even then, plenty of guys are just in long sleeve t-shirts and pants. I'm not saying you have to dress like you're braving an arctic blizzard of epic proportions. I'm not dressed in a heavy jacket myself. I'm just in a regular zip-up hoodie. I have hard time justifying being in a heavy coat when I'm walking outside for less than 2 minutes at a time. There is hardly an attention-seeking or fashion element involved in this decision. I simply don't want to wear a heavy coat for 2 minutes of time outside. What I can't justify is dressing in minimal clothing just to garner attention to satisfy a hungry ego. It just doesn't make any sense.

On the positive side, there is something sickly entertaining to watching these people freeze their ass off. The best part is, you can tell they are just dying of hypothermia but they are playing it off as if the cold doesn't even bother them. Never mind the fact their noses and ears look painfully red, their walking is stiff, and every single one of them has the sniffles. I guess this is the one thing I can take as quasi-positive during a week that frustrates me with bad parking, rude people, and the uncomfortable adjustment to a new routine.

Teaching

Lately, I've been having EMT students follow me at work. It's mildly rewarding at best. Mostly, it's not rewarding at all. For the most part, they are naive high school kids who think they own the world already. It makes me wonder if I was that arrogant when I was that young. I find myself becoming extremely irritated just dealing with them. But I've been debating why I've been so irritated. Is it because these are young kids who act with so much hope and dreams that I'm just mad that they aren't as burned out as me? That reality hasn't burned them out? Or are they really that irritating? Are they really that arrogant and reckless and I'm that old now and that sort of thing irritates me now? It might be a combination of all of the above. I hope I wasn't that bad and I can just blame it on this generation being raised inferior to my generation (my generation is still horrible and shitty, but not as bad as today's. I think I can safely assume the generation before mine has already labeled my generation as inferior and shitty )

Of course, making the assumption that the succeeding generations are inferior in character automatically makes me a grandpa. I guess I have no choice but to just embrace my grouchy old man ways. They seem like they are here to stay.

Last Days of Freedom

I start school again in two days. I can't say I'm hugely excited about it. I was starting to get the hang of the whole "lazy bum" kind of thing. It was nice to only worry about work and nothing else. On the other hand, I feel somewhat compelled to go back. I've been bored not having too much to do. Not having a purpose. But I'm equally nervous to go back. This upcoming semester will certainly be an ass kicker. It will be full of work and bullshit. Mostly bullshit. I'm afraid it will be too much. Or maybe it won't be too bad like my last semester. Maybe just really busy but doable.

I've been trying to enjoy my last few days of doing nothing. I know I will greatly miss them when I'm up to my ass in busy work. 5 days a week of school. That will be a new one for me. Maybe I'm over-thinking it and it won't be so bad after all.

Or maybe I'm setting myself up for the biggest social/academic raping of my life.

Stay tuned to find out.

Breathable Air

The air quality in my state has been awful. It's been like breathing pudding that has been rolled around in the dirt. This type of air quality is less than optimal for even an average quality of life. My cold lasted twice as long than it usually does. I couldn't walk outside without feeling like a big fat guy walking 20 feet without the assistance of a walker or jazzy. Feeling like a big fat guy on a daily basis is no quality of life......Unless you like being a big fat guy, then I guess it's ok. As we speak, I'm gradually recovering from this miserable cold. With the air of a somewhat better quality, I have felt much better. Sure, it could be a coincidence that I just happened to start feeling better when the air started to clear. Or maybe, the air got better and I started to feel better.

Please don't be mistaken, this is not the point in my post where I make a preachy opinion about the environment and subtly imply how I know better than most people about the subject. Nay, this is also not the point in my post where I make a vague call for action and smugly declare I knew this was a problem before most people. No, I will not be making a point to say something about the failure of our politicians or recommending a book that I think "everyone should read."

This is the point in my post where I abruptly end it without proper closure.

Sorry. [Kind of, not really]

Truck Stop

When I was in Idaho for Christmas, something was different. When we passed by the site of the old family truck stop, it was found that a new one had been put up in its place. For some reason, that really tugged at my nostalgic heart strings. I think it got to my dad too. It was strange to know that the truck stop was gone for good, though it had been torn down about a year before. But to have something built over the top of it was somehow hurtful. I think I've always just assumed that the old truck stop would be there. I would always imagine taking my kids there someday and hope when they got older they would come here with the same feelings of nostalgia as I did. Even though the building had been gone for a while, it really hit hard that something else was already there. Even if the building was abandoned and left behind, I might have felt better about it. It would have at least stood as a symbol of countless memorable stops.

I suppose it's not that big of a deal. It's just an old building and nothing lasts forever. But still, every time I think about it, I feel as though a piece of my childhood has gone missing.

Resolutionary Thoughts

Now that the 2nd day in January is now over halfway done, I guess I have to start thinking of New Years resolutions. Sure, it probably would have been smarter and more time efficient to have thought of all this before the new year started. But then I would have had to take precious time from other elements of my life to concoct these resolutions. Frankly, I was not willing to allocate time from sitting on my ass, reading, working, and other such activities towards figuring out resolutions.

Now I'm confronted with the idea of having to figure this all out ASAP. I had vague ideas beforehand of what I wanted to accomplish this year but decided "I'll think about it later." January is firmly under way. No going back now.

So what is it I want to accomplish this year? I've done a pretty good job in years past of getting what I want done. My resolutions don't change too much through the years. For the most part, I generally promise to do better in school, do my good deeds every year, and stay in shape. Those will be staying in. But what to add? I can definitely keep going with the being a nicer person thing. I can use more improvement on that. Maybe I should try more new things. I tried rock climbing for the first time yesterday and it was awesome. I'll try new things within reason. I won't elaborate further. But I'll try more new things this year. I would like to travel more, but it's unlikely I'll be able to accomplish that.

Ok that's it. I won't try to make anymore. If I try to make too many goals, some will undoubtedly fall by the wayside. Let's just concentrate on this for now.

New Year Awesomeness

New Years is my 2nd favorite holiday. It's such a wonderful premise. You get together with your friends and family every year, celebrate the old year leaving, look forward to a new and better year ahead. What's not to like? I suppose that holiday could get rather lonely if you have no friends. However, I do not have that problem. Every year, my New Years Eve kicks ass. The following New Years day, I'm intoxicated with hope for a new beginning. New resolutions to better ones self. Hope for better times. Hope for better decisions.

This New Years was no exception. After an awesome night with my best friends, the next day proved to be awesome. I slept in for a while, then went to lunch with the same group of friends at my favorite pizza place. I ate a ton of pizza. It almost made me sick. Almost. Then I went rock climbing for the first time. Surprisingly, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm pretty scared of heights and have an intense fear of falling to my death. This was not helped by someone actually falling at the climbing gym to the point an ambulance carried them out. However, I pressed on anyhow and enjoyed my time there. I probably won't pursue it as a part time hobby, but I may dabble in it every now and then. It seems really expensive to get into. I already have enough expensive hobbies that I'm into. However, if someone asks me to go to a climbing gym with them, I would be less inclined to say no from now on.

Now I'm just relaxing. All is well and right with the world today. I think I'll revel in that feeling for a while. I don't get it very often.