My Baked Potato

This title has nothing to do with anything. 

With that said, I've been keeping busy with working again. I've picked up so many shifts that I may explode with anger for making such a dumb decision. But it's the right decision however. I'm broke. I have exactly 12 cents to my name right now. I have some serious catching up to do financially.

I don't get paid for another 8 days. Which totally sucks. All I want more than anything is a haircut. I look like a disheveled hippy. I thought about growing out my hair for the summer. Then I realized that I look better with short hair now that I'm skinny.

I guess I'll have to wait 8 more days until I can get my hair cut and looking decent again. More importantly, I will have to wait 8 days till I can have money and not worry about not being able to pay for things.



On that note, I realized that the general public sucks. Maybe it's just that I work in a shitty part of town, but some days I would just rather have a vasectomy with two rusty spoons (no anesthesia, of course) rather than dealing with the general public.

Ok maybe not that bad. But some people, I tell ya.........

Morning Report

I've been back to work for less than a week and already I can sense a general change in how I feel. Mornings have been a generally good influence on me. I haven't been as angry or tired as I thought I would be. In fact, I've been quite the opposite. Everyone has noticed I've been upbeat lately. Though I wonder if that's because my body is just happy to be on a regular schedule, or the vast amounts of coffee I drink to keep from feeling tired. Who knows.

But once thing is for certain, this has been a most positive change for me. I miss my graveyard amigos, but being awake during the day isn't so bad. The big thing I have to complain about is having to deal with daytime traffic. That sends me to the fast track to a deadly aneurysm. I have such bad road rage it's not even funny. But that's beside the point.

The point is, I feel better about..........everything. Maybe I only feel that way because this is new. Perhaps in the coming months I will be back where I started from and be angry all over again. But what if this is the change I need to help get my life back on track? Who knows. For now, I feel great about this.



Want to know the crazy thing? I was awake at 0730 today........and it was my day off! Crazy right? I never thought I would be one of those people. I've always been a night person. Going to bed early was always so impossible for me when I was much younger. Now it doesn't seem like such a chore. Now it just feels right to fall asleep at a reasonable time and be up at an early time to start my day.

Now That I'm Recieving a Steady Paycheck

My plans for purchasing certain items were temporarily put on hold for a month. I couldn't do anything to satisfy my need for vanity. There are too many cool things that I want. This directly conflicts with my real plans to save money and pay off my car loan.

But that's ok. I can daydream about things I badly want but don't necessarily "need."

First on my list is actually a tie between two very awesome items. It's a conflict between two opposing arch enemies. Apple vs Android. But they aren't in the same category necessarily. For my phone, I would love to have the new upcoming Motorola Droid Bionic. Apple failed to sell me with their I-Phone 4 and their rumored and elusive I-Phone 5 in June. Though, I would be lying if I said Apple hadn't successfully tempted me with their product at the very least. I waited for the Verizon I-Phone, only to be let down my negative reviews. In the interim, I had purchased a Motorola Droid X. I fell in love with the Android system. It took a little bit of winning over on their part, but they did it. I can't see myself going to an I-Phone anymore. However, in a hypocritical sense, I decided to wait for a Droid phone that more closely matched the I-Phone in specs and capability. Mainly, the front-facing camera. The Droid Bionic will be the answer to that need.

My other first place tie is an Apple I-Pad 2. Now I realize this is nothing more than an over-sized I-Phone/I-Pod touch. But it has the portability of a Mac and the cool factor of the I-Phone. Only difference is, I won't need to make calls. I can just use it for the reason why everyone gets an I-Phone. The apps and features. I can use it autonomously from my phone and still have the best of both worlds.

The other things I want I will just list off because I'm too lazy to go into detail on the rest. (I'm sure you're heartbroken not knowing my thought process on purchasing other expensive items.)

-Finishing my emergency/disaster kit
-New scope for my rifle
-Nice water bottle for running
-New electric drums
-Several new DVD seasons
-Paying off my car this year

I can only dream about the rest on my list. I have expensive tastes that can only be satiated by spending vast amounts of my hard earned money.

The Return to Working Society.

I'm back at work again! I worked a random night shift to supplement my income. It wasn't my first or favorite choice since it would throw off my sleep schedule. However, it was nice that my first day back in a month was a night shift. It was like seeing family you haven't seen in a long time. Everyone was happy to see me again. Everyone greeted me kindly and listened to my tales of horror about my certification nightmare. It wasn't awkward at all. It was as if I never left.

Although that feeling was nice, I couldn't help but feel that burned out sensation again. I felt it almost immediately when I had to push a hygienically unsound 450 lb. patient in a wheelchair to the far side of the hospital. I remember thinking, "I came back for this? Man, I need to finish school soon." It was a feeling I couldn't quite shake the rest of the time. I had an unplanned month-long probationary period which I hoped would help relieve some of the burn out. That maybe the cause of it was prolonged exposure with no break.

Nope.

It was because I disliked my job. I shouldn't complain. I'm happy to have a job doing something in a field that I love. But I realized no amount of time would relieve my burned out problem. I may have been able to escape for a little while but I could not escape how I have felt and will feel for a long time.

I guess I can take more positive from this than anything else. It's good to know I have a job again. It's good to know I work with awesome people who do give a shit. It's 10x more comforting to know that my inspiration to finish school in a timely manner has never been higher.

Even though I know I'm a few years away from finishing my degree, it doesn't seem as bad as it used to. For the first time ever, I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.



PS: Tomorrow will be my first day working an official, full time day shift in years. Wish me luck!

Back to Work

After being out of work for a month, I'm finally allowed to to return today. I'll be working a random graveyard, which I wasn't prepared for. But I needed the money. Any extra days at work I can pick up would just be super.

I'm somewhat worried about going back since I know I'll be a little rusty. Knowing my luck, everything will have changed. Oh well though. I'm happy to just be back and operating again. I'm sure when I'm super burned out again, I'll look back at this month long break and glorify it as the best thing that ever happened. I'll look back and think "That was great. No responsibility. Nothing to worry about except when I might want to wake up the next day. That was glorious." In reality, I haven't enjoyed this month long probation that much. It would have been nice if I had a ton of money, but I didn't. Instead, I stressed out every single day about whether or not I would get to keep my job.

I'm just happy to start making money again. I'll be so busy the next couple of months just making up for my drained savings account.

I'm somewhat not enthused about working a grave tonight. I've grown rather fond of having a regular sleep schedule lately. This will just mess it up for a day. But on the up-side, I'll get to work with my old graveyard amigos one last time. I'm sure it won't be the last. I can see myself picking up a grave or two here and there for the money. Just not often.

Back to work. Now it's time to stop whining about doing nothing and start getting back to my roots of complaining about my job.

Finally!

EMS Bureau finally recertified me. About freakin' time! Hopefully I can go back to work this week. I can make money and be a productive member of society.

A month long hiatus has been somewhat nice, but mostly stressful. I'm ready to go back to work. A lot of work. Working so much that I can make up for my lost savings account.

About damn time.

Crappy Neighborhood

With all my time off I've been taking walks around my neighborhood. It fills time, it's nice to get outside and it's a small form of exercise. I like it a lot. However, I've had a fear of stray dogs since I was a kid. It mostly has to do with the fact I was bit by a stray dog on three separate occasions within my neighborhood. It was nothing major. But it still sucked. As years went by, I got more frightened to walk around my neighborhood. I didn't want to get bit again. I would see stray dogs wander around all the time. I had been chased on numerous occasions running or on my bike since those times.

When I was older and able to drive, I would see more stray dogs. It didn't entice me to go out anymore. Fast forward to the present, I'm still scared to go out. But I started to think it wouldn't be so bad to go outside in my neighborhood. Maybe I was just paranoid about the amount of strays running around. So I started going on walks but only short distances. No strays thus far. As more days went on, the further and longer my walks got. No strays. But today changed it all. I ran into three of them. The first two left me alone. The third one was a pit bull that escaped from the leash of it's owner. It ran right towards me, hopped over a small fence and chased after me. This wasn't a friendly dog. It came a long way out of it's way running full speed. I remember thinking before I saw it coming "What else can possibly go wrong with me lately? Maybe my car can break down or my phone breaks? At least I haven't been chased on this long walk." As if on cue, like in a bad movie, I see the dog darting for me.

I turned the other way and walked calmly hoping it wasn't after me. But it sure was. It hopped over a small wood fence right next to me. That's when I ran full sprint. My phone falls out of my pocket as I run and hear it hit the sidewalk. Luckily, the dog's leash gets caught on the wood fence and keeps it from chasing me. I stand there for a minute, I could hear people call out for it. They drive up and put in the car. I wondered if they knew their dog had chased me up a hill at full sprint. I doubt they cared.

I picked up my phone off the sidewalk. It looked damaged but it worked ok, thankfully. I continued my walk to see the owner and their dog halfway down the street. Just stupid white trash. I've always said my neighborhood has gone downhill. I just never realized how much until I had to walk the streets like I used to. It's different to just drive down the street. You overlook details easily. I looked around and saw the neighborhood I grew up in, in shambles. White trash were everywhere. I drove around just to look afterwards. Why are there so many stray dogs? It's sad and negligent.

Bleh. So much for my walking times. They will definitely be shorter distances. I don't want to get bit or chased again because some loser can't take care of their dog properly.

Another "Too-Much-Free-Time-Related" Blog

I have run into a lot of old shows I used to watch as a kid. Most of them are just simply terrible. Some of them are just as good as I remember, but for the most part the 90's did nothing but produce crap as far as childrens entertainment went. Even the 80's weren't so hot at it, but they did a slightly better job.

I ran into that old TV show "Dinosaurs." In the 90's it's novelty was being cute and original. When I look at it now, its really stupid. It's more or less "Roseanne" only everyone has been replaced with dinosaurs. In case you forgot about this show, I will attempt to summarize it for you to jog your memory. It's about a family of dinosaurs that are portrayed as lower-middle class jerkoffs dealing with every day problems. The father dinosaur is nothing more than a corporate cog in a blue collar job while the rest of the characters are the typical 90's stereotypes. The mom is a doting, indifferent homemaker who frequently makes wise cracks at the dad dinosaurs laziness and/or stupidity. And the kids I can lump into one category of bratty bastards dealing with teenage problems.....but with attitude. That always seemed to be a 90's theme. "Attitude."


I found another old favorite called "Sonic the Hedgehog Adventures." Another awful creation. The game itself for Sega wasn't stellar. But I think that had more to do with it's weak product development. Sonic the hedgehog was the fastest creature in his universe. Which is stupid. Hedgehogs in real life are slow, prickly, lazy and smell bad. Believe me, my friend had one. It's a complete contradiction. If Sonic could be made popular maybe I'll brand my own character called "Captain Sloth: The hardest working, fastest and hygienically sound sloth of all time." Make sense? Nah. Anyway, coming off my rant there. The Sonic cartoon only seemed good as a kid because it was so rare. The local network only played it during the earliest of hours on Saturday morning. Around 0530 or 0600. You only caught it if you were up early enough. Rightfully so too. As I said, this cartoon sucked. The network was either too lazy or too cheap to plug infomercials until a good cartoon came on or didn't have the bright idea to replace it with a slightly less shitty cartoon.


That's all I feel like writing about terrible 90's television even though I could go on. I got plenty more ammo to go off of. But I won't. I'm tired. 

I wish I had the foresight to make terrible television and get paid obscene amounts of money for doing so.

That would rock.

Jobs I Could Do

Posting twice in a day? Sad, I know. But it speaks to the levels of free time I have and the levels of money I do not have. While the government takes their sweet time recertifying my EMT, I've been looking for new jobs to supplement my income. Just something temporary and generally meaningless to me.

I spent today going through online job postings to see if there is anything I could do or sneak my way into. A lot of the postings are ridiculous. Many seem too good to be true or obvious scams. But others, are just priceless.

I found a job as a shuttle driver. This seemed harmless. It seemed like an easy job I could do. Just drive a shuttle around for people. However, looking into this a little deeper I found it was a smut ferry. It was a shuttle job that took strippers and potential customers to and from the various Southern Exposure strip clubs. The ad also attempted to sweeten the deal by saying "driver will earn lots of tips!" I didn't have the heart to find out how a shuttle driver for strip clubs earns tips.

A lot of the sales job ads were utterly ridiculous. A lot of them promising to make over $2,000 a week. Bullshit. Others had specific requisites for their potential future staff such as "Only serious and motivated applicants." Other requisites included "Only people who are willing to make $39.99 an hour should apply." What a joke. Even if they were real jobs, I don't think I could do it. I couldn't sell people crap they don't need. Actually, I couldn't be a salesperson in general. Super lame.

I saw a lot of server positions. I could wait tables I guess. It wouldn't be the most terrible job in the world. A good temporary. I wouldn't have to wait for a check in order to quit. I could make some quick tips have a few bucks. It works out. But I've heard horror stories. I hear customers at restaurants are the worst kind of customers. It would be extremely hard for me to dole out vigilante justice to an asshole customer. You know, the usual forms of justice. Dick in the food. Horribly prepared. Etc, etc. But I think I could resist the urge somehow. Stay on a form of moral high ground. (I do have questionable morals so who knows how far that will get me.)

I would prefer something more vegetative. Somewhere I could sit and do the least amount possible while somehow managing to stay on the clock. Hmmmm. But those types of jobs either don't exist, or they are paradoxically highly competitive. I'm going stir crazy just sitting around the house. Going places without purpose. Plus I'm going even more mad not having any money. I'm tapped out. I've been out of work for a month. All my money is gone. All my savings used up like a cheap hooker.

Somebody, put me to work before I go insane! ...............


Or write another ridiculous blog. I'm going for a personal record with posts per month. Highest number of posts I've done in a month is 17, which was in March of 2008. It's a sad record to break. I just might do it if I don't get my job back or any job for that matter.

The Gym Isn't in the Cards

Cosmic forces working against my best intentions dictate that I cannot go to the gym this week. I was packed and ready to go for a swim today. But my flank pain won't go away. Maybe it's not a kidney stone after all since I still hurt. It's not as bad as yesterday. After drinking 7 liters of water I feel a little better. But the pain is still there. Knowing my luck it's probably just an infection in my kidney.

Super. Nothing more girly than a kidney infection.

I hope that this is some sort of crazy kidney abcess. I would seem like less of a pansy then. I have never had this type of pain before. I keep delaying going to a doctor thinking that if I drink enough water it will go away. Maybe stubbornness can beat this.

I'm counting on it.

So much for the gym.

Next week. I need to lose the rest of this stress weight I put on. Then everything will be gravy.

Kidney Stones and Clarity

I'm about 98% sure I'm having a kidney stone that seems bent on perforating my ureters. Why am I typing here then? Shouldn't I be doubled over? Well if I focus on something the pain doesn't seem as bad. It's nice to worry more about sentence structure and spelling rather than the intense pain in my side.

It all started earlier when I was about to go for a walk outside. I've been trying to walk around outside more often. I want more to do with the outdoors, the sun, and exercise. My dad needed help going grocery shopping to which I decided to tag along instead. With my new coffee mug as my sidekick, I ventured to an obscenely crowded Costco to purchase food and the like. I couldn't believe how crazy it was there. It was worse than the freeway during a snow storm. People cutting you off constantly, getting in the way, going too slow, too fast. I really just wanted to kick someones ass. As I was putting a bag of strawberries in the cart, I felt as though I got sucker punched in my kidneys 40 times. It was this intense aching pain. not stabbing like most stones. It was enough to take some breath from me. I hobbled along thinking it was a muscle strain or something. I was in denial. Within 5 minutes the pain got more intense. More tender to the touch. I couldn't stand up straight. Hurt too much. I'm not much for complaining about such things. I tend to just shrug it off or tough it out. I've had similar pains before but I haven't had anything like this before.

That's what I get for drinking so much damned coffee. It's not as bad now. The pain is lower than it was and the ibprofen I've taken has helped curve the pain. But it's still there. If I move too much, I certainly feel it. Now I can relate to future patients with stones. Now I don't have any diagnostic proof I have a stone. But given my symptoms, it's quite likely. Never again. Never again.

But with this pain, I've had the chance to just think. Thinking helps distort the pain. But with yesterday and everything else happening the way it has, I've felt more confident ind doing pre-med again. Perhaps it's easier to be confident when I'm not in school facing a full workload. But just laying here, being alone with that thought has made everything so clear.

Complete clarity. That's all I've wanted. Suddenly, it feels like this is where I should be. I've done my best to rule out pre-med, thinking I'm not qualified or smart enough to pursue it. I've looked into other fields of medicine and have even looked into fields outside of medicine. Yet, I keep coming back like a bad habit. This is it. I can see into my future and feel not so far away from it. It's scary, but not so bad because it feels right. Before, it felt right, but it didn't feel achievable. It didn't feel clear. It was so, smudged. So blurry. Clouded by fear of failure.

Well, that's it. My kidney's have decided that I should try to pee this thing out. So I will do just that. Wish me luck. I may need it.

Inspired Again!

I went to the Utah School of Medicine Bookstore to pick up a new manual blood pressure cuff for my dad. It was the only place open on a Saturday that I could get one on short notice.

I always seem to forget how much the Health Sciences building inspires me. So much goes on there. Under one roof medical, nursing and pharmacy students study in a beautiful and quiet building. So much knowledge here. I walked around the school of medicine unquestioned. I was a mere sponge being overwhelmed by the waterfalls of inspiration. I was trying to absorb all I could.

I've been here before and felt this same thing. But for the first time I asked myself "why can't I be here? Why shouldn't I be here? What's stopping me?"

There is no real reason why I can't be here as a student. The only thing that would hold me back is me. My fear of failure. But why? I think I can do it. If I just buckle down. I know I can be reasonably good at this if I tried. I want to try. I want to be there. Why can't I?

Well why not?

I almost hesitated walking through here. I was afraid to be overwhelmed. Built up only to be let down. I guess I feel more confident this time. I dont know why.

If I do this right I will end up here again as a student rather than a wide-eyed wannabe.

Look out health sciences building and school of medicine! I may just be back here to make good on my word.

Donate To My [Fake] Cause

It just so figures that right when I want or "need" the most things, it happens to be right when I'm out of a fucking job. There are so many things that are out that I want right now. It's not even fair. My savings have been drained to just a few dollars after spending it on minimal living costs and recertification processes. I'm half tempted to put jars in gas stations with a picture of my face on them asking for donations. Ideally, I would look disheveled and sad in the picture. The caption on the jar would read:

"Hello, my name is Johnny. I'm a Scorpio and I would like to travel the world. But sadly, I cannot. Because I was born without testicles. It's a rare disease called "sine masculini." Please donate generously so that I may one day afford convincing prosthetics for my condition. Help me get my self-confidence back by allowing me to feel like I have a pair again. Thank you and God bless."

I will have effectively hit every key demographic to contribute to my condition. The crazies who feel my astrological sign is in peril. The saps who are sorry I can't travel the world. The general male population who would almost certainly shed a man-tear at a kid just wanting a pair of balls. And the last part implying I might be religious and nice gets just about everyone else in Utah. They would all be powerless against my sad paragraph. I would never have to work again. I would be the scum of the earth relying on the money of well-intentioned people who just want to see a sad young adult get a pair of titanium balls. (I say titanium because that would be the only type of testicular prosthesis I would want. I think most men would agree.)

It's almost full-proof. I would eventually get caught, but the ride would be well worth it. It would be interesting to see if my logic would predict my demographic donations. And it would be just as interesting to see how many people would be willing to donate towards a testicular prosthesis impulsively based on a paragraph and picture at a 7-Eleven.

*Sigh*

I think it's obvious that I have way too much free time nowadays. It's gotten to the point that I almost have nothing to do, even though there is plenty for me to do. The things I have to do aren't very important or pressing so it doesn't matter that much. As I write this, it's 3:21 in the afternoon and I'm in pajama pants and my favorite trashy t-shirt. I woke up, showered, changed into my comfy pajama pants and shirt, watched the X-Files, and am now writing this blog. I really should find something to do. My room needs some cleaning. I've been putting that off. I can't go to to the gym. I'm too OCD to go during the week. I have to start at the beginning of the week or not go at all.

Hope all is well for you on the other side of the screen, gentle blog reader.

No Rest For The Weary

Even though all my stuff for recertification is done, I can't help but feel stressed. I don't think I'll stop feeling stressed until I can go back to work and safely reclaim my job.

This stress has eaten through me. I've gained 10 lbs the past two weeks. Bleh. I really let myself go. No watching what I eat. No going to the gym. Just stress eating. Pure indulgence of my favorite fatty foods. I guess I never realized how much my work provides a set schedule for me to follow. It was easy for me to eat right and work out when I could base it all off when I worked. It was easier to plan a schedule around that since that's where I spend half of my week.

It's been weird being away for 2 weeks. I haven't missed the place that much. I haven't missed it at all, actually. It's been nice to just be home. Have my day all to myself. It's a shame I will have to wait another 40 years to experience this all over again without feeling lazy. Retirement can't come soon enough. I used to think I was a busy body type person. Keeping busy because I needed to. Now that I haven't had to work, I realize how nice it would be to work less. Live life more.

But if only. School isn't cheap. Nor is anything else anymore. Like it or not, I need the job to fund school so I can have a more satisfying sense of work. I haven't missed the work I do one bit. Taking orders. Cleaning messes from coworkers. Dealing with assholes. I miss the golden aspects of the job like hands on patient care. But I haven't felt like I've done real patient care in forever. I think I'm more stressed out that I'm out of money. I spent my savings on recertification crap and other bills. The only way to get more is to go back to work. Not because I love the job. But to put me back on track financially. So I don't have to stress about not having money or running out.




The real reason why I'm writing this blog:
To keep myself from going to the gym. I'm stalling big time. I know I need to go and start eating healthy again. But I can't seem to want to do it right now. Maybe it's the time change. Maybe I'm falling back into my old ways. I really don't want to go to the gym today. So maybe I won't. Maybe I'll go tomorrow when I wake up on time and don't feel like I'm jet-lagged. That sounds like a better plan. Then I can start not being lazy.

I hope more than anything I can go back to work soon. I hate being stressed about money. I hate being poor.

Sandwiches

Oh delicious sandwiches. I owe you so much. How can I possibly repay you? Write a blog about how you have positively affected my life?

Not good enough.

But it will just have to do.

Groves Deli, you are my number one sandwich

Your bread, fresh meats and vegetables create the illusion that it's healthy to eat a sandwich the size of my head. For that I can never stop thanking you.

My next sandwich contender would be The Philadelphian. It's a little shithole restaurant in Sandy. I really mean shithole. It's a dirty hole in the wall place. In fact, if you have never been there, it would be in your best interest to go in blindfolded. That way you don't have to see the horrid place by which your delicious food is made.

I actually started getting chest pain BEFORE I ate this. But it was so good. So worth it.


That is all I can write about regarding sandwiches.

Enjoy.

What Am I Thinking?

That question has ran across my mind numerous times this week

" What the [put desired bad word here] am I thinking?"

I want nothing more than to be stable. Have one course of thought that has a beginning and an end. Maybe the stress I've gone through lately has been rotting out my brain. There is so much I want out of life. So much I want to do. So much I want to prove. So much I have to prove.

One minute I'm pre-med bound and another, I'm dead set on paramedic school for reasons that I don't understand.

Something triggers one or the other. One minute, I feel the need to prove that I can be a doctor. I talk with my good friends or see someone I need to catch up to and suddenly; I'm set on pre-med. Another minute I'm doing an EMT continuing education module and thinking I should be a paramedic for some reason. The thing that kills me is that I don't even have a good reason to go to paramedic school. It would be a waste of time and money. I have better reasons to go to med school than paramedic school.





I've also decided that I want an I-pad 2. Pretty bad actually. I predict by April, I shall have one.

Or will I?

A Lot to Learn This Year

So I've been looking up things to occupy my time while I wait to go to school again in the Fall. I've mostly been looking at extra-curricular type skills to learn. There is so much I want to do and so little time! It's not even fair. If I didn't have to go to school I would just pursue these things on a more full time basis.

Here is my list of things I wish to learn this year.

-Tactical EMS Course
-Wilderness Medicine EMT/Advanced Wilderness Life Support
-Advanced Trauma Life Support
-Advanced Airway Management
-Bass Guitar Lessons
-Brazilian Ju Jitsu
-Weight Lifting Course
-Amateur Astronomy Course

Ah, so much to learn! I want it all. The first 4 I should be able to do. But the last 4 will be a tad bit more difficult since they are more than a one time course. I'm hoping to do the Ju Jitsu and weight training during the fall semester.

So here's to being knowledgeable!

Thank Eff-ing Crap! Things Are Going to Work Out After All!

Phew! I've had way too many hurdles to jump over these past 2 weeks. It's been one road block after the other. Thankfully, it seems like it's all going to fall in line. I can finally get some crap recertified, return to work, and make money again.

In a way it's been nice to not have to work lately. In a way, it's been like I have been working anyway. It's just one stress replaced by another. It's been a real challenge battling this obstacle. But I'm glad it's practically over with. All I have to do now is pass one more test, one more hurdle.

I'm so excited to finally put this all behind me that I just might pee my pants.

True story.

Mornings

It's been a long week of attempting to adjust to the day schedule. I've never been much of a morning person. I'm always slow to get out of bed, and I'm generally grumpy. I don't feel much different switching to this type of schedule. It's not bad but it's not good either. In some ways, I miss my unique night schedule. In other ways, it's nice to be awake while everyone else is. I'm not going out of my way to be awake at a normal time. Things get done.

The only real positive thing I can put towards mornings is breakfast. I love breakfast foods. I love pastries in the morning. Coffee. Cookies. Donuts. Streusal cake. Pancakes. French toast. Cereal. Anything. As long as it goes with a cup of coffee, the world is amazing. I have a soft spot for pastries and coffee. I'm weak and defenseless against coffee cake. Nothing I can do about it. Completely helpless.

The ideal woman would actually be made out of coffee cake or some delicious pastry. A coffee cake woman would be fantastic. No pressure to be a boyfriend. All  you need is a cup of coffee, a fork and knife, and love. She wouldn't talk. She wouldn't move. All because there is no such thing as a living entity made of delicious coffee cake. Bonus. Ah yes. That would be love. A coffee cake woman.

Learned Something New About Myself

I've had to do CME's to renew my EMT-B (Long story) I've had to participate in a variety of classes to this. As I've looked around the class, I realized I didn't fit in. I wasn't like the rest of the people in the class, or at least that's what it felt like. Many of these people wanted to go on to be a firefighter, police officer or just work as an EMT. Other people should just not be allowed to take care of others. They are simply too dim to even have the ability to medically treat injured or sick citizens.

My point to all this is that I wanted to be better than this. That I wanted more for myself. I didn't just want skills with watered down basic knowledge. I didn't just want a piece. I wanted the whole thing. Advanced skills, advanced knowledge. A deeper understanding of medicine. To be in charge and fix things. Not temporarily fix things or comfort. The people in those classes are generally good people and are right for the jobs. But I couldn't do it for a lifetime. A career. I know I've jumped to similar points. But this just reinforces it. I would never be happy as a paramedic. I would need more than what was handed to me.

Since I've been off work for a while and have just been attending classes full time, I realized more than ever I would be happier doing full time school. This insane stress has been a blessing in disguise in a way. Bringing to light more pieces of myself than I thought possible.

No Mustache March This Year

That's right. The title says it all.

Please refer to my mustache blog that is conveniently located on the right side of the screen for more details.


"A man without a mustache is like a cup of tea without sugar"
         -English Proverb