No Rest For The Weary

Even though all my stuff for recertification is done, I can't help but feel stressed. I don't think I'll stop feeling stressed until I can go back to work and safely reclaim my job.

This stress has eaten through me. I've gained 10 lbs the past two weeks. Bleh. I really let myself go. No watching what I eat. No going to the gym. Just stress eating. Pure indulgence of my favorite fatty foods. I guess I never realized how much my work provides a set schedule for me to follow. It was easy for me to eat right and work out when I could base it all off when I worked. It was easier to plan a schedule around that since that's where I spend half of my week.

It's been weird being away for 2 weeks. I haven't missed the place that much. I haven't missed it at all, actually. It's been nice to just be home. Have my day all to myself. It's a shame I will have to wait another 40 years to experience this all over again without feeling lazy. Retirement can't come soon enough. I used to think I was a busy body type person. Keeping busy because I needed to. Now that I haven't had to work, I realize how nice it would be to work less. Live life more.

But if only. School isn't cheap. Nor is anything else anymore. Like it or not, I need the job to fund school so I can have a more satisfying sense of work. I haven't missed the work I do one bit. Taking orders. Cleaning messes from coworkers. Dealing with assholes. I miss the golden aspects of the job like hands on patient care. But I haven't felt like I've done real patient care in forever. I think I'm more stressed out that I'm out of money. I spent my savings on recertification crap and other bills. The only way to get more is to go back to work. Not because I love the job. But to put me back on track financially. So I don't have to stress about not having money or running out.




The real reason why I'm writing this blog:
To keep myself from going to the gym. I'm stalling big time. I know I need to go and start eating healthy again. But I can't seem to want to do it right now. Maybe it's the time change. Maybe I'm falling back into my old ways. I really don't want to go to the gym today. So maybe I won't. Maybe I'll go tomorrow when I wake up on time and don't feel like I'm jet-lagged. That sounds like a better plan. Then I can start not being lazy.

I hope more than anything I can go back to work soon. I hate being stressed about money. I hate being poor.