I've never been one for superstition. However, I found that the year 2013 was generally unlucky for me. Having looked back on the year, it was full of the good and the bad like any year, but it felt......unlucky. It felt like I could not catch a break. For every one good thing that happened, two bad things followed. Some happened at the hands of my own decisions, but many were out of my control. I soon felt that my optimism for the year 2013 was running out of steam.
This time last year, I was celebrating once again at Joe and Randi's place. Once again, it was joyous time for everyone to get drunk and be in each other's company. It started with beer pong, progressed to drinks, and ended in Joe's ice tent in the backyard smoking fine cigars.
January was cold. In fact, it was downright frigid. That's the most I remember. Just utterly cold and dry temperatures that made me unhappy. I started a new semester retaking an old class I loathed to begin with.
February and March were very much the same. Cold. Dry. Stagnant. I could feel myself get out of shape. It wasn't all bad. But it wasn't all bad either. I wrecked my car in the snow on a curb and had it fixed for over a month.
April, I started crossfit, one of the best decisions I ever made for my health. I worked out twice a day and ate healthy. I seem to got through this cycle every year. But for the first time, I felt like I was really in good health.
May was fine. As per usual, it ends with a trip to Memorial Weekend that was fun but stressful. I felt as though I was playing camp "medic." Helping put medical problems out like fires. I felt the weight of the pressure upon me as I helped treat my own family members.
June/July started another summer school odyssey. I remember being strong and consistent with my work out and eating healthy. I loved the routine. I loved what I had done for my health. I saw the departure of 3 good doctors from the workplace, all of whom had influenced me positively in medicine. Very little fishing or fun was had. I remember going to Idaho a couple of times to see my grandparents. They were trips that I genuinely enjoyed and wish to do more of.
August/September/October I fell into a slump. Nothing felt right. I started another semester, but I couldn't get myself going. Work was hard. Home seemed chaotic. I fell out of my work out routine. One of the few things that kept me sane and happy. I moved out to Salt Lake which has been the brightest part of the last few months.
November/December have felt better. Not great. But better. Slowly getting out of a slump. Having my car break down for good, the search for a new one. It's been a lot of change lately. Matt moving to North Dakota. Having a good birthday.
Change. That's what best summarizes the year 2013. There was a lot of it. So much I almost haven't been able to keep up. So much of it, I haven't been able to decide if I'm still the same or if I too have ridden the waves of change. If I have changed, has it been for the better or worse. I feel darker inside, yet I know this is all just temporary and soon things can and will be better. It wasn't a strong year for me. So much happened that it's impossible to write it all down. It's impossible to define it all. I imagine I'll look back on this year someday. Maybe I'll chuckle and realize it was for the better the way things turned out. Maybe I'll shake my head and vow for it to never happen again. I don't know.
All I do know for sure is that 2014 can't be any worse. I only hope that I can make it better. Make better decisions. Be a better man. Be a strong man. Make 2014 what 2013 should have been. Last year, I had such hope for 2013 and I tried my hardest to live up to that hope. But life had other plans and no matter how strong my spirit, it all eventually overcame me.
See you in hell 2013. You had your moments. You had your times. But mostly, I didn't feel good about myself or about life despite my best intentions and actions to make it better. I hope that 2014 provides me with the strength and energy to continue to make good decisions. I hope I can still try to be a better person, to try to make others lives better. I cannot speak for the future and what it holds for me. I can only speak for myself and what I intend to do to make my future better.
