Dear Spencer, Idaho
In a few short hours, I get to finally leave on my trip to go camping. A vacation I sorely need. I imagine it will be cold and rain 90% of the time. But it will just be nice to be out and about.
Cannot wait. Be good to me this weekend please. I look forward to this every year.
Sincerely,
J-Dubb VII
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Early Morning Errors
Wow, I have really got to stop posting blogs before I go to sleep. I make embarrassing grammatical errors that only a brain damaged imbecile would make.
Advice for the reader: Don't read my blog unless the post has been up for more than 24 hours. I usually sleep, and then catch my insane errors when I wake up.
Thank you for your patronage, bored reader!
Rock on.
Advice for the reader: Don't read my blog unless the post has been up for more than 24 hours. I usually sleep, and then catch my insane errors when I wake up.
Thank you for your patronage, bored reader!
Rock on.
News of the Past
As I was eating dinner last night, my mom casually mentioned that she had talked to the mothers of many of my childhood friends last weekend. Apparently, she talked to most of them during the yard sale she held at the house. She told me all the things that had been going on with the friends who had greatly influenced many years of my life.
One or two were married off it seems. But they were more acquaintances than anything. It shocked me more to hear about some of my closest friends of childhood. So much tragedy in such little time and relatively early in their youth. A little disappointment and a slight bit of anger came over me. Many of the friends I shared about a decade of my life with, went on to make heartbreaking decisions with their lives.
It's strange to look back on them. Their faces haven't aged past the age of 16 in my memory. Still youthful. Still young enough to be somewhat innocent and naive even though the present reality dictates differently. I think of how they shaped who I was, and who I am now. But I realized more importantly, they shaped who I am not. If I had stayed friends with those people, who would I be now? Would I have made the same mistakes? Or would my stubborn personality still be too strong to let me follow suit? It's hard to say.
Their faces haunt my dreams monthly. In my dreams, we share a surreal reality where nothing has changed. A surreality where we can always meet and be the people we once were. Living in a time where we believed in each other and anything was possible for all of us. We act as though nothing has changed and the weight of the world hasn't yet changed us or negatively influenced our decisions. Easily once a month, I have dreams of these old friends and the way things used to be. Although, I have physically and emotionally moved on from that time, my unconscious mind seems to be stuck in the past. The dreams reoccur and I don't know why.
In my more philosophical moments, I have always stuck with one ideal that brings me comfort. From the past, dead or alive, what was and what was not, the hands we held and left behind, the people we once cherished the most are never truly gone from us permanently. For in the comfort of sleep, we can always meet again in our dreams, whether we want to or not.
These meetings in my dream are usually non-sequitur in nature. Usually they make no sense and have no meaning. Every now and then, I wake up sad to have left the innocent surreality. Other times I wake up stricken with guilt that things had gone the way they had. In other instances, I wake up feeling positive that I have a false sense of power to visit the times of happiness when I was young.
I have no special regard for those younger years of my life, in all honesty. Most of the years I was unhappy being in middle school and high school. Hating it almost every second of the way. There was only a few good times that I felt kept me going. I don't look back on those times and think "I wish I could go back to that." Truth be told, I was miserable back then and wouldn't go back for anything in the world. I'm happier now in my early adult life than I ever was. I don't care for "dream interpretation" as I tend to lump it in the same categories as astrology, new age medicine and Greek mythology. There is no closure I desire or any mysteries I need answers to. My dreams are the product of a coincidence that I can't control.
My past friends are just that, the past. Their influence on me is priceless and has led me to many positive directions in my life. I don't envy anything that has happened to them now. I find with the friends I have had now for the past 8 years have been the best. I find myself frequently envying their talents and qualities. I am lucky to have the friends I have now and will hopefully continue to have.
But still, having the knowledge of their current lives leaves me in thought. I can't help but wonder to some degree how much different things would be if we had all stayed friends.
One or two were married off it seems. But they were more acquaintances than anything. It shocked me more to hear about some of my closest friends of childhood. So much tragedy in such little time and relatively early in their youth. A little disappointment and a slight bit of anger came over me. Many of the friends I shared about a decade of my life with, went on to make heartbreaking decisions with their lives.
It's strange to look back on them. Their faces haven't aged past the age of 16 in my memory. Still youthful. Still young enough to be somewhat innocent and naive even though the present reality dictates differently. I think of how they shaped who I was, and who I am now. But I realized more importantly, they shaped who I am not. If I had stayed friends with those people, who would I be now? Would I have made the same mistakes? Or would my stubborn personality still be too strong to let me follow suit? It's hard to say.
Their faces haunt my dreams monthly. In my dreams, we share a surreal reality where nothing has changed. A surreality where we can always meet and be the people we once were. Living in a time where we believed in each other and anything was possible for all of us. We act as though nothing has changed and the weight of the world hasn't yet changed us or negatively influenced our decisions. Easily once a month, I have dreams of these old friends and the way things used to be. Although, I have physically and emotionally moved on from that time, my unconscious mind seems to be stuck in the past. The dreams reoccur and I don't know why.
In my more philosophical moments, I have always stuck with one ideal that brings me comfort. From the past, dead or alive, what was and what was not, the hands we held and left behind, the people we once cherished the most are never truly gone from us permanently. For in the comfort of sleep, we can always meet again in our dreams, whether we want to or not.
These meetings in my dream are usually non-sequitur in nature. Usually they make no sense and have no meaning. Every now and then, I wake up sad to have left the innocent surreality. Other times I wake up stricken with guilt that things had gone the way they had. In other instances, I wake up feeling positive that I have a false sense of power to visit the times of happiness when I was young.
I have no special regard for those younger years of my life, in all honesty. Most of the years I was unhappy being in middle school and high school. Hating it almost every second of the way. There was only a few good times that I felt kept me going. I don't look back on those times and think "I wish I could go back to that." Truth be told, I was miserable back then and wouldn't go back for anything in the world. I'm happier now in my early adult life than I ever was. I don't care for "dream interpretation" as I tend to lump it in the same categories as astrology, new age medicine and Greek mythology. There is no closure I desire or any mysteries I need answers to. My dreams are the product of a coincidence that I can't control.
My past friends are just that, the past. Their influence on me is priceless and has led me to many positive directions in my life. I don't envy anything that has happened to them now. I find with the friends I have had now for the past 8 years have been the best. I find myself frequently envying their talents and qualities. I am lucky to have the friends I have now and will hopefully continue to have.
But still, having the knowledge of their current lives leaves me in thought. I can't help but wonder to some degree how much different things would be if we had all stayed friends.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Egos and Delusions Running Wild
Entitlement. Overconfidence. Egotistical. Arrogant.
These are words I use to describe people today. It's very interesting how ones ego can get out of control. My generation and younger have been most susceptible to this ridiculous self-esteem movement. These people have delusions of who they think they are, or at least what they think they ought to be. It's as if they live their life thinking they are the hero on stage in a grand broadway musical. Drama. Leadership. Undeservingly high expectations. Grandiosity. It's all packed into one person. They see themselves as leaders deserving the best. I'm tired of hearing immature girls demanding a man of high standard. Smart, rich, handsome with a good job. It's highly unlikely someone with high intelligence will date someone so stupid and delusional.
I don't get it. It's like living in a fantasy world in your head. Where everything should be going your way because you think you've done it right. It sickens me to see so many lazy people demand money and results with little effort because they think they have a special way about them. A special something that connects them with people. Their personality alienates people who live in reality and attracts personalities that are the same as theirs.
I guess it's hard to describe my feelings of frustration without decent examples. But I imagine there is one or two people you know or have known that are like this or a branch of such. I don't know why it's sparked my frustration so much at this time of day when all I want to do is sleep.
Sleep. That's what it is. Sleep. That's what I need.
I'll quit my bitchin' now.
These are words I use to describe people today. It's very interesting how ones ego can get out of control. My generation and younger have been most susceptible to this ridiculous self-esteem movement. These people have delusions of who they think they are, or at least what they think they ought to be. It's as if they live their life thinking they are the hero on stage in a grand broadway musical. Drama. Leadership. Undeservingly high expectations. Grandiosity. It's all packed into one person. They see themselves as leaders deserving the best. I'm tired of hearing immature girls demanding a man of high standard. Smart, rich, handsome with a good job. It's highly unlikely someone with high intelligence will date someone so stupid and delusional.
I don't get it. It's like living in a fantasy world in your head. Where everything should be going your way because you think you've done it right. It sickens me to see so many lazy people demand money and results with little effort because they think they have a special way about them. A special something that connects them with people. Their personality alienates people who live in reality and attracts personalities that are the same as theirs.
I guess it's hard to describe my feelings of frustration without decent examples. But I imagine there is one or two people you know or have known that are like this or a branch of such. I don't know why it's sparked my frustration so much at this time of day when all I want to do is sleep.
Sleep. That's what it is. Sleep. That's what I need.
I'll quit my bitchin' now.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Nice To See You Again Mr. Sun
I'm so glad it's Spring. I always miss the sunshine and warmth during the winter months. I'm not a winter person at all. I hate snow. I hate cold. I hate anything that has to do with the cold. Period. I always feel the most stressed out and overwhelmed in the winter. It's just the way it's always been. Today when I was driving home from work, I saw the sun come up over the mountains at 6:15. I like working graveyards in the summer for that reason. I get to drive home during beautiful weather. The sun is coming up, the roads are clear. Everything seems so peaceful. I love rolling my window down and driving home in the summer. I don't know why it makes me so happy. But it can turn a bad day to a great day just in an instant.
I'm glad May is here. I get to go camping for Memorial weekend like every year. It signifies that Summer is around the corner. I will need to work hard to pay off my debts. I have distant dreams of moving to the Avenues so I'm closer to work and everything else I go to. I doubt it will happen. But I would love to do it. I would save so much money in gas. Plus I just want to be on my own again. I miss it a lot. We'll see what happens once the Summer comes to an end.
I'm not looking forward to August. Two of my best friends will be off to prestigious schools. Things will be different around here. With each year that passes, I'm reminded about how old I'm starting to get and how little time I have to accomplish things. Every seems to change so much and so fast with every month that goes by.
Screw it. I don't want to be one of those downer people. I'm just happy it's getting warm again and I can finally take a vacation to get away for a while. Otherwise, I don't have much to report since it's been 2 weeks since my last blog. I will write more frequently.
Yes, yes. Yes, I will.
I'm glad May is here. I get to go camping for Memorial weekend like every year. It signifies that Summer is around the corner. I will need to work hard to pay off my debts. I have distant dreams of moving to the Avenues so I'm closer to work and everything else I go to. I doubt it will happen. But I would love to do it. I would save so much money in gas. Plus I just want to be on my own again. I miss it a lot. We'll see what happens once the Summer comes to an end.
I'm not looking forward to August. Two of my best friends will be off to prestigious schools. Things will be different around here. With each year that passes, I'm reminded about how old I'm starting to get and how little time I have to accomplish things. Every seems to change so much and so fast with every month that goes by.
Screw it. I don't want to be one of those downer people. I'm just happy it's getting warm again and I can finally take a vacation to get away for a while. Otherwise, I don't have much to report since it's been 2 weeks since my last blog. I will write more frequently.
Yes, yes. Yes, I will.
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