Ah, yes it's definitely Christmas time. The most magical time of the year where ripping people off and driving like Jesus is coming to town is seen as "Jolly" and "Festive" and my favorite "Merry." I don't think I've seen so many people act like a pack of psychotic backstabbing children during any other time of the year than this one. I see people cut off others driving and in long shopping lines. I see people actually physically playing tug-o-war over a gift. I think the best is when people speak in code to people they don't know. When someone says Merry Christmas without a smile to a stranger in a hostile shopping environment, you can bet that's code for: "I hope you get stabbed in the face with an icecicle." Saying Merry Christmas with an unconvincing smile to a stranger usually means "I hope you get anally raped by someone with an unidentifiable STD" Saying Merry Christmas to someone you kind of know pretty much means "I hope a very unhappy individual shits under your Christmas tree this year."
And somehow with these generally hostile thoughts emerges a group of people who actually do wish you a Merry Christmas. It's hard to find those kinds of people. I know I'm personally not one of those people. Everytime a soccer-mom minivan cuts me off on the way to a shoppting structure of some sort, I get an usual urge to committ petty crimes and eat at Taco Bell. It's hard to stay happy during a time of year when everyone is supposed to care but no one really does. The only things that are crossing peoples minds are usually stressful thoughts like "I hope I get that gift in time." "I hate shopping" "I'm low on money" and occassionally (if you're a male) "I think that girl ringing me up for my gifts is hitting on me"
Sure Christmas day is good and all, but why is everyone buying gifts? Mostly out of sheer tradition and obligation. You're supposed to buy presents for people you care about. But often times you find yourself buying too many gifts for people you kind of know and your much hated boss. Or even better, you're buying gifts for that awkward person who bought you a gift but you didn't have any intention of buying them a gift in the first place so now you're scrambling to buy them a gift so you don't seem like an asshole. Oh what a wonderful time of the year. Feeling obligation and financial trouble all for 2 hours maximum of opening presents in one day. But it doesn't stop there. You get to go to all the unpleasant shopping structures again to return poorly thought out gifts to buy ones that better suit your tastes.The cycle doesnt end for another 5 days. Finally when that's all over, you realize "Wow, I spent a crap load of money and all I have to show for it is 2 packages of socks, underwear that doesn't fit me and a 4 macoroni noodle portraits my best friends made me." Of course every year you hope that next Christmas is better and people won't be so stupid. But like a virus, it gets worse every year as we slowly come to realize an asshole is born every minute and they too will someday contribute to the holiday madness.
As it turns out, Christmas isn't so bad if keep you're head high and enjoy what the season is really about. Not that it's for me to decide. Hallmark and years of marketing and commercialism seems to do decide that for me anyway. I'm a cheap bi-product of low prices and inferior knowledge of knowing when I'm getting ripped off or not.
On that note, have a Merry Christmas....................Really.
:)
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Batman!
As I was sitting in my car of a dirty parking garage, I somehow got thinking about Batman and his unorthodox way of fighting crime. The first thing that struck me was that Batman only fights crime at night. Except for in the original Batman with Adam West. That was great. But in the Batman movies and cartoons, he is only out at night.
Now I understand he is Bruce Wayne,billionaire extraordinaire and he has a day job to hold because crime fighting just isn't as cheap as it used to be. But in all the movies and cartoons, crime seems to be relatively calm until it turns dark. Then the crime breaks out. Petty thugs elude the police constantly..........Then Batman appears out of the shadows and kicks some ass! Yay for Batman!
But don't you think that at least one criminal would have seen that Batman only fights crime at night? It would be so much easier to committ crimes during the day since Batman doesn't exist during those kinds of hours. They don't know he is yuppy scumbag Bruce Wayne during the day just trying to make a few more dollars to buy Bat-shaped crime fighting devices. Logically, if these crooks can elude police at night, they can do it just as easily during the day since Gothams police force appears to be relatively incompetent without the help of Batman. Crime would be so successful in Gotham that it would be ridiculous.
However, somewhere along the way, Robin gets introduced into the crime-fighting area and fights with Batman at night. Now, I'm not a crazy hobby-less birdwatching fanatic. But I'm 99.9% sure that robins are not nocturnal birds. And I'm positive that most bats are nocturnal. To have a superhero named Robin fighting crime at night is completely ludicrous. That is a lot like having a superhero being named "Polar Bear Man" that fights monsters in the liquid magma core of the earth. It's just that silly. But I have an idea that can revolutionize the way Gotham experiences and fights crime.
This idea is much like something you would see at a real job. Shifts, if you will. Robin, who is not a nocturnal bird, can fight crime during the day. This prevents criminals from seeing a pattern. They'll know their place during the day. Once the night comes along, Batman can come relieve Robin of his crime fighting duties and take the night shift. At that point, Robin can be on call for any serious ass kicking that Batman may need help with. Robin can carry a pager or something.
Batman would never be on call. Not unless it was the Joker anally raping one of Batman's good friends on top of a 2 story buidling in broad daylight. But it has to be extremely emergent or personal for Bruce Wayne to get to the batcave to change into his costume. This will serve as the only shift change in superhero history. Except for those lame superhero crossover episodes. Those don't count. The idea is flawless. You can fear the bird of the day and bat of the night. There's no winning situation. Plus this gives Robin a real chance to shine in his ass-kicking abilities.
Wow, I should probably take on a 3rd job or something. I'm starting to think I have too much free time.
Now I understand he is Bruce Wayne,billionaire extraordinaire and he has a day job to hold because crime fighting just isn't as cheap as it used to be. But in all the movies and cartoons, crime seems to be relatively calm until it turns dark. Then the crime breaks out. Petty thugs elude the police constantly..........Then Batman appears out of the shadows and kicks some ass! Yay for Batman!
But don't you think that at least one criminal would have seen that Batman only fights crime at night? It would be so much easier to committ crimes during the day since Batman doesn't exist during those kinds of hours. They don't know he is yuppy scumbag Bruce Wayne during the day just trying to make a few more dollars to buy Bat-shaped crime fighting devices. Logically, if these crooks can elude police at night, they can do it just as easily during the day since Gothams police force appears to be relatively incompetent without the help of Batman. Crime would be so successful in Gotham that it would be ridiculous.
However, somewhere along the way, Robin gets introduced into the crime-fighting area and fights with Batman at night. Now, I'm not a crazy hobby-less birdwatching fanatic. But I'm 99.9% sure that robins are not nocturnal birds. And I'm positive that most bats are nocturnal. To have a superhero named Robin fighting crime at night is completely ludicrous. That is a lot like having a superhero being named "Polar Bear Man" that fights monsters in the liquid magma core of the earth. It's just that silly. But I have an idea that can revolutionize the way Gotham experiences and fights crime.
This idea is much like something you would see at a real job. Shifts, if you will. Robin, who is not a nocturnal bird, can fight crime during the day. This prevents criminals from seeing a pattern. They'll know their place during the day. Once the night comes along, Batman can come relieve Robin of his crime fighting duties and take the night shift. At that point, Robin can be on call for any serious ass kicking that Batman may need help with. Robin can carry a pager or something.
Batman would never be on call. Not unless it was the Joker anally raping one of Batman's good friends on top of a 2 story buidling in broad daylight. But it has to be extremely emergent or personal for Bruce Wayne to get to the batcave to change into his costume. This will serve as the only shift change in superhero history. Except for those lame superhero crossover episodes. Those don't count. The idea is flawless. You can fear the bird of the day and bat of the night. There's no winning situation. Plus this gives Robin a real chance to shine in his ass-kicking abilities.
Wow, I should probably take on a 3rd job or something. I'm starting to think I have too much free time.
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