The Poison That Drives

It's the ink that darkens the water. The acid in the rain. The fire that burns off misery. The force that blinds. The coldness that guides.
I'm talking about hate. I'm talking about bitterness. I'm talking about never letting go of grudges. I'm talking about never letting go of fears and paranoias. I'm talking about consuming insecurities. I'm talking about self-pity.
These are all the poisons that drive someone to take a life and maybe even take their own. These poisons destroy judgement and have the potential to destroy the lives of others. These poisons are enough to drive a person to live a life of cold words and even colder actions.
The misery of others compensates for their own misery. Their bitterness rationalizes unreasonable actions. Holding their grudges keeps them longing for closure. Fears and paranoias in large doses promotes as much arrogance as it does ignorance. Consuming insecurities pushes away even the closest of their friends. Self-pity fails to justify their isolation.
Their hate can lead to broken dreams and shattered lives. Becoming an entirely different person in such a short time. Turning to alcohol and drugs. Promoting violence as long as its justified to their own cause. Leading others to their same route to avoid feeling guilty. Creating friction where none was needed. Taking where there was nothing to be given. Looking for answers without asking questions. Stepping over lines and crossing boundaries. Testing the patience of others and running from themselves.
They can't let go. They can't forgive. They can't forget. Consuming themselves in a cycle that only they can end. Putting themselves in the spotlight of the chaos they created while tying the weights to their ankles. They'll sink until they can sink no further. Too prideful to ask for help and yet too consumed to help themselves.
Lies and deceit. Exaggerations and high emotions. Justifying their dying ideals. Smothering themselves with their unrealistic scenarios. Begging for attention only to push it away when recieved. Convincing others of their masks to be their real selves. Drink away the pain for it to be gone just for one day more. It's only casual. Not an addiction right?
We all have a little poison in our souls. It drive us to be better people. It sets our goals and standards. We must take these poisons ourselves for no one on earth is perfect. The right small amount gives us the drive and hope. 

For everyone else, it doesn't matter who or what they hate so passionately. Most of the time, they don't hate anything else more in the entire universe than themselves.

Sell Your soul and Get 50% Off Your Dignity!

As I was driving downtown today, I could see things I had not seen before. Like how many unecessary crosswalks there was that promoted heavy traffic rather than pedestrian safety. Or how the name of a large store like Dick's Sporting Goods almost raises an eyebrow if your mind is frequently in the gutter. Some thing's are obvious. Aside from the growing hobo population (most noticable outside of the downtown state liquor store) there is much more to comment on. For instance, our basketball center which hosts the Utah Jazz has underwent a new change. It changed from the Delta Center to the Energy Solutions Arena. How lame is that?! Before they changed the name, I never once associated that place with the airline company Delta or even had an urge to get on a Delta plane. But now that the Energy Solutions Arena is up, I've never had so many urges to get naked and make love to a tree. Suddenly I want to stop showering and drive a vehicle that doesn't choke mother nature. Occassionally I may want to stop by the arena to check out a basketball game or some large event that usually requires me to pay out the ass. With a name like Energy Solutions Arena, that makes our already unintimidating basketball team seem like a bunch of hippies. We are selling out our arena's and major sports centers. It's only a matter of time until countries, hospitals and schools feel the burn of selling out. I long for the day our country becames almost bankrupt and sells the rights to rename Iraq so they can make back the money spent on the war. I predict in 10 years, Iraq will be renamed "Verizon Wireless Field: In association with Direct TV." The sick thing is, this plan would probably be more than enough to put our country back on top economically. The might of the Euro currency will fall to devious politicians and the tourist industry will go through the roof! European countries will be flooded with Americans that only speak English because of the cheap online travel deals due to the dollars regained power.
In fact now that I think about it, our schools are already getting a head start on selling out. Albertsons Grocery Store actually has a very prestigious law school. It was formerly named after some rich dead guy. But Albertsons thought it would be a good time to get in on that law school craze and name a college after their company. "Albertsons Law School." Albertsons will eventually change their name to Supervalue Grocery Store. So will that change the name of the College too? Can you imagine explaining to your friends that you graduated from Supervalue Law School? Better yet, can you even explain that to an employer when they ask about your credentials? That will be fun. Medical schools are next. They will probably be named after companies that will produce irony. "Ronald McDonald's School of Medicine" Their mascot can be the Hamburglar dressed as a doctor with his labcoat pockets stuffed with hamburgers.
Selling out will one day be so mainstream it will become an accepted norm. With a trend like this taking place, frat boy owned businesses will be on the rise. For just $5.99 some jackass in a polo shirt will take a picture of you taking a crap. He will take a picture that will show the anguish you went through to push your bowels to it's extreme limits. Then with some basic photoshopping, sophisticated phrasing, and scotch tape you can hang the picture above the toilet of your choice with the semi-clever caption: "Never Forget What's Been Done Here." Marketing companies and entrepenuers will think this is "cool" and "hip" among the mainstream and buy the idea and make it into a conglomerate. The common moron will make obscene amounts of money from gullible marketers in search of a promotion. It will get so bad the living will envy the dead and the dead will hope for complete annihilation of Earthly existance.
It's times like these I wish I was a business major with talent of epic proportions in the field. I'd have my sticky little fingers in politics too. That way I could make myself above and beyond the law. Unless I did something publicly illegal. Luckily for me, selling people things they don't need isn't against the law yet. I would rake in money by lulling gullible celebrities into thinking I'm trustworthy by convincing them they NEED my product. That's just how I will get my start. Then I will work my way down the chain of people who don't deserve to be rich and profit off their stupidity. I would get so big that I would sell out to the government for the price of one Hawaiin island, 2 New Guinea tribes, the president's finest bottle of champagne, a cottage built out of bundles of cash, and a sum of cash with the largest number I could possibly concoct. I'll live like a king! Periodically I'll come out to criticize the government with an arrogant smirk on my face then go back into hiding for another decade or so.....Just to be an asshole. Ah, sigh, if only.......if only....
Anyway, Now that I've effectively wasted a few minutes of your life, I'm sure you're thinking "I want those minutes back!" Well too bad. But to help ease the sting, I offer you a mental imagery story that will postively depict what I have done with your life. Picture yourself holding an hour glass full of sand that represents your life. Now picture me wrestling that from you while cursing like an arabian sailor. Now picture me unscrewing the lid of your hourglass and grabbing a good sized handful of sand and putting it into my pocket while laughing like a villian from a movie from the 1950's. Now picture me walking away with a big smile on my face while you sit on the ground cuddling your hour glass. Did that help? If you haven't noticed by now there is no point to this blog other than my entertainment. Hope you enjoyed.