In a World Where Errors Shouldn't Occur [Often]

I find it odd that people can misspell anything in today's world. Anything remotely electronic has a spell check program. It wouldn't surprise me if calculators had that function now. There is now always something to keep us from making heinous spelling mistakes. Yet, somehow people manage to misspell words. And I'm not talking about text slang that all the young people use nowadays (U R gr8!, LOL :)). I'm talking about words where the program calls you out on your mistakes. Words that are misspelled in a blog or word document program have the dreaded red underlining. On your phones and tablets, they actually take over and correct your mistake for you. How is any human being or hyper-intelligent chimpanzee misspelling words?! You literally have to tell the program you think it's wrong and spell it your own way. What kind of arrogant douche does that? Is it some sort of patriotic stand? Example: "I don't need no computer telling me how to spell disappointment. I'll spell it with two S's and one P if I want to. It's my right as an American to have freedom of speech!" Or are you somehow so confident in your spelling skills that you might have convinced yourselves that the computer programmers made a mistake and you can't be wrong? Example: "I took 3rd place in my 4th grade and 9th grade spellings bees. I think I know how to spell "rediculous." (Barf)

You literally have to go over the programs head and proclaim your righteousness on how right you are. Because that program tries to stop you multiple times before eventually just giving up and letting you spell it like a quasi-illiterate dumbass.

Now, I imagine you'll want to point out my numerous spelling errors in this blog. You would be right to. I do absolutely no editing other than obvious spelling mistakes. Otherwise, writing programs can't correct me when I leave off a letter that would make it plural, singular or show possession. In fact, my most egregious mistakes come from missing ENTIRE words! Words that are vital to a sentences composition and flow. In my mind, I wrote it. But my fingers did not type them. Or I spelled a word right but it was not the word I meant but spell programs can't correct for words that make a sentence cogent. Or I edited a sentence with a different word but didn't correct the other words to make the sentence flows. Everything I post here is basically a rough draft written and corrected by a lazy 11th grader with a penchant for criticizing everyone else on their writing.

Yes, I know the irony and hubris is both delicious and aggravating. In fact, I'm sure there is a minimum of 3 mistakes in this post alone that I won't bother correcting. It's not as though I have a reputation at stake. If I don't correct it, my vast readership might lose interest? I have a total of 3 people reading this blog anymore and that's a generous assessment. If I lose all 3, that just means I get to write completely judgment free!

You see, there is a silver lining to everything if you look for it.

Another First Day of School Stall

I know I write about this time of year every year. It's as reliable as time itself. But I can't help but find how funny it is to return to school during the fall semester. Grown-ass adults of all ages come fully dressed in their best clothes as if it were the first day of high school. 18-19 year olds barely qualify as adults. The only people who see these people as adults are the law and other 18-19 year olds. They are otherwise incompetent human beings and therefore I'm not counting them in this discussion. I'm talking about your mid 20's and older type of people dressing up to go to the first week of school. People old enough to know better. People old enough to not give a shit about dressing up to impress on the first day of school. Your 18-21 year olds can get away with it. They are still close enough to high school age that it's a habit. Beyond that, it's just sort of sad because who could possibly care at this age? Your 30-40 something year old mom going back to school is dressing up to relive her days of youth. Your 25-30 something is dressing up for a rather depressing source of attention.

Oh yes, people are out in their best clothes. Men and women alike are in their finest, pressed, button up plaid hipster shirt. Women are inexplicably sporting almost-too-revealing leggings despite the fact it's 92 fucking degrees outside. Men are wearing their douchiest color combination of "bro tank tops" to show off their slightly toned arms and pasty farmer tans. Skin is show everywhere to both pleasant and unpleasant degrees. I don't disagree with it necessarily. I just think it's funny how much people care about the opinion of other strangers. Strangers whom they avoid eye contact with. Strangers whom they don't acknowledge while their face is pressed into their phones. Strangers whom they are trying to impress without acknowledging any of them.

Am I just really old or does this make sense to anyone else?


Actually don' answer that. I already know that answer.

Gray Hair

Long ago, I reached a point in my life where I could openly criticize the stupid trends of today's youth. It's a part of my 20's I have not looked forward to but got to very early in my 20's (Which just confirms my suspicions that I'm really just some sort interdimensional grandpa capable of transcending time and space).  If you have read this blog at all the last few years, you'll find that it is indeed ripe with complaints about the problems of the savagely inept generations that have proceeded mine. 

So without further ado, let's jump into it. What the fuck is with all these chicks changing their hair color to gray? That's like looking directly at the concept of youth and spitting in it's face. Sure you could argue that this fights our youth obsessed culture's values. It's hip to look gray and young. 

Um, why? You have literally the 2nd half of your life to look forward to all the gray you want. You'll have so much gray hair, you won't even know what to do with it. I can't say that I personally dig this look. There is something vaguely Freudian about finding a gray haired woman attractive, as if anyone might have thought "I would totally jump on a grandma if only they looked younger in the face." What about all these young puberty stricken guys out there? For the rest of their lives they will have several confusion-based boners. They will growing thinking women with gray hair are hot. They will be walking around in their 20's/30's/40's and see a skinny gray haired lady from the distance from the back. Only to find it's an elderly lady who is as wrinkled as time itself. They will perhaps question themselves "Am I attracted to women in gray hair or do I really have a thing for old ladies?" (Also insert other stereotypical males are dumb/vaguely sexist/inderscernibly offensive jokes) 

There are millions of old people who are dying their hair the original color their hair actually was because gray hair sucks. You're literally spitting in the face of the elderly. As if to say "Yeah, we know have energy, strength, tight skin, white teeth and vibrant hair. But fuck it. We don't want it. Let's just skip to the end and dye my hair gray." I'm sure that's what these hot rogues are thinking. So like today's generation. Don't want to work for that sweet gray hair and loose bowels. Gotta have it now. 

To be honest this is probably one fad that won't last long anyway. When we look back on this time in the future for satire and spoofing by obnoxious washed up celebrities, the gray hair trend will shine bright again. Followed by the usually comments of "What were they thinking?!" I'm sure there is some sort of explanation for this that I'm way too out of tune with the young people to get. I'm happy living in my bubble of ignorance so I can remark how my generation was cool. My generation was all about dudes wearing girl pants, emo haircuts, skateboard products, and pretending to be a stoner.  

Yeah. 

That was the real ticket to cool right there.

5 Posts

Well hello again valued citizens of the interweb,


I have posted barely 4 times this year; this post now making 5 (For all you people incapable of counting). I have heard murmurings of people missing my "no-talent hack" brand of writing (No one has said that). So I decided to come back. For you. My loving readers who have no doubt missed my sense of humor and grammatically correct literature. That's right, I called my work "literature." You'll just have to deal with it.

Anyway, as I was saying; My literary genius has been away from the internet for far too long. I suspect, it will still be brilliantly talentless in posts to com. Shining as bright as a talc stone and as uncomfortable to read as Dora the Explorer fan fiction. You won't like it. I'l love to write it. You'll love to ignore it soon.


Actually I'm kind of figuring my posts will probably stay sporadic. It's not that I've had nothing to write. I've had a lot to write that I've regretted not writing. But time has not been on my side. Nor the motivation to make time for it. I'll write when I can....... or want. Don't count on it consistently.


So with all that said, I'll end this pointless post with an empty lie.


I love you.