Off Track

I was doing so well at working out for 3 weeks. My birthday threw me off. I haven't been able to successfully go back since. I've been eating terrible. I haven't been able to wake up and go running again. Bah. I tried to see if I could do it today. But instead I found myself to be in quite the coma and slept in. I don't know why I've been so tired lately. Next week I'm less likely to start up again because of finals. Lame.

I need to get back to working out. I was doing so well and feeling so good about it. If I can keep it up, I can be in shape again.

I have a meeting later today at 1130 in the morning. I will be going to it on little to no sleep. I debate how worth it it will even be. Probably not very beneficial. I will probably be bored out of my freaking mind which will make it difficult to stay awake. I don't really take this research program seriously. They don't know what to do. They never had a volunteer. They aren't involving me. I'm thinking if this meeting is totally pointless, I will go to the University of Utah School of Medicine next week and talk with someone in the Emergency Medicine department about research opportunities. Maybe they will have something for me to do.

A Good Week

It's been a good week. School has been relatively easy this week. It's quiet on the home front. Work has been ok. Saturday night I went to what seemed like a regular party. All my good friends were there. It turned out everyone started to sing happy birthday for me not too long after I got there. It was heart warming. I love my friends. Even though all the good beer was either gone or grossly warm, I still drank for the first time in ages. I hadn't been drunk in a very long time. It was funny. I was with all my best friends. That's all that mattered. Everyone who mattered to me under one roof. It was a good week that I needed.

On Wednesday I'll be going to Idaho for Thanksgiving. It will be nice and relaxing. Even if it will be an uneventful trip, it will be nice to be in the mindset of leaving everything behind for a day or two. Leaving the stress of work and school behind miles away. Not to be seen or run into accidentally. Impossible. In a way, I love Idaho. I like it's quaint quiet feel. No big rush. No big event. No big anything. Just live your life and watch the world from afar where nothing touches you. Then again, it's almost a reason to hate the place. Nothing big. Nothing exciting. You turn on the news for Idaho stations and hear about Utah a lot. But I think thats why I like to be there sometimes. Nothing will surprise me. I can just relax and know the real world is a state away. Not to say Idaho is not a reality. I'm talking more like my real world. My problems and stresses.

Point is, I will be out of town for a couple of days and it will be nice.

Being 22 is Mediocre

Today my co-workers at work threw me a mini party featuring pizza and cupcakes. It was one of my more memorable birthday parties. But greatly appreciated. It was fun, and for once I felt appreciated and accepted at work.

Now that I'm 22, the nostalgic feelings of being 21 have worn off. When I was younger I thought I would have a bachelors degree or close to. But after going to school for 3 years I have failed to get anywhere meaningful in school. Though I'm more goal directed than I was when I had first graduated high school, I can't help but feel a little lost and perhaps a little depressed about where I am now. I know there is nothing I can do now and things change. But still. I wish I could be done with school and be on my way to a real career. Something I can be proud of. I don't want to be a tech forever. I'm good at my job. I love my job. But I don't want to be the one that ends up being so good it's all I can do. I often worry that I don't have what it takes to get me......well...........anywhere. Even if I had the strong enough desire. My paranoid side tells me that everyone knows I can't do it. My friends and family already feel like I'm just a dreamer just wishfully thinking I can do it. But the more realistic side says, they know you have what it takes, they just want you to do it. But me? I say I'm not sure to both those sides. I hope I do. Doctor. Physician Assistant. Nurse. Any one of those three to keep me from feeling like nothing.

I'm actually in a really good mood presently. But I can't help but feel the presence of those negative thoughts in the back of my head.

From now on, I live in a world where I am 22 years old.

Look out world. Here I come!




(ps. I'm aware of that last cheesy cliche finishing line. But it felt right to say anyway)

Extra Money

So I'm working an extra shift right now in hopes that I will earn extra money so I can afford extra gifts for everyone when Christmas time rolls around. Plus being able to afford school in the spring would be a huge plus. I think so anyway. This shift has been nice. I sometimes wish more of my shifts would be like this when I'm tired or in a bad mood. Just laid back and calm with good people. It was somewhat busy at first. But luckily its slowed down to a nice chill mood. But it's time to go. A respiratory distress is on the way. Until next time.

Old Writings

I've been reading through a lot of my old writings lately. Mostly my old poems from high school and early college. It really shocks me to see how much has changed about me. From the people I used to love and care about to my general state of mind. I have long since stopped writing poetry, though every now and then I feel like I should start back up again. But what would I write about? I just can't see things in a poetic context. In a nutshell, I don't see in a drastically negative context anymore like I used to.

The difference between the younger me and the present me is like night and day. It's very different. I'm happier. Wiser. A little more mature. Looking back at my old writings made me realize all the things I had went through and faced. Most weren't as big of a deal as I had made them out to be. But I know in the long run, those events made me, me. Still, I can't get over how much has changed. I wonder if I will look back at some of these old writings and think, "wow I have changed." Hopefully for the better right?

Gym Rats Are Funny

I like to watch people who are obvious regulars at the gym. Not just to work out. But to show and socialize. I can always tell which women got ready and pretty just to go to the gym. Let's not forget the dudes with the cut off sleeves who just flex in the mirror every time an attractive woman walks by. It's quite pathetic. I couldn't imagine getting ready to go work out. Seems counter-productive.

I just wake up and directly go to the gym. Bed-head and disheveled appearance and all. I look like some clueless hobo who just accidentally stumbled into the gym. Then said "oooo treadmills!" and started running. I get a lot of stares since I don't look like everyone else. I'm not all dressed and ready to look good like most of the other people at my gym do.

It's like high school all over again. Everyone is judging based on appearance. Only these aren't 16 year olds. These are grown men and women. I'm not opposed to people going to the gym with the intent of being and shape and looking better for themselves. But I'm more opposed to the people who go there to just look good. I guess if that's what works for you in life then whatever. Just seems kind of ridiculous.

Cartoons Are My Favorite

Venture Brothers. Best show ever. I spent much of yesterday night watching that show. Can't wait till season 3 comes out on DVD. If you haven't seen that cartoon, I recommend you see it asap.

With that up in the air, I've realized I have a great passion for cartoons. Cartoon Network is one of my favorite channels ever. Not so much during the day (although there is some awesome quality programming during the day. Even if it is generally directed towards children) I'm not all that opposed to Nickelodeon cartoons either. But mostly my cartoon interests are a little more low brow. South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, The Venture Bros, Futurama, Beavis and Butthead, etc etc etc. It doesn't matter matter. I'm a huge fan. I stay up late frequently not only to keep my sleep schedule regular, but for the late night cartoons.

Oh they entertain me so.

It makes me feel like I haven't grown up past 2nd grade. I don't care. I love cartoons. I'm not afraid to say it!

Asthma Didn't win today

Running did not go as badly as I thought it would. In fact I ran 1.8 miles in half an hour. I accredit this success to the treadmill. The treadmill keeps me paced. If I ran in real time I get winded faster. The point is, I didn't feel as awful as I did when I first ran a while ago. I lifted weights again. That was somewhat embarrassing. It sucks realizing how weak you are. But it still felt good to go and feel like I was doing something. I feel like I can be determined to do this again. I want to be in shape. For reals.

For reals.

November? Already?!

I honestly can't believe we have already hit the month of November. This year has come and gone so quickly. Two weeks from tomorrow I turn 22. Which kind of freaks me out. But that's a whole different story in itself anyway. I don't think I'm ready for the cold weather quite yet. I already miss being able to drive home from work and rolling down the windo. Feeling the perfect summer morning air as I drive home. If I tried that now, I would lose at least 3 of my fingers while simultaneously becoming depressed about the cold weather. At which point, I would also lose my will to live along with my fingers. Ok, so maybe that statement was a tad bit dramatic, but you get the drift.

Tomorrow I'm going to start running and working out again. I'm way out of shape. I wrote about running way back in March. I felt so good about doing it. Except for my first time. It was the first time I had started running in months. I could have sworn I was having an asthma attack. Now that I've gotten out of shape and gained weight again, I've decided it's time for me to start up. I've tried to work out for a few weeks but only at home. Unfortunately those campaigns have both ended after 3 weeks. I need to turn it up a little and challenge myself. Let nothing get in my way this time. I want to feel good about how I look again. As shallow as that may sound, I don't want to feel like I'm out of shape when I'm just barely turning 22.

That is all that's new. Stay tuned for more of TALES OF MILD INTEREST!