Today my co-workers at work threw me a mini party featuring pizza and cupcakes. It was one of my more memorable birthday parties. But greatly appreciated. It was fun, and for once I felt appreciated and accepted at work.
Now that I'm 22, the nostalgic feelings of being 21 have worn off. When I was younger I thought I would have a bachelors degree or close to. But after going to school for 3 years I have failed to get anywhere meaningful in school. Though I'm more goal directed than I was when I had first graduated high school, I can't help but feel a little lost and perhaps a little depressed about where I am now. I know there is nothing I can do now and things change. But still. I wish I could be done with school and be on my way to a real career. Something I can be proud of. I don't want to be a tech forever. I'm good at my job. I love my job. But I don't want to be the one that ends up being so good it's all I can do. I often worry that I don't have what it takes to get me......well...........anywhere. Even if I had the strong enough desire. My paranoid side tells me that everyone knows I can't do it. My friends and family already feel like I'm just a dreamer just wishfully thinking I can do it. But the more realistic side says, they know you have what it takes, they just want you to do it. But me? I say I'm not sure to both those sides. I hope I do. Doctor. Physician Assistant. Nurse. Any one of those three to keep me from feeling like nothing.
I'm actually in a really good mood presently. But I can't help but feel the presence of those negative thoughts in the back of my head.
From now on, I live in a world where I am 22 years old.
Look out world. Here I come!
(ps. I'm aware of that last cheesy cliche finishing line. But it felt right to say anyway)
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