I know we officially started the Fall season a week ago with the Autumnal Equinox in full force. But I've always associated Fall with October and not September. I have a lot of childhood memories in October of picking up leaves from our giant oak tree in the backyard. Now that September is ending, the Fall effect is now starting to have it's toll on me.
Looking at the future weather forecasts is not terribly comforting either. The next couple of days will be warm, then we take a harsh dip into frighteningly cold temperatures. (Which I guess gives me an excuse to wear my sweet new jacket.) In my mind, this validates my October-Fall relationship. Cold and shitty. In all honestly, I do like October. It's my second favorite month next to July. I think it's a nice medium ground between Fall and Winter. It can be warm and cold but usually cold. But the trees are pretty at least. I like to try to drive up a canyon in October at least once a year so I can admire the change in colors and the rattling of the leaves on the ground. There is something satisfying about watching all the pretty leaves blow in the wind. I guess it paints a surreal and somewhat nostalgic picture memory in my head. Though, I would take lively green trees in warm weather any day, it is a nice change from time to time.
This also means that my outdoor adventures will be rapidly coming to an end as it gets colder. I hate winter. I want to try to go fishing as much as possible so I can enjoy the outdoors before it becomes inhospitable to my mood and well-being. Speaking of fishing, I went fly fishing for the first time yesterday, which rocked. I sucked at it, but it was at least fun. I hope to go a couple more times before it gets out of control cold. But I definitely need some regular fishing time before it's too late.
I wonder if this winter will be better. My mood is always a little depressed in the winter but since I'm awake in the daytime now, I can't help but wonder if my winter mood will improve a little.
Well September, I'm glad you are practically over. You are always a symbol of the unwanted change to from Summer to Fall. But, I guess you are one of the better Septembers I've had.
Here is to October and the upcoming Winter season. Let's hope you hold more promise than the previous ones before.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
My Music
Most people love music. Many people claim to be "music lovers" and often imply that their tastes in music are superior to your own. But that's the best thing about music. The way it makes you feel great and superior even if it is a false sense of superiority. I love music but have faded from the latest music scene in recent years, leaving me to cling the bands I knew, like most generations do.
I just purchased the latest Blink 182 album and have been pleasantly surprised. Despite many people's mainstream dislike of their music or status, they will always have a special place in my heart. I credit them for getting me into music in the first place and to start playing instruments. Listening to their old stuff takes me back to heavily nostalgic times. Listening to their new stuff provides me with an on going connection to an old source of musical inspiration. I miss music in that way. Looking for musical inspiration in new material was/is one of my favorite things to do.
I am not ashamed of my musical tastes. Music is not a status. Music is a tool to connect yourself to various parts of your mind and emotions. From the song that has shitty lyrics but makes you want to dance because it feels good, to the sad song that speaks to you because you need something to relate to. From the catchy song that you can sing along to at the top of your lungs in your car to the perfect song playing in the background that makes a lasting memory. Music provides people with an identity for a lot of people. Music provides a temporary escape from reality. Music provides us with feelings we sometimes didn't know we had. Music gives us a connection to others with similar tastes. You're never too old to appreciate it. You're never too young to start appreciating it.
Music has provided me with all these things and more. I may not be strictly involved with it as a lifestyle, but I still live and breathe music as I did the first day I became involved with it. It will take nothing short of debilitating senility to pry me from it.
I just purchased the latest Blink 182 album and have been pleasantly surprised. Despite many people's mainstream dislike of their music or status, they will always have a special place in my heart. I credit them for getting me into music in the first place and to start playing instruments. Listening to their old stuff takes me back to heavily nostalgic times. Listening to their new stuff provides me with an on going connection to an old source of musical inspiration. I miss music in that way. Looking for musical inspiration in new material was/is one of my favorite things to do.
I am not ashamed of my musical tastes. Music is not a status. Music is a tool to connect yourself to various parts of your mind and emotions. From the song that has shitty lyrics but makes you want to dance because it feels good, to the sad song that speaks to you because you need something to relate to. From the catchy song that you can sing along to at the top of your lungs in your car to the perfect song playing in the background that makes a lasting memory. Music provides people with an identity for a lot of people. Music provides a temporary escape from reality. Music provides us with feelings we sometimes didn't know we had. Music gives us a connection to others with similar tastes. You're never too old to appreciate it. You're never too young to start appreciating it.
Music has provided me with all these things and more. I may not be strictly involved with it as a lifestyle, but I still live and breathe music as I did the first day I became involved with it. It will take nothing short of debilitating senility to pry me from it.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Back to Weight Loss
I fell off the wagon over the Summer. I mean, REALLY fell off of it. (Not literally, dumbass. I'm just emphasizing my wayward discourse from healthy eating.) I thought Summer was going to be a time of unimaginable exercise and adventure. Which it kind of was, but mostly it was fun. When I have fun, I eat. After a fishing trip, a burger from a local burger joint was the perfect supplement to the fun. When meeting with friends, a beer and more terrible food was usually in order. This is probably the first time that my eating was not stress related but fun related.
However, in all the fun, I lost sight of the work I had accomplished. I didn't bother exercising though I had meant to, I was just having too much fun exploring and fishing. I enjoyed sleeping in and working less. I enjoyed seeing friends and family. I thought I had plenty of room and time to lose the weight I would likely gain. Turns out, I gained much more than I really wanted. So now, I'm back to square one. I'm not huge like I was, but I'm certainly on the fringe of upgrading to medium scrubs, so let's just put it that way. Fortunately for me, I lose weight easily and quickly. But unfortunately, I gain it just as fast and easily. I walk a fine line keeping in shape.
I've realized this problem for quite some time. I've attempted to fix this in a half-hearted fashion on a couple of occasions which unsurprisingly didn't work. Now I'm back to the committment. I would really like to remain skinny since it is satisfying on a mental and physical level. After watching my dad struggle with some health problems, I have been again inspired to watch myself carefully to avoid following closely in those footsteps. I do not wish to pay for my present indulgences later on when my quality of health could be degrading as a result. I notice that when I'm in shape, my overall mentality is better and my stress is better managed.
Well here is to getting back on the wagon. May my ass be less jiggly in the coming months.
However, in all the fun, I lost sight of the work I had accomplished. I didn't bother exercising though I had meant to, I was just having too much fun exploring and fishing. I enjoyed sleeping in and working less. I enjoyed seeing friends and family. I thought I had plenty of room and time to lose the weight I would likely gain. Turns out, I gained much more than I really wanted. So now, I'm back to square one. I'm not huge like I was, but I'm certainly on the fringe of upgrading to medium scrubs, so let's just put it that way. Fortunately for me, I lose weight easily and quickly. But unfortunately, I gain it just as fast and easily. I walk a fine line keeping in shape.
I've realized this problem for quite some time. I've attempted to fix this in a half-hearted fashion on a couple of occasions which unsurprisingly didn't work. Now I'm back to the committment. I would really like to remain skinny since it is satisfying on a mental and physical level. After watching my dad struggle with some health problems, I have been again inspired to watch myself carefully to avoid following closely in those footsteps. I do not wish to pay for my present indulgences later on when my quality of health could be degrading as a result. I notice that when I'm in shape, my overall mentality is better and my stress is better managed.
Well here is to getting back on the wagon. May my ass be less jiggly in the coming months.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Seat Filling
Fridays at the library are the best. They are practically devoid of loud idiots and seat fillers. By seat filler, I mean someone who has selected a seat with the intention of studying, but has not and will not study. They merely take up the space and attempt to look busy when they are really on Facebook or sleeping. This is not unlike the fat guy at the gym who sits at one machine forever and does something exercise related every 10 minutes or so, but has no real intention of really exercising.
Currently, I'm the only one in this part of the library. It's wonderful. Everyone else is out having a life, or something. Who knows, who cares. More quiet library for me, suckers.
Now you might be asking yourself as you read this, "Aren't you just being a seat filler by blogging instead of studying?" The answer to that is "Yes, but......" no one else wants my seat. There is an abundance of seats for other people. No one is walking by and rolling their eyes at me because I'm taking up space they need for the work they might do. Have I been a seat filler in the past? Yes, numerous times. However, I find that when I blog before or during studying, it warms up my brain to do work. Gets it in the mood to do some real thinking. It's like warming up your car in the snowy driveway so it's nice and warm when you have to drive somewhere. Well same thing. I'm warming up my brain for when I have to use it for real work.
Well not quite the same thing since warming up my brain doesn't cause CO2 emissions to clog up in our atmosphere. Instead, warming my brain produces terrible blogs that clog up valuable space on the internet that could be used for something that would be otherwise useful like porn and sites about cats in funny poses.
I do have to say that I am now addicted to Pandora Radio. It has helped me study by playing all the gentle piano and classical music that I have ever wanted. Thank you Pandora. You have changed me from a skeptic to your faithful servant as there is very little I wouldn't do for good music.
Well, I will leave you all with a terrible picture of myself today in my glasses and noise-cancelling headphones. My real motive was to try the front facing camera on my new phone. But since my blog lacks pictures, I figured I would follow what everyone is doing on their blogs and post a picture of myself. That seems to be the right thing to do. It should shut everyone up about my blogs lack of pictures for a while. It will keep people from asking "Why don't you post any pictures of yourself or your life often?" Well for one thing I'm not photogenic. I'm a professional picture ruiner. It's a highly prestigious self-title. Many pictures I am in are ruined by goofy facial expressions I didn't mean to cause. I therefore attempt to avoid being in pictures in an effort to save the world of photography from collapsing upon itself in dismay and shame. It's really a humanitarian thing.
You're welcome, photography.
Currently, I'm the only one in this part of the library. It's wonderful. Everyone else is out having a life, or something. Who knows, who cares. More quiet library for me, suckers.
Now you might be asking yourself as you read this, "Aren't you just being a seat filler by blogging instead of studying?" The answer to that is "Yes, but......" no one else wants my seat. There is an abundance of seats for other people. No one is walking by and rolling their eyes at me because I'm taking up space they need for the work they might do. Have I been a seat filler in the past? Yes, numerous times. However, I find that when I blog before or during studying, it warms up my brain to do work. Gets it in the mood to do some real thinking. It's like warming up your car in the snowy driveway so it's nice and warm when you have to drive somewhere. Well same thing. I'm warming up my brain for when I have to use it for real work.
Well not quite the same thing since warming up my brain doesn't cause CO2 emissions to clog up in our atmosphere. Instead, warming my brain produces terrible blogs that clog up valuable space on the internet that could be used for something that would be otherwise useful like porn and sites about cats in funny poses.
I do have to say that I am now addicted to Pandora Radio. It has helped me study by playing all the gentle piano and classical music that I have ever wanted. Thank you Pandora. You have changed me from a skeptic to your faithful servant as there is very little I wouldn't do for good music.
Well, I will leave you all with a terrible picture of myself today in my glasses and noise-cancelling headphones. My real motive was to try the front facing camera on my new phone. But since my blog lacks pictures, I figured I would follow what everyone is doing on their blogs and post a picture of myself. That seems to be the right thing to do. It should shut everyone up about my blogs lack of pictures for a while. It will keep people from asking "Why don't you post any pictures of yourself or your life often?" Well for one thing I'm not photogenic. I'm a professional picture ruiner. It's a highly prestigious self-title. Many pictures I am in are ruined by goofy facial expressions I didn't mean to cause. I therefore attempt to avoid being in pictures in an effort to save the world of photography from collapsing upon itself in dismay and shame. It's really a humanitarian thing.
You're welcome, photography.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Jackets
I hate the cold. Every day I wake up it seems to get a little colder, letting me know that Fall is practically here. The only thing that makes the cold even remotely bearable is that there is a lot of sweet track jackets out there.
I have always loved jackets. But I didn't truly start to become obsessive until I was about 19 when I worked at Local. That was the year I got quite a few sweet track jackets. At first, it was a Hurley jacket that matched my sense of plainness. Then I got a couple of super light jackets from a local company called Aquit. From there, my love for jackets just took off. I got a new one per year. They tended to be cheaper but looked good at least. Then I got into the heavy expensive stuff like The North Face, Mountain Hardwear and Arcteryx. They all have awesome but audaciously expensive jackets. Most of my jackets tend to be track jackets since they look good but aren't too heavy or fluffy. It makes me fairly under-dressed for the winter months but I can't help it.
I haven't counted recently, but I must have close to 20 jackets I rotate through now; some more than others. I'm already contemplating my next track jacket related purchase for this Fall, which I am tremendously excited about. This has also inspired me to lose the weight I gained recently. All three of those company's jackets tend to run a little small for slim figures. Although, I still fit into them in a size small just fine, it's a little unflattering. A size medium is always too big. Therefore, weight loss is the only alternative for maximum track jacket wearing potential. If only there was a size "smedium." A hybrid concoction size of small and medium merged together to be in between the two sizes. But unfortunately, no where offers a size smedium. I will just have to try to fit better into a size small again. Which is fine with me. I could stand to lose that extra weight anyway.
So there you have it. My love for jackets is out there and open to the world.
P.S: It is no longer opposite day today. The library is back to quietness and I got my office back. I neglected to mention in my last blog that I also did not get to study in my "office" that day. All is right again in the world.
I have always loved jackets. But I didn't truly start to become obsessive until I was about 19 when I worked at Local. That was the year I got quite a few sweet track jackets. At first, it was a Hurley jacket that matched my sense of plainness. Then I got a couple of super light jackets from a local company called Aquit. From there, my love for jackets just took off. I got a new one per year. They tended to be cheaper but looked good at least. Then I got into the heavy expensive stuff like The North Face, Mountain Hardwear and Arcteryx. They all have awesome but audaciously expensive jackets. Most of my jackets tend to be track jackets since they look good but aren't too heavy or fluffy. It makes me fairly under-dressed for the winter months but I can't help it.
I haven't counted recently, but I must have close to 20 jackets I rotate through now; some more than others. I'm already contemplating my next track jacket related purchase for this Fall, which I am tremendously excited about. This has also inspired me to lose the weight I gained recently. All three of those company's jackets tend to run a little small for slim figures. Although, I still fit into them in a size small just fine, it's a little unflattering. A size medium is always too big. Therefore, weight loss is the only alternative for maximum track jacket wearing potential. If only there was a size "smedium." A hybrid concoction size of small and medium merged together to be in between the two sizes. But unfortunately, no where offers a size smedium. I will just have to try to fit better into a size small again. Which is fine with me. I could stand to lose that extra weight anyway.
So there you have it. My love for jackets is out there and open to the world.
P.S: It is no longer opposite day today. The library is back to quietness and I got my office back. I neglected to mention in my last blog that I also did not get to study in my "office" that day. All is right again in the world.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Opposite Day
Today must be an "opposite day" of some kind. I was uninformed about this, apparently.
How have I jumped to this conclusion?
Currently, I'm attempting to study in the library. Usually this is a day I have no problem studying. But today I seem to be having an extraordinary amount of problems studying or concentrating. But that's just the most minor of my clues as to how today is uniformly opposite. The people in the library today are ludicrously loud in what is supposed to be the "quiet" section. Yet, despite the obvious distinction that this part of the library is supposed to be "quiet," everyone around me (employees included) seems to have it in their head that it's ok to have loud conversations in loud groups. The employees also seem to be under the impression that it's ok to slam books on metal shelving. In fact, as I write this, one of the library employees has parked a metal cart directly behind my chair and is casually tossing books on to the cart, which of course causes a loud banging noise. While the employee has been doing this, they have been carrying on above "outside" voice conversations with students on how to find certain books. Now this part of the library is certainly more quiet than 50 feet behind me, where it is practically a stadium of students doing a group project. Each student trying to talk over each other with answers. Again, despite the numerous signs in the library that indicate this portion of the library as the "quiet" section, these people continue on their merry way with their study group which can take place in just about any other part of the library not designated as the "quiet" portion. It has also come to my attention that some people think it's ok to carry all the papers you need in your pocket. Some dumbass in a book aisle almost directly behind me seems to have bottomless pockets full of folded papers needed for school. Every other minute or so, a new paper will come out of their pocket and will require loud unfolding with crinkly paper. Seriously, please invest in a notebook or at least a backpack you inconsiderate ass. Oh and it's awesome that sitting directly in the middle of aisle is where you've decided to plant yourself despite the many available desks and tables available. You could at least sit off the side of the aisle where people could get around you. But nope, you are right in the middle where no one could get passed you without hurdling over you.
Other clues that have led me to believe of the opposite nature of today is the abnormal amount of traffic I have encountered on the streets. No construction. Not a busy part of the day. I took back roads and yet every one of them seemed to be full. Despite getting a much needed full night's rest, I feel drained, not rested. Despite having been eating healthy this week, I have gained 2 pounds.
What's next? Did I marry a man and not realize it too? Or maybe perhaps my hair just turned blond and my tan skin has dematerialized into near transparent pastiness. Hell, I might walk back to my car to find that I own a gas guzzling truck from 1976 or a unicycle chained to a lamppost. And at this point there is no guarantees I still live in Utah. I could walk out and find myself magically transported to Delaware where I go by the name "Jack McSaxon." In Delaware I would be a suave, suspender-wearing hipster with a heart of gold. My awesomeness would be so awesome that I could make inanimate objects come to sentience just by walking by them. I could walk by a plastic plant that would try to hug me as I walked by. Sidewalks would thank me as I walked on them.
Pretty much, all bets are off! Anything can happen today. If a library can be this obnoxiously loud, then I don't see why I can't be Jack McSaxon from Delaware. (As I typed that sentence, some ass-hat in a desk down the row from me answers their loud ringing cell phone in just an equally loud voice.)
UUUUUGGGGGHHHH!
Seriously people, shut the fuck up!
How have I jumped to this conclusion?
Currently, I'm attempting to study in the library. Usually this is a day I have no problem studying. But today I seem to be having an extraordinary amount of problems studying or concentrating. But that's just the most minor of my clues as to how today is uniformly opposite. The people in the library today are ludicrously loud in what is supposed to be the "quiet" section. Yet, despite the obvious distinction that this part of the library is supposed to be "quiet," everyone around me (employees included) seems to have it in their head that it's ok to have loud conversations in loud groups. The employees also seem to be under the impression that it's ok to slam books on metal shelving. In fact, as I write this, one of the library employees has parked a metal cart directly behind my chair and is casually tossing books on to the cart, which of course causes a loud banging noise. While the employee has been doing this, they have been carrying on above "outside" voice conversations with students on how to find certain books. Now this part of the library is certainly more quiet than 50 feet behind me, where it is practically a stadium of students doing a group project. Each student trying to talk over each other with answers. Again, despite the numerous signs in the library that indicate this portion of the library as the "quiet" section, these people continue on their merry way with their study group which can take place in just about any other part of the library not designated as the "quiet" portion. It has also come to my attention that some people think it's ok to carry all the papers you need in your pocket. Some dumbass in a book aisle almost directly behind me seems to have bottomless pockets full of folded papers needed for school. Every other minute or so, a new paper will come out of their pocket and will require loud unfolding with crinkly paper. Seriously, please invest in a notebook or at least a backpack you inconsiderate ass. Oh and it's awesome that sitting directly in the middle of aisle is where you've decided to plant yourself despite the many available desks and tables available. You could at least sit off the side of the aisle where people could get around you. But nope, you are right in the middle where no one could get passed you without hurdling over you.
Other clues that have led me to believe of the opposite nature of today is the abnormal amount of traffic I have encountered on the streets. No construction. Not a busy part of the day. I took back roads and yet every one of them seemed to be full. Despite getting a much needed full night's rest, I feel drained, not rested. Despite having been eating healthy this week, I have gained 2 pounds.
What's next? Did I marry a man and not realize it too? Or maybe perhaps my hair just turned blond and my tan skin has dematerialized into near transparent pastiness. Hell, I might walk back to my car to find that I own a gas guzzling truck from 1976 or a unicycle chained to a lamppost. And at this point there is no guarantees I still live in Utah. I could walk out and find myself magically transported to Delaware where I go by the name "Jack McSaxon." In Delaware I would be a suave, suspender-wearing hipster with a heart of gold. My awesomeness would be so awesome that I could make inanimate objects come to sentience just by walking by them. I could walk by a plastic plant that would try to hug me as I walked by. Sidewalks would thank me as I walked on them.
Pretty much, all bets are off! Anything can happen today. If a library can be this obnoxiously loud, then I don't see why I can't be Jack McSaxon from Delaware. (As I typed that sentence, some ass-hat in a desk down the row from me answers their loud ringing cell phone in just an equally loud voice.)
UUUUUGGGGGHHHH!
Seriously people, shut the fuck up!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Mildly Positive
I'm straining to be positive right now. So much so it looks like I'm about to have a bowel movement if I strain any harder. Wouldn't that be something?
Bystander: Dude, what happened? Why do you smell like poo?
Me: Well I was straining so hard to be postive about a dismal situation that I shit my pants instead.
Bystander: Don't you think that might be straining too hard?
Me: Maybe.
That would at least make for a good story. Plus it would make a sweet point regarding my failing "can-do" attitude at work.
Sigh*
Now I'm in class waiting for the course to even begin. This campus smells like the Lagoon theme park on a busy Friday night. A mixture of cigarette smoke, bad cologne, vomit, and teenage carnies fill the air of the SLCC Redwood campus. Not a pleasant smell to be around. Even the sights are somewhat similar. Tooth decayed douchebags carry on about irrelevant conversations smothered in unnecessary jargon to create the illusion of an intelligent conversation. The only thing missing here is mediocre roller coasters, crying babies and overpriced fried food. I guess I would take Lagoon over this any day, but still.
I'm going to try to remain positive for the last 3 hours of my day.
Maybe it will yield better results this time.
Bystander: Dude, what happened? Why do you smell like poo?
Me: Well I was straining so hard to be postive about a dismal situation that I shit my pants instead.
Bystander: Don't you think that might be straining too hard?
Me: Maybe.
That would at least make for a good story. Plus it would make a sweet point regarding my failing "can-do" attitude at work.
Sigh*
Now I'm in class waiting for the course to even begin. This campus smells like the Lagoon theme park on a busy Friday night. A mixture of cigarette smoke, bad cologne, vomit, and teenage carnies fill the air of the SLCC Redwood campus. Not a pleasant smell to be around. Even the sights are somewhat similar. Tooth decayed douchebags carry on about irrelevant conversations smothered in unnecessary jargon to create the illusion of an intelligent conversation. The only thing missing here is mediocre roller coasters, crying babies and overpriced fried food. I guess I would take Lagoon over this any day, but still.
I'm going to try to remain positive for the last 3 hours of my day.
Maybe it will yield better results this time.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Step Into My Office.....
Because you're fuckin' fired.
Had to throw out that "There's Something About Mary" quote. It's one of my favorites.
This is where I always try study at the SLCC library. I affectionately refer to it as "my office."
Same desk, same place, every time. The window is nice for moral and it's at the end where no one is likely to sit next to me, bonus! The only thing missing in this picture is a pastry (which I had already eaten before taking this picture.). But as you can see, it's a pretty sweet set-up with my noise cancelling headphones and my coffee.
Since I've started working days, studying does not seem to be as big of a struggle. At night, it was always a struggle to pay attention. During the day it just feels right to be studying. I guess it helps my day not feel so useless and wasted. I have actually enjoyed it to some extent. It's almost a feeling of purpose.
Well I'm done with my office tour. Enjoy your weekend and.....
GO UTES!!!!
Had to throw out that "There's Something About Mary" quote. It's one of my favorites.
Same desk, same place, every time. The window is nice for moral and it's at the end where no one is likely to sit next to me, bonus! The only thing missing in this picture is a pastry (which I had already eaten before taking this picture.). But as you can see, it's a pretty sweet set-up with my noise cancelling headphones and my coffee.
Since I've started working days, studying does not seem to be as big of a struggle. At night, it was always a struggle to pay attention. During the day it just feels right to be studying. I guess it helps my day not feel so useless and wasted. I have actually enjoyed it to some extent. It's almost a feeling of purpose.
Well I'm done with my office tour. Enjoy your weekend and.....
GO UTES!!!!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Real School
I feel like this year is the first year I've really cracked down on school. Like really buckled down. It's a good feeling. I thought of all my past attempts to buckle down and get it together and laugh. Other times I look back with regret. It's hard for me to believe that almost 2 years ago that I had moved to Ogden thinking Weber would solve those problems. Although it was an ok, experience, I look back and regret it. It did nothing for me. But that was mostly because of my schedule and my overwhelming fear of school.
I guess I just want to be done with where I am and move forward. In the end, it will all be worth it. I look at all the people I know who had the fortitude to finish school. I admire them. I wish I had the same drive. But I'm starting to feel that my drive is no longer superficial but a heart-driven inspiration to change my circumstances.
But anywho........ Otherwise, all is well. I'll try to have a better post next time.
No promises.
I guess I just want to be done with where I am and move forward. In the end, it will all be worth it. I look at all the people I know who had the fortitude to finish school. I admire them. I wish I had the same drive. But I'm starting to feel that my drive is no longer superficial but a heart-driven inspiration to change my circumstances.
But anywho........ Otherwise, all is well. I'll try to have a better post next time.
No promises.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Improved
After writing my time compromise manifesto, things improved. I'm assuming my thrilling letter to present time was convincing enough since the rest of my week had substantially improved.
First, I started off my days of improvement with a marathon of my favorite cartoon, "The Venture Brothers." This practically regenerated all of my moral. I continued this for 3 days and had finished 3 out of the 4 seasons. Woot.
Next, I finally got paid. This would solve a lot of my woes. I used this money to do things that needed to be accomplished for a long time. I got the new phone I had been waitinng for for months. Thank you, Droid Bionic (Now that I have a working camera on my phone I can start posting relevant pictures again...not that I did that very often, but still.). Then, I got a much needed haircut. After, I met up with some friends for a delightful dinner at Sapas. I'm not a huge fan of Sushi, so I just had noodles which were ok. We then met up at a small bar for small talk and beer. This also went a long way towards repairing my angry burnout of last week.
Finally, on my last day of freedom and soul-repair, I met up with my friends again to watch the U game on tv. This featured delicious sandwiches, beer, chips and deserts. Even though the U lost to USC in a heartbreaking effort, a good time was had by all. In fact, watching college football on Saturday might be a more regular event. That would rock.
Now it's back to the grind of work and hard study again. But this extra time to repair myself mentally has been quite useful. Hopefully, I won't need to do repair again. I would rather just do regular maintenance.
Anyway, that's enough mental metaphor for today.
First, I started off my days of improvement with a marathon of my favorite cartoon, "The Venture Brothers." This practically regenerated all of my moral. I continued this for 3 days and had finished 3 out of the 4 seasons. Woot.
Next, I finally got paid. This would solve a lot of my woes. I used this money to do things that needed to be accomplished for a long time. I got the new phone I had been waitinng for for months. Thank you, Droid Bionic (Now that I have a working camera on my phone I can start posting relevant pictures again...not that I did that very often, but still.). Then, I got a much needed haircut. After, I met up with some friends for a delightful dinner at Sapas. I'm not a huge fan of Sushi, so I just had noodles which were ok. We then met up at a small bar for small talk and beer. This also went a long way towards repairing my angry burnout of last week.
Finally, on my last day of freedom and soul-repair, I met up with my friends again to watch the U game on tv. This featured delicious sandwiches, beer, chips and deserts. Even though the U lost to USC in a heartbreaking effort, a good time was had by all. In fact, watching college football on Saturday might be a more regular event. That would rock.
Now it's back to the grind of work and hard study again. But this extra time to repair myself mentally has been quite useful. Hopefully, I won't need to do repair again. I would rather just do regular maintenance.
Anyway, that's enough mental metaphor for today.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Acne Explanation
It's a scientific fact that testosterone contributes a great deal when it comes to acne. (Seriously, I didn't make that up this time.) Since that is the case, I assume I must be producing excess testosterone in gallon quantities. Excess manliness, if you will.
My face is breaking out like crazy. I'm assuming I must be a testosterone producing machine. I have so much that my body needs to get rid of it by pushing it out of my pores as other ways of excretion are too slow/ineffective. But the problem is there is too much trying to escape through my pores at once so it gets stuck and forms a zit instead. Stress is also a known cause of acne, which I have plenty of. I theorize that when I get stressed that I produce triple the amount of manliness in order for my body to be physiologically ready to combat the stressful situation(s).
I wonder if I would have got more dates in high school if I explained to girls that my acne (which was at it's worst then) was the result of my excess manliness try to shed itself from my body unsuccessfully. It might have worked. Girls in high school were always trying to date guys who were "mature." Nothing says mature like insane amounts of trapped manliness in the form of zits. Even if they didn't believe me, I would have probably still got points for effort, creativity and wit.
*(Nothing would have changed. I was still antisocial, and more offensively awkward then. Although I thought I was witty, girls tend not to dig that kind of thing at that age anyway.)
Ok, so I'm probably not sweating and pissing manliness in excess. But I am breaking out like crazy anyway. Lousy stress. This always happens at the beginning and end of a semester.
But I will level with you, higher testosterone levels cause the body to produce more hormones that cause you to produce more oils that get trapped and cause zits to form.
True shit. Google that.
My face is breaking out like crazy. I'm assuming I must be a testosterone producing machine. I have so much that my body needs to get rid of it by pushing it out of my pores as other ways of excretion are too slow/ineffective. But the problem is there is too much trying to escape through my pores at once so it gets stuck and forms a zit instead. Stress is also a known cause of acne, which I have plenty of. I theorize that when I get stressed that I produce triple the amount of manliness in order for my body to be physiologically ready to combat the stressful situation(s).
I wonder if I would have got more dates in high school if I explained to girls that my acne (which was at it's worst then) was the result of my excess manliness try to shed itself from my body unsuccessfully. It might have worked. Girls in high school were always trying to date guys who were "mature." Nothing says mature like insane amounts of trapped manliness in the form of zits. Even if they didn't believe me, I would have probably still got points for effort, creativity and wit.
*(Nothing would have changed. I was still antisocial, and more offensively awkward then. Although I thought I was witty, girls tend not to dig that kind of thing at that age anyway.)
Ok, so I'm probably not sweating and pissing manliness in excess. But I am breaking out like crazy anyway. Lousy stress. This always happens at the beginning and end of a semester.
But I will level with you, higher testosterone levels cause the body to produce more hormones that cause you to produce more oils that get trapped and cause zits to form.
True shit. Google that.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Time Compromise Manifesto
Dear shit-burger of a day, (Something grossly food related and angry. Perfect!)
It seems that there is a certain vendetta against me this past week. Today specifically seems to have a certain "screw you" type of theme to it; more so than other days. Before I get to today, let's review what your related past present friends have done to screw me over this last week. My Labor Day weekend was crapped on when I had enough homework to bore a scientist to suicide. Plus, it was also decided that after a long week, that I also help plumb a faulty pipe in the house. This took another good chunk of my long weekend. School has also robbed me of my money, thus leaving me broke and more bored than I thought imaginable. This has led me to be without Netflix for almost a full week. I almost forgot what life was like before unlimited entertainment for $9.99. It almost seems.....Empty.
I have also noticed that the present and future alike have taken a liking to wronging me in some way. Usually in the form of forcing me to work with people who are generally incapable of performing their job competently. Today also happens to be one of these days. Today, you have also forced me to sleep in by having my alarm clock malfunction. The buzzing sound was half working.In the 3 hours I've been awake I have also managed to hit every traffic light in a near empty city at the time of morning I was driving. Plus, scalded my leg with boiling hot coffee, cleaned up after the messes of other people, dealt with condescending morons......
You have turned out to be a shitty day so far, despite delicious cups of coffee fueling my consciousness. I'm sure the rest of the day is lost to this shittiness, so I propose a compromise. Please shape up to be better for the rest of the week. I realize this is a tall order since I have a test tomorrow, and other crap to study for next week. But if the future could please be a little bit more kind in helping me not fail tests and helping me get a new phone, that would be great. In return, you can make today just awful. I'm already expecting that anyway. Just please, be better this week.
Deal?
Deal.
I'm trusting you time.
Don't let me down.
Sincerely,
John
(I used my real, "grown-up" name to denote the importance of my request.)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Inside My Head Part III
Yes, another thrilling inside look at the conversations that take place between reality and my inner-monologue.
Enjoy.
Scenario #1
Acquaintance: Are you doing anything this weekend?
My Thought: I am now.
What I Actually Say: Not sure yet, why?
Acquaintance: Want to help me move? It will be fun!
My Thought: Sorry, I already have plans to help build a snowman in Hell with Stephen Hawking and Christopher Reeve.
What I Actually Say: Oh, let me check my calendar and see if I can. I might have a test to study for this weekend.
Scenario #2
Athletic Friend: Dude, want to go mountain climbing with me some time? It's safe and fun!
My Thought: I don't share the same passion as you do for shitting my pants while suspending my life on thin pieces of rope and metal.
What I Actually Say: No thanks. I'm not really into that. It scares the hell out of me.
Scenario #3
Super Lazy Co-Worker: Will you do another IV on this patient? I would do it but I don't feel like it.
My Thought: Are you fucking serious? I used to have crazy theories to justify your laziness. Most of my theories involved physical and mental disability paychecks and evil government plots to replace competent workers with brainless imbeciles. I see now that you are just simply lazy and generally incapable of performing the most simple of tasks because you are in fact, a total idiot.
What I Actually Say: No problem! I like doing IV's!
In reality, I really wish I would have confronted this person about their laziness and incompetence. But doing so would make matters worse.
As long as I have my semi-witty thoughts brewing in my head, life tends not to be so bad.
Enjoy.
Scenario #1
Acquaintance: Are you doing anything this weekend?
My Thought: I am now.
What I Actually Say: Not sure yet, why?
Acquaintance: Want to help me move? It will be fun!
My Thought: Sorry, I already have plans to help build a snowman in Hell with Stephen Hawking and Christopher Reeve.
What I Actually Say: Oh, let me check my calendar and see if I can. I might have a test to study for this weekend.
Scenario #2
Athletic Friend: Dude, want to go mountain climbing with me some time? It's safe and fun!
My Thought: I don't share the same passion as you do for shitting my pants while suspending my life on thin pieces of rope and metal.
What I Actually Say: No thanks. I'm not really into that. It scares the hell out of me.
Scenario #3
Super Lazy Co-Worker: Will you do another IV on this patient? I would do it but I don't feel like it.
My Thought: Are you fucking serious? I used to have crazy theories to justify your laziness. Most of my theories involved physical and mental disability paychecks and evil government plots to replace competent workers with brainless imbeciles. I see now that you are just simply lazy and generally incapable of performing the most simple of tasks because you are in fact, a total idiot.
What I Actually Say: No problem! I like doing IV's!
In reality, I really wish I would have confronted this person about their laziness and incompetence. But doing so would make matters worse.
As long as I have my semi-witty thoughts brewing in my head, life tends not to be so bad.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Control
What is control? Do we crave control to bring order to our surroundings? Or is it merely an illusion we use to invalidate insecurities? In an abstract sense, there is no real answer. We all know what control is. We all have some idea what control does. But do we know how it affects us and others?
I'm beginning to see that the people who have the least going on, crave control the most.
For example, let's take a janitor in a corporate setting. People in that office building often reference janitorial work as the least valuable and most degrading, despite it being a proper function for the building. The janitor has worked there for years with no plans to change careers. He knows the job inside and out. It's not necessarily a hard job since everything is usually relatively tidy in the office. But over the years he has risen to the manager of the janitorial staff. The other janitors realize this is not a terribly difficult job either albeit unpleasant. However, they often see the manager making a big deal of small tasks and is now asking for simple chores to be done in specific fashions. Often, if these small tasks are not finished or other tasks not done in a specific way, usually leads to a reprimand. The same can be interchanged with any tedious job. I have often found that control is priority in order to increase the significance of the work (or self).
Or what about a housewife that has life pretty easy? She works a relatively low-stress, good paying job (no education required) 3-4 days a week. Her husband works 5 days a week at a high stress, higher paying job. Finances are not a problem. Kids are no longer in the house. They are moved out and relatively successful. On the side, the wife enjoys the hobby of creating crafts. Despite everything going relatively smooth, something is lacking. Nothing has to be done urgently. Is that the problem? The wife often flies off the handle over occasional messes and takes it upon herself to take care of it. A small family problem that's solved soon is turned to a gossipy mess by the wife. A laid back husband who is aloof is under constant scrutiny over everything from lifestyle to favorite foods. Is the control comforting for lack of real tasks that could demand her attention?
We all value the feeling of control over our own lives. Maybe we have to have meaningful control. Something worth living for/with. Something to do that makes us feel whole. Something we are good at. Maybe it validates our own sense of self-importance and our role in society, how we contribute to life. Is control a sense of purpose? Is that what it all boils down to? Do we owe our lives to finding a meaningful existence that keeps us busy? Is that part of what happiness is?
In some way, I hope I'm right. It might explain why some people are the way they are.
In another way, I hope I'm wrong. If life is all about work making us whole, humanity took a wrong turn somewhere.
I'm beginning to see that the people who have the least going on, crave control the most.
For example, let's take a janitor in a corporate setting. People in that office building often reference janitorial work as the least valuable and most degrading, despite it being a proper function for the building. The janitor has worked there for years with no plans to change careers. He knows the job inside and out. It's not necessarily a hard job since everything is usually relatively tidy in the office. But over the years he has risen to the manager of the janitorial staff. The other janitors realize this is not a terribly difficult job either albeit unpleasant. However, they often see the manager making a big deal of small tasks and is now asking for simple chores to be done in specific fashions. Often, if these small tasks are not finished or other tasks not done in a specific way, usually leads to a reprimand. The same can be interchanged with any tedious job. I have often found that control is priority in order to increase the significance of the work (or self).
Or what about a housewife that has life pretty easy? She works a relatively low-stress, good paying job (no education required) 3-4 days a week. Her husband works 5 days a week at a high stress, higher paying job. Finances are not a problem. Kids are no longer in the house. They are moved out and relatively successful. On the side, the wife enjoys the hobby of creating crafts. Despite everything going relatively smooth, something is lacking. Nothing has to be done urgently. Is that the problem? The wife often flies off the handle over occasional messes and takes it upon herself to take care of it. A small family problem that's solved soon is turned to a gossipy mess by the wife. A laid back husband who is aloof is under constant scrutiny over everything from lifestyle to favorite foods. Is the control comforting for lack of real tasks that could demand her attention?
We all value the feeling of control over our own lives. Maybe we have to have meaningful control. Something worth living for/with. Something to do that makes us feel whole. Something we are good at. Maybe it validates our own sense of self-importance and our role in society, how we contribute to life. Is control a sense of purpose? Is that what it all boils down to? Do we owe our lives to finding a meaningful existence that keeps us busy? Is that part of what happiness is?
In some way, I hope I'm right. It might explain why some people are the way they are.
In another way, I hope I'm wrong. If life is all about work making us whole, humanity took a wrong turn somewhere.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Make Pastries, Not War
Ok, if you're guessing that I'm stalling again, you are correct. Kudos to you clever reader. I write to you as I eat a freshly microwaved, pre-packaged danish pastry. If I was remotely competent at cooking, I think I would just make pastries all day and eat them myself. Sharing is for losers and hippies.
I'm also fairly confident that pastries could and should prevent war. I'm pretty sure if the vikings, Genghis Kahn, and Hitler had access to pastries there would be no need for war..........Unless countries had better pastries than yours, then it might be deemed necessary to invade their country in order to obtain access to these better and possibly more exotic pastries.
Ok, maybe pastries wouldn't solve combat related conflicts. But maybe they could be used to boost moral. A pastry of a soldiers choice could mean the difference between being hesitant in a firefight to blowing off the head of some asshole terrorist. How? I don't know, I'm not a scientist. But I'm sure it would have a lot to do with the poorly understood subject of the unconscious mind and the positive effect of pastries in combat situations. I would go as far as to theorize that there is a direct correlation to delicious pastries and violence. Just ask any 8 year old playing a violent video game while eating a box of Twinkies. I'm sure that kid will tell you they believe that Twinkies give them a heightened ability to kick ass in their game as opposed to their opponents who lack pastry-related nourishment.
Well my danish pastry is now gone. I have another one to eat. Should I save it despite my intense craving?
Nah, I'm feeling impulsive. I'm going to eat it now.
Lata' sucka's!
I'm also fairly confident that pastries could and should prevent war. I'm pretty sure if the vikings, Genghis Kahn, and Hitler had access to pastries there would be no need for war..........Unless countries had better pastries than yours, then it might be deemed necessary to invade their country in order to obtain access to these better and possibly more exotic pastries.
Ok, maybe pastries wouldn't solve combat related conflicts. But maybe they could be used to boost moral. A pastry of a soldiers choice could mean the difference between being hesitant in a firefight to blowing off the head of some asshole terrorist. How? I don't know, I'm not a scientist. But I'm sure it would have a lot to do with the poorly understood subject of the unconscious mind and the positive effect of pastries in combat situations. I would go as far as to theorize that there is a direct correlation to delicious pastries and violence. Just ask any 8 year old playing a violent video game while eating a box of Twinkies. I'm sure that kid will tell you they believe that Twinkies give them a heightened ability to kick ass in their game as opposed to their opponents who lack pastry-related nourishment.
Well my danish pastry is now gone. I have another one to eat. Should I save it despite my intense craving?
Nah, I'm feeling impulsive. I'm going to eat it now.
Lata' sucka's!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Gas Stations Suck
Gas stations have become unnecessarily complex lately. Every time I go to buy gas, I'm barraged with questions before I purchase.
Debit or credit?
Enter your zip code?
Do you want a car wash?
Would you like your receipt?
Are you white?
Do you like cheese?
(OK maybe the last 2 aren't real questions but the other ones are.)
Why all the questions? I don't have time to be answering this crap. Why does it matter? Just give me my gas!
Does anyone else hope that when you prepay that you hope the pump malfunctions and you get a ton of free gas? I know I do. Every time I prepay with cash I hope for some sort of system glitch to happen. Suddenly the 10 bucks I put in turns to 40 bucks in free gas.
That has only happened to me once when I was 16. I prepaid with 5 dollars but the pump wouldn't stop pumping. Even though more gas was going in, the pump indicated I only paid 5 dollars. I did try to get it to stop. Well I didn't try very hard, but I did try to some moral credit. I went back 2 more times to that same pump. I imagine others knew the secret as it was obvious some people were waiting for that specific pump to open. One day, the pump functioned normally. The station manager mentioned in passing that someone mentioned it was broken after 2 weeks of the station losing money. What kind of monstrously honest person would report such a thing?! Gas back then was hitting $2 a gallon and the public was furious. This was a small victory against the oil companies. I didn't have any money in high school. This was perfect! Full tanks for 3 dollars!
I'm still mad at the anonymous tipster who ruined it for [me] the rest of us. Damn your honest conscience. We could have easily gotten away with that for another 2 weeks.
Debit or credit?
Enter your zip code?
Do you want a car wash?
Would you like your receipt?
Are you white?
Do you like cheese?
(OK maybe the last 2 aren't real questions but the other ones are.)
Why all the questions? I don't have time to be answering this crap. Why does it matter? Just give me my gas!
Does anyone else hope that when you prepay that you hope the pump malfunctions and you get a ton of free gas? I know I do. Every time I prepay with cash I hope for some sort of system glitch to happen. Suddenly the 10 bucks I put in turns to 40 bucks in free gas.
That has only happened to me once when I was 16. I prepaid with 5 dollars but the pump wouldn't stop pumping. Even though more gas was going in, the pump indicated I only paid 5 dollars. I did try to get it to stop. Well I didn't try very hard, but I did try to some moral credit. I went back 2 more times to that same pump. I imagine others knew the secret as it was obvious some people were waiting for that specific pump to open. One day, the pump functioned normally. The station manager mentioned in passing that someone mentioned it was broken after 2 weeks of the station losing money. What kind of monstrously honest person would report such a thing?! Gas back then was hitting $2 a gallon and the public was furious. This was a small victory against the oil companies. I didn't have any money in high school. This was perfect! Full tanks for 3 dollars!
I'm still mad at the anonymous tipster who ruined it for [me] the rest of us. Damn your honest conscience. We could have easily gotten away with that for another 2 weeks.
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