[Not Really] Sorry.


Thursday, September 8, 2011

Acne Explanation

It's a scientific fact that testosterone contributes a great deal when it comes to acne. (Seriously, I didn't make that up this time.) Since that is the case, I assume I must be producing excess testosterone in gallon quantities. Excess manliness, if you will.

My face is breaking out like crazy. I'm assuming I must be a testosterone producing machine. I have so much that my body needs to get rid of it by pushing it out of my pores as other ways of excretion are too slow/ineffective. But the problem is there is too much trying to escape through my pores at once so it gets stuck and forms a zit instead. Stress is also a known cause of acne, which I have plenty of. I theorize that when I get stressed that I produce triple the amount of manliness in order for my body to be physiologically ready to combat the stressful situation(s).

I wonder if I would have got more dates in high school if I explained to girls that my acne (which was at it's worst then) was the result of my excess manliness try to shed itself from my body unsuccessfully. It might have worked. Girls in high school were always trying to date guys who were "mature." Nothing says mature like insane amounts of trapped manliness in the form of zits. Even if they didn't believe me, I would have probably still got points for effort, creativity and wit.

*(Nothing would have changed. I was still antisocial, and more offensively awkward then. Although I thought I was witty, girls tend not to dig that kind of thing at that age anyway.)



Ok, so I'm probably not sweating and pissing manliness in excess. But I am breaking out like crazy anyway. Lousy stress. This always happens at the beginning and end of a semester.

But I will level with you, higher testosterone levels cause the body to produce more hormones that cause you to produce more oils that get trapped and cause zits to form.


True shit. Google that.

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