Opposite Day

Today must be an "opposite day" of some kind. I was uninformed about this, apparently.

How have I jumped to this conclusion?

Currently, I'm attempting to study in the library. Usually this is a day I have no problem studying. But today I seem to be having an extraordinary amount of problems studying or concentrating. But that's just the most minor of my clues as to how today is uniformly opposite. The people in the library today are ludicrously loud in what is supposed to be the "quiet" section. Yet, despite the obvious distinction that this part of the library is supposed to be "quiet," everyone around me (employees included) seems to have it in their head that it's ok to have loud conversations in loud groups. The employees also seem to be under the impression that it's ok to slam books on metal shelving. In fact, as I write this, one of the library employees has parked a metal cart directly behind my chair and is casually tossing books on to the cart, which of course causes a loud banging noise. While the employee has been doing this, they have been carrying on above "outside" voice conversations with students on how to find certain books. Now this part of the library is certainly more quiet than 50 feet behind me, where it is practically a stadium of students doing a group project. Each student trying to talk over each other with answers. Again, despite the numerous signs in the library that indicate this portion of the library as the "quiet" section, these people continue on their merry way with their study group which can take place in just about any other part of the library not designated as the "quiet" portion. It has also come to my attention that some people think it's ok to carry all the papers you need in your pocket. Some dumbass in a book aisle almost directly behind me seems to have bottomless pockets full of folded papers needed for school. Every other minute or so, a new paper will come out of their pocket and will require loud unfolding with crinkly paper. Seriously, please invest in a notebook or at least a backpack you inconsiderate ass. Oh and it's awesome that sitting directly in the middle of aisle is where you've decided to plant yourself despite the many available desks and tables available. You could at least sit off the side of the aisle where people could get around you. But nope, you are right in the middle where no one could get passed you without hurdling over you.

Other clues that have led me to believe of the opposite nature of today is the abnormal amount of traffic I have encountered on the streets. No construction. Not a busy part of the day. I took back roads and yet every one of them seemed to be full. Despite getting a much needed full night's rest, I feel drained, not rested. Despite having been eating healthy this week, I have gained 2 pounds.

What's next? Did I marry a man and not realize it too? Or maybe perhaps my hair just turned blond and my tan skin has dematerialized into near transparent pastiness. Hell, I might walk back to my car to find that I own a gas guzzling truck from 1976 or a unicycle chained to a lamppost. And at this point there is no guarantees I still live in Utah. I could walk out and find myself magically transported to Delaware where I go by the name "Jack McSaxon." In Delaware I would be a suave, suspender-wearing hipster with a heart of gold. My awesomeness would be so awesome that I could make inanimate objects come to sentience just by walking by them. I could walk by a plastic plant that would try to hug me as I walked by. Sidewalks would thank me as I walked on them.

Pretty much, all bets are off! Anything can happen today. If a library can be this obnoxiously loud, then I don't see why I can't be Jack McSaxon from Delaware. (As I typed that sentence, some ass-hat in a desk down the row from me answers their loud ringing cell phone in just an equally loud voice.)



UUUUUGGGGGHHHH!

Seriously people, shut the fuck up!