September always comes and goes way too fast. It feels like yesterday that the flowers and trees were just starting to bloom. Now I find the leaves are starting to crumble beneath my feet and the nights starting to become colder. I don't have anything against September, other than nothing happens. Sure you got Labor Day, but is that really a holiday anyway? September is like the bastard fraternal twin of April that just "didn't turn out right." September can't possibly compete with April. People at least look forward to April for the most part. They look forward to the change from constant snow and hate that Winter brings. I have yet to meet a single person who is just really excited for September. And when I meet that person, I'll punch them in the face!
But anyway, after that uneventful rambling I might as well get down to saying whatever it is I'm going to say. Pretty much that paragraph was just an attempt to grab your attention so you'll read the rest! Ha ha ha ha! Caught you, you ignorant fool!..............Of course you could just stop reading at this point. But oh well. Screw you anyway.
With being a little more than 2 weeks into September, it sure has been an eventful month. After weeks of horrowing anticipation, my great grandmother finally passed away surrounded by family. At this point, I'm just glad she is no longer suffering. If there is a God, then I hope she is in a safe place. If there isn't, I'm just happy her pain and struggle is over. She can finally lay to rest. Though, throughout the funeral, I couldn't help but think that a funeral should not be so depressing. Though she is gone, I felt that we should not be so selfish as to wish to prolong her pain by wanting her to stay. She had not been the same person for months, and lived in relative pain for years. I felt we should have been happier that a long struggle was over, and an exhausted soul was layed to rest. I personally, would never want a depressing funeral.
Jeff has the right idea for his funeral. He wants his nude corpse shot out of a cannon to never again be seen by human life. (except for the glimpse of hope that his body may catch the wind and curve into a house and ruin some kids birthday party or bar mitzvah) I would never do it. I have bad enough luck as it is. They would try shooting me out of that cannon with too much powder and blow chunks of me all over the funeral attendee's. If not too much powder, then not enough powder. My nude body would slowly slump out of the tip of the barrell then plop to the floor in a mangled fashion. Though, I do agree that both of those scenarios would be awesome, I just don't think everyone else would appreciate it. But seriously, I would much rather have a funeral where no one had to act or dress in a depressing way. I would much rather people come to my funeral to reflect on my life, share memories and laughs rather than crying. Don't cry because I'm gone. Be happy that maybe I moved on to a better place. Even if it is 20 feet in the ground. I would be happier knowing that people would celebrate the life I had lived rather than crying for the life I hadn't lived, regardless of my age. I have done every bit of my best to live my life the best I realistically can. I feel I have been living a good life aside from the downs and shades of gray that make up life. I do my best to do good things for people and the people closest to me.
I recently accepted a job at LDS Hospital in the emergency room as an EMT. I'm super stoked. I accomplished one of my goals after a year of relentless effort. I stuck with it and got what I wanted. There is a slim chance I could be hired at the University Hospital as an EMT, despite the fact I blew that interview 3 ways to Sunday. But that's ok. I would still like to work there for the experience of seeing more high profile patients. I will go on-call with my other jobs. If they try to call me in, I have the option to say no without consequence. I'm super stoked for the opportunity to have more hands-on patient care. Recently, I've had a bit of a debate of whether I want to go to Physician Assistant school or Medical school. I'm not considering PA school because I don't think I can do Medical school. I'm considering PA school for the flexibility. Rather than explain myself thoroughly I will just leave it at "It's an ongoing self-debate that infinitely confuses me on the direction I want to go." Regardless I want to do something in only medicine. I know it's the only type of work that could make me happy.
Aside from all that, I still live out in Murray with Brennon and Matt. Many good times have been had in our 5 month stay so far. We never fight. We just bottle up our rage until the last possible second, then unleash it on the elderly. It's the only way our friendship has survived. If only, that were true. That would actually make this blog interesting. But unfortunately, we are boring soulless hacks who rarely see each other. That's really the key in keeping us together. But when we do see each other, the times get crazy! Sometimes, Matt and I will read a book in the same room! Or what's even better is when Brennon and I talk for more than 6 minutes! I'm just kidding. We really have had some good times and I have loved every moment of being out out on my own despite the heavy financial burden that plagues my life.
Overall, I'm pretty happy with the way things have been going lately. I'm excited for the future. :)
There, I just stole a couple of minutes of your life. Be happy.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Saturday, September 8, 2007
You’ll Never Understand The Opposite Sex You Fool! Part 2
Thats right. After a year and 2 months I have finally written a sequel to one of my most popular blogs. Now I know you're thinking "You uncreative lazy hack. You are so burnt out of ideas that you have to expand more on an originally crappy idea." If you were really thinking that, then you're right! But if you never read the first one, then this is probably all new and fresh to you. So in that case, it isn't crap! So read up you ignorant tool!
As I have said before, the personality gaps between genders will probably never be understood. It's ludicrous to even believe so. I don't know many men who actually want to watch a highly emotional movie just to have an excuse to cry. Likewise, I don't know many women who enjoy movies involving gross humor and immature acts that would only be funny to the average tard. I only hope that this profound breakthrough in unproven science, made by me, can help lessen these gaps of confusion.
1.Dress Code
Men have a right to be choosy about their clothes. A man's clothes can tell a lot about what they are saying to the world. Pretty much anything that has a V- neck sweater and cordoroy pants just screams "please, just beat me half to death then rape me in a creepy cornfield 4 states away." Any pants too tight will get cat calls and whistles repeatedly at construction sites. As a result, the tight pants wearer will be severely beaten for making everyone else "feel gay." Baggy clothes evidentally make you a "gangster" or "hard-ass" or "waste on society idiot." Men do care in a way how they are viewed by others. It can mean a severe raping, or just a good ol' fashion ass beating.
Women take picky clothes shopping to the limits by buying clothes for just about every situation imagineable. "I better get these pants, they will look good on in me sociology class next semester. Oh I better get this long sleeve shirt in case Jesus comes to smite me. Oh these shoes would go great with my 'I hate hanging out with these people' outfit." Every situation is taken into account and dressed for appropriately. To the outside observer, one might call this "psychotic." But it is practical in a way. That at least shows organization
In general, men wear just about whatever they please. It's typically a t-shirt, pants or shorts of no specific brand or special color, and shoes that they wear for a year, everyday, every month, all 4 seasons. To the male, it may seem like a girl is incapable of wearing the same thing twice. If a guy goes to a party and meets a guy who happens to be wearing the exact same thing as him, a strong friendship is usually formed. A friendship that usually says "hey you dress just like me. You like the same things as me. Well, I do like me. You cater to my ego. Let's be friends!" Whereas if a woman met someone with the same thing on as her, passive hatred would build and fake comments would later ensue. "Oh that looks so good on you, it's cute!" That may be what she says, but in her head the irrational thought of this is going through her head. "You stole my outfit! I thought I was unique buying a shirt that is sold in mass quantities! You bitch, you stole my soul!"
2.Problems
Girls too often make the mistake of assuming guys think like girls, without even realizing it. Aside from the stereotype girls have about guys only thinking about shagging the nearest female with a willing hole, they really do have a tendency to make the mistake that men think like women. A guy is most of the time, straight forward with what he says and what he is feeling.
Example:
Bob: How are you doing?
Bill: I'm ok I guess. Today has been a crazy day. Plus I punched a drunk hobo in the face. That made me feel pretty good.
Bob: Yeah, I know how that is.
That's it. It's all fact. There is absolutely nothing symbolic or anything with any hidden meaning.
Girls talk in code. A lot of their emotions are laced in their tone. If one girl acts up and clearly talks about something out of the norm, one girl will take it upon herself to crack the code with a group of friends.
Example:
Sally: All I did today was sit alone and not once get call from my friends. But I'm fine though. I really don't need anybody. I think I'm just going to sit alone some more than maybe eat some food.
Shirley: Is there something wrong?
Sally: I don't know. Figure it out.
After careful analysis with a group of friends who are also "concerned" (which is code for "curious") the group will come to this accurate and detailed conclusion.
Shirley: Basically Sally is angry that Bob didn't call her and none of her friends cared to console her. Then she ate at Taco Bell and none of her friends tried to stop her because she feels like she is getting fat. Also it seems like her mom got mad at her again for not dropping off that book she borrowed. I also think that Sally forgot to pick up her dry cleaning and is made at Ashley for blowing her off last week.
The sad thing is, her analysis is probably right.
But here is where the problem is. Girls look for symbolism and clues that aren't there in a guys conversation.
Sally: What are you going to do today?
Bob: Well I have to work, then I'm probably going to chill with Bill and have a good time.
Sally will automatically think: He must be mad because he didn't tell me everything in detail or mention me at all. He is clearly sad because the milkman is really his father.
Bob will think: I can't wait to get off work and chill with the guys. Today will be a great day full of detailess fun.
Of course the problem is visa versa. Guys don't look for clues in girls they don't know for years. Guys take all the words told as fact with no story or symbolism behind it. Oh what a sick twisted world we live in!
3.Responsibility
Girls and guys take responsibility in different ways. Girls tend to take unnecessary responsibilities to epic proportions.
Sally: It's Jill's birthday next Saturday.
Shirley: I don't know her very well. But I hear she is bitch.
Sally: Yeah same here. But lets throw her a party! There will be balloons, decorations, and all kinds of fun activities! It will be cute.
Shirley: You're right, this isn't crazy at all!
So basically 3 things can happen. They will throw the party for this stranger who will probably enjoy it for a few seconds, scoff, then blow them off for a better party, which will piss off every girl involved for days on end. OR- it will become more work than they thought. It won't be fun setting up the decorations, and girls will fight with each other about where what goes and such. Then everything won't be as pictured, the girl will stop by and still blow them off for a better party despite the thought put into it. But there is that slim chance it could all totally work out and everyone will be happy and new friendships will form and old friendships will become stronger. But for my point, I will opt to say no on that. As it is a rare occasion.
Men take responsbility to only it's needed goals and nothing more.
Bob: It's Jack's birthday next week.
Bill: That guy is a douche, why do I care?
Bob: You don't. And neither do I. I just wanted to hear you call him a douche.
Notice how the unnecessary responsibility was dodged with extreme prejudice. Now lets put real respnosbility into play.
Charles: It's Bob's birthday next Saturday.
Bill: Looks like we are buying buying beer next Saturday.
Charles: My thoughts exactly. So how was work?
Notice how zero thought or planning went into this decision. They knew what needed to be done with little planning as it would be pointless to be detailed in such a situation.
4.Setting-Up Friends
This is possibly the one thing that both men and women have the most in common with slight variances. And that is how they hook up their friends. It's a giant glob of white lies with smiles. I am here to help you translate these often confusing phrases that are used to distort reality.
When girls hook up their guyfriends with one of their friends, they use crafty wording to distract you while filling your head full of other things that make the person appear to have positive traits. Another technique used is to try to take negative traits and attempt to make them positive ones.
Bill: Is she good looking?
Shirley: She isn't ugly, but anyway she is super nice. And she has an interesting laugh. She reads a lot and likes to talk!
Bill: Wow, this girl sounds great. What is her personality like?
Shirley: She isn't that bitter and she doesn't go crazy as often. She shops at special stores only and she likes to laugh.
Bill: Wow, with all of these seemingly positive traits, she has to be awesome!
You have just been had,man! Basically, with hints such as, "isn't ugly", "speical store," and "interesting laugh" you are pretty much in for the girl who gets dated the least because of her size. Other hints such as "not that bitter" or "doesn't go crazy" also indicates that this girl is probably not as bitter or crazy as she used to be, but is still far from being sane.
When guys hook up their ladyfriends with their friends, guys are more willing to completely lie about it. Especially if they know their friend is physically and/or mentally defective.
Shirley: Is he good looking?
Bill: Orlando Bloom would be jealous. And he almost had a modelling contract.
Shirley: Wow! what is he like?
Bill: Well he certainly does not like video games or japanese animation. He is very social and doesn't blame his problems on society. And is the funniest guy, I've ever known.
Shirley: This just keeps getting better and better. Has he had a relationship before?
Bill: Well no. But that's just because he is waiting for the right one.
You have just been had, woman! Basically, if you hear anything that sounds unrealistic it probably is. Guys hook up their friends on the basis of "It's Opposite Day!" So be weary, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably really is. Just expect everything to be the exact opposite of what was promised. You are probably getting stuck with the friend with the least social skills, personality, and looks.
So if you finished reading this thinking "You're an idiot and comletely full of shit." Then you're on to me. But if you thought this was funny, then you're awesome. Of course, I don't mean any of this. This was only meant for humor purposes. I hope you enjoyed reading this horrible stereotype with poorly written thoughts. As I enjoyed writing aimless small insults of gender intelligence. Nothing can possibly help you and your quest to understand the opposite sex. It's futile!
If you want to see the first one, its' still posted in my archives. Posted on July 19th, 2006.
Thanks again, and please comment!
Subscribe if you haven't. :)
As I have said before, the personality gaps between genders will probably never be understood. It's ludicrous to even believe so. I don't know many men who actually want to watch a highly emotional movie just to have an excuse to cry. Likewise, I don't know many women who enjoy movies involving gross humor and immature acts that would only be funny to the average tard. I only hope that this profound breakthrough in unproven science, made by me, can help lessen these gaps of confusion.
1.Dress Code
Men have a right to be choosy about their clothes. A man's clothes can tell a lot about what they are saying to the world. Pretty much anything that has a V- neck sweater and cordoroy pants just screams "please, just beat me half to death then rape me in a creepy cornfield 4 states away." Any pants too tight will get cat calls and whistles repeatedly at construction sites. As a result, the tight pants wearer will be severely beaten for making everyone else "feel gay." Baggy clothes evidentally make you a "gangster" or "hard-ass" or "waste on society idiot." Men do care in a way how they are viewed by others. It can mean a severe raping, or just a good ol' fashion ass beating.
Women take picky clothes shopping to the limits by buying clothes for just about every situation imagineable. "I better get these pants, they will look good on in me sociology class next semester. Oh I better get this long sleeve shirt in case Jesus comes to smite me. Oh these shoes would go great with my 'I hate hanging out with these people' outfit." Every situation is taken into account and dressed for appropriately. To the outside observer, one might call this "psychotic." But it is practical in a way. That at least shows organization
In general, men wear just about whatever they please. It's typically a t-shirt, pants or shorts of no specific brand or special color, and shoes that they wear for a year, everyday, every month, all 4 seasons. To the male, it may seem like a girl is incapable of wearing the same thing twice. If a guy goes to a party and meets a guy who happens to be wearing the exact same thing as him, a strong friendship is usually formed. A friendship that usually says "hey you dress just like me. You like the same things as me. Well, I do like me. You cater to my ego. Let's be friends!" Whereas if a woman met someone with the same thing on as her, passive hatred would build and fake comments would later ensue. "Oh that looks so good on you, it's cute!" That may be what she says, but in her head the irrational thought of this is going through her head. "You stole my outfit! I thought I was unique buying a shirt that is sold in mass quantities! You bitch, you stole my soul!"
2.Problems
Girls too often make the mistake of assuming guys think like girls, without even realizing it. Aside from the stereotype girls have about guys only thinking about shagging the nearest female with a willing hole, they really do have a tendency to make the mistake that men think like women. A guy is most of the time, straight forward with what he says and what he is feeling.
Example:
Bob: How are you doing?
Bill: I'm ok I guess. Today has been a crazy day. Plus I punched a drunk hobo in the face. That made me feel pretty good.
Bob: Yeah, I know how that is.
That's it. It's all fact. There is absolutely nothing symbolic or anything with any hidden meaning.
Girls talk in code. A lot of their emotions are laced in their tone. If one girl acts up and clearly talks about something out of the norm, one girl will take it upon herself to crack the code with a group of friends.
Example:
Sally: All I did today was sit alone and not once get call from my friends. But I'm fine though. I really don't need anybody. I think I'm just going to sit alone some more than maybe eat some food.
Shirley: Is there something wrong?
Sally: I don't know. Figure it out.
After careful analysis with a group of friends who are also "concerned" (which is code for "curious") the group will come to this accurate and detailed conclusion.
Shirley: Basically Sally is angry that Bob didn't call her and none of her friends cared to console her. Then she ate at Taco Bell and none of her friends tried to stop her because she feels like she is getting fat. Also it seems like her mom got mad at her again for not dropping off that book she borrowed. I also think that Sally forgot to pick up her dry cleaning and is made at Ashley for blowing her off last week.
The sad thing is, her analysis is probably right.
But here is where the problem is. Girls look for symbolism and clues that aren't there in a guys conversation.
Sally: What are you going to do today?
Bob: Well I have to work, then I'm probably going to chill with Bill and have a good time.
Sally will automatically think: He must be mad because he didn't tell me everything in detail or mention me at all. He is clearly sad because the milkman is really his father.
Bob will think: I can't wait to get off work and chill with the guys. Today will be a great day full of detailess fun.
Of course the problem is visa versa. Guys don't look for clues in girls they don't know for years. Guys take all the words told as fact with no story or symbolism behind it. Oh what a sick twisted world we live in!
3.Responsibility
Girls and guys take responsibility in different ways. Girls tend to take unnecessary responsibilities to epic proportions.
Sally: It's Jill's birthday next Saturday.
Shirley: I don't know her very well. But I hear she is bitch.
Sally: Yeah same here. But lets throw her a party! There will be balloons, decorations, and all kinds of fun activities! It will be cute.
Shirley: You're right, this isn't crazy at all!
So basically 3 things can happen. They will throw the party for this stranger who will probably enjoy it for a few seconds, scoff, then blow them off for a better party, which will piss off every girl involved for days on end. OR- it will become more work than they thought. It won't be fun setting up the decorations, and girls will fight with each other about where what goes and such. Then everything won't be as pictured, the girl will stop by and still blow them off for a better party despite the thought put into it. But there is that slim chance it could all totally work out and everyone will be happy and new friendships will form and old friendships will become stronger. But for my point, I will opt to say no on that. As it is a rare occasion.
Men take responsbility to only it's needed goals and nothing more.
Bob: It's Jack's birthday next week.
Bill: That guy is a douche, why do I care?
Bob: You don't. And neither do I. I just wanted to hear you call him a douche.
Notice how the unnecessary responsibility was dodged with extreme prejudice. Now lets put real respnosbility into play.
Charles: It's Bob's birthday next Saturday.
Bill: Looks like we are buying buying beer next Saturday.
Charles: My thoughts exactly. So how was work?
Notice how zero thought or planning went into this decision. They knew what needed to be done with little planning as it would be pointless to be detailed in such a situation.
4.Setting-Up Friends
This is possibly the one thing that both men and women have the most in common with slight variances. And that is how they hook up their friends. It's a giant glob of white lies with smiles. I am here to help you translate these often confusing phrases that are used to distort reality.
When girls hook up their guyfriends with one of their friends, they use crafty wording to distract you while filling your head full of other things that make the person appear to have positive traits. Another technique used is to try to take negative traits and attempt to make them positive ones.
Bill: Is she good looking?
Shirley: She isn't ugly, but anyway she is super nice. And she has an interesting laugh. She reads a lot and likes to talk!
Bill: Wow, this girl sounds great. What is her personality like?
Shirley: She isn't that bitter and she doesn't go crazy as often. She shops at special stores only and she likes to laugh.
Bill: Wow, with all of these seemingly positive traits, she has to be awesome!
You have just been had,man! Basically, with hints such as, "isn't ugly", "speical store," and "interesting laugh" you are pretty much in for the girl who gets dated the least because of her size. Other hints such as "not that bitter" or "doesn't go crazy" also indicates that this girl is probably not as bitter or crazy as she used to be, but is still far from being sane.
When guys hook up their ladyfriends with their friends, guys are more willing to completely lie about it. Especially if they know their friend is physically and/or mentally defective.
Shirley: Is he good looking?
Bill: Orlando Bloom would be jealous. And he almost had a modelling contract.
Shirley: Wow! what is he like?
Bill: Well he certainly does not like video games or japanese animation. He is very social and doesn't blame his problems on society. And is the funniest guy, I've ever known.
Shirley: This just keeps getting better and better. Has he had a relationship before?
Bill: Well no. But that's just because he is waiting for the right one.
You have just been had, woman! Basically, if you hear anything that sounds unrealistic it probably is. Guys hook up their friends on the basis of "It's Opposite Day!" So be weary, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably really is. Just expect everything to be the exact opposite of what was promised. You are probably getting stuck with the friend with the least social skills, personality, and looks.
So if you finished reading this thinking "You're an idiot and comletely full of shit." Then you're on to me. But if you thought this was funny, then you're awesome. Of course, I don't mean any of this. This was only meant for humor purposes. I hope you enjoyed reading this horrible stereotype with poorly written thoughts. As I enjoyed writing aimless small insults of gender intelligence. Nothing can possibly help you and your quest to understand the opposite sex. It's futile!
If you want to see the first one, its' still posted in my archives. Posted on July 19th, 2006.
Thanks again, and please comment!
Subscribe if you haven't. :)
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