Time Compromise Manifesto

Dear Today, (Too nice)

Greetings Today, (Way too nice)

Dear perception of what we see as "present" time, (Too complex/abstract)

Dear him or her of time (Too stupid as I cannot, in good conscience, genderize time.)

To the timetable to which it may concern (Still too complex and doesn't convey my intent)

Dear f***** up s***** awful presumed day (Too angry, I need to take it down a notch)

Dear shit-waffle of a day you will likely be (Close. I feel I'm on to something here)



Dear shit-burger of a day, (Something grossly food related and angry. Perfect!)


It seems that there is a certain vendetta against me this past week. Today specifically seems to have a certain "screw you" type of theme to it; more so than other days. Before I get to today, let's review what your related past present friends have done to screw me over this last week. My Labor Day weekend was crapped on when I had enough homework to bore a scientist to suicide. Plus, it was also decided that after a long week, that I also help plumb a faulty pipe in the house. This took another good chunk of my long weekend. School has also robbed me of my money, thus leaving me broke and more bored than I thought imaginable. This has led me to be without Netflix for almost a full week. I almost forgot what life was like before unlimited entertainment for $9.99. It almost seems.....Empty.

I have also noticed that the present and future alike have taken a liking to wronging me in some way. Usually in the form of forcing me to work with people who are generally incapable of performing their job competently. Today also happens to be one of these days. Today, you  have also forced me to sleep in by having my alarm clock malfunction. The buzzing sound was half working.In the 3 hours I've been awake I have also managed to hit every traffic light in a near empty city at the time of morning I was driving. Plus, scalded my leg with boiling hot coffee, cleaned up after the messes of other people, dealt with condescending morons......

You have turned out to be a shitty day so far, despite delicious cups of coffee fueling my consciousness. I'm sure the rest of the day is lost to this shittiness, so I propose a compromise. Please shape up to be better for the rest of the week. I realize this is a tall order since I have a test tomorrow, and other crap to study for next week. But if the future could please be a little bit more kind in helping me not fail tests and helping me get a new phone, that would be great. In return, you can make today just awful. I'm already expecting that anyway. Just please, be better this week.

Deal?


Deal.


I'm trusting you time.

Don't let me down.



Sincerely,

John

(I used my real, "grown-up" name to denote the importance of my request.)