Jobs I Could Do

Posting twice in a day? Sad, I know. But it speaks to the levels of free time I have and the levels of money I do not have. While the government takes their sweet time recertifying my EMT, I've been looking for new jobs to supplement my income. Just something temporary and generally meaningless to me.

I spent today going through online job postings to see if there is anything I could do or sneak my way into. A lot of the postings are ridiculous. Many seem too good to be true or obvious scams. But others, are just priceless.

I found a job as a shuttle driver. This seemed harmless. It seemed like an easy job I could do. Just drive a shuttle around for people. However, looking into this a little deeper I found it was a smut ferry. It was a shuttle job that took strippers and potential customers to and from the various Southern Exposure strip clubs. The ad also attempted to sweeten the deal by saying "driver will earn lots of tips!" I didn't have the heart to find out how a shuttle driver for strip clubs earns tips.

A lot of the sales job ads were utterly ridiculous. A lot of them promising to make over $2,000 a week. Bullshit. Others had specific requisites for their potential future staff such as "Only serious and motivated applicants." Other requisites included "Only people who are willing to make $39.99 an hour should apply." What a joke. Even if they were real jobs, I don't think I could do it. I couldn't sell people crap they don't need. Actually, I couldn't be a salesperson in general. Super lame.

I saw a lot of server positions. I could wait tables I guess. It wouldn't be the most terrible job in the world. A good temporary. I wouldn't have to wait for a check in order to quit. I could make some quick tips have a few bucks. It works out. But I've heard horror stories. I hear customers at restaurants are the worst kind of customers. It would be extremely hard for me to dole out vigilante justice to an asshole customer. You know, the usual forms of justice. Dick in the food. Horribly prepared. Etc, etc. But I think I could resist the urge somehow. Stay on a form of moral high ground. (I do have questionable morals so who knows how far that will get me.)

I would prefer something more vegetative. Somewhere I could sit and do the least amount possible while somehow managing to stay on the clock. Hmmmm. But those types of jobs either don't exist, or they are paradoxically highly competitive. I'm going stir crazy just sitting around the house. Going places without purpose. Plus I'm going even more mad not having any money. I'm tapped out. I've been out of work for a month. All my money is gone. All my savings used up like a cheap hooker.

Somebody, put me to work before I go insane! ...............


Or write another ridiculous blog. I'm going for a personal record with posts per month. Highest number of posts I've done in a month is 17, which was in March of 2008. It's a sad record to break. I just might do it if I don't get my job back or any job for that matter.