If I Had Money....

I'm not talking about a comfortable salary kind of money. You know, a good job, security, and sweet benefits. I'm not talking about that kind of chump change money at all. I'm talking millionaire, billionaire rich. I'm talking the kind of rich where I would buy a cigarette company just for fun. And I don't even smoke! I'm talking throw away money. Using 100 dollar bills as toilet paper and then redistributing them to the middle class as "gifts."

If I had that kind of obscene wealth, it would transform me into something of a societal monster. A menace. Perhaps even the richest outlaw that ever was. The point is, my money would be an object of pure unadulterated entertainment. Balances of power in lesser countries would be altered just by my visit. Economies would boom, jobs would be created and perhaps even wars would break out over such an event. I could see myself flying into Bangladesh just to try a sandwich and 4 hours later single handedly rebuilding their economy by wasting my money on touristy gifts, alcohol and purchasing doomed businesses. The U.N might be tempted to enforce sanctions on me, but would think better of it when they realized that their $5000 massage chairs in the meeting chambers were a donation from me.

People always seem to ask "what would you do with X amount of money?" The typical answers seem to focus on cars, houses and traveling the world. Occasionally, you'll get someone who tries to sound benevolent by saying they would donate to science, churches and other noble causes. Some even claim they would spoil their parents. This person is merely running interference to distract you from the fact that their plans likely include world domination and your probable horrifically inhumane execution.

I never have any good answers. I would probably just buy junk until I'm broke and then be forced to retreat back into debt and obscurity. I barely know what to do with my money now, little alone hypothetically insane amounts of it. So I've done my best to not think about it and then sandbag people with bullshit answers when I'm asked. I would rather not focus on what I won't have and will likely never have.

That seems like a waste of time to me.