I posted a blog 11 months ago about how I would probably be the best homeless guy ever. It was a silly blog that was poorly written. However, looking at my blog statistics, it was one of my most read blogs through the winter months. I'm thinking that was mostly likely people googling stuff about helping the homeless for the winter time. Then they would stumble upon that blog in particular just because it merely had the word "homeless" in it. Well-intentioned people had the unfortunate chance to read my asshole ramblings that really didn't have a whole lot to do with helping the homeless. Instead, they read an eye-full of self indulgent crap. They read a blog about absolute stupidity and ignorance.....
This blog will be no exception.
So with that unnecessarily long prelude, I will jump right into more thoughts of how I would find resourceful ways of being homeless. If the being homeless scenario doesn't fit your fancy, try to think of it as being resourceful during an post-apocolyptic timeframe. If you're not into post-apocolyptic scenarios you can try to put yourself in a "Great Depression" scenario.
Anywho, one of the greatest challenges of being homeless is having a steady source of food. Sure, you can use shelters and soup kitchens. But what if those were gone? Or what if you were too lazy? Personally, I would much rather cook my own food. Of course, you have the option of stealing food from the grocery store, or maybe even a small gas station. What do you got to lose? You're homeless! If you get thrown in jail, you get a roof over your head for a few hours. In my last blog I spoke of roasting geese in the downtown park. What if you aren't near a park full of semi-domesticated geese? As I was driving home the other day, I came to an overpass. I noticed there was a ton of pigeons. Most of them didn't fear cars. It would be easy to take one out for a small snack. In fact, there are already 5 or 6 dead ones just ripe for the taking. Is this why hobos hang out by overpasses? Aside from the vast market to panhandle from, you also have a decent last minute food supply too.
Being homeless doesn't mean you have to be "homeless" per se. There is a large market of broken down abandoned houses to hang out it. Trespassing is a fairly minor crime that means nothing to most homeless people. An abandoned house is a perfect place to hang out in. (Providing the abandoned house isn't already taken by meth dealers or other smarter homeless people.) If you stake out the property right, there still might be useful appliances and utensils left in there. If you're lucky, you might still have electricity. That would rock. Abandoned houses also attract rodents, small birds and the occasional owl. Bonus! You can probably get a day or two worth of food before you scare the rest away. There is nothing like eating an endangered owl over a roaring fire!
Mugging is a pretty lucrative business for the homeless. However, they tend to mug other homeless people for useless things like backpacks full of citations. Mugging would be the way to go if you don't do it violently and pick your targets right. Go for the obvious rich people. Hang out at place where rich people notoriously shop at. You have the option to pandhandle the rich consistently or mug some poor bastard then run like hell. If you get caught, you get jail time. But jail time usually equals a little healthcare, some food and exercise. What do you got to lose?
Pretty ridiculous, right?
No comments:
Post a Comment