Sorry about the depressing post yesterday. I don't often write so darkly on this blog. Today is a little bit better. I went to the difficult airway course that I've gone to for the last 3 years. Love it. Totally inspiring. I love the hands on portion, performing the procedures on dummies. Even if they are just dummies, it's awesome. It brightened my day.
I was temporarily intoxicated by the hope of the future. That maybe some day I can really be performing these procedures as a physician. I was intoxicated by nice compliments I received from co-workers. After I sobered up, reality came back. My rut started to settle back in. But it wasn't as intense as it was yesterday. Some of the pain had faded, though it was still there. It's a positive step towards feeling better against this feeling that I haven't been able to identify. This feeling that I can't shake loose of.
I don't know what it is. I only hope that I'm on the path towards annihilating this invisible enemy. I'm taking pot shots in the dark at this thing and landing a few blows. I only hope I start landing more hits soon. I can't stand up against this punishment for that long. I'm only human.
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