Approval

We never stop wanting the approval from those we care about. Whether they be friends, family, co-worker or a personal idol, we never stop searching for that proverbial thumbs-up from them. We all need need it. For some people it drives them, for others it moves them. Today, it did both.

I talked to my good friend on the phone today. We had been playing phone tag for about a week trying to get a hold of each other. I hadn't heard from him in a while and wanted to catch up. It was a good conversation that echoed our usual banter and jokes. We caught up with one another's lives and what was going on. There wasn't anything largely significant. Same old keeping busy, though he was much more busy since he is in medical school.

We talked about medical school and how it was going for him. I casually mentioned the research I had done on  all 159 medical schools recently. I felt surprisingly confident about getting to med school despite the odds. He was noticeably happy. His tone of voice changed. In a way, I've always looked to him for guidance on this subject since that was the route he has done successfully. Despite all my academic shortcomings he was supportive of my plans to get to med school and gave advice. For a time, I always thought I had lost his approval and that he felt I couldn't do it. But then it hit me. He had always been supportive about this route. He had always offered help and advice in a realistic but positive manner. I suddenly remembered the time I told him I was going back to pre-med instead of nursing. I remember he remarked that he was glad I was doing pre-med again because it bummed him out when I decided on nursing for a while. He thought I was capable of more. He has always been supportive. Maybe that's because that's what best friends are supposed to do or maybe he really does believe I'm smart and capable enough to do it. I'm not sure, but it has always sounded sincere.

I guess I have always looked up to him more than I thought. I never realized that his approval meant so much to me until having the conversation we had today. It wasn't anything special, but it was nice to know that he believed I could do it and encouraged me to do it. It was nice to realize that he always believed I could do it.

I sit here now motivated and ready to tackle it all again. I can do this.

The only way to not let his belief and everyone else's belief be in vain is to just get through it and make it to medical school. Not just for them, but for myself as well.