Burned

I'm so ridiculously sunburned it's not even funny. I went out fishing on my friend's boat a couple of days ago. The sun was out in full force but it wasn't hot. I had the seemingly brilliant idea of trying to "even out" my horrendous farmers tan. I was getting tired of looking like I was wearing a white undershirt all the time. So I took my shirt off hoping just a little sun would do.

Well just a little bit of time turned into hours. I didn't feel burned so I assumed I was fine. But oh, how wrong I was. So very wrong. In the mirror, I didn't even look remotely red. I thought I had cheated the system. My insanely pale torso might have skipped the pain and horror of a burn........Or did it? I got into the shower and just about screamed like a little girl with a scraped knee. Not only was the shower hot, my old shower head only has two pressure settings: drizzle and industrial paint peeler. Guess which one it was on.....

If you guessed the industrial paint peeling pressure, you're correct! I turned off the shower and had to take a few seconds to recover. What the hell just happened? I took another look in the mirror only to find that I might be mutating into a lobster-human hybrid. I was so red. How did I not see this before. Was I so drunk with self-satisfaction from fishing that I didn't notice how burned I was the first time? Was I just seeing what I wanted to see? Whatever the case, it didn't matter; I was burned to hell.

I've never been so burned before. Or maybe I have when I was younger and just forgot since it's been so long. Even now, my burns are ravaging my shoulders and back. Knowing my luck, it won't tan. It will just peel and usher in a new layer of shinier paleness.