I Hit a Deer

So I hit an animal with my car for the first time in my life. It really sucked. Not so much for the animal. But for my car and damages. It all started really early this morning. I had fallen asleep in my book attempting to study, when I was rudely awakened by my acid reflux. I got up to take an antacid only to find I was completely out. Since I had fallen asleep in my regular clothes, I felt it was time to take a jaunt to a gas station by my house to pick up those antacids. When I reached the gas station they didn't have the ones, I wanted. (Curses!) I decided it was time to expand my journey, quest if you will, to the Walmart up the street. As I drove to the Walmart, I noticed at the corner of my eye there was a deer running along the side of the road. I started to slow down. Suddenly, the damn thing just ran in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes but it was too late. I must have hit it around 5-10 mph. The deer got up and trotted across the street towards the Walmart casually. I got out to survey the damage of my car. The right side of my car absorbed most of the damage. My headlight was cracked. My hood was off. My bumper was slightly torn off. It was really the last thing I needed. (Come to speak of it, why do people verbalize when something bad happens that it's the last thing they need? Obviously it wouldn't be high up on the list of actual needed things. It's clearly implied in the bad event that it's completely unnecessary and would not qualify to even be on the bottom of anyone's needs list.)

A deer in a fairly big city crossing the street to presumably get to Walmart raises some serious questions. I have concocted such a serious list of questions for you to ponder.

1. What business does a deer have at Walmart at 4 in the morning?
a. Does Walmart have deer food that can actually be purchased by deer?
b. If it could be purchased by deer, would the deer pay in feces or runt children? I only ask this as it would be super absurd if the deer was capable of paying in American currency. As if to imply it had a job.
c. What if it payed in Euros? What business does a deer have in carrying foreign currency?

2. If the deer in fact had business at Walmart that had nothing to do with gourmet deer food, would the deer actually be purchasing cigarettes? Not to smoke though. That would be stupid. But to eat them.
a. If the deer purchased cigarettes to consume them, would the deer be addicted to nicotine? Would tobacco chew be a better alternative?
b. If the deer was intending to eat them, why? Because it's some sort of delicacy? To get a nicotine high? To "relax" after a stressful day full of avoiding predators and pooping on public hiking trails?

3. Was the deer going to Walmart at all? It may have been attempting to visit other locations in that mini mall.
a. If the deer was not going to Walmart, was it heading towards Cafe Rio or Panda Express with false hopes that they might be open 24/7?
b. If it wasn't food the deer was interested in, was it home supplies at every day low prices at the Lowes next door?

Now that I've ruined your faith in my abilities to think critically, I believe it is time for this ridiculous blog to end. Good day to you.