A flood of smells and sights assaulted my memory banks. Sights and memories long forgotten. Old faces I hadn't bothered to remember. Teachers who have likely retired or passed away. I walked around the school. Nothing is what it seemed to be. I've never had a reason to return before, really. Who really goes back to visit their old elementary school? I wanted so badly to walk in and roam the halls. But probably just as well that I didn't. They don't really look too fondly on random 23 year olds who randomly decide to roam in an elementary school for no real reason. Pretty sure they would just think I was just some psychotic creep if I told them "Oh I used to go here. I've been having weird dreams about this place, so I decided to pay homage and wonder the halls." Nonetheless, I was happy with the results of just being able to walk around the place.
This field seemed like it stretched on for ages as a kid. I spent most of my time playing football in the spring here or building snow forts. It's still a large field for an elementary school. But it seemed so much bigger back then.
These basketball hoops were old even when I was a kid. From 4th grade to 6th grade, I spent almost every waking moment on this court. I had always played basketball when I was young. My friends would beg me to play with them or hang out with the girls they were hanging out with. I was too scared of girls to care about that. I was happy playing basketball poorly and being outdoors. I could remember many games on those courts. Slipping and falling on pebbles. Scrapes. Cheating. Arch rivalries. Going there in the summer because it was a "real" basketball court.
It was odd visiting the place. Remembering old crushes. Old friends. Learning hard lessons. I remembered hundreds of memories just by stepping foot on the ground. How friendships were forged. How I met some kids who influenced my life greatly. Just simply walking around to clear my mind. Old games like kickball, four square, jump rope (I only did jump rope to get close to a girl I liked but was too afraid to admit it to anyone.) Spying on girls to learn their plans. Adventures in bushes and rolling down hills when we weren't supposed to.For the first time in years, I remembered what it was like to be a kid. Knowing some things and yet not knowing anything at all. The naivety, perhaps even arrogance. Not seeing the world through shades of bureaucracy and politically correct statements, but seeing the world as colorful adventure full of endless possibilities. A world where everything was supposed to make sense. The only exception to anything not making sense was how adults treated you like a kid even though you insisted you were so much older. Not making many of your own decisions. Not worrying about the opposite sex or money. All you needed was your friends and for adults to grant you privileges that made you feel older. Believing what people told you because trust wasn't an issue. The level of innocence to have the ability to forgive for big things but hold big grudges for little things.
It was strange to feel this way. I felt old walking the grounds. Making the equipment appear tiny and the fields not so vast and endless. In a way, I wish I hadn't walked around there so I could preserve a piece of youth that has always been glorified in my mind. A sense of youth that hasn't seemed so distant, as if being in elementary school had only happened a few years ago. In another sense, it was nice to walk around and see how far I have come. It opened my eyes to how far I still have to go in life. In a more quantum theory way, it made me wonder if my ten year old self would approve of what I have become now. Would I be disappointed?
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