Everyone nowadays just doesn't know how to dine these days. Even worse, no one knows how to act at a drive through. My theory is, if we would just be a tad bit kinder to the restaurant staff, we could ultimately prevent food poisoning.
Drive Thru Tips:
Anytime you're at the drive thru, it's easy to feel a lot less personalized when dealing with the staff. If your friends are in the background laughing obnoxiously, or even you yourself is having trouble containing your laughter, you're pretty much screwed
What you said: I would like double cheeseburger. *keee* with fries (suddenly loud laughter in the background) Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm sorry. Let me start over. I would like a Cheeseburger and.....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
What they heard: I would like every item of my meal smothered in your bodily fluids because I'm a disrespecting jackass. It doesn't matter what the food tastes like just as long as I pay for it and get it. Oh and can I also get that with a side of horrible customer service and a supersized "fuck you"?
When you go to pick up your food at the window, don't try to be cute or funny. Most of the time they hate their jobs and hating you definitely comes with that package.
What you say: Wow you're really busy. Sucks to be you. Have a good night!
What they say after you drive away: I'll remember your face till the day I die and if I see you here again you'll give a shit patty burger.
If you're white and an asshole, then you probably assume that just about everyone in fast food speaks spanish. Don't be condescending and try to "speak their language."
You being a dumbass: Yo quiero soda pop de coca cola and cheeseburgero with papas fritas. Comprende Paco?!
Person at the window: I'm a white french canadian.
Mexican Restaurant Tips:
Mexican food is life's overpriced laxative and gas inducer. For only 5 bucks you can feel like bowels are about to explode. For an extra 79 cents your bowels really will explode! It's a sale on your life. Everything that was healthy in your body must go!
Mexican food is a tricky one. Because a lot of the food was originally created by white people in Texas. Not all Mexicans know what the dishes are. Ignorant people think they are learning the Spanish language by memorizing the food platters. And if you're not careful ordering, the puns could kill you.
Never ask for "extra sour cream." By that point you're pretty much just begging for the "Salty Semen Surprise." And more importantly, don't ask for a lot smashed beans. The beans will look like shit, smell like shit, taste like shit, but damn it you are so convinced it's authentic you just keep stuffing your face.
Sit Down Restaurant Tips:
As I've said before, try to be funny with the staff. I'm sure it gets annoying. The people sitting with you might think you are witty or charming, but the person working for your tip thinks you're a cheap asshole. So it doesn't matter how you act. They will probably get the same tip anyway. If you're specifically just witty to the staff in hopes that good things will happen, you're an idiot. Here is a list of things you are least likely to hear as a result of your crappy humor, bad judgement and bad timing.
You're so funny! I don't want to get paid at all! This meal is free!
Wow, you're wit is impressive, how about you get promoted from customer, to store owner!
I can't remember the last time I heard something so funny from someone as attractive as you.
Are you famouse or something because, you would have to be to make up something that great.
I'm sure you get the idea.
Don't be a crappy tipper. If service was horrible then yes it is appropriate to not tip as much. But if the service was great if not exceeding your expectations, don't leave 50 cents and a note you scrawled on a dirty napkin that says "Thank you :)" That's not only rude as hell but chances are your tires will be slashed before you get to your car.
Well that's all for now. Perhaps I'll write a sequel if I get bored enough or if I get good feedback from this one. I don't know where I came up with the idea for this. It just randomly came to me despite the fact I was in somewhat of a crappy mood while coming up with this.
Thanks for reading. :)
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