So after recieving about 4 hours of sleep last night and fighting my way through an 8 hour day at work, I figured that now would be as good of time as any to attempt to write a humorous blog. It's been a while since I've made such an attempt.
So what is today's topic you ask? I'm sure the suspsense in attempting to decipher my title on first impression is fairly intense. Hold your breath no longer my witless chums. Today I will be addressing two subjects. 1. how they should revise the way they advertise food and 2. the utterly ridiculous ideas of a good relationship.
So this was partially inspired by my friend Kevin who's rants about the near crippling diaherria effects of Taco Bell changed the way I looked at fast food. Fast food chains should adopt a system, by which the naming of their product should be REQUIRED to reflect on the effects the product will have on your stomach and colon. And to make it even more interesting, they should also have names that hint of current events.
Lost?
Understandable. But that's why I'm here to put you back on track with these lovely examples.
I'll pick on Taco Bell for a couple of examples because its just so easy and convenient. Examples of products that would accurately reflect on your colon while staying to current events would be:
The Jihad Burrito
Tax Inflation Double Decker Out the Esophogus
The Improvised Explosive Device Beef Gordita (Now with meat!)
The Economy Slump Taco
Appetizing ay? You bet your ass it is. But lets not limit ourselves to Taco Bell. I will go over a variety of products that you would relate to.
Martyr Muffins
Quarter Pound Obesity Burger
Iraqi Revolt Nuggets
Rapid Immigration Sandwich
Tank Stopping Dairy Delight
Prisoner Pita Bread
Wouldn't this be a little more fair to all of us if we knew what was going to happen the second that stuff hit our stomachs? At least once in our lives, we have consumed a product of a fast food origin, that has made us pray for a swift death in our sleep. But with my proposed system, we can educate the ignorant and obese American public at large about current events, but while maintaining honesty that you will be in a world of shit later (no pun intended)
Now for my second topic. Ludicrous relationship ideas. I can't stress this enough about how much crazy crap I see going on in this state of Utah. I would say that about 45% of my graduating class is already married or engaged. And that's surprisingly accurate. Utah has the highest rate of young married couples. It is estimated that by age 23, 60% of the people you graduated with will already be married and will likely have been married for 1 year to 2 years. I read this in the SLC Tribune the other day (If I could have found the article about it, I would have posted it.) What kind of maniac wants to get married before they can legally drink? Even worse, get married before you can legally by cigarettes(19 in case you didn't know)
Yeah get that idea out of your head. That's the devil. That and really sappy and posed out pictures of yourself and significant other on myspace and other websites the public can view them. Stop that. It makes me want to eat Taco Bell just so I have a reason to throw up. And don't get me started about the insane idea that true and passionate love can exist in under one day. Nothing says "I believe in fortune cookies, horoscopes, chain letters and the tooth fairy" quite like you goobers who believe that idea. Stop that too. That's bad. Thats right, I'm posing my opinions as facts :)
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