Lil' Douchebag Suits

Every time I go to Walmart, I see these little exercise suits. These would be acceptable or even cute for kids who were in a junior basketball league or some kind of sports. They are perfect bench and warm up suits. But if they were used outside of this context, the results would be catastrophic.

It's no secret that people who wear track suits outside of an exercise or sports related environment are douchebags. Even creeps can sport this look with relative ease. What if little boys were to wear these as regular clothing? We would see a drastic increase of douchebaggery, the likes of which we have never seen before. There would be a lot of little creeps hanging out by the monkey bars of the playground with greasy slicked back hair, partially unzipped track jackets showing a wife-beater tank top and cheap gold necklace underneath. They would just hang out there casually winking and snapping at the passing girls and propositioning some to play a game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

We can't take the risk for this type of cataclysmic douchebaggery to happen. The cons are greater than the pros. I recommend an immediate burning of these douchebag suits. It's bad enough we have a plentiful supply of teenage and adult douchebags; we don't need the virus to spread to our children too. It's not long before these suits start including the cheap gold necklaces and wife-beater tank tops. We don't have time. We have to act now to save our youth from complete and utter social failure!


Think of the children! Would you please just think of the children?!