Expired.....

Back here again to rant on what's been going on.
It's been on and off how I've been feeling. My stress level is catching up to me as school piles on and work gets worse. It seems to take very little anymore to set me off. It feels like lately that things will go right for like a day or two but it's not long before something ends up taking away anything that resembles a good mood. Plus its the holidays. My worst memories are always during November and December. Though, this commercial time of year usually means some amount of happiness, I am typically depressed during the holiday seasons. It usually has nothing to do with the holidays most of the time. Everything just seems to go wrong for me in the winter time. It's hard for me to be happy in the winter. I hate the cold. I hate the idea of walking outside because of how cold it is. I don't snowboard or ski (I used to) so the snow means nothing to me but drivers that are already horrible, turning worse. Snow=shitty people. It's like the second it snows, everyone drives likes its their last day on earth or they are attempting to escape from something. School is almost over for a while and I'm happy for that. My job however is not over. I have been interviewed for 3 seperate EKG tech jobs and all 3 have yet to call me back with an answer. It's been like a month since I've interviewed. I've called to hopefully acquire something of a result but everytime they just say they don't know. I really want to leave my job. I know I whine about this every time, but I can't stand my job. I need to leave. I fear it will be a while yet before I ever do. Women are just as shitty of an issue. The girls I always want are the ones that I can never have. The girls that want me are generally the girls I never want. I feel a dream expire everytime I have some psychotic girl throw herself at me while I hopelessly chase a couple of girls that would sooner eat a lump of cow poo covered in burnt hair and old medical waste then even think about looking my way. I'm tired of losing and getting blown off by girls. It's the same shit every year and it's as if I never actually learn despite the same reoccurring events and patterns. So now I'm just saying fuck it. I can't take it anymore. I just don't care anymore. I"m not even going to try because it's all the same.
Yeah, despite all the confusion I feel a few good things have happened. I'm starting to get back into music by starting a new band. So far it's turning out to be acoustical rock and I pretty much have amazing members in this new shin dig. I really hope that things start to get serious with it because I've needed music by having a band in my life for a long time. I have finally reached the mediocre age of 19. Which is pretty much the age of 17 all over again. Just pointless and in between with very few rights or priveleges tacked on to it. As for my new car situation, it's actually coming along. However, I don't believe I'll be getting a Mitsubishi Lancer anymore. I have now set my sights on a VW Van. Tha'ts right. A van. A damn sexy one too. Someday, you will know its power. I may have it in the next couple of weeks. So thats good. I've been volunteering at Local every chance I get. Local is a great place. It's the one place where I know I can go to and find a friend. I like volunteering. I love being apart of music. Setting up shows there, hanging out with good people. It helps out a lot.
Other than this, I'm feeling overwhelmed and out of luck. I miss the summer a lot. I miss a lot of what was, but no longer is now. I miss a lot of my old friends and friends I have now. Summer was when things were right..........I was never quite alone then.
Even though I didn't realize it at the time.