Yet another adventure is being presented to you. It's pretty crazy so you won't be disappointed.
It was myself, Matt, Lincoln and this guy Brendon I didn't know. We decided that we should light coffee creamer. Now for those of you who don't know this, coffee creamer is incredibly flammable and explosive. No bullshit. It has to be poured onto a lighter from a high place in order for it to work because if its in a pile it doesn't work. So anyway, we get the coffee creamer and they wanted to do it behind a Smith's. I was like fuck that! I'll go to jail and get cornhole raped. Despite my objections, they were going to do it anyway. Luckily there was someone in the parking lot watching so we couldn't do it. So we decided we should go to this church pavillion thing. After several unsuccessful attempts we finally got a good explosion out of one. We all frantically ran to Lincoln's car and sped out of the parking lot. The whole time there was a guy at the church watching us. Lincoln drive like 75 mph out of that place as the guy tried to futily chase after us on foot. After our great escape, that Brendon kid realized he forgot his wallet and cell phone at the place we just were. So we turned around and parked nearby while Lincoln and Brendon ran back for his stuff. It seemed like hours they were gone when it was like 2 minutes. I had to be home at 11:30 because my parents suck ass. So I was like fuck this dude. I bet we get busted I'm walking back to your house Matt. After a complicated explanation of how to get to his house I was thoroughly confused. But I decided I should take my chances and walk. I had no desire to get hateraped in jail. So I got out of the car and began to make my way to Matt's house. And of course the first thing I do when I make my journey there is take a wrong turn to a street thats just a U turn back to where I just was. As I realized this, a fairly large dog hurtled after me at blinding speeds. I turned around and ran my pansy ass away. The dog nipped away at my heels. I thought he was going to get a piece of my leg and it would be all over from there. But somehow in my frantic running I managed to kick the dog in the face. The dog skulked back with it's tail in between its legs. Victory was had! It then occurred to me that I was incredibly lost and that I had to navigate my way back to Matt's by my wits. Plus I still had my hat on. I took it off knowing that if that guy was around he would remember the kid with the hat on. I stuffed it in my pocket and made my way casually down the street as if I were part of the neighborhood. I turned down all kinds of random streets trying to guess where Matt's house would logically be from my location. I then called my friend Jeff for a ride who happened to be all the way in Midvale while I was in Draper. But I had to keep moving so I would not be easy to spot. As time went on I saw the guy who had chased after us earlier in the sidewalks walking. I was hoping with everything that he didn't get a good enough look at me. I walked by casually and he said "good evening" with a smile as I walked by. In which I did the same thing. I was still alive! I made my way to a street where some kids were sitting outside on the lawn chatting and what not. They were not too shy to talk to me. Before I knew it, I was being hit on by what were obvious middle school girls who were pretending to be 18. And I met a kid with the same name as me! It was crazy. After an unconvincing story of how old they were, they admitted that they were in 9th grade. I wouldn't have gave them much credit. I would have guessed 8th grade at the oldest. But they talked to me until Jeff made it to my house. In which he got out of his car and blurted "HI!" as loud as he could. I said my goodbyes to the kids and got in the car. Little did they know that they were just an accessory to my great escape from a night of hateraping in jail. As it turns out I was less than 20 feet from Matt's house from where I was. By which Jeff was annoyed that he drove all the way from Midvale to drive me less than a block to safety. What a friend huh? Upon my arrival, Matt begailed me of the story I was not there to hear. Lincoln and Brendon successfully got his stuff from the place. But they got chased again by the guy. They ran like hell to safety and they were off! Everyone made it back safely. And that is my adventure with the coffee creamer. I hope you were just as impressed as myself.
As a side note to this story, I would like to say thank you to all the people who have been there for me through my shitty messes with girls and such. All of you have made a difference whether you know it or not. But yeah. anyway that is my story. Have a wonderful morning/day/night. Whenever you read this.
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