Bad Hat Choices

So there I was in a parking lot getting out of my car. The sun was beating down on me at 97 degrees of pure melanoma-inducing hate. My plain black hat kept the sun out of my eyes so I could survey my surroundings before crossing the street to my destination. A large accumulation of sweat had pooled in the small of my back after driving 45 minutes in this arid, hellish landscape of a standard Utah summer. I couldn't wait to get indoors to enjoy the air conditioning awaiting me a mere 30 yards away.

Just as I was about to cross the street, an old car pulls up next me to park. Emerging from the vehicle was possibly the most insane human being I could picture at that time. A long haired kid (Kid = asshole in his early twenties) wearing a beanie and tight pants squeezes past me to cross the street. Listen, I remember what it was like to be in my early 20's. I wanted to look and be cool. But holy shit fucking crap! Tight pants and a beanie when the temperature is rapidly approaching triple digits is insanity! I was sweating my balls off in shorts, thin black t-shirt and sandals in a car that has great AC. This kid was driving in a car that was built while Gerald Ford ran the nation whilst wearing late fall clothing. I'm not even sure if AC existed in cars back then. The balls on this guy! I love the heat, but not enough to invite heat stroke. I could forgive the pants decision. Some people just don't like wearing shorts. As I sit in this coffee shop, I realize that I might actually be the only person in shorts here. But a beanie? A fucking beanie?! The sole purpose of a beanie is to keep your ears and head warm in the event the temperature drops below 50 degrees. The temperature was double that! Not to mention the long black hair this ass was sporting. That's a double whammy! Brain cells were possibly melting and leaking out of his ears. My hat is thin and made to cover up matted down unhygienic hair. It would be better not to have it, but it's not my first choice for cold-ish weather.

This hat decision blew me away. I thought I had seen it all. Believe me, I've seen some shit in my day. But a beanie in late summer is unfathomable. It just screams "Help me! I'm trying to look cool while actually being physically overheated by my own dumbass decision! If I was in any other country, I would have died of dehydration and heat stroke by now!"

Bad hat decisions are bad decisions that affect us all as a society. Stop the madness now!