Dreaming of Schemes

There are times I wish I was an unreliable sociopath bent on a perpetual quest to make a quick buck. Only in my wildest daydreams I wish to concoct diabolical plots to collect money at the expense of others.

It would be nice to be a "get rich quick" type scammer by offering stupid people bad advice for an obscene cost. I would start a business where I would hold huge seminars offering people tips on how to make money. These seminars would be somewhat expensive but I would promise "fast results" from my advice. The first part of the seminar would be spent bashing republicans and rich people for making the economy so bad. I don't think either of them are completely responsible for that problem, but everybody hates rich people. I would spend the next part bashing democrats for wasting money on stupid things like education, health and immigration reform. That way I effectively cover  most political scapegoats. That will just hook the audience.

After blaming politicians through a series of vague rambling lectures, I will start loosely paraphrasing quotes from economists. Most of the quotes would say things about spending money to help the economy, saving money is bad and getting help from professionals is the best way to ensure financial security. I would then refer to myself as "professional help" and praise the audience for seeking my expert advice. After hitting all effective key points that pander to lazy white trash, I will close my seminar with "Getting rich has never been so easy! Don't forget to pay the exit fee on your way out!" Ingeniously I would charge people to enter and exit the seminar. Getting in would be the cheapest part. Getting out would be the most difficult and expensive. No one would be allowed to leave the building until they have paid my steep exit fee. Scamming people who want quick easy money would be the ultimate job where I could retire at the age of 28. Lazy people are abundant and stupid. It would be too easy.
 

Unfortunately for me, I was born with a conscience.  I can't bring myself to scam people with seminars full of faulty advice and entry/exit fees. 

I'm stuck being good. It would be way too uncomfortable for me to move outside of my comfort bubble. It's not so uncomfortable that it's similar to being raped. But it's more like "being fondled in your sleep by your favorite uncle" type of uncomfortable. I hate being uncomfortable in any way, shape, or form.

I guess I'll keep living a life of semi moral and ethical standards.

I guess I'll keep being Mr. Goody Two Shoes.