The other day I was reminded of how summer has finally come to a close. No, it wasn't the fact school has started college and high school alike. It was the fact that the nights have been getting colder. I guess to some of you, thats no surprise. I'm still living in July. August went by so fast. July and August have to be the fastest of the other months. Before you know it, its September and Labor Day weekend is your next ticket to being lazy or being paid overtime. I'm not a fan of September. It's like the Springs distant cousin. It's either really hot, or really cold and everything is starting to fall instead of bloom.
I hate the Autumn and Winter days. They always tend to be my worst. The people who know me well enough, know that I'm a pansy when it comes to the cold. Not only that, I cannot remember a Fall or Winter where I was content. Usually the end of winter/beginning of spring is when I start to feel happy again. A lot of it has to do with the fact its always dark and gloomy in the winter. It does have its points where I can enjoy it in small doses.
Just thinking of the fact that Winter is coming makes me uneasy. Last Fall/Winter I was pretty alone. Everything changed as it tends to after you graduate. I at least had Local to fall back on. I had somewhere to go. Something to do. But this year there is no Local or place I can go to just to pass the time or be in the company of good friends. I refuse to repeat last year. Feeling lonely, having friends but rarely seeing them, taking chances on girls who didn't deserve them just so maybe I could try to cure my loneliness. I won't do it. I really do have better hopes for this Fall. I think I'm in a much better state of mind than I was last year. I'm in a better position in life than I was last year.
I've been working at my new job now for a month. It's ok I guess. Beats the hell out of my last job. My only complaint is how boring it is. The field of laboratory science bores me. To some it seems like it's exciting. To me, it's boring and I can't wait for another job. ha ha. I'm currently taking an EMT course this year. I've shifted my interests to emergency medicine recently. I'm thinking about doing paramedics if I like doing EMT. Probably get my bachelors in it (Yes that is possible) I do realize there isn't a lot of money in it. Every life I go out to help is worth about 8.88 an hour as a basic EMT. Shitty pay for the weight of responsibility on someones life. So far I really love the class. I think I've found something that I can pursue and love that's realistic.
I feel that I'm at this point in my life where I'm starting to feel ready to grow up a little more. Not that I have a choice. August wasn't exactly my best month. I had a warrant out for my arrest because I forgot to pay a ticket from a year ago. I didn't get arrested but I almost did. I had to pay that off. On top of that I got an alcohol ticket. I rarely drink as it is. More often than usual lately. I've done it once a month since June. To some people, thats nothing, to me, thats a little much. And of course, my beloved van broke down. Getting the ticket was a wake up call to me. I've just been so careless and flakly lately. Not only with how I've handled myself, but my money and the girls that have come in and out of my life. It's a dumb mistake to make, but it reminded me that I have to buckle down if I am to be successful. If I am to actually be somebody.
Altogether, I'm pretty content. I get stressed here and there, but who doesn't during this time of year? I know the next couple of months won't be the easiest given my financial situation. But I do know that the next little while isn't darkness with patches of light. Rather light with patches of darkness and the occasional shades of grey. I can see this through. I'm thinking things through a lot more than I ever have. Though feeling lonely without friends or even a stable girl sucks, it's not forever. And I'm rarely lonely when it comes to friends anyway.
I think everything will be ok.
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