I need to relax

Today didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would be. I got more rest than I had originally thought. My class got out early and I was able to sleep for three extra hours. Everything seems to be out of place lately. I can't describe how it feels. But it feels like there is pieces out of place. What pieces? I don't know. Perhaps its because I have felt overwhelmed lately between school and work. In school, I've done better than I ever have. I'm finally comfortable at work. I guess there isn't much to complain about.

A Long Bad Day

It's been a while since I've posted on here. Nearly three months. Unfortunately, I feel the urge to write about a long bad day.

At the end of a work day, most people are lucky enough to retire to their homes, in some cases to their beds. I am not one of those people. For the past 2 years I have been lucky enough to have fewer bad days than I did when I was younger. My quality of life has improved. My state of mind has improved. I guess that's what makes it so hard to have a bad day. When I was middle/high school, I frequently had gut-wrenching bad days. I struggled to stay afloat in my studies. My dad made sure my punishment was large and swift as a result. Every day my anxiety grew. Every day I was waiting for the axe to fall. The humble beginnings I had meeting girls tended to stress me out. If it wasn't one crazy girl trying to make my life hell, it was another. That was more towards my senior year. Everything changed when I graduated. But it wasn't the change I wanted. I still had the same shitty job. A job that nearly every day tore me apart. A job where I felt useless and belittled daily. The way I feel now is the way I felt nearly every day I worked there. I still had the same shitty girl problems. Change wasn't happening for me. I just assumed it would just happen if I was patient. But what I didn't understand that the change I wanted was the changed I had to make happen. After separating myself from a few people, getting a new job, and meeting a new wonderful girl, things started to change dramatically. I was happy with my work. I had money. I had good friends. I had a girlfriend. Things only got better from there.

Since then, I've had very few gut-wrenching bad days. I've had bad days, but not days where I just felt low. Days where I felt as bad as I did while attending high school. I'm not exactly why I feel as low as I do now. It wasn't a terrible day. The past few nights of work have been busy. Nothing exciting. Just busy. It started out like a normal work day. Things didn't start getting bad until I had to babysit a few psycho patients. I lose my patience quickly with mental patience. I just don't care for their problems to be honest. I especially don't care to babysit them like 6 year old children since thats the way they typically behave. Working in the ER has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. However, I did not sign up for babysitting duty for mentally unstable dumbasses. While babysitting patients, I like to do homework. Most of the time the doctors and nurses don't care. Most patients don't really need the supervision anyway. They just need to be watched because of protocol. While watching 2 of the patients one of the doctors asks me to get some ice for a patient. Keep in mind this is not one of my favorite doctors to work with. But as always I'm generally respectful to all of them. I just replied well I'm watching two patients, I can't. The doctor pointed to my homework and yelled, "is this what you're watching? For god sakes put that shit away and do your job!" I was a bit taken back by the remark. I quickly put away the book and went on to watch. The comment got to me more than it should. But what made it worse is the doctor was talking about me behind my back less than five feet away. I was infuriated. Talking about your problem with another employee while they sit 5 feet away is far more unprofessional than me doing homework while watching mentally stable patients. In reality, it got to me more than it really should have. But I felt like shit. I didn't mean to anger anyone over something so little. I typically don't let stuff like this get to me. But I guess I just wasn't as strong as I usually am.

I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I was also worried. This is a doctor who likes to use their position to complain and change things that benefit them immediately. I worried for the security of my job. My nurse manager has a reputation for being impersonal and incredibly cold. I worried I would be fired at the request of the doctor. It put me in one of the most rotten moods I've been in for a long time. I was silent. I shuffled slower than I usually did.

I longed to go home the entire time. At the end of a hard day, my bed is always there to take me away from reality. I can sleep and forget about it all for just a few hours. I soon realized that I didn't have such an option. I had to take my BLS instructor course since my first one didn't take 2 hours after my shift was over. I hate sleeping at the hospital. The bed is always uncomfortable. Not just physically, but mentally. You constantly think of the people walking in the the breakroom outside of the door. You feel very self-conscious. Out of your element. It didn't seem appetizing to sleep for an hour then drive to Murray for the course. Which brings us here to this poorly thought out blog I'm writing right now. The worst part about this is, my long day isn't over. I have to do this course for 4 hours, get home at around one, sleep for 3 hours if I'm lucky. Then come back and get ready for work again. On top of that I have three tests this week.

I have so much to do and so little time to do it. I'm feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. I couldn't help but to keep reminding myself of my goal to one day become a doctor. To one day be equal or superior to those who troubled me. But that's just it. Is it a goal or a dream? It's easier for me to think so pessimistically when I'm in this bad of a mood. No time for sleep now. I need some caffiene to get this already shitty day jumpstarted. I need the artificial energy to boost me just for a couple of hours.

I'm done.

My Big Realization (A Day at Work)

It was a busy night as I struggled to keep up with the patient load. I looked at the ambulance call recording sheet to see what was coming in next.

Time: 0107.
88 year old female coming from a nursing home facility with altered level of consciousness and running a fever. Lung sounds are crackly with possible decreased sounds on the right side.

"Pneumonia," I thought casually as I walked away from the charge nurse desk slightly irritated. "Why are they coming here? It's busy as it is already." I thought nothing more of it while I prepared the room for her arrival. It was just another patient taking up another bed in an already busy ER. The paramedics arrived in no particular hurry. They wheeled her in, gave a quick report and left as quickly as they came. I didn't stop to notice the patient really. I was too busy just going through the routine. I got her hooked up to the monitor, placed an IV and helped draw blood for the lab tests. As I was securing her IV, I started to slow down a little and take notice of the patient. I looked up and saw a frail elderly woman. Just by looking at her, I could tell she wasn't in good health and probably hadn't been for quite some time. She was pale and sweaty. I noticed her right eye had lost color and muscle control. It was not the beautiful light blue her left eye possessed. Rather, it was a hazy gray that enveloped her iris and pupil. Her peppered gray and white hair was thrown about every which way in a mess. Her wrinkled pale wrinkled skin told stories of her past medical history. She was severly disoriented. Her brow was knit with confusion as the nurse and I performed our tasks. If I had held a mirror to her face, she would probably not recognize the woman staring back her. She looked at both her hands as if she had just discovered them for the first time. I took her by the hand and told her it was going to be ok, we were going to take good care of her. As I held her frail hand in mine, I noticed she was shaking. Her jaw quivered uncontrollably. It was not just a look of confusion anymore. It was fear. As if she had been accustomed all her life to people in scrubs and stethoscopes causing her pain and frustration. The fear was much like a childs fear of getting shots at the doctors office. Only recognizing the scrubs as the landmark for her pain. I felt hopeless knowing that no words or actions could calm her fears. She couldn't understand. Then it hit me hard. Looking at her frail state reminded of what I had suddenly become. I hadn't treated her like a patient. I treated her like a chore.

 

"What have I done?" I thought. "What if this was my grandma."

It's not your grandma.

"But what if it was? Would I want her to be treated by someone like me?"

She is not your grandma.

"No, but she is SOMEBODY'S grandma!"

 

I don't think it matters what your job title is. Nurse. Tech. CNA. Doctor. I think they all tell you not to imagine a family member in place of a patient. Objectify, not subjectify. Don't put yourself through it. They aren't your family and they probably never will be. You have a job to do so do it correctly, not subjectively. Still, I struggled with this frame of mind. I've been in several different hospital jobs in the past five years. I always told myself that I would never be that person. I would never be that hardened. Yet, here I stood; dumbfounded by my own sense of shame. Have I forgotten what brought me to the medical field in the first place? To help others. Make a difference. Outside of work, I would tell everyone that I loved my job. I would tell everyone what a tremendous inspiration it was for me to work with such talented and hard-working people. I would tell myself how much it motivated me to become a doctor.

 

"How can I fix this?" I thought quickly. I had moved on to other tasks in the meantime since it was a busy night. "I know! I can go in and try to talk to her. Any company is better than none." I jogged to her room only to find she was fast asleep. "How much time has gone by?" I looked at my watch. "0330! Has it really been that long?" I hung my head in shame. I stood there silently watching her sleep. She didn't seem so sick anymore. Her oxygen saturations and respriations had returned to normal. She seemed so at peace laying in that uncomfortable stretcher, unaware of the fact I was watching her. Unaware of how many other patients in the department demanded medical attention in our chaotic environment.  I couldn't look at her anymore. I had failed myself........ Wait. No, I hadn't. I looked at her one more time. "I'm sorry, my dear. I failed you." I walked off to tend to another patient.

 

I didn't go in there again for the rest of the night. She was there long after I had left my shift. When I got thinking, I realized that this happens to even the best of the medical professionals. I'm still relatively new to the medical field and have a long way to go in what I hope to be a successful medical career. It's a shame that it took a frail, sick elderly woman to remind me of why I got into medicine. Not the trauma cases or cardiac arrests. It definitely isn't about the money since my position can only pay so much. She reminded me of what is supposed to be an endless pursuit of medical perfection. Not just the treatment but the care we give as individuals. She reminded me of what I aspire to one day become. Not just a doctor. But a sincerely kind and caring medical professional. This is something we should all strive for. Not just as medical professionals, but as people as well. I think this is something we can all agree on.

Common Cold

Here I am in the ER sick with the common cold. Don't worry, I'm in the ER as an employee not a patient. I would never go to the ER for a cold. In any case I rarely get sick and of all times to get sick, it has to be in the summer! I haven't been sick in the summer for years. I forgot how hard it is to work with a cold chipping away at your energy. Luckily for me, I'm babysitting a patient so I can absorb as much rest as possible. Bleh.

I just want this cold to go away.

Survey Questions That Suck

Yes thats right! Another blog about surveys. Yet another pathetic attempt to seem witty with an old concept I've used before. I'm an uncreative hack, ok! But this time the survey won't be one of my concoction. I have hand picked these questions from surveys I have seen the past little bit. I will then destroy these questions with my bitterness and utter disdain for humanity. Sit back and enjoy.


1.What is the last thing you put in your mouth?
Seriously, this is one of the dumbest questions I've seen on a survey in a while. Obviously made to bring out sexual inuendo. Perhaps truth. But no self-respecting person is going to honestly put for the world to see "my boyfriends cock." Or even "hmmmm I was just fooling around with my lover so I'm going to have to say that the last thing in my mouth was genitals."

2. Done anything you regret lately?
"Hmmmm, should I let the world know I did something regrettable recently? Oh geeze, all I did was kill a hooker and drive a school bus full of children into the brick side of a Wal-Mart. I guess I can say I regret that." Seriously, people blow goats. No one is going to tell you descriptively if they did something they regret lately on a damn survey. "Oh I fucked this guy that worked at a soup kitchen in a drunken stupor at 3 in the afternoon. That's not embarrassing or regrettable."

3. Do you have any secrets?
Certainly I do. I've kept them secret from my family, friends and the law but I guess I'll tell this neutral survey that will be posted for everyone I know to see. Does anyone know a person who put a dark secret on a survey out of no where so casually? Do you have any secrets? "I sure do and I'm going to let the world know on this survey that I raped a cat in front of my grandma last thanksgiving."

4. What does the (insert random number here) text say in your phone?
Even if something bad was said on the said number of text, no one is going to honestly put it up there. "Yeah the 7th text in my phone is from this girl I  that I'm dating and it says "hey cutie, when I see you tonight, be prepared. Hope you have lube handy because I'm going to have my strapon handy."

5. Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Everyone and their fucking dog has myspace. The person you are dating is likely to have access to this survey! Who would answer this question truthfully without thinking it wouldn't lead to a giant fight? Because chances are if the answer is yes, you're probably in a relationship or getting out of one. "oh yeah I'm thinking of that one guy I experimented with last week in the back of my AMC Gremlin. My girlfriend won't think that's odd at all." Get lives people and quit looking for entertaining drama on a myspace survey!

6. What are your biggest fears?
Hey myspace stalkers, let me share with you my deepest fears in public so you can one day use them against me when I'm alone at home. I'm deathly afraid of people in hockey masks and butcher knives and people with the intent to rape me. Fuck people. Really.

7. Do you wish any of your ex's would die?
A bad break up is one thing, but wishing for your ex to die I think is going too far. That's a pretty strong wish. There's very few instances I can think of  where I feel that such feelings would even be remotely appropriate. Such as smothering your old man in his sleep while you microwave a hot pocket downstairs completely oblivious. Or maybe even if your ex crashed your car, stole your money, used it to fund terrorist feminists, left unidentifiable body fluids on all your pillows, and took advantage of your drunk sibling during a board game themed sleepover. Seriously, even if you wish your ex would die, keep that shit to yourself anyway you moron. You're screwed up, get help.

8.Is cheating ever okay?
Here is another question that guarantees a fight with someone your close with (dating, relationship, etc) Does anyone expect someone to answer that question with "Only if that person is incredibly hot and easy and knows how to keep a secret."

9. Ever laughed so hard you shit your pants?
This is the type of question, if answered yes, that signals to everyone else "let's never be friends." I can't think of a single instance where I might have shit myself as a result of something being incredibly humorous. If someone I didn't know well told me they shit themselves because they laughed hard, I would immediately evacuate the area so I'm no where near their pants-shitting personality. Who knows, I might just tell the golden joke and have a mess on my hands. No one would ever answer that truthfully.

10. Do you hate anything about yourself?
People who like to share their insecurities that openly are just asking to get destroyed by someone at the nearest opportune time. "I hate my nose and the way my mom calls me fat." Somehow they are surprised when someone uses it against them when they do something stupid. As if they weren't even supposed to know! "Well your nose is big and fat and your mom is right about you, you are fat." Oh No, all the things I hate about myself being used against me. How could that have been prevented. Oh life is pain!



So what I'm getting across here is, stop looking for interesting drama or facts about people on their surveys. What do you expect?! I mean seriously? No one answers the really personal questions. Stop wasting your time thinking you're going to find something juicy about someone you probably barely know. Now that I've destroyed your fun and hopes. I will return to working the remainder of my shift.

Warm Weather at Last

I'm happy that it's actually warm outside again. This has been the coldest June I can ever remember. I'm ready for warm and hot weather. I like being able to walk outside at any time of the day without layers of clothing or worrying how long I have before I start to freeze.

It's good to see the sun. :)

Up in Logan for the Moment

I'm currently at Logan Regional Hospital sitting in the cafeteria anxiously awaiting for my basic life support class to start. It's currently 0935. I'm rarely awake at this time of. It's been a while since I've seen what a morning sun looks like. Believe me, there is a difference. I had to take a sleep aid last night in hopes that it might help me bypass my graveyard sleep schedule so I can wake up early. Wake up roughly around the time I'm actually supposed to go to sleep. It worked a little bit, though I could feel my body fighting the medicine. Every move I would make sleep would wake me up for a minute or so then put me asleep. After about 4 hours of sleep, I woke up and could no longer sleep. My sleep meds were defeated by my bodies sleep clock by 4 hours! (the medicine is supposed to knock you out for 8 hours) I was a little woozy waking up at first, but once I got going it wasn't so bad.

Driving up to Logan to get my BLS was not my first choice. If I could have, I would have done it somewhere else closer to me. But I need it done so I take my advanced life support classes. I haven't been up to Logan in years. The last time I went was 2 years ago when I stayed in Jeff's dorm the night before the Senses Fail show in Boise. Logan has long since been deemed "The Great White North" by either Jeff or his roommate Mike. It's always cold up here with snow. I half expected to get out of my car and wrestle a polar bear to save my life. Perhaps even take its life with a miniature pocket knife. But much to my surprise, it was warm and quite the beautiful drive to. Every time I have been here, it's always been snowy insanely cold. I have not been looking forward to driving up here. I thought it would have been cold and terribly boring. Though it is terribly boring, I'm not half as disappointed as I thought I would be. I thought the hospital would be a lot smaller and lamer. But it's actually very friendly and sociable. I can see the appeal of retiring here one day as a doctor or nurse. Just a small community hospital where nothing is really terribly wrong. But for now, I'm too impatient for slow or nothing going wrong. I need to be at a hospital where there is something wrong with people.

The point is, I'm not disappointed with this place. I could wind up at a place like this when I'm older and ready to slow down. Though, I can't quite figure out why anyone would put a major university in this small godforsaken town. If I was from out of state going here, I would have to kill someone. I would be full of rage from the extreme amount of boredom and full of hate for myself for choosing a podunk town to go to school in.

That is all. I must now go to my class. Peace and love!

I Graduated Three Years Ago? Really?

It's strange to think that I graduated high school three years ago. I look back on how much has changed since then. I look back and see how much I've grown as a person. I reflect on my failures and my accomplishments. With my successes, I feel a great sense of pride. With my failures, I feel as though I have let myself down. In some ways, I have exceeded my expectations of where I hoped to be and who I hoped to be. In many ways, I have disappointed myself with what I haven't done or should have done.

At the time, being 18 seemed so hard. I never saw myself as a kid then. Rather, I saw myself as a maturing adult scared to step into the real world. Now, when I meet or run into 18 year olds, I can't help but think how childish and naive many of them are. So confident they have the real world figured out. So confident that they learned everything about reality in the safety net of high school. High school was by no means fun or care free for me. But I never realized how much of the real world was filtered. Not so much by high school but my self. In high school, it was easy to hide behind the fact you were too young to care about the things that otherwise scared you.

I wouldn't say my high school days were "simpler times." But there was some good and memorable times. I for one have moved on and let go of those years. I have met several people who still wish they were in high school, being a careless teenager, "having the time of their life." I personally can't understand why so many people carry a torch for their high school days. Being a teenager was like being an overgrown emotional 8 year old. Still a kid but still learning. Young enough to get away with stupid shit but old enough to probably know better. Reckless and arrogant. If you didn't get the person you had a major crush on, it made you sad. If your parents punished you for something, it ruined your day.

I thought of all the people who have passed through my life since my senior year recently. I thought about who had an impact on me and why. I thought about the ones who made me learn powerful life lessons. I thought of the ones who were gone as soon as the came. I thought of the ones who were in my life that left, but wished they stayed. I thought of the ones that I let go. Most of all I thought of the ones who have stayed since I left high school. The ones that still care and stayed with me through it all. I thought of all of those people and realized that much of who I am now is because of them, regardless of the result of their coming into my life.

Overall am I happy with myself? I guess I could say that. But realizing all of these harsh realities of what I have and haven't become has become a brutal reminder of how short life truly is. I wanted to do so much the first few years out of how high school. I have barely found the time or money to do many of the things I wanted to do. Being 21 seemed so far away then. When I pictured myself being 21, I pictured a young confident man. Successful. Put together. Now that I am actually 21, the only certain thing is that I am a young man. I'm still trying to put things together and I'm still trying to build the confidence to go where I want to go in life.

An Important Lesson

I've recently learned that there are two types of people. People who are truly intelligent. People who fake intelligence in order to feel secure and unique while their life has no control or direction. The second group being the most dangerous. Always trying so hard to prove themselves as intelligent. Trying to rationalize why they can't go to school. But if you prove them wrong, you have a battle. You've damaged a piece of their personality that helps them sleep at night. You've damaged their delusional self-image that keeps them from falling apart.

Most of the time, you know who those people are and you just tend to roll your eyes and ignore them. Perhaps even patronize their attempts at sounding intelligent But every now and then, you don't realize when you have hurt this type of person. You start to notice they treat you like crap or constantly try to outsmart you at the subject you excel in. And at first your reaction might be to tell them off; you can't. You can't blurt how stupid they really are. You can't point out their insecurities. You can't tell them that this terrible charade of pretending to be intelligent to make themselves feel better about not having any direction is ridiculous. You can't. These people don't change. They don't want to. It's one of the few things in their life that actually works.

It's truly their only escape from the life they are leading to no where.

I'm Gettin' There

I think this is the longest I've been able to work out this long, this hard in a long time. Probably since high school. I feel a lot better now that I'm getting into shape. I feel my health has improved. i feel better about myself and the way I look. I owe a great deal of thanks to my friend Brennon for doing this with me. Hopefully I can keep this up. I would like to be in the best possibly shape I can be in. I'm 21. There's no reason not to be. I've seen vast improvement already.

In short, woot for exercise.

I Suck at Updating Lately

I'm terrible at this whole updating thing. I was doing so well till the end of April! Curses! Oh, well. Life goes on I suppose. There isn't a whole lot to say really. The warmer weather makes me happy and the prospect of summer being here shortly makes me even more happy. The only thing I may be bummed about in the future is that I may not get to go camping next weekend for Memorial. Every year we do this camping trip, same place, same date. I'll be so furious if I don't get to go. It's the one thing I look forward to all year. It's the only certain thing I can look forward to. Aside from that, I find promise in this upcoming summer. The promise of renewed hope. The promise of finding out more about myself. So many promises. So much hope.

Yes indeed, the sun is shining and I'm ready to embrace it. :)

It's Finally May

I always look forward to the months of April/May during the Winter months (Mostly May). It represents the beginning of warmth. The beginning of fun. Seeing the sun for more than 2 hours. The cold starts to fade and the heat starts to advance. I love warm weather so much more than I love the cold weather.

The first day of May felt more like winter. I was disappointed. It was the month I had waited for so much. The snow and rain to drift away while May brought in the sun and flowers. Luckily, it was only for a day and I was able to enjoy the beautiful weather. If there is anything that I love about Utah, its the warm weather. The sun is out and I feel happy. That's all I care about. I don't care how hot it is.

Even though it's raining now, it's not freezing. I'm happy May is here.

Time For Fun I Hope

I'm so glad school is over for this semester. Just like any semester of school, it's always stressing. I feel a lot more relieved now that it's over. It's somewhat of an accomplishing feeling. I was going to take classes in the summer to make up for missing classes last fall. But my financial situation is a lot more restrictive than I had planned. Hopefully, I'll be going to the U this fall. I'm tired of feeling empty every time I go to SLCC. It never feels like a real school.

Screw it. That stuff is mildly unpleasant to talk about anyway. I've got plenty to look forward to at least. I can't wait to go camping for Memorial weekend. It's my number one certain highlight of the year. I can always look forward to going out to the middle of no where to hunt, fish, four wheel, relax. Just do whatever I want as long as I'm hundreds of miles away from home. In June I'm going to Vegas with my best friends, which has me extremely excited. It will be the first guys trip I've been to since the desert parties of 06 and the senor California trip in 05. I have the opportunity to move to the new hospital in July, though I'm not sure if I will. I'm sure there is more to look forward to that I'm missing.

Now time for some random facts, I'm growing my hair out again for shits and giggles. I'm probably going to get glasses either this weekend or next week. Now how is that for craziness?

Startling Discovery

Happiness. Sounds a lot like HapPENIS!

Coincidence?

I think not.

Think about it.

School is Almost Over! Yay!

The past couple of weeks have been stressful. Between school and work lately, it's been a bit of an uphill battle balancing them both efficiently. I cannot wait for the semester to be over. I cannot wait to have a break and finally go on vacation. Seems like forever since I have gotten away.

Luckily, Thursday is my next final and I can be done for a few weeks. Woot. It's what I need the most. I have had so much to write about, but have not had the time to log on and write it down. At this time of night I can't force myself to think clear enough to try to remember everything before.

Hope everyone else is doing well in school :)

Screw You American Idol!

Next time I have someone tell me I look like "(insert name of dumb asshole here) from American Idol! You know that one kid thats from here in Utah!" That person is getting a swift unpleasant strike to their genitals.

I think I get that comment 3 times a day at work and at least once a day if I go out in public.

For the record, I don't want to be associated with some no-name dipshit who has the ability to sing someone else's song just as well as the person who originally sang it. Only in America do people get rewarded for copying someone else's work and pass it off as "talent". I don't want to say copying someone else's talent. Most of the songs those wannabe hacks sing are already originally shitty, made shittier by a no talent ass-jockey.


From Me With [hate] Love!

It's Been A Year

It's hard to believe that little over a year ago, I moved out of my parents for the first time. It seemed so surreal at the time. As if the whole moving out thing would only last like 3 weeks doomed to failure. But I can rightfully say that looking back, it feels like the 9 months stay only lasted 3 weeks. I miss having a place of my own.

I miss seeing my 2 best friends daily. I miss hanging out with them, even if all we did was lay around and drink beer. I miss walking through the door of that place with the mindset "this is mine." I miss doing whatever I want. (Not that I can't now, theres just more supervision) I miss sleeping easily without being woken up often. I miss the short drives home from work. I miss being able to have time to myself. (which is impossible at home)

I want to move out again. But alas, school and money both interrupt that wish. It's not bad at home. Things are great. I just miss having the feeling of freedom.

Making An Effort

I've made good of my word and have been working out for the past 3 weeks. I started running last week with my friend Brennon. The first day of running was so embarrassing. I actually used to be good at running for most of my school years until I got to college. In gym class in high school, I would at least be in the top 10 combined with all the other classes. In middle school, it was the same. In elementary school, I was known as the 2nd fastest kid in school. Ah yes, those were the days. However, last Thursday when I tried running for the first time, no one would have ever been able to tell I ever ran at all. I was weezing and coughing. I struggled to breathe after only one lap. It was so pathetic. The last 3 times I have been running have been more forgiving. With each passing day I'm less winded and am able to do 2 laps. It's rewarding to see results so quickly.

I have also been eating healthy for the past 3 weeks. (I know it freaks me out too.) This has helped tremendously. I feel like I have more energy and I feel like I'm seeing results in my over all body structure as well. Some of my uh......excess skin, fat if you will, seems to be slowly diminishing. Before long I won't be a chubby chud of a person. I always forget how easy it is for me to burn off the excess. The difficult part is keeping it off. (lousy unpredictable metabolism!)

Oh well, I feel good knowing that I'm giving it a whirl again. I don't want to look back on my life and refer to being 21 as "the year I started to really let myself go." I'm still young and there is no reason why I shouldn't be in shape. I just need to stick with it and try not to be derailed so easily.

Spring Finally Feels Like It's Here

This weekend was beautiful. The weather was nice and warm. It was perfect.............Except for the fact I was working 12 hours in a place with no windows. Which I guess is just as well. I didn't want to be able to see outside and see all the fun and sunlight I was missing out on. I'm so excited to finally see warm weather. I hate the cold. The cold is my eternal enemy. The heat is my friend. I practically live in heat with my waterbed.

Seriously, there really is no point to this blog other than the fact that I'm excited that the warm weather has finally arrived. But alas, I do not get to enjoy it. On my first day off in days a nasty storm hits and makes everything cold for a few days. Damn you unpredictable spring! Warm? Cold? What is it?! Sigh......

I just want this month to be over. No ridiculous work shifts. No finals. After this week is over I'll be a lot better.

Vacation Seems So Far Away.....

I just need to go on vacation soon. I won't get a chance to go anywhere until the end of May. I just want this semester to be over. I want this week to be over. Vacation away from all this just seem so far away.

The Survey I Would Ask Myself

I see that people post surveys on their blogs nowadays. The surveys typically consist of a large number of questions which only 10% are actually relevant/interesting. The surveys are supposed to let you get to know the survey taker a little more. However, the surveys fail to ask questions that I care about, such as: What did you eat for lunch? What is the nearest square thing to you? Lame. Lame. Lame. However, I will join in on this trendy blogging adventure under my own circumstances. I will compose my own survey to ask myself. The questions will be what I think people would want to know about me.

Enjoy my made up as I go, relevant survey of awesomeness and power.

1. Are you awesome?
Shit yeah I am. On a scale of 1-10 on the awesome scale (10 being the best) I would give myself a 22!......well I guess it makes me less awesome to brag. I’ll deduct 12 points from my awesome score to be fair. Leaving me at an honest gentleman’s 10.

2. Would you rather be a pirate or a ninja? (this seems pointless, but trust me, the question is revealing!)
A pirate of course. Pirates score all the ladies. Ninjas are masters of combat, but losers in the sack. Think about it, you always see pictures of pirates with saucy pirate wenches and beer. Ninjas get no such rewards.

3. Where were you born?
Definitely in a hospital. But if you’re talking about a city (which I am) it was in Salt Lake City, on the blessed day of November 18, 1986. I was the best thing the University Hospital had seen in decades!

4. Do you get distracted easily?
Why do we have tongues? I like cars from the 80’s. uhhhhh. To answer your question..... uhhh

5. What do you do for a living?
When I’m not out saving the world from distressing world events, I like to work in the ER. On the side, I sport a fake mustache and try to convince people I’m an oil tycoon with a heart of gold!

6. What do you do for fun?
Handling firearms in a safe but equally fun fashion is pretty sweet. I also enjoy playing music and writing trivial blogs that tend to waste the time of others.

7. What makes you sad?
Being hideously obese, watching others become hideously obese, and any movie Steven Segal says yes to.

8. Do you like to travel?
I thoroughly enjoy leaving my house on a daily basis. More so when I’m over 20 miles away and incredibly so when I’m thousands away!

9. Are you creepy?
Depends what you define as "creepy." I sure do enjoy stalking the occasional elderly lady from time to time, but I can assure you, my creepiness is low on the creepy scale. Like a 6!..............That’s kind of sad.

10. What do you look forward to in the future?
Being finished with school. It’s about a decade away from happening but damn it, I can be hopeful! I can accomplish my dream of being allegedly valuable, but do as little work as possible.

11. Would you qualify yourself as lazy?
I’ll answer that question with a question: Is there any other way of living?

12. Do you get mad easily?
Only if you say anything that I don’t agree with......And I only get mad at people who spell their name with letters.....speaking of which. Fuck you all!...............to answer your [my] question, no, not really.

13. Do you like to meet new people?
I only like to meet people who are interesting and do interesting things, such as: harpooning whales, hunting lumberjacks, and wrestle with Mexicans.

14. Are you emotional?
Not really. I tend to bottle it all up until it explodes as uncontrollable rage. But don’t worry, I only explode in places where no one would care, like a swap meat or a children’s clothing store.

15. Are you tolerant?
Generally, yes. (except for idiots) I try to be towards idiots. But it’s so hard when idiots tend to cripple my capacity to feel joy.

16. Are you sarcastic?
Sarcasm is out. Being an asshole is in.

17. Are you a happy person?
Actually, yes. I’m very happy with my life. I do enjoy life quite thoroughly.

18. Do you have any regrets?
Life is too short to live with regrets. If my live was about 100 years longer, than yeah, I would say I would have regrets. Now that I think about it, I regret letting my friends take pictures of me doing anything remotely embarrassing. Lousy bastards.

19. What do you like to do for fun?
Anything that requires food, not moving frequently, and explosions. (ideally)

20. If you could have one wish, what would it be?
To have the ability to concoct new ways to gain more wishes. Then I’d trade it all for a little more.



That is my survey of awesomeness. Maybe I’ll concoct and post another survey. Until then, comment my thoroughly [shitty and false] blog.

Bigfoot vs. Santa Clause

What is the difference between those two things? What is the difference between bigfoot and Santa Clause? The answer: Plenty of adults still believe in bigfoot. I don't know if everyone saw the same special on bigfoot on the history channel, or bigfoot is a spring time topic. Because lately, (I mean the past couple of days) Everyone has been talking about bigfoot and asking me if I think he exists!

No! No! No! I used to believe when I was younger. But when I was younger I also used to believe I would grow up to be a rockstar, surrounded by beautiful women and money I wouldn't have otherwise earned. After I say "no" there is a slight gasp followed by the question "why don't you believe?"

If you really must know why bigfoot is no more real than Santa, the toothfairy, and peace on earth, then here are my top reasons.

1. We have yet to find a heaping pile of bigfoot shit! A large animal like that has to throw down some pretty hearty crap. Yet, none has been found in fossilized, fresh, or even decomposed form.

2. Bigfoot's diet would be large (based on estimated size) whether he was a carnivore, herbivore, or even both. There is no substantial decrease in plant or animal life where bigfoot supposedly is. No mangled deer, no large patches of plants gone. Nothing.

3. We have yet to find a corpse of bigfoot. According to bigfoot "experts" there has to be more than just one due to the number of "sightings." If that were true, then eventually a dead one would show up somewhere. It wouldn't matter how it died, but it sure as hell doesn't bury itself. It definitely isn't immortal and the lifespan can't be too long due to the size of the supposed creature.

4. The human population is so large, people have run into the most elusive, cunning, and shy animals by accident. From a rare wolf species to eagles, humans have seen them despite how hard they are to find. Yet, the human population has yet to run into a 7 foot tall hairy thing that hangs out in the woods and is capable of never being in focus. How elusive can something that big be? No one has shot one yet. Though, some argue it would take a large caliber to take down bigfoot, I disagree. The same caliber guns used on deer, elk, and bear are also used on elephants, rhinos, and other large game. It would have no reason not to take down a large ape. No one has taken CREDIBLE pictures or video.

5. No the government has nothing to do with it! The government could give two shits less about an ape in the forest. The government has no reason to cover up bigfoot! How would that benefit the American people? They sure aren't training them to fight in Iraq. They aren't experimenting on them secretly for no real secret reason. The government theory is pure idiocy.


There. I ruined bigfoot for believers. Now never talk to me about this subject again.

Glasses

So I'm probably going to get glasses either this week or next. Depends when my doctor can get me in. I'm not blind. But working graves makes my eyes insanely tired. Throughout the night it becomes harder and harder to see clearly. Thusly, I need glasses to pick up the slack of my lazy and tired eyes. I never thought I would have to get glasses. I don't look good in glasses. It's not that I would wear them all the time or that frequently.

But still, I'm already a nerd/dork. The glasses aren't going to help my cause.

Interesting huh?

Working on Friday Blows

I used to work Friday's all the time with my old jobs. Now that I have a job where I get to pick my hours, I have been rather spoiled by having to almost never work Friday's. Every now and then I would pick up a Friday shift. Every time I picked up a Friday shift, I hated it. We are usually busy beyond reason with the worst patients. Tonight hasn't been bad. But what I forgot about that makes working Friday nights so bad is the traffic.

Driving to LDS Hospital from my house is about 20 minutes away. It would be 45 minutes if I was still driving the Geo and almost an hour with the bus. Typically, going to downtown Salt Lake is easy during 5 o clock traffic. Everyone is coming home from work from the downtown area. However, on Fridays, it's a much different story. Driving to the hospital on Friday is an awful satanic experience that cripples my capacity to feel joy. Everyone drives so horrible and reckless.

That's pretty much all I was getting at this entire time. I hate working Fridays because traffic blows goats.

The End.

Working Out

For some people, it's easy to work out. They like it because it makes them feel good about themselves. Then there is people like me, where you have to really fight against you're [lazy tendencies] busy schedule to get it done. So far I've done well and seen some good results in a week. I lose the excess fat easy but it's hard to keep it off.

Bleh. I did this same routine for months when I lived out at the apartment. It worked out really well. The big problem with me is, if I get thrown off track just once, It's hard for me to get back on it.

I keep telling myself it will all be worth it so I don't think I look like some chubby American bastard. Well I'm a man of my word, and I will keep at this as long as I can, if not improve at it.

Interview Canceled

So I was supposed to interview for the lead EMT position for LDS ER today. Only me and one other person have applied to lead what will be a 7 person team in May. They canceled the interview because the supervisor got stuck in meetings with hospital inspectors. Which was ok, I guess. But I really wanted to get the interview out of the way. I'm probably not going to get it since the person I'm running against has more experience. And really, in all honesty, is much more qualified to do the job than I. ha ha. I'm not sure if I could be the lead tech. I imagine I would screw up a lot more than I should.

I just wanted to give it a shot. Do something new. I have some ideas that I think would help make the job a little more enjoyable. Thats about all I got. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens when they reschedule my interview.

I'm Bad at Being Tired

I deal with being tired so very poorly. More so than others. Other people have the ability to still flourish with little hours of sleep. Whereas I crash hard. When I'm tired, all the bad things in my life tend to bother me more often. Not that I have a lot of bad things going, but it tends to hit harder when I'm tired. I have a severe inability to deal with stress, and life in general when I'm tired. I'm sure this is the case for some people, but I rarely see it as bad as I take it. I'm in a bad mood most of the day I'm tired. I don't take it out on others. I'm still nice to those around me, but those who know me know there is something wrong.

Most people say, "just get a good night's rest". It's not that easy when you work graves full time while going to school full time as well. Then other people say "then don't work graves." It's not that easy either. I do like working graves for the most part. Plus there is only 3 shifts available. The 06-1800 is not an option. It screws school right out of the picture. I'm not a morning person. The 12-24 shift is all but taken by more senior staff. Plus they will be getting rid of that shift due to budget cuts. It will only be mornings and graves for almost a year. "Get a new job." Also not a an option. For once in my life, I actually like my job and the people I work with. The graves work with my school schedule.

Sigh. I hate to complain since I'm so rarely this tired. But I can't stand these days where I'm too tired to handle the problems I'm faced with. I hate the days where I'm not strong enough to do what is needed of me. I still have so much to do the next couple of days. I can say goodbye to sleep till Saturday. I look forward to that day.

Out of Shape

I need to work out consistently. Every few months I realize this and have an awesome set schedule that works for 3-4 months, then something throws me off. Then I don't' work out for another 3-4 months. After a few months, I realize I'm getting body fat where I don't need it and blah blah blah.

I need to get out and run a few laps before people starting running laps around me. And when I say running laps around me, I mean I'm so fat people use me as something to run laps around. Before I get bigger boobs than most of the girls I know. Before I get a bigger ass than my pants can physically handle. You get the idea.

I'm out of shape and I need to get on it! I'm not ready to be fat yet!

I Can Respect That

There are few things I can respect in this world. I can respect someone who speaks their mind intelligently. I can't respect someone who speaks their mind out of hate, loneliness, or propaganda. I can respect someone who has beliefs. I can't respect someone whose behaviors contradict those beliefs. I can respect someone who is genuine, nice and honest, even if they aren't that intelligent. I can't respect someone who is condescending, cold, or mean, even if they are intelligent. They should know better.

It's hard to like someone you don't respect. That's not a real friendship. How can it be? There is all kinds of reasons to not respect an individual. Yet, there are so few reasons to respect someone in today's culture. Respect is never as universal as it should be. It makes or breaks relationships in just about every aspect. From romantic to work, it damn near determines how the remainder of that relationship functions.

Respect isn't an easy thing to achieve but a much easier thing to lose. To earn it requires work, effort and sincerity. To lose it is to lack only one of those qualities. t.

This world just doesn't function without it. Unfortunately, with each passing day, the world goes on to live without it, more and more.

90's Propaganda was Brilliant

Remember some of the tv shows and movies we watched when we were kids? I remember a few. They were good wholesome cartoons and shows that dictated our childhood Halloween costumes for years. They were shows that gave us idols and imagination. But when I really thought about them, I started to realize that we were being fed interesting propaganda. Allow me to explain!

Fern Gully: The Last Rain Forest

I'm sure we remember this one to some extent. To review, it's about a teenager that is shrunk by fairies in the rain forest. This "hip" 90's savvy teen was helping destroy the rain forest. The dialogue was filled with 90's slang in an attempt to reach the decades audience (bodacious, tubular, groovy, mondo, radical, all your favorites!). To get right to the point, the teen character helps save the rain forest. When we were kids, we didn't get the message of the story. It was a preachy cartoon show that was supposed to teach us to appreciate our rain forests. Did anyone get that when we were kids? I doubt it. All I really wanted to do was catch a fairy so I could enslave it to do my chores. If you ever go back to watch that movie, listen closely. You won't believe some of the crap they say and get away with in a kids movie.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

We all remember that show. I think it's a safe guess to say that 1 in 4 of us was probably a power ranger for Halloween in first or second grade. If not really wanted to be one but couldn't get the costume. There really wasn't a huge message in the show in general. It was after the show where the messages really played. They would do some sort of message that would usually consist of telling you to not do drugs and do homework. But there was one little short skit that sent a different message. Don't be a douchebag! They didn't really come out and say that, but that was implied. The camera followed some white trash go going through the school being a.....well, douchebag. He is giving high fives really hard, slamming peoples lockers shut while they are using them and stealing peoples food. That's not a bully. A bully picks on certain people. A douchebag affects everyone in eyesight. Eventually, one of the power rangers tells him that what he is doing is not cool and everyone is happy. When I saw that, I knew I didn't want to be the douchebag guy. The anti-douche campaign worked! They should bring that back. The anti-douche campaign has been absent for too long. Now we have too many little douchebags running around.

Captain Planet:

This is too easy. I won't get into this one. A show that obviously attempted to not only promote a friendly environment, but world peace too! One of their characters is from "the powerful but corrupt Soviet Union."

That's all I feel like writing about for now. But think hard about the old cartoons. They sent you messages that your little mind was not old enough to comprehend!

This blog also appeared on my myspace: www.myspace.com/johnnydrummerbassist

Public Affection Depresses Singles

Spring has finally sprung! The weather is slightly warmer and I can see the sun for more than 2 hours before a storm hits. Spring is always associated with "love being in the air." Which I think is ridiculous. There is always love in the air. Everyone is shut in during the winter so you don't see as many people galloping about looking happy. Once the warm weather rises again, this forces those publicly flirty people to the outdoors to have fun activities. Like sitting on a blanket under a tree or riding a bike or whatever activities those types of hacks do on warm weather days.

In any case, this wears on single people to some degree. Watching all these young happy couples prance about, being flirty and affectionate while they sit and watch in both envy and disgust. My theory is, they just haven't seen publicly flirty couples for months because they have all been shut in for the winter. You'll see the occasional one or two. But not as often as around every street corner or every inch of a typical college campus. The single people almost forget what it's like. They eventually adapt in a couple of weeks and completely forget about how abundant flirty couples are in warm weather.

Nonetheless, every year, I never fail to hear at least 2 people a week complain about all the flirty people outside and how it makes them feel lonely and blah blah blah. Don't let a few saps make you feel lonely just because they appear to be having a good time. Feel lonely because a sibling stole your girlfriend/boyfriend, ran over your dog and murdered your best friend. That's lonely. Quit your whining. You'll forget all about it next week when you hear about how dysfunctional everyones new relationships are.

Love isn't in the air. I'll tell you what's in the air. Pollution. Lots of it. Take comfort in that or whine about it. That's more legit than starting a conversation with "Seeing all this love during spring time makes me feel [lonely, depressed, sad, hungry, whatever temporary emotion you are feeling at the time]. I hate Spring."

No, this isn't the funny blog I had planned. I may write that tomorrow. It's better than this one. We'll see. Work is busy. I'm tired and fat. You know, the usual excuses I use to not do something I should.

Slack-a-lackin

So I had intentions to post a good funny blog yesterday. But truthfully I got much too lazy for that. Instead, I spent most of my day laying around playing Wii and doing some laundry. I've gotta lay off the Wii before I become a hardcore nerd.

I realized that it's hard for me to keep my blogs short. I have a lot to say. It's hard for me to keep it concise. But I'm a fan of good rhetoric if it's for humorous purposes. A lot of people tell me they skip out on my blogs because they are always too long. Well sorry, it's a lot of content. But usually when I'm writing something that long. there is probably some good stuff in there. (Not trying to sound pompous or anything but with that much content there HAS to be at least one good thing in there) With these journal blogs, I've tried to keep them short and kind of funny. So far, I don't think I've succeeded so much in the funny aspect. I'll get it. You'll see!

Coming soon [later tonight at work when I'll probably have time] I'll be writing a funny blog. Or at least I think it's comical because I'm cheaply amused. Look out kids!

I Could Fly!

I had the strangest dream last night where I could fly! The dynamics of it were simple. Just run really fast, jump up high and forward, spread your arms like wings, and you're on your way!!! It was so much fun. Of course, it was only temporary being able to fly. I would land like an airplane and skid on and off the ground until I slowly came to a stop. My dream had some other ludicrous plot associated with it, but that's not important. The flying sensation was amazing.

As I slowly came awake, in my still sleepy stupor, my flying experience seemed simple. As if I could really pull it off in real life. How awesome would that be?! I slowly came to realize it could never be that simple. If I had tried that in real life, my fat ass would drop like a rock.

If only it could be that simple and easy. Life would be grand.

Silly America

I fail to understand why the game Guitar Hero is so fun. I mean, it's ok, but it's not top 10 most awesome games ever in my book. I'm not a huge gaming person in general, really. However, I can't get into this Guitar Hero phenomenon.

The game encourages you to practice daily so you can get really good. It takes a few months to get decent. Only in a America can you learn to play fake guitar decently in the same amount of time it would take you to learn REAL guitar. What's the damn point?!

Don't get me started on the game Rock Band with the drums. It makes me angry beyond reason. Every time I play it I lose since the game is grossly inaccurate. I turn into the Hulk in the middle of Best Buy and start kickin shit over and punching innocent passing shoppers. (Never really happened)

Silly America, instruments are for musicians. I'm tired of all these hacks who try to boast how good they are at Guitar Hero. It's quite pathetic.

St. Patricks Day is Odd

St. Patricks is fairly pointless when you think about it. It's right up there with Halloween and Valentines Day. They all encourage you to do ridiculous things. St. Pats day encourages you to drink and pinch people who don't wear green. Which basically, for party-goers and frequent flyers of the bar seen, means that you totally get trashed and grab whoever, wherever, regardless if they are wearing green or not. That's pretty sweet if you ask me.

Oddly enough, working in an ER where we get drunks daily, we didn't get any tonight. At all. It's a miracle! I dreaded today thinking that we would be swamped with drunks, bent on sexually harassing our staff regardless of age, gender, and marital status. Actually, now that I think about it, we had 3 drunks. But they were veteran drunks. But they were people who drink frequently anyway and had no idea that it was St. Pat's day. I was under the impression they had no knowledge that such a holiday ever existed. Still, it was surprising nonetheless that we were not swamped with annoying drunks.

Thanks to my green scrubs, I was permanently protected from pinching predators. Though I still worried about assholes pinching anyway for kicks. In which case I would have to royally ruin their shit. I hate being pinched or spanked. It's a pet peeve I have always had. I'm sure no one likes being pinched, but I hate it a lot. Maybe I'm weird. In any case, I hope you all had a good St. Pat's Day. With or without alcoholic beverages. Woot.

Accomplishing Day

We had a cardiac arrest at work today. She didn't make it. They rarely do. On a good day one pulls through. Sad but true. I got to visit the hospital morgue today for the first time ever. I helped take the body there. Most of the time they go to a coroners office to determine the cause of death. The morgue was a place of wonder and discovery. It looked like that hokey 1920's science fiction lab of doom. Metal tables and weird instruments that didn't appear to have a purpose. Awesome.

But then a life long dream came true. I finally got to see a brain floating in a jar! I've always wanted to see a brain or an eyeball floating in a jar. Preferably on a shelf of some sort with other organ collections. Twawesome! (shorthand for: it was awesome) But it was on a metal slab with other organs. Still pretty sweet. There was a couple of hearts in jars just hangin out and a few other things. When I worked at Alta View Hospital in pathology, the coolest thing I would ever see was a gallbladder in a jar. Actually, the coolest was a toe. I longed for the day I would run into a brain or an eyeball. Half my life is complete. All I have to see now is an eyeball floating in a jar for no obvious reason and I can die peacefully.

Now if that's not an accomplishing day, then I have no idea what is!

To the Update-Mobile!

Very little has changed the past month. I've been living in a monotonous routine of work and school with the occasional social life. The only that has changed is that I got my new car, sold my bus and my Metro was destroyed through time.

I still enjoy my job at the ER. Even though the days can wear on me a little bit. I like the way I feel when I feel like I've made a difference in someone elses life. I know that sounds corny. But for once I feel like I'm really apart of real medicine. I've had several jobs before, but I feel like I'm getting the experience I want and need that other students would kill for.

I feel so behind in school. I realize I didn't have the luxury of a scholarship, but it's taking me so long to get to where I'm going. I frequently question if I have what it takes to be doctor. Many people believe I can do it, and other people I wonder are just patronizing me. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. I'm stepping off my soap box now.

Aside from the routine, I'm fairly content with my life. I need to start working out again before I get fat as shit. I would hate to be the guy people from high school run into and they say later "Man, he got fat over the years." I should avoid that, ay?

This also appears on my Myspace blog:
www.myspace.com/johnnydrummerbassist

Fell Behind

So I know I said I was going to update this daily, but I've been busy the past couple of days. My great grandma came into town to watch my 16 year old sister since I'm gone a lot. This idea was ridiculous. An 83 year old woman who has to weigh about 40 pounds and is frail as can be is watching my sister. It turned out I had to watch both of them. Not so much my sister as I did my grandma. She is nice, but I kept having visions of her falling down the stairs. She would frequently tell me how the medicine I want to go into "doesn't work very well, ever" and that seeing some guy who charges her obscene amounts of money to do mental healings works better. I'm sure to some extent it works in a placebo kind of way but not really. I got tired of hearing about how microwaves make you eat pure radiation and how medicine is a joke every time I turned around. I love my grandma, but she isn't fit to take care of other people at her age. My sister was so busy she didn't have to watch her at all. My parent's said they didn't anticipate my sister being so busy, but even then, she is old enough to take care of her some to some point. I was home enough to watch over her. Which basically consisted of me playing Wii while she talked on the phone in her room.

Very productive.

I can't wait for this semester to be over.......

The New Car Blog (finally)

Now that I'm in a better mood, I will write a blog about the new car I love oh, so much. Woot. Here is a little car history that will explain why I'm so excited to have this new car.

I first started out with a 1992 Oldsmobile Achieva when I was 16. It was white with a gutless 4 cylinder engine. I got in my first wreck in that car with Kevin Khong going to lunch from school. About 2 months later the engine got burned out because I forgot to put anti-freeze in it.



After my Sophomore year, I spent a large majority of the summer working in New Mexico with my grandpa and his construction company. This was intended to help me earn some good money so I could buy a car in the fall since I didn't really have a job. After about a month of hell working in the hot sun, I had some money to finally buy a car. I almost bought a 1993 black Honda Civic. But that deal didn't work out unfortunately. I then purchased my 1995 Geo Metro from a young couple. It had low miles and great gas mileage. Not to mention the 3 cylinder engine that would make me the world's slowest person on the road. The car would eventually make me somewhat of a known legend in high school after I put a giant muffler on the car to make fun of my old friend Kyle. The Geo sounded loud, intimidating, and even fast without actually being any of those qualities. Most people on the streets would try to race me thinking I was serious about trying to rice out my Geo. Which is ridiculous. I never once had a problem with that car. I only ever had to replace the clutch on that thing. It was slow but reliable. During my senior year of high school I almost won the most creative car award for the yearbook for the giant muffler. I lost to another Geo Metro that was covered in skate stickers (That kid's Geo deserved to win because it looked awesome!) The car was slow and irritating. I always got passed up and got places in longer times than most cars. A few weeks ago it met it's end after a cylinder wore out. The car could no longer function. It was a great car that has had too many memories to recite from the past 5 years of owning it.

My next purchase would be a fun but poor decision. I wanted a new car badly and for some reason I wanted a VW Bus. I had always wanted one as a kid. I bought it from a hippie guy who owned a fruit stand down the street from me the first week of 2006. It was bright yellow with a fridge, sink, stove and 2 beds. At first, it ran great and it was a ton of fun to drive. It made me a whole new legend. Everyone who knew me associated me with the van. It was pretty sweet. After 6 months of owning it, the real trouble started. It was one thing after the other going wrong with it. My dad was a real sport helping me with the costs of fixing it since it was so frequent. I didn't drive it for about a year because it simply would not work. I would drive my parents Saturn till I could get my Geo's clutch replaced to drive it again. I was sad I didn't have the time or money to keep it running and drive like I wanted, thusly I had to sell it. That was just as long of a process. After about a year, I sold it to some kid who love them and had time and money to fix it when needed. The exact day my Geo Metro died was the exact day I sold my bus, so it was good timing. I was sad to see it leave. He would have new adventures in it. Adventures I should have had. (though I had plenty)

Before I had even sold the bus, I was looking for new cars so I could get one as soon as possible after I sold it. I looked into a variety of different cars but became quite set on a Nissan Sentra. They were cheap, decent looking and economic. I eventually test drove one of the Sentra's sports models called the SE-R. I was hooked on how fast it was. I hadn't had anything capable of reaching the speed limit without the help of a downhill slope since I started driving 5 years ago. I craved having something with speed. I was set on getting a Sentra SE-R from that point. I preferred it to be black, especially if I wasn't going to get an SE-R but I would take silver if I could get an SE-R. I would eventually buy one from a couple who were my age who had taken great car of it. Finally, speed at last! It was a long process to buy it that deprived me of sleep and stressed me out to no end. But it will be totally worth having a newer faster car that I will be happy with through college.

I'm excited to finally have a car worthy of getting me places and keeping up with traffic. This car makes me very happy. At last, I have closure with my automobile.

Still Tired......bleh

I was hoping to recover a little bit from my bad day yesterday. At first I had no such luck. I tried to get my new car registered and couldn't because the person I bought from got married recently her name doesn't match other records. I was so irritated. It certainly didn't help that I only had 5 hours of sleep. I woke up early again to get my car registered so I can drive that instead of my mom's car like a deadbeat son. Work hasn't been bad today. It's slow enough I can write this. Woot. Having 7 hours of sleep in 2 days wears on you hard when you work 12 hour shifts. I have had no energy the entire shift. I've just been walking slow without any sense of urgency. I'm so exhausted.

Like I said before, I'm normally not such a whiny and bitchy person. But this is destroying me. As I laid I lay in bed last night, it occurred to me how much I have to do in so little time. I felt so overwhelmed. The next week or so will not be an easy one. I'm hoping I can get through this weak with little difficulty.

Don't worry, I'll start writing better and funnier stuff here soon. For now, my mind and body is worn and my spirit is better. All I really need and want is a 2 good nights sleep. I'll take one good night, but 2 would be preferable.

And I'm aware that last night I promised a blog today about my fabulous new driving machine, capable of taking me to the speed limit and beyond in times I never thought possible. That will be tomorrow..............Maybe the day after. Either way, it's coming soon.

(I say this assuming that you care I got a new car that is quite sexy. I now have something that is finally more expensive than my drums)

It Just Didn't Go Right Today

I consider myself a pretty happy person. I don't have as much to complain about and very few things make me miserable. I rarely just have a terrible awful day. Maybe once a month. I'll have days that are regular with little mishaps, annoyances, inconveniences.......etc. But there are few days I can truly call a "bad" day.

In my high school days, I was constantly miserable. I would complain about EVERYTHING! Every day it was [insert ridiculous minor thing to bitch about constantly here]. It wasn't until my first year of college that I loosened up and changed my mindset. It's a change for the better that has shaped who I am as a young man today. I can turn negatives into positives, ignore negatives and focus on the positive. I've concentrated on being a more positive person despite my generally blunt and realistic demeanor.

Yesterday was definitely one of those rare days that I could truly call "bad." That wasn't the way it started however. I finally got my new car (I'll expand on it later, next blog) after months of searching and preparing. But it came at a small cost. After working a graveyard the day before, I had to get up at 9 am to get the ball rolling with my bank. Basically, I had about 2 hours of sleep. I tried to go back to sleep again but it was just constant phone tag between the car owner and 2 different banks. It was a long process with seemingly no end. I thought I would have to get my car the next day it was taking so long. I ended up getting the car just in time before the banks closed. This made me an hour late to work since I had to drive about 15 miles past Provo during 5 o'clock traffic. Upon finally getting to work, it was incredibly busy. My co workers didn't mind because they are cool. The patient load was heavy, but at the time we had decent patients. For the first couple of hours, it was great. I was connecting with patients like I always try to do, feeling like I made a difference. Then one gross moment made everything go downhill for the rest of the night. I'm not proud of this and it rarely happens in the ER because of the short term care, but an old lady shit on me and one other co-worker helping her into her car. This was the grossest thing ever because it went through her 40 layer diaper and sweats and all over my scrub pants. My legs were covered in shit. It was somewhat embarrassing but I was able to laugh it off with my coworkers. After that, we got busy and overwhelmed. The staff was frustrated and angry. We had a drunk guy who was assaulted who had bed bugs, lice and all kinds of crap you don't want to get near. He was combative and non-cooperative the entire time. It was the most annoying waste of 2 hours ever. We thought this guy might have been seriously injured but it turns out he is a lying douchebag alcoholic just out to make everyones lives miserable. I was behind on all of my work at this point because the drunk had taken up most of my time. In the meantime of catching up with my other work duties, I had to deal with more awful douchebag patients. Whenever you take care of a patient who has lice and/or bed bugs, you become itchy for the rest of the night out of paranoia. That made things much worse since I had a ton of contact with 2 patients who had both of those. (I'm still kind of itchy)

Just barely is it slow enough that I can write this. I've worked my ass off with 2 hours of sleep. I have so much to do when I wake up again. I have to wake up somewhat early to get my car registered and such. Then after that I have to go to my last graveyard shift of the week. I'll be slightly more rested but not much. But I still won't to get caught up on sleep for days. I have school early on Wednesday and some things planned for Thursday. Maybe Thursday night I can finally rest. But I doubt it since my great grandmother will be in town and she is not one for letting people sleep in past 4 AM. Then I will have to wake up early on Saturday just to drive her back to Idaho. Bah.

The only thing that has even gone right today was the fact I got a new car. *sigh* Today had so much potential to be great. I just couldn't make it happen no matter how strong my spirit.

Sleep deprivation week for Johnny Walker is brought to you by coffee and assorted energy drinks: destroying my kidneys one nephron at a time! Also in part by unnecessary stress: destroying weak sleep deprived people across the countries colleges since President Taft ran for office.

Thanks for listening to me whine :)

Daylight Savings

I hate daylight savings. It makes me lose an hour of precious sleep for like a week before I get used to the change. This year I tried making good of my situation so it would take the sting out of getting screwed out of an hour of rest. It was an honest effort but a short lived one.

Today I tried pretending that I was living one hour in the future! I traveled an hour ahead of the present in order to change my lazy situation of the present. Much to my dismay I found out that I'm twice as lazy an hour ahead of time. With each passing hour I found myself becoming lazier. I longed to travel to the present to a less lazy mindset. But then I got thinking about all the technicalities of my time traveling mind experiment. It became too confusing after 10 minutes. Plus having stupid shit like that on your mind is distracting in hospital emergency room setting. Patients care suffered as a result of my deep intellectual time travel thinking. [not really] I quickly ended my time traveling journey to live in the present (yes, I know I was already in the present, dumbass)

Luckily, it's the end of my shift and I can go home to rest for 8 hours before I come back for another 12 hour shift. Time to go!

Woot.

Until next time, rock on.

Party hardy.

Speaking Your Mind Gets You in Trouble

I'm a lot more outspoken and blunt than I was in high school. I would speak my mind, but I wouldn't be as blunt or realistic. I was a realist, but I spared people the details. I felt like I was limiting myself.

Something changed somewhere along the way. When I speak my mind, it's with full force of details, and bluntness. Nothing and no one is spared. I don't do it to be mean, or do it to get a kick out of it. I don't do it when it's not my business or push my opinion on anyone. Most of the time, I end up being right. (Not to sound like an arrogant prick or get on some condescending trip.)

I was brought up to not believe everything I heard. I was taught to be skeptical but not completely paranoid or distrusting. Those teachings have served me well and saved me more trouble than I can possibly imagine. The choices I made in the past weren't the easiest ones, but they were the right ones. It wasn't until late middle school did I really put this all into practice. I wasn't as blunt then. I would turn my observations into something more witty than blunt. I still do that frequently, but the difference is, when I need to be serious, I stay in that mode.

To some people, it's refreshing that I'm realistic. To others, I'm being a terrible pessimist. Both are probably correct but they both have faults. The ones who think it's ok for me to be refreshingly realistic are the ones who are more blunt than I. They use their realistic views to bring other people down who were just fine where they were. The ones who think I'm a pessimist are the ones who don't like what they hear because the truth hurts. They often don't like seeing things as they are. There is nothing wrong with that to a certain extent. It's a filter for some people who are fragile or not ready to hear some things they need to figure out on their own. But for others, they depend on it as a shield to get them through life. To not see things as they are because they cannot bring themselves to face them. I'm not talking about optimists in general. Most optimists are levelheaded.

But I'm starting to discover a double edge sword with my the mindset I've had for so long. People frequently ask me for advice because they think a realistic opinion will help. (I'm just as surprised as you. I wouldn't come to me for advice.) They ask for my "totally" honest opinion. I forewarn them each time that they may not like what I have to say because it's not what they want to hear. I tell them, I'm not going to hold back and they should be aware of that. Each time, they say "Oh, I don't care. I really want to hear what you have to say." Which translates into "Tell me what I want to hear." Fair warning, wouldn't you say? I go right on ahead with my thoughts, straight to the point. I'm not doing them any favors by telling them what they want to hear because that doesn't help in most cases. Each time, the person is disappointed and secretly angry. How dare I say that?! That's not the way they think it is, therefore it is not to them. Sometimes they are right and I'm totally wrong. Maybe I was being a pessimist or saw the situation from a wrong angle. That rarely happens.

Why ask for my honest opinion if you know ahead of time that it's going to be blunt and honest? Why ask, if you know like everyone else that I'm going to put everything on the table and tell it like it is? They know each time that I'm notorious for this. They've heard me give advice to other people before in the exact same context and even agree with what I say. If there is a lot of crap you don't want to face, and you ask me for advice knowing I'm going to bring ALL of that up then get mad, why are you wasting your time? Suddenly, I'm the bad guy, and I'm wrong. I'm the asshole who just "doesn't get it." Then it turns out, surprise surprise! I was right all along. How could that be? I had little emotional or biased attachment to the situation, how could I possibly see everything without being influenced by complex irrational emotions? Hmmmm.

It's frustrating! Don't ask me for my opinion if you KNOW I'm going to say things you're not going to like. You KNOW that I'm not going to spare your feelings completely just because it's hard to accept some things. You KNOW my exact philosophy with telling this kind of advice. I do not feel like I'm doing you favors if I'm telling you what you want to hear because it's comfortable. Don't tell me to speak my mind when your mind isn't listening anyway. Don't tell me to speak my mind when your mind is already made up. You're wasting both of our time.

Speaking my mind has gotten me in trouble several times with family, friends, relationships, co-workers. Just about everyone. This should be an obvious sign for me to shut up and leave things alone. But I can't. Especially, if I'm asked to speak my mind. I'm not going to pass up an opportunity to voice my opinion if I think it can help, or if I'm defending myself, or someone close. Perhaps I should tone it down and be more mindful of people's feelings and what they are ready to hear and accept. Unfortunately for me, that's hard. I feel that a realistic look can help people realize and accept hard truths when they can't face them. They won't tell it to themselves because it hurts. In a lot of cases, if someone else realizes the hard truths they supress, they eventually come to accept them since they have been brought into the light. Sadly enough, this makes me sound like the town gossip that people hate. Makes me sound like the prissy bitch gossip girl that everyone tends to love and hate. I don't want to be that guy. I DON'T have all the answers and I never will. I'm not perfect and it's even hard for me to practice what I preach. I know my limits and I know when I'm wrong. I can admit when I'm wrong (I can be stubborn, but I know when I've been beat).

Maybe I should be more mindful of peoples feelings in more situations and not be so hard and blunt. Maybe I should give advice based on the person instead of one size fits all kind of mentality. We shall see. But in the meantime it's a curse that's put me in trouble when it shouldn't have.

Sorry to those I've offended with my past advice.

Consistency is the Key to Groovy Disco Beats

I've decided that I want to write blogs on a more consistent basis. If you haven't read the little "about me" side bar, then I'll repeat myself in case you're too lazy to look 2 inches to your right. Im typically post 2 blogs a month on myspace.com. Usually one is funny and the other is serious or a life update. I feel like I want to be able to write more consistently in a blog kind of way. Though, I expect these postings to be substantially more obscure and less known about. On myspace I have about 22 subscribed readers, which is pretty good since most people have like 2-5 subscribers, if that. Eventually, I want this blog to become bigger with a following. In the meantime, this will just be thoughts and ramblings about my life and other subjects in general.

I used to write so much more than I do now. I truly miss it. This in a sense will be journal/article writing. Mostly journal writings. However, if you are reading this consistently as I am writing them, I will try to keep it interesting. (I will do that anyway even if no one reads) Blogging on myspace has really been my only touch with good writing. When I was younger, I would write poems all the time. They started out as songs in my band days. I would take a book with me wherever I went in case an idea struck me. The writings after 5-6 months stopped becoming about the music and became more of a way to express myself through hard times. I was really "emo" back then. (I hate that term so bad) My high school years weren't really my glory years. My poetry writing became on outlet for my frustration. I would eventually fill 7 books full of poems. The poems were like a poetic journal. They were detailed about events happening in my life. Despite the metaphors, I could tell what they were about. On 3/24/07 (it was my last poem) I stopped writing poems. I seized to find inspiration in a poetic context frequently. I lacked the time and motivation. It wasn't intentionally my last one, but it was definitely the day where I stopped caring.

I doubt many will care to read this, but I think this will give people a better insight on how I think and what's going on in my life. Perhaps, it will keep people updated whom I don't keep in contact with often. Whatever the case, I will be writing daily if not more. This is all going to be new to me, but I think it will be for the better

What I Learned From Disney Movies

I laid in bed nearly all day on Sunday with a nasty chest cold. I think I may have walked twice that day. As you can imagine, there isn't a whole you can do when you're laying in bed sick. As a result, I started to think. (oh shit.) I started to think about all the Disney movies I watched when I was a kid. My parents and grandparents made sure we owned over 70 disney movies by the time I was 16. I thought about how they may have impacted me as a kid growing up. Disney movies are made to have a positive ending story with a good moral behind it. Something that makes the kids happy and hopeful. At first, I thought they had a positive impact; but when I dug deeper I stumbled upon some startling facts and messages Disney has been feeding us. I will go over a few of the classic Disney movies that we all know and love, and expose the hidden messages that have brainwashed us for decades!

Note: If you're thinking "You're stooping to making fun of Disney movies now? That's too easy you witless hack." Yeah..... I know.


Aladdin:

Such a good and classic movie full of fun, comedy, and excitement. Where can you possibly go wrong? At first I thought there was nothing wrong. Then I thought about how it impacted me. The movie lowered my self esteem and self-image by leaps and bounds! Confused? [yes] I shall elaborate. To review, the movie revolves around Aladdin trying to get Jasmin, a princess of a middle east city. Aladdin had to work incredibly hard to get her. What did I absorb from this? It skewed my view on women for years. Aladdin taught me that the only way I can possibly get any attractive woman to like me, I had to have the help of a genie, a magic carpet, and a cute intelligent small monkey. I never had those luxuries. My dating years in high school were as a result, incredibly awkward. I had to try to wing those things. I didn't have a genie so I was empty handed there, I didn't have a monkey, instead I had a dog and a little sister. My only hope was to wing the magic carpet and try to pass it off as "cute." I learned the hard way that women don't like my winged version of a magic carpet ride. I got comments like "this is un-fucking-believable!" "you cheap jackass, do you think this is funny?" Apparently blowing in their face with my mouth and slathering my fingers on their face to simulate the wind passing through them was "fucking retarded." It wasn't until I was 19 that I realized that it was an ineffective way to tell girls that I like them.

Note: If Walt Disney was still alive during the production of Aladdin, I bet it would have been more racist. (Walt was openly anti-semetic) Since it takes place in the middle-east, [even though everyone in the movie was white] The story line would be more true to real life events. The Aladdin movie and following sequels would have been different. Jafar probably would have been Jewish. Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar would have been Aladdin 2: The Return of the Invincible Jew. Aladdin 3: And the King of Thieves would have most definitely been "Aladdin 3: And the Jihad against the King of the Jews.


Beauty and the Beast:

Yet another classic story we all know and love. In summary, a selfish prince is turned into a beast by a fairy for being rude and selfish. Everyone in his castle is punished by association by being turned into random objects. The girl makes him less selfish, true love prevails, yadda yadda, you know the story. Essentially, the point of the story was to scare kids into being nice instead of being unsupervised bratty bastards. It didn't work on me. I took it way too literally. The movie turned me into the most annoying bastard kid on the planet. I would intentionally be rude, seflish, and bratty in hopes that a fairy would turn me into a random object. I hoped to be turned into a car, or maybe a gun. Something destructive. Instead I got ran over by a car and shot with a gun later on. No one explained to me that this could never happen. Disney failed to provde me with a disclaimer that said "Fairies do not exist, and you can't be turned into inadimate objects no matter how bad you want it to happen." The movie ends with a giant fight by which the objects win against the ignorant townspeople. The objects didn't even try to reason with the people. From that point on, I learned that violence was the way to solve everything! After serving 6 months in "Juvi" I further reinforced my reasoning that violence does solve everything, including keeping yourself from being someone elses bitch.

Note: I never went to Juvenile Hall, never got ran over or shot.



The Little Mermaid:

Classic, classic, classic. We all know this to be true. To recap, it's about a 16 year old mermaid girl [Ariel] who falls in love with an older man on the surface. Her father King Triton is an old school kind of guy that rules with a polygamist-like iron fist. (Come on, the guy has like 10 daughters, none of them look alike. They can't be from the same mother.) Ariel trades her voice for legs with a sea witch and 2 electric eels. The sea witch [Ursula] is morbidly obese and bent on getting humped by the guy on the surface (What else was her motivation, really? How was she going to take over the ocean kingdom by marrying some dude on the surface. It was all about the sex I tell ya!) The end scene with Ursula being huge and powerful scared the crap out of me as a kid. I wouldn't watch the end scene for years. It warped my perception on fat people forever. As a result being a kid, I had a fear of all obese people thinking that they may destroy me with their tentacles and destroy whole naval yards unchecked. I took the oceanic law into my own hands. I didn't have the luxury of smiting fat people with a trident like King Triton. I improvised and stabbed fat people with a fork! Much to my dismay, I accomplished nothing by doing this. I was grounded to the point where I didn't see the sun for 3 years. My social life was crippled forever. All I took from the Little Mermaid was to marry really young girl, fat people are evil, seagulls are annoying, and mermaid people are in awesome shape. (every single one of them has a six pack!)

Note: I didn't stab fat people with forks.



Now that the facts [lies] have been exposed, I hope you take time to reflect on your brainwashing and where you went wrong. This is all but a short sample of the truths about Disney movies. In time, I will write more and show you more evil truths. I hope you enjoyed this thoughtful [informative] blog.

Note: I'm completely full of shit. :)

Toys of Today and My Valentines Day Concoction

The other day I went to Toy R' Us to cruise around for Valentines Day ideas. I don't think I have stepped foot in the store since I was 11. Maybe 12 at the oldest. Basically, it's been about a decade. I remember how big the store used to seem when I was younger. It seemed like you couldn't go through the entire store in time before your parents dragged you away. Though, the store is still pretty big, it's not as big as it used to feel. I still felt like a kids walking through. I always loved toys when I was a kid. A small part of me still does. I still have a soft spot for Legos. (Who doesn't have a soft spot for legos. I mean come on seriously. Legos!) As I walked up and down the aisles, I was blown away by how cool toys were these days. This totally makes me sound old. But this isn't the part where I start to go on a rant that starts out with the sentence, "back in my day toys were different......" The star wars toys I used to collect are about 5x cooler now than they were a decade ago. Nerf is still going strong with their awesome dart guns of military-standard of destruction. Lego's seemed to just get more awesome by the day. I was half tempted to buy a huge lego set to give me something to do for a while. I resisted in favor of not looking like a huge nerd. Plus being busy with school and work, I don't really have the time to build a kick ass spaceship made of legos. Oh the adventures I could have had with my lego spaceship. With today's video games and toys, how could any bratty bastard kid possibly manage to be bored in this day and age? After about 3 minutes of soul searching, I found the answer to that question. Everyone in America is practically raised to never be happy with what they already have. (You know that's true, don't deny it.)

And yet with all these cool toys, I found a few that would be better off never being in the childhood of anyone. I found a 12 inch plastic Steve Irwin action figure. This begs the question of "How?" and "Why?" What toy marketing executive thought this would be a profitable idea? Another toy I found that was almost equally worse was an action figure of an Oreo. An Oreo. Even kids know thats stupid. Sure it's cute looking, but I can't imagine adventures kids can have with a plastic Oreo. Toys need new edge. I've been a strong and fierce advocate of reality based toys. Nerf should come out with something so brilliantly edgy, that it may make psychiatry seem legitimate again. I propose they make a "Nerf Suicide Kit: For the kids who still want to hurt themselves, but not die, while still making a statement." Teenagers without anti-depressants will eat that shit right up. Nerf's profits will sore while compromising the integrity of their company. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! (If I may say so myself) And lets have the manliest of men action figure out there. I'm speaking of course about a Chuck Norris action figure. The action figure will be capable of bludgeoning small animals/weaker children to death. That would have me sold in an instant!



Valentines day is now upon us. For some it's the dreaded day where they are reminded about how desperately [lonely] single they are. Before I was in a relationship, I used to have plenty of bitter exploits regarding the holiday since everyone around me always made an unecessarily big deal about the "holiday." My main argument was that if it was a real holiday, I would have the day off from school and get paid premium wages for working the holiday if needed. Other people with my bitter frame of mind applauded this. I absorbed all of it with a smile. Now that I'm a little older and [slightly] less bitter about most things in life, I have found other ways to cope with the "holiday" without making fun of it directly.

Allow me to take you back to my reality based frame of mind. I have frequently destroyed astrology in blogs and bulletins in a humorous realistic way. Plus I have destroyed other lame chain bulletins and anything that could possibly have the fun, excitement, and mystery sucked out of them. (I'm a horrible person) Now it has come down to making fun of those [chalky antiacid] candy hearts with the "cute" phrases on them. Many have done this before. But those were all celebrities. I feel it's time for the torch to be passed down unto me for a brief but semi-comical bashing. If I were the guys writing the words on the hearts (and didn't care about losing my job) I would write the following phrases that realistically describe today's shallow American love (keep in mind I'm doing this using the same abbreviations and misspellings they use that drive me insane):

"lose sum weight" (for that special someone)
"get a job" (deadbeat lovin)
"U R dum" (ironic but blunt)
"fat ass" (we're married!)
"give up on luv" (it couldn't be more insulting that a piece of candy says the same thing as your friends and your mom)
"eat more of this crap" (it wouldn't fit, but that's classic)
"I hate u" (I'm divorcing you)
"hopeless 4 life" (just face it)
"virgin 4 ever" (stop trying to change that fact you creepy psycho)
"waste on society" (for the brother that has lived in the basement since 'Nam)
"try again" (you might get it right)
"u lose" (You're not attractive anymore)
"stay inside" (and stop hanging out outside in my bushes)
"word to ur mother" (Happy valentines Day Mom!)
"ur face hurts me" (did the doctor beat you with a hammer directly after you were born?)
"u luv failure" (you'll never succeed.....ever!)
"ur still alive?" (change that soon)
"luv hates u" (if you're reading this and not smiling, it's probably true)
"no more plz" (your love is like being stabbed by a butterknife repeatedly)

That's all I got. But thanks for reading! I hope you are having a splendid wonderful Valentines Day whether you are single or taken. It shouldn't matter either way. A good day is a good day! I love you all (except you)




Peace and love hippie muchachos