Out of Shape

I need to work out consistently. Every few months I realize this and have an awesome set schedule that works for 3-4 months, then something throws me off. Then I don't' work out for another 3-4 months. After a few months, I realize I'm getting body fat where I don't need it and blah blah blah.

I need to get out and run a few laps before people starting running laps around me. And when I say running laps around me, I mean I'm so fat people use me as something to run laps around. Before I get bigger boobs than most of the girls I know. Before I get a bigger ass than my pants can physically handle. You get the idea.

I'm out of shape and I need to get on it! I'm not ready to be fat yet!

I Can Respect That

There are few things I can respect in this world. I can respect someone who speaks their mind intelligently. I can't respect someone who speaks their mind out of hate, loneliness, or propaganda. I can respect someone who has beliefs. I can't respect someone whose behaviors contradict those beliefs. I can respect someone who is genuine, nice and honest, even if they aren't that intelligent. I can't respect someone who is condescending, cold, or mean, even if they are intelligent. They should know better.

It's hard to like someone you don't respect. That's not a real friendship. How can it be? There is all kinds of reasons to not respect an individual. Yet, there are so few reasons to respect someone in today's culture. Respect is never as universal as it should be. It makes or breaks relationships in just about every aspect. From romantic to work, it damn near determines how the remainder of that relationship functions.

Respect isn't an easy thing to achieve but a much easier thing to lose. To earn it requires work, effort and sincerity. To lose it is to lack only one of those qualities. t.

This world just doesn't function without it. Unfortunately, with each passing day, the world goes on to live without it, more and more.

90's Propaganda was Brilliant

Remember some of the tv shows and movies we watched when we were kids? I remember a few. They were good wholesome cartoons and shows that dictated our childhood Halloween costumes for years. They were shows that gave us idols and imagination. But when I really thought about them, I started to realize that we were being fed interesting propaganda. Allow me to explain!

Fern Gully: The Last Rain Forest

I'm sure we remember this one to some extent. To review, it's about a teenager that is shrunk by fairies in the rain forest. This "hip" 90's savvy teen was helping destroy the rain forest. The dialogue was filled with 90's slang in an attempt to reach the decades audience (bodacious, tubular, groovy, mondo, radical, all your favorites!). To get right to the point, the teen character helps save the rain forest. When we were kids, we didn't get the message of the story. It was a preachy cartoon show that was supposed to teach us to appreciate our rain forests. Did anyone get that when we were kids? I doubt it. All I really wanted to do was catch a fairy so I could enslave it to do my chores. If you ever go back to watch that movie, listen closely. You won't believe some of the crap they say and get away with in a kids movie.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

We all remember that show. I think it's a safe guess to say that 1 in 4 of us was probably a power ranger for Halloween in first or second grade. If not really wanted to be one but couldn't get the costume. There really wasn't a huge message in the show in general. It was after the show where the messages really played. They would do some sort of message that would usually consist of telling you to not do drugs and do homework. But there was one little short skit that sent a different message. Don't be a douchebag! They didn't really come out and say that, but that was implied. The camera followed some white trash go going through the school being a.....well, douchebag. He is giving high fives really hard, slamming peoples lockers shut while they are using them and stealing peoples food. That's not a bully. A bully picks on certain people. A douchebag affects everyone in eyesight. Eventually, one of the power rangers tells him that what he is doing is not cool and everyone is happy. When I saw that, I knew I didn't want to be the douchebag guy. The anti-douche campaign worked! They should bring that back. The anti-douche campaign has been absent for too long. Now we have too many little douchebags running around.

Captain Planet:

This is too easy. I won't get into this one. A show that obviously attempted to not only promote a friendly environment, but world peace too! One of their characters is from "the powerful but corrupt Soviet Union."

That's all I feel like writing about for now. But think hard about the old cartoons. They sent you messages that your little mind was not old enough to comprehend!

This blog also appeared on my myspace: www.myspace.com/johnnydrummerbassist

Public Affection Depresses Singles

Spring has finally sprung! The weather is slightly warmer and I can see the sun for more than 2 hours before a storm hits. Spring is always associated with "love being in the air." Which I think is ridiculous. There is always love in the air. Everyone is shut in during the winter so you don't see as many people galloping about looking happy. Once the warm weather rises again, this forces those publicly flirty people to the outdoors to have fun activities. Like sitting on a blanket under a tree or riding a bike or whatever activities those types of hacks do on warm weather days.

In any case, this wears on single people to some degree. Watching all these young happy couples prance about, being flirty and affectionate while they sit and watch in both envy and disgust. My theory is, they just haven't seen publicly flirty couples for months because they have all been shut in for the winter. You'll see the occasional one or two. But not as often as around every street corner or every inch of a typical college campus. The single people almost forget what it's like. They eventually adapt in a couple of weeks and completely forget about how abundant flirty couples are in warm weather.

Nonetheless, every year, I never fail to hear at least 2 people a week complain about all the flirty people outside and how it makes them feel lonely and blah blah blah. Don't let a few saps make you feel lonely just because they appear to be having a good time. Feel lonely because a sibling stole your girlfriend/boyfriend, ran over your dog and murdered your best friend. That's lonely. Quit your whining. You'll forget all about it next week when you hear about how dysfunctional everyones new relationships are.

Love isn't in the air. I'll tell you what's in the air. Pollution. Lots of it. Take comfort in that or whine about it. That's more legit than starting a conversation with "Seeing all this love during spring time makes me feel [lonely, depressed, sad, hungry, whatever temporary emotion you are feeling at the time]. I hate Spring."

No, this isn't the funny blog I had planned. I may write that tomorrow. It's better than this one. We'll see. Work is busy. I'm tired and fat. You know, the usual excuses I use to not do something I should.

Slack-a-lackin

So I had intentions to post a good funny blog yesterday. But truthfully I got much too lazy for that. Instead, I spent most of my day laying around playing Wii and doing some laundry. I've gotta lay off the Wii before I become a hardcore nerd.

I realized that it's hard for me to keep my blogs short. I have a lot to say. It's hard for me to keep it concise. But I'm a fan of good rhetoric if it's for humorous purposes. A lot of people tell me they skip out on my blogs because they are always too long. Well sorry, it's a lot of content. But usually when I'm writing something that long. there is probably some good stuff in there. (Not trying to sound pompous or anything but with that much content there HAS to be at least one good thing in there) With these journal blogs, I've tried to keep them short and kind of funny. So far, I don't think I've succeeded so much in the funny aspect. I'll get it. You'll see!

Coming soon [later tonight at work when I'll probably have time] I'll be writing a funny blog. Or at least I think it's comical because I'm cheaply amused. Look out kids!

I Could Fly!

I had the strangest dream last night where I could fly! The dynamics of it were simple. Just run really fast, jump up high and forward, spread your arms like wings, and you're on your way!!! It was so much fun. Of course, it was only temporary being able to fly. I would land like an airplane and skid on and off the ground until I slowly came to a stop. My dream had some other ludicrous plot associated with it, but that's not important. The flying sensation was amazing.

As I slowly came awake, in my still sleepy stupor, my flying experience seemed simple. As if I could really pull it off in real life. How awesome would that be?! I slowly came to realize it could never be that simple. If I had tried that in real life, my fat ass would drop like a rock.

If only it could be that simple and easy. Life would be grand.

Silly America

I fail to understand why the game Guitar Hero is so fun. I mean, it's ok, but it's not top 10 most awesome games ever in my book. I'm not a huge gaming person in general, really. However, I can't get into this Guitar Hero phenomenon.

The game encourages you to practice daily so you can get really good. It takes a few months to get decent. Only in a America can you learn to play fake guitar decently in the same amount of time it would take you to learn REAL guitar. What's the damn point?!

Don't get me started on the game Rock Band with the drums. It makes me angry beyond reason. Every time I play it I lose since the game is grossly inaccurate. I turn into the Hulk in the middle of Best Buy and start kickin shit over and punching innocent passing shoppers. (Never really happened)

Silly America, instruments are for musicians. I'm tired of all these hacks who try to boast how good they are at Guitar Hero. It's quite pathetic.

St. Patricks Day is Odd

St. Patricks is fairly pointless when you think about it. It's right up there with Halloween and Valentines Day. They all encourage you to do ridiculous things. St. Pats day encourages you to drink and pinch people who don't wear green. Which basically, for party-goers and frequent flyers of the bar seen, means that you totally get trashed and grab whoever, wherever, regardless if they are wearing green or not. That's pretty sweet if you ask me.

Oddly enough, working in an ER where we get drunks daily, we didn't get any tonight. At all. It's a miracle! I dreaded today thinking that we would be swamped with drunks, bent on sexually harassing our staff regardless of age, gender, and marital status. Actually, now that I think about it, we had 3 drunks. But they were veteran drunks. But they were people who drink frequently anyway and had no idea that it was St. Pat's day. I was under the impression they had no knowledge that such a holiday ever existed. Still, it was surprising nonetheless that we were not swamped with annoying drunks.

Thanks to my green scrubs, I was permanently protected from pinching predators. Though I still worried about assholes pinching anyway for kicks. In which case I would have to royally ruin their shit. I hate being pinched or spanked. It's a pet peeve I have always had. I'm sure no one likes being pinched, but I hate it a lot. Maybe I'm weird. In any case, I hope you all had a good St. Pat's Day. With or without alcoholic beverages. Woot.

Accomplishing Day

We had a cardiac arrest at work today. She didn't make it. They rarely do. On a good day one pulls through. Sad but true. I got to visit the hospital morgue today for the first time ever. I helped take the body there. Most of the time they go to a coroners office to determine the cause of death. The morgue was a place of wonder and discovery. It looked like that hokey 1920's science fiction lab of doom. Metal tables and weird instruments that didn't appear to have a purpose. Awesome.

But then a life long dream came true. I finally got to see a brain floating in a jar! I've always wanted to see a brain or an eyeball floating in a jar. Preferably on a shelf of some sort with other organ collections. Twawesome! (shorthand for: it was awesome) But it was on a metal slab with other organs. Still pretty sweet. There was a couple of hearts in jars just hangin out and a few other things. When I worked at Alta View Hospital in pathology, the coolest thing I would ever see was a gallbladder in a jar. Actually, the coolest was a toe. I longed for the day I would run into a brain or an eyeball. Half my life is complete. All I have to see now is an eyeball floating in a jar for no obvious reason and I can die peacefully.

Now if that's not an accomplishing day, then I have no idea what is!

To the Update-Mobile!

Very little has changed the past month. I've been living in a monotonous routine of work and school with the occasional social life. The only that has changed is that I got my new car, sold my bus and my Metro was destroyed through time.

I still enjoy my job at the ER. Even though the days can wear on me a little bit. I like the way I feel when I feel like I've made a difference in someone elses life. I know that sounds corny. But for once I feel like I'm really apart of real medicine. I've had several jobs before, but I feel like I'm getting the experience I want and need that other students would kill for.

I feel so behind in school. I realize I didn't have the luxury of a scholarship, but it's taking me so long to get to where I'm going. I frequently question if I have what it takes to be doctor. Many people believe I can do it, and other people I wonder are just patronizing me. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. I'm stepping off my soap box now.

Aside from the routine, I'm fairly content with my life. I need to start working out again before I get fat as shit. I would hate to be the guy people from high school run into and they say later "Man, he got fat over the years." I should avoid that, ay?

This also appears on my Myspace blog:
www.myspace.com/johnnydrummerbassist

Fell Behind

So I know I said I was going to update this daily, but I've been busy the past couple of days. My great grandma came into town to watch my 16 year old sister since I'm gone a lot. This idea was ridiculous. An 83 year old woman who has to weigh about 40 pounds and is frail as can be is watching my sister. It turned out I had to watch both of them. Not so much my sister as I did my grandma. She is nice, but I kept having visions of her falling down the stairs. She would frequently tell me how the medicine I want to go into "doesn't work very well, ever" and that seeing some guy who charges her obscene amounts of money to do mental healings works better. I'm sure to some extent it works in a placebo kind of way but not really. I got tired of hearing about how microwaves make you eat pure radiation and how medicine is a joke every time I turned around. I love my grandma, but she isn't fit to take care of other people at her age. My sister was so busy she didn't have to watch her at all. My parent's said they didn't anticipate my sister being so busy, but even then, she is old enough to take care of her some to some point. I was home enough to watch over her. Which basically consisted of me playing Wii while she talked on the phone in her room.

Very productive.

I can't wait for this semester to be over.......

The New Car Blog (finally)

Now that I'm in a better mood, I will write a blog about the new car I love oh, so much. Woot. Here is a little car history that will explain why I'm so excited to have this new car.

I first started out with a 1992 Oldsmobile Achieva when I was 16. It was white with a gutless 4 cylinder engine. I got in my first wreck in that car with Kevin Khong going to lunch from school. About 2 months later the engine got burned out because I forgot to put anti-freeze in it.



After my Sophomore year, I spent a large majority of the summer working in New Mexico with my grandpa and his construction company. This was intended to help me earn some good money so I could buy a car in the fall since I didn't really have a job. After about a month of hell working in the hot sun, I had some money to finally buy a car. I almost bought a 1993 black Honda Civic. But that deal didn't work out unfortunately. I then purchased my 1995 Geo Metro from a young couple. It had low miles and great gas mileage. Not to mention the 3 cylinder engine that would make me the world's slowest person on the road. The car would eventually make me somewhat of a known legend in high school after I put a giant muffler on the car to make fun of my old friend Kyle. The Geo sounded loud, intimidating, and even fast without actually being any of those qualities. Most people on the streets would try to race me thinking I was serious about trying to rice out my Geo. Which is ridiculous. I never once had a problem with that car. I only ever had to replace the clutch on that thing. It was slow but reliable. During my senior year of high school I almost won the most creative car award for the yearbook for the giant muffler. I lost to another Geo Metro that was covered in skate stickers (That kid's Geo deserved to win because it looked awesome!) The car was slow and irritating. I always got passed up and got places in longer times than most cars. A few weeks ago it met it's end after a cylinder wore out. The car could no longer function. It was a great car that has had too many memories to recite from the past 5 years of owning it.

My next purchase would be a fun but poor decision. I wanted a new car badly and for some reason I wanted a VW Bus. I had always wanted one as a kid. I bought it from a hippie guy who owned a fruit stand down the street from me the first week of 2006. It was bright yellow with a fridge, sink, stove and 2 beds. At first, it ran great and it was a ton of fun to drive. It made me a whole new legend. Everyone who knew me associated me with the van. It was pretty sweet. After 6 months of owning it, the real trouble started. It was one thing after the other going wrong with it. My dad was a real sport helping me with the costs of fixing it since it was so frequent. I didn't drive it for about a year because it simply would not work. I would drive my parents Saturn till I could get my Geo's clutch replaced to drive it again. I was sad I didn't have the time or money to keep it running and drive like I wanted, thusly I had to sell it. That was just as long of a process. After about a year, I sold it to some kid who love them and had time and money to fix it when needed. The exact day my Geo Metro died was the exact day I sold my bus, so it was good timing. I was sad to see it leave. He would have new adventures in it. Adventures I should have had. (though I had plenty)

Before I had even sold the bus, I was looking for new cars so I could get one as soon as possible after I sold it. I looked into a variety of different cars but became quite set on a Nissan Sentra. They were cheap, decent looking and economic. I eventually test drove one of the Sentra's sports models called the SE-R. I was hooked on how fast it was. I hadn't had anything capable of reaching the speed limit without the help of a downhill slope since I started driving 5 years ago. I craved having something with speed. I was set on getting a Sentra SE-R from that point. I preferred it to be black, especially if I wasn't going to get an SE-R but I would take silver if I could get an SE-R. I would eventually buy one from a couple who were my age who had taken great car of it. Finally, speed at last! It was a long process to buy it that deprived me of sleep and stressed me out to no end. But it will be totally worth having a newer faster car that I will be happy with through college.

I'm excited to finally have a car worthy of getting me places and keeping up with traffic. This car makes me very happy. At last, I have closure with my automobile.

Still Tired......bleh

I was hoping to recover a little bit from my bad day yesterday. At first I had no such luck. I tried to get my new car registered and couldn't because the person I bought from got married recently her name doesn't match other records. I was so irritated. It certainly didn't help that I only had 5 hours of sleep. I woke up early again to get my car registered so I can drive that instead of my mom's car like a deadbeat son. Work hasn't been bad today. It's slow enough I can write this. Woot. Having 7 hours of sleep in 2 days wears on you hard when you work 12 hour shifts. I have had no energy the entire shift. I've just been walking slow without any sense of urgency. I'm so exhausted.

Like I said before, I'm normally not such a whiny and bitchy person. But this is destroying me. As I laid I lay in bed last night, it occurred to me how much I have to do in so little time. I felt so overwhelmed. The next week or so will not be an easy one. I'm hoping I can get through this weak with little difficulty.

Don't worry, I'll start writing better and funnier stuff here soon. For now, my mind and body is worn and my spirit is better. All I really need and want is a 2 good nights sleep. I'll take one good night, but 2 would be preferable.

And I'm aware that last night I promised a blog today about my fabulous new driving machine, capable of taking me to the speed limit and beyond in times I never thought possible. That will be tomorrow..............Maybe the day after. Either way, it's coming soon.

(I say this assuming that you care I got a new car that is quite sexy. I now have something that is finally more expensive than my drums)

It Just Didn't Go Right Today

I consider myself a pretty happy person. I don't have as much to complain about and very few things make me miserable. I rarely just have a terrible awful day. Maybe once a month. I'll have days that are regular with little mishaps, annoyances, inconveniences.......etc. But there are few days I can truly call a "bad" day.

In my high school days, I was constantly miserable. I would complain about EVERYTHING! Every day it was [insert ridiculous minor thing to bitch about constantly here]. It wasn't until my first year of college that I loosened up and changed my mindset. It's a change for the better that has shaped who I am as a young man today. I can turn negatives into positives, ignore negatives and focus on the positive. I've concentrated on being a more positive person despite my generally blunt and realistic demeanor.

Yesterday was definitely one of those rare days that I could truly call "bad." That wasn't the way it started however. I finally got my new car (I'll expand on it later, next blog) after months of searching and preparing. But it came at a small cost. After working a graveyard the day before, I had to get up at 9 am to get the ball rolling with my bank. Basically, I had about 2 hours of sleep. I tried to go back to sleep again but it was just constant phone tag between the car owner and 2 different banks. It was a long process with seemingly no end. I thought I would have to get my car the next day it was taking so long. I ended up getting the car just in time before the banks closed. This made me an hour late to work since I had to drive about 15 miles past Provo during 5 o'clock traffic. Upon finally getting to work, it was incredibly busy. My co workers didn't mind because they are cool. The patient load was heavy, but at the time we had decent patients. For the first couple of hours, it was great. I was connecting with patients like I always try to do, feeling like I made a difference. Then one gross moment made everything go downhill for the rest of the night. I'm not proud of this and it rarely happens in the ER because of the short term care, but an old lady shit on me and one other co-worker helping her into her car. This was the grossest thing ever because it went through her 40 layer diaper and sweats and all over my scrub pants. My legs were covered in shit. It was somewhat embarrassing but I was able to laugh it off with my coworkers. After that, we got busy and overwhelmed. The staff was frustrated and angry. We had a drunk guy who was assaulted who had bed bugs, lice and all kinds of crap you don't want to get near. He was combative and non-cooperative the entire time. It was the most annoying waste of 2 hours ever. We thought this guy might have been seriously injured but it turns out he is a lying douchebag alcoholic just out to make everyones lives miserable. I was behind on all of my work at this point because the drunk had taken up most of my time. In the meantime of catching up with my other work duties, I had to deal with more awful douchebag patients. Whenever you take care of a patient who has lice and/or bed bugs, you become itchy for the rest of the night out of paranoia. That made things much worse since I had a ton of contact with 2 patients who had both of those. (I'm still kind of itchy)

Just barely is it slow enough that I can write this. I've worked my ass off with 2 hours of sleep. I have so much to do when I wake up again. I have to wake up somewhat early to get my car registered and such. Then after that I have to go to my last graveyard shift of the week. I'll be slightly more rested but not much. But I still won't to get caught up on sleep for days. I have school early on Wednesday and some things planned for Thursday. Maybe Thursday night I can finally rest. But I doubt it since my great grandmother will be in town and she is not one for letting people sleep in past 4 AM. Then I will have to wake up early on Saturday just to drive her back to Idaho. Bah.

The only thing that has even gone right today was the fact I got a new car. *sigh* Today had so much potential to be great. I just couldn't make it happen no matter how strong my spirit.

Sleep deprivation week for Johnny Walker is brought to you by coffee and assorted energy drinks: destroying my kidneys one nephron at a time! Also in part by unnecessary stress: destroying weak sleep deprived people across the countries colleges since President Taft ran for office.

Thanks for listening to me whine :)

Daylight Savings

I hate daylight savings. It makes me lose an hour of precious sleep for like a week before I get used to the change. This year I tried making good of my situation so it would take the sting out of getting screwed out of an hour of rest. It was an honest effort but a short lived one.

Today I tried pretending that I was living one hour in the future! I traveled an hour ahead of the present in order to change my lazy situation of the present. Much to my dismay I found out that I'm twice as lazy an hour ahead of time. With each passing hour I found myself becoming lazier. I longed to travel to the present to a less lazy mindset. But then I got thinking about all the technicalities of my time traveling mind experiment. It became too confusing after 10 minutes. Plus having stupid shit like that on your mind is distracting in hospital emergency room setting. Patients care suffered as a result of my deep intellectual time travel thinking. [not really] I quickly ended my time traveling journey to live in the present (yes, I know I was already in the present, dumbass)

Luckily, it's the end of my shift and I can go home to rest for 8 hours before I come back for another 12 hour shift. Time to go!

Woot.

Until next time, rock on.

Party hardy.

Speaking Your Mind Gets You in Trouble

I'm a lot more outspoken and blunt than I was in high school. I would speak my mind, but I wouldn't be as blunt or realistic. I was a realist, but I spared people the details. I felt like I was limiting myself.

Something changed somewhere along the way. When I speak my mind, it's with full force of details, and bluntness. Nothing and no one is spared. I don't do it to be mean, or do it to get a kick out of it. I don't do it when it's not my business or push my opinion on anyone. Most of the time, I end up being right. (Not to sound like an arrogant prick or get on some condescending trip.)

I was brought up to not believe everything I heard. I was taught to be skeptical but not completely paranoid or distrusting. Those teachings have served me well and saved me more trouble than I can possibly imagine. The choices I made in the past weren't the easiest ones, but they were the right ones. It wasn't until late middle school did I really put this all into practice. I wasn't as blunt then. I would turn my observations into something more witty than blunt. I still do that frequently, but the difference is, when I need to be serious, I stay in that mode.

To some people, it's refreshing that I'm realistic. To others, I'm being a terrible pessimist. Both are probably correct but they both have faults. The ones who think it's ok for me to be refreshingly realistic are the ones who are more blunt than I. They use their realistic views to bring other people down who were just fine where they were. The ones who think I'm a pessimist are the ones who don't like what they hear because the truth hurts. They often don't like seeing things as they are. There is nothing wrong with that to a certain extent. It's a filter for some people who are fragile or not ready to hear some things they need to figure out on their own. But for others, they depend on it as a shield to get them through life. To not see things as they are because they cannot bring themselves to face them. I'm not talking about optimists in general. Most optimists are levelheaded.

But I'm starting to discover a double edge sword with my the mindset I've had for so long. People frequently ask me for advice because they think a realistic opinion will help. (I'm just as surprised as you. I wouldn't come to me for advice.) They ask for my "totally" honest opinion. I forewarn them each time that they may not like what I have to say because it's not what they want to hear. I tell them, I'm not going to hold back and they should be aware of that. Each time, they say "Oh, I don't care. I really want to hear what you have to say." Which translates into "Tell me what I want to hear." Fair warning, wouldn't you say? I go right on ahead with my thoughts, straight to the point. I'm not doing them any favors by telling them what they want to hear because that doesn't help in most cases. Each time, the person is disappointed and secretly angry. How dare I say that?! That's not the way they think it is, therefore it is not to them. Sometimes they are right and I'm totally wrong. Maybe I was being a pessimist or saw the situation from a wrong angle. That rarely happens.

Why ask for my honest opinion if you know ahead of time that it's going to be blunt and honest? Why ask, if you know like everyone else that I'm going to put everything on the table and tell it like it is? They know each time that I'm notorious for this. They've heard me give advice to other people before in the exact same context and even agree with what I say. If there is a lot of crap you don't want to face, and you ask me for advice knowing I'm going to bring ALL of that up then get mad, why are you wasting your time? Suddenly, I'm the bad guy, and I'm wrong. I'm the asshole who just "doesn't get it." Then it turns out, surprise surprise! I was right all along. How could that be? I had little emotional or biased attachment to the situation, how could I possibly see everything without being influenced by complex irrational emotions? Hmmmm.

It's frustrating! Don't ask me for my opinion if you KNOW I'm going to say things you're not going to like. You KNOW that I'm not going to spare your feelings completely just because it's hard to accept some things. You KNOW my exact philosophy with telling this kind of advice. I do not feel like I'm doing you favors if I'm telling you what you want to hear because it's comfortable. Don't tell me to speak my mind when your mind isn't listening anyway. Don't tell me to speak my mind when your mind is already made up. You're wasting both of our time.

Speaking my mind has gotten me in trouble several times with family, friends, relationships, co-workers. Just about everyone. This should be an obvious sign for me to shut up and leave things alone. But I can't. Especially, if I'm asked to speak my mind. I'm not going to pass up an opportunity to voice my opinion if I think it can help, or if I'm defending myself, or someone close. Perhaps I should tone it down and be more mindful of people's feelings and what they are ready to hear and accept. Unfortunately for me, that's hard. I feel that a realistic look can help people realize and accept hard truths when they can't face them. They won't tell it to themselves because it hurts. In a lot of cases, if someone else realizes the hard truths they supress, they eventually come to accept them since they have been brought into the light. Sadly enough, this makes me sound like the town gossip that people hate. Makes me sound like the prissy bitch gossip girl that everyone tends to love and hate. I don't want to be that guy. I DON'T have all the answers and I never will. I'm not perfect and it's even hard for me to practice what I preach. I know my limits and I know when I'm wrong. I can admit when I'm wrong (I can be stubborn, but I know when I've been beat).

Maybe I should be more mindful of peoples feelings in more situations and not be so hard and blunt. Maybe I should give advice based on the person instead of one size fits all kind of mentality. We shall see. But in the meantime it's a curse that's put me in trouble when it shouldn't have.

Sorry to those I've offended with my past advice.

Consistency is the Key to Groovy Disco Beats

I've decided that I want to write blogs on a more consistent basis. If you haven't read the little "about me" side bar, then I'll repeat myself in case you're too lazy to look 2 inches to your right. Im typically post 2 blogs a month on myspace.com. Usually one is funny and the other is serious or a life update. I feel like I want to be able to write more consistently in a blog kind of way. Though, I expect these postings to be substantially more obscure and less known about. On myspace I have about 22 subscribed readers, which is pretty good since most people have like 2-5 subscribers, if that. Eventually, I want this blog to become bigger with a following. In the meantime, this will just be thoughts and ramblings about my life and other subjects in general.

I used to write so much more than I do now. I truly miss it. This in a sense will be journal/article writing. Mostly journal writings. However, if you are reading this consistently as I am writing them, I will try to keep it interesting. (I will do that anyway even if no one reads) Blogging on myspace has really been my only touch with good writing. When I was younger, I would write poems all the time. They started out as songs in my band days. I would take a book with me wherever I went in case an idea struck me. The writings after 5-6 months stopped becoming about the music and became more of a way to express myself through hard times. I was really "emo" back then. (I hate that term so bad) My high school years weren't really my glory years. My poetry writing became on outlet for my frustration. I would eventually fill 7 books full of poems. The poems were like a poetic journal. They were detailed about events happening in my life. Despite the metaphors, I could tell what they were about. On 3/24/07 (it was my last poem) I stopped writing poems. I seized to find inspiration in a poetic context frequently. I lacked the time and motivation. It wasn't intentionally my last one, but it was definitely the day where I stopped caring.

I doubt many will care to read this, but I think this will give people a better insight on how I think and what's going on in my life. Perhaps, it will keep people updated whom I don't keep in contact with often. Whatever the case, I will be writing daily if not more. This is all going to be new to me, but I think it will be for the better