The Long Days Are Going Away

When I was out and about yesterday, I noticed the sun was practically gone by 7:30 at night. It felt much later than it was. I thought for sure the time was somewhere around 9 o'clock. Gone are my long days and nights. No more sunrise at around 5:45. No more sunset at 9:30. To compound that thought, I got to my car this morning only to notice frosty condensation had built up all around my car. My breath was also now visible. Winter is slowing marching it's way up to my mental doorstep. What a dick. I feel like this year my days have lasted the longest. Maybe it was because I was making the most out of them. But now that the sunlight is being cut short, I feel like I'm being robbed of time and life.

For right now, I'm taking a break from schoolwork. I have little over a week and a half until my half block semester ends. I can have my Saturday mornings back. I can have my Tuesday and Thursday mornings back. No more early bullshit. Frankly, I can't be more excited. I've been running off of high quantities of coffee and 5-Hour Energy shots. Too much caffeine makes me edgy, irritable and angry. I'm super impatient with everything. It's my hope that I'll start getting more and better quality sleep after this semester block is done. Hopefully I'll consume less caffeine as a result.

But until then, I must run on artificial energy and consciousness.

Now back to the soul-sucking coursework.

Inspiration and Such

For a school project, I was asked to interview someone who was in a career I was interested in. I immediately elected to interview one of the doctors I work with. At first I thought the assignment was just a bullshit busy work kind of deal. It forces hermit introverts like myself to interact in uncomfortable, planned conversation. This actually turned out to be a really positive assignment for me. Our talk was deep and intellectual in levels I wasn't quite prepared for. I wasn't treated as an inconvenience, but rather as a person. I got so much information out of it. I was shocked. What made it more valuable is that it made me a contact that I could use in the future. Yes, the assignment had served the purpose it said it would. I hate it when school work assignments are smugly relevant. It was highly motivational and inspirational. I feel good about this whole thing still. I guess I can keep on going with the path I'm on now.

In other news, my first half semester block is almost finished. I can hardly wait. I can feel the burnout becoming stronger with each passing day. Losing a couple of these dead weight classes will be a burden lifted off my mind. I'm also currently sick with a minor cold. Which pisses me off. Again, I am tied with last years record with being sick 3 times in a year. I've been hoping to tie my best record of only being sick twice in a year. I guess it could be worse. I could be catastrophically sick with some horrible illness that destroys my ability to participate in school, work and social life. That would really screw me over. For now, it's a minor sinus congestion that is bothering me just enough to not go to the gym.

I'm hoping to go to San Diego at the end of October with my dad. I could really use that sweet vacation away from school, work and everything else in between. After that, I have a sweet trip to Seattle in November to see one of my good friends. This is all exciting and all, but I realized that if I can successfully go on both of these trips, this will be the most I have traveled within a year since I was 18. Kind of sad. I hoped to travel a lot more in my 20's. I guess I just haven't made as much time for it as I would have liked. Oh well, that can be easily remedied.


That's all the info you get today.

The Quarterback Of My Own Reality

Lately, I've been watching a ton of football. This is something I have not done in years largely due to my schedule. This year I decided to make room for it. I've really enjoyed watching the games again. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. I also forgot how horrible it is to become so emotionally invested in a team and to feel shitty when they lose. I really hate that part. It's part of the reason why I stopped keeping up with sports. It sucked hearing about your favorite team getting it's ass kicked every week.

Any case, I keep seeing things in football terms. I keep making football analogies in conversations with other people. I make football analogies in my head to figure out small things. I don't know why this has been such a  comfort for me to do. Recently, I've been comparing myself to a quarterback. Making the decisions on the play and making them happen. Leading the way to hopeful victory. Yes, there I am waiting to receive the ball from the center. The ball gets to my hands. I look around looking for a receiver. It's a long shot but I think I can do it. The receiver goes deep and I throw the ball as hard as I can. It's going, going, going and.............the receiver missed it.............Which translates to that missed IV I wasn't sure I was going to get in this heroin-addicted patient or gambling on finding a better parking spot than the one I just passed. I'm a lousy quarterback it turns out. I fumble a lot and have a lot of incomplete passes. But on occasion I can get a sweet touchdown after marching down the field gradually rather than throwing ridiculous hail mary's all day.

In real life I would make a horrible quarterback. I'm barely capable of throwing a football more than 35 feet without tearing my rotator cuff. I always wanted to play football as a kid but my dad wouldn't allow it. He always feared I would get permanently injured. By the time he finally gave the green light for me to play football, it was too late. I had given up on my sports ambitions and moved on to music. I would have never been able to hack it in football. I was tiny back then. I would have gotten crushed by bigger dudes. My spirits would have been equally crushed by the competitiveness and trash talking that ruined sports for me.

The point I'm trying to get across through all this random shit is that I love football.


So there. Now you know.

Let's Talk About Real Shit

I haven't posted in 6 months. As it turned out, my blog had reached a much wider audience than I had previously thought. A few people were reading my blog whom I wished had not. For a while I dabbled in the thought of just deleting this blog. But I couldn't let go of all the posts that were in here. So many memories. So much to reflect on. So I decided to take a hiatus from writing here until I felt like I needed/or wanted to write again. I've been writing in a private journal on my I-Pad in the meantime, which has helped me fight off the writing bug for a while.

Lately, I've felt compelled to come back and write here. However, I have some filters in place now to keep some of my undesired audience out. It has it's drawbacks. On the one hand, I like having a broad audience who enjoy reading my blog. On the other hand, there are just some things some people shouldn't know about me. Which obviously begs the question, why write on here at all? I guess it's just a good outlet for me to write whatever I want. Funny, serious, stupid, pointless. Doesn't matter. I like having writings like this to reflect on later. Writings that will always be here. My more private journal on my I-Pad is mostly a house for my deepest thoughts, feelings and doubts that no other person but myself should see.

I'm excited to come back, albeit it to a very limited number of readers. But that's ok. If you're reading this, congrats on being the elite few selected to read my general bullshit.

Anywho, I bet you're wondering what's new with me, right? To put it flatly, not a whole lot. My Summer was filled with warm nights, good times, adventures and fishing. Nothing off the top of my head comes to mind that needs to be written about here. It was a pretty basic Summer. I didn't go to school over the Summer like I wanted. But on the up-side I got my car paid off and got a little bit more of my shit together.

I'm back in school this fall, which has been nice. I decided to take some accelerated courses to help expedite my way through my education. It has been rather intense and stressful on me. Thankfully, after the 9th of October, I'll have 2 less classes to worry about. But until then, I'll have to try my best to not let the stress of it all eat me alive. Once again, I've also had to go back to the gym to shed some weight. I seem to go through cycles of being a fat ass and back to being an in-shape skinny bastard. Currently, in my progress I'm halfway in between both mediums. Which sucks. But progress is progress I suppose.


Anywho, that's it from me for now. I'll do better towards posting here. It definitely won't be as often as last year. But expect more posts.