As with every year, it's hard to imagine that the year 2008 had gone by so quickly for most people. I don't think it went by particularly quick or slow for me. However, I always feel compelled to recap my year as I have done so the past 3 years. So here it goes.
Reaching back to the end of 2007, one year ago today, was the end of an era. I had barely finished moving in the remainder of my stuff from the apartment. My room was a crowded mess full of boxes. It was slightly depressing to say the least. Later that night, me, Nicole, Scott, Jeff, Alexis and Brennon got together to hang out. After a couple of games of hyper homoerotic bowling, we headed back to my parent's house. I can't remember who, but someone felt the need to bring peppermint Schnops and set it on my kitchen table. Briefly we watched the new year be brought in New York on tv. It was a joyus occassion for all. I started back in school and went to work. I sold my VW bus to some guy for 1200 dollars in February. I felt slightly bad about it, because I knew it was bound to break down at any moment. A week or two later, my beloved Geo Metro blew out one of its 3 cylinders on the way back home from work. The memory was dead. For a few weeks I drove my parents car to work while feverishly looking for a new one. Eventually I settled on my Nissan Sentra SE-R. Woot. In April I noticed I was getting insanely out of shape. Brennon and I took it upon ourselves to run for 4 days and eventually lift. This went on for almost 3 months much to our credit. Only to be thrown off by Memorial weekend. We never went back to pick up where we left off. RJ got married in June/July. June was the month we all looked forward to. Jeff and I went to Brennon's cabin overnight for his birthday. It was spontaneous and yet a good relaxed time. Then, me and my best friends went to Vegas for 3 days of awesomeness at the Golden Nugget Casino in Old Vegas. It was a much needed vacation since I was working 4-5 days a week to build up some money. Upon return, I went back to working that ridiculous schedule for a month and a half. Speaking of work, things had gotten better for me there. I came out of my shell a little bit and got to know everyone. It helped me greatly to finally not be so awkward in the workplace by being nearly silent all the time. I had learned a great deal and got to do a great deal. From defibrillating a patient to putting in a 14 gauge IV in a ridiculous drunk. Plus I got a stack of ridiculous nicknames in the process. My work has served as my greatest inspiration to go to medical school. I have also aquired my ACLS/PALS/BLS instructor certifications as well. I would start another daunting semester that would be difficult but good at the same time. I would also interview for a research position for emergency/trauma/critical care medicine in October. My 22nd birthday would come around. I celebrated it at midnight at work with a good bunch of coworkers. This featured a cupcake with a sterile q-tip lit on fire for a candle, pizza, and a relaxing time. Later that weekend, my best friends surprised me at a random party with a cake and gifts (thank you Nicole!) It was good to see all my good friends under one roof. I got drunk for the first time in ages that night off of cheap beer. Matt's large party of craziness would serve as another rare time when all the guys were under one roof. A crazy night to remember indeed. I spent most of this month working.
All in all, I would call 2008 a success. It was a year of stability and learning for me. I learned a lot about myself and what I needed to accomplish. What I wanted out of life. Thinking about it now, it makes me miss the apartment all over again now that it's been a year to the day I moved back in at home. Not that it has been bad, but I miss my best friends and the independence from home. Thank you all who made this year as enriching as it was. Here is to 2009! May it be a yearof good times and better memories.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
A Blog Without Pictures
A few people have asked me recently why I don't have pictures on my blog. I guess I have never really stopped to think to put them on. As I look at other peoples blogs, I find that they almost always have pictures. I only have one blog in this entire year that has pictures. Hmmm.
Perhaps I will consider putting up some pictures here later this year for my blogs. Not that it really matters. I think only 2 or three people read my blog to begin with. But I'm a crowd pleaser.
Perhaps I will consider putting up some pictures here later this year for my blogs. Not that it really matters. I think only 2 or three people read my blog to begin with. But I'm a crowd pleaser.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Lonely People
Whenever I stop and just listen to people, I find myself woefully taken back by what some have to say about their lives. Typically I find that the people who are most depressing are the single ones looking desperately for someone. I hear ridiculous over-dramatic phrases such as, "I need to find my other half," or "I'm destined to be single forever!"
I hate such talk. I think it's such a waste of thought and emotion. Granted, being lonely can really suck. But I feel that people are selling themselves short by looking for their "other half." Why would you consider yourself half a person without someone else? And furthermore, why would you want someone who only considers themselves as half a person without someone else? Doesn't that sound hollow or depressing to anyone else? I frankly, have never thought of myself as half a person in need of the other piece. I've always thought of myself as one whole person despite my faults and flaws. How does any relationship function on the grounds of "I'm only half a person capable of only functioning fully if another person I consider my other half completes me." I wouldn't want to function on the basis of you are me, and I'm you because we are one complete person together. It seems sad that you need another person to be one whole legitimate human being. Wouldn't it make more sense to have someone who also thought of themselves as one person and not half? Being two whole people, hence being a couple and not one.
I don't know why I felt compelled to write this down. It has no real effect on me whether these people find someone else or whether they see themselves as half or one. But I guess it's the logic in me that finds it depressing that people think of themselves as half a person. What's the point of love if you can't fully appreciate yourself first? Then again, I get thinking about all the people I see come through the ER. There is definitely some people who really are half a person and the people they are with are definitely half a person. (or less in many situations.) I don't see a lot of hobos raking in playboy bunnies or supermodels. I'm mostly referring to regular people who sell themselves short. Maybe it's because it's their means of getting attention. Maybe it's because they just don't have much self-esteem. Perhaps it makes some of them feel better to be part of a puzzle rather than part of an elaborate game.
I hate such talk. I think it's such a waste of thought and emotion. Granted, being lonely can really suck. But I feel that people are selling themselves short by looking for their "other half." Why would you consider yourself half a person without someone else? And furthermore, why would you want someone who only considers themselves as half a person without someone else? Doesn't that sound hollow or depressing to anyone else? I frankly, have never thought of myself as half a person in need of the other piece. I've always thought of myself as one whole person despite my faults and flaws. How does any relationship function on the grounds of "I'm only half a person capable of only functioning fully if another person I consider my other half completes me." I wouldn't want to function on the basis of you are me, and I'm you because we are one complete person together. It seems sad that you need another person to be one whole legitimate human being. Wouldn't it make more sense to have someone who also thought of themselves as one person and not half? Being two whole people, hence being a couple and not one.
I don't know why I felt compelled to write this down. It has no real effect on me whether these people find someone else or whether they see themselves as half or one. But I guess it's the logic in me that finds it depressing that people think of themselves as half a person. What's the point of love if you can't fully appreciate yourself first? Then again, I get thinking about all the people I see come through the ER. There is definitely some people who really are half a person and the people they are with are definitely half a person. (or less in many situations.) I don't see a lot of hobos raking in playboy bunnies or supermodels. I'm mostly referring to regular people who sell themselves short. Maybe it's because it's their means of getting attention. Maybe it's because they just don't have much self-esteem. Perhaps it makes some of them feel better to be part of a puzzle rather than part of an elaborate game.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Things That Piss Me Off
The past two months I have been annoyed by numerous things. I have been bothered to the point where I now feel compelled to write about it at 5 in the morning. Here is my small list of "Things That Consistently Piss Me Off."
1. Psych Majors.
I have nothing against psych majors in general. However, I do have something against the conversations 98% of them tend to bring up.
Example:
Dumbass: I love psychology. It's so interesting. Don't you think it's interesting?
Me: No. Not really to be honest.
Dumbass: What?!?! You don't find it interesting? How can you not find it interesting? It's so cool and awesome! (Note: This reaction is, for some reason, very common. They act as if I had cut deep into their emotional fabric and scarred them for life with my proverbial "blasphemous" comment.)
Me: I don't know. I guess it's kind of interesting to read about. But not enough for me to base my education off of it.
Dumbass: But......But....... You can find out why people are fucked up! That's so cool. (As if that's the golden pursuit of all happiness.)
Seriously, I don't care why people are fucked up. I don't are to find out why they are depressed. I don't care to find out why people like Ted Bundy, or Marilyn Manson are the way they are. Point is, they are going to be fucked up whether I understand why or not. Insensitive? Maybe. However, the majority of people who come up with this argument are generally a little messed up themselves. They go looking for answers about why it is they are depressed or sad, etc. As much as I hate to say it, the answers to your personal problems aren't in psychology textbooks.
2. People Who Say "I Want to be a Baby Doctor" Followed by an Annoying Giggle
It sounds small and ridiculous. But it's the situation that bothers me.
Me: What are you studying to do?
Dumbass 2: I want to be a baby doctor (followed by smile and annoying giggle)
Me: You mean a pediatrician?
Dumbass 2: Yeah but that's such a big word I don't want to confuse you.
Me: You're right. That big word is confusing to people under the age of 3. However you're talking to an adult. We can say pediatrician. Are you going to school right now?
Dumbass 2: No. I'm waiting to see if I get the manager position at (insert dead end job here). That's where I work. If that doesn't work THEN I'll go to med school. But I don't know. I heard being a doctor is really hard.
I kid you not, I have had several conversations similar to this one. Where do I start with this one? I've already pointed out the ignorance of the "pediatric" part. Let's start with the "I'm not going to school right now" part. Honestly, if you're highest ambition is to be the manager of a seafood restaurant and being a doctor is your back up, then don't try. And of course, being a doctor is hard. It's designed to be hard to keep people like you from becoming doctors.
3. Being a Medical Examiner Makes Me More Unique Than Everyone Else
Same situation as above.
Me: What are you studying to do?
Dumbass 3: I want to be a medical examiner. Playing with dead people is awesome. I know I sound weird but I'm unique because of it.
Me: Are you in school right now?
Dumbass 3: Well school is really hard but I heard of (insert ridiculous nonexistent shortcut through med school and residency here) But if that doesn't work, then I guess I'll go to school and apply to med school.
Me: Why do you want to be an M.E?
Dumbass: Because you get to deal with messed up things that messed up people do. It's fun. (This person is also usually a psych major.)
Wrong. Sorry dumbass. There is no shortcuts. While you're being Shitty Mcshitstein, about you're life, and fantasizing about being a more violent version of the Hardy Boys; real people are actually out going to school to achieve that job.
4. Journalism Majors Who Say "I'm Going to Change the World With My Stories"
No, no you're not. The events themselves change the world, not the story you report. Yes, the war is sad. Yes, catching sexual predators is bold and shocking. But no, your "hard-hitting news story" does not change how the world functions forever. I don't remember the last time Dan Rather, Ed Bradley, Ted Coppel, Peter Jennings, the local weatherman, the local newscast, or anything remotely news related changed my life. The event, at most, touched or maybe vaguely affected my life. Your tone of voice isn't going to change the world. Your punchline isn't going to change the world.
In short, I hate delusional people. Even though there is a good chance I may not be a doctor, even if I try my hardest, I will know I had at least tried. I will also know that it's not the end of the line for me. I can try PA school or nursing school. All of the situations above I have encountered multiple times. Had to vent somehow. Sorry if anyone was remotely offended. (kind of)
1. Psych Majors.
I have nothing against psych majors in general. However, I do have something against the conversations 98% of them tend to bring up.
Example:
Dumbass: I love psychology. It's so interesting. Don't you think it's interesting?
Me: No. Not really to be honest.
Dumbass: What?!?! You don't find it interesting? How can you not find it interesting? It's so cool and awesome! (Note: This reaction is, for some reason, very common. They act as if I had cut deep into their emotional fabric and scarred them for life with my proverbial "blasphemous" comment.)
Me: I don't know. I guess it's kind of interesting to read about. But not enough for me to base my education off of it.
Dumbass: But......But....... You can find out why people are fucked up! That's so cool. (As if that's the golden pursuit of all happiness.)
Seriously, I don't care why people are fucked up. I don't are to find out why they are depressed. I don't care to find out why people like Ted Bundy, or Marilyn Manson are the way they are. Point is, they are going to be fucked up whether I understand why or not. Insensitive? Maybe. However, the majority of people who come up with this argument are generally a little messed up themselves. They go looking for answers about why it is they are depressed or sad, etc. As much as I hate to say it, the answers to your personal problems aren't in psychology textbooks.
2. People Who Say "I Want to be a Baby Doctor" Followed by an Annoying Giggle
It sounds small and ridiculous. But it's the situation that bothers me.
Me: What are you studying to do?
Dumbass 2: I want to be a baby doctor (followed by smile and annoying giggle)
Me: You mean a pediatrician?
Dumbass 2: Yeah but that's such a big word I don't want to confuse you.
Me: You're right. That big word is confusing to people under the age of 3. However you're talking to an adult. We can say pediatrician. Are you going to school right now?
Dumbass 2: No. I'm waiting to see if I get the manager position at (insert dead end job here). That's where I work. If that doesn't work THEN I'll go to med school. But I don't know. I heard being a doctor is really hard.
I kid you not, I have had several conversations similar to this one. Where do I start with this one? I've already pointed out the ignorance of the "pediatric" part. Let's start with the "I'm not going to school right now" part. Honestly, if you're highest ambition is to be the manager of a seafood restaurant and being a doctor is your back up, then don't try. And of course, being a doctor is hard. It's designed to be hard to keep people like you from becoming doctors.
3. Being a Medical Examiner Makes Me More Unique Than Everyone Else
Same situation as above.
Me: What are you studying to do?
Dumbass 3: I want to be a medical examiner. Playing with dead people is awesome. I know I sound weird but I'm unique because of it.
Me: Are you in school right now?
Dumbass 3: Well school is really hard but I heard of (insert ridiculous nonexistent shortcut through med school and residency here) But if that doesn't work, then I guess I'll go to school and apply to med school.
Me: Why do you want to be an M.E?
Dumbass: Because you get to deal with messed up things that messed up people do. It's fun. (This person is also usually a psych major.)
Wrong. Sorry dumbass. There is no shortcuts. While you're being Shitty Mcshitstein, about you're life, and fantasizing about being a more violent version of the Hardy Boys; real people are actually out going to school to achieve that job.
4. Journalism Majors Who Say "I'm Going to Change the World With My Stories"
No, no you're not. The events themselves change the world, not the story you report. Yes, the war is sad. Yes, catching sexual predators is bold and shocking. But no, your "hard-hitting news story" does not change how the world functions forever. I don't remember the last time Dan Rather, Ed Bradley, Ted Coppel, Peter Jennings, the local weatherman, the local newscast, or anything remotely news related changed my life. The event, at most, touched or maybe vaguely affected my life. Your tone of voice isn't going to change the world. Your punchline isn't going to change the world.
In short, I hate delusional people. Even though there is a good chance I may not be a doctor, even if I try my hardest, I will know I had at least tried. I will also know that it's not the end of the line for me. I can try PA school or nursing school. All of the situations above I have encountered multiple times. Had to vent somehow. Sorry if anyone was remotely offended. (kind of)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Off Track
I was doing so well at working out for 3 weeks. My birthday threw me off. I haven't been able to successfully go back since. I've been eating terrible. I haven't been able to wake up and go running again. Bah. I tried to see if I could do it today. But instead I found myself to be in quite the coma and slept in. I don't know why I've been so tired lately. Next week I'm less likely to start up again because of finals. Lame.
I need to get back to working out. I was doing so well and feeling so good about it. If I can keep it up, I can be in shape again.
I have a meeting later today at 1130 in the morning. I will be going to it on little to no sleep. I debate how worth it it will even be. Probably not very beneficial. I will probably be bored out of my freaking mind which will make it difficult to stay awake. I don't really take this research program seriously. They don't know what to do. They never had a volunteer. They aren't involving me. I'm thinking if this meeting is totally pointless, I will go to the University of Utah School of Medicine next week and talk with someone in the Emergency Medicine department about research opportunities. Maybe they will have something for me to do.
I need to get back to working out. I was doing so well and feeling so good about it. If I can keep it up, I can be in shape again.
I have a meeting later today at 1130 in the morning. I will be going to it on little to no sleep. I debate how worth it it will even be. Probably not very beneficial. I will probably be bored out of my freaking mind which will make it difficult to stay awake. I don't really take this research program seriously. They don't know what to do. They never had a volunteer. They aren't involving me. I'm thinking if this meeting is totally pointless, I will go to the University of Utah School of Medicine next week and talk with someone in the Emergency Medicine department about research opportunities. Maybe they will have something for me to do.
Monday, November 24, 2008
A Good Week
It's been a good week. School has been relatively easy this week. It's quiet on the home front. Work has been ok. Saturday night I went to what seemed like a regular party. All my good friends were there. It turned out everyone started to sing happy birthday for me not too long after I got there. It was heart warming. I love my friends. Even though all the good beer was either gone or grossly warm, I still drank for the first time in ages. I hadn't been drunk in a very long time. It was funny. I was with all my best friends. That's all that mattered. Everyone who mattered to me under one roof. It was a good week that I needed.
On Wednesday I'll be going to Idaho for Thanksgiving. It will be nice and relaxing. Even if it will be an uneventful trip, it will be nice to be in the mindset of leaving everything behind for a day or two. Leaving the stress of work and school behind miles away. Not to be seen or run into accidentally. Impossible. In a way, I love Idaho. I like it's quaint quiet feel. No big rush. No big event. No big anything. Just live your life and watch the world from afar where nothing touches you. Then again, it's almost a reason to hate the place. Nothing big. Nothing exciting. You turn on the news for Idaho stations and hear about Utah a lot. But I think thats why I like to be there sometimes. Nothing will surprise me. I can just relax and know the real world is a state away. Not to say Idaho is not a reality. I'm talking more like my real world. My problems and stresses.
Point is, I will be out of town for a couple of days and it will be nice.
On Wednesday I'll be going to Idaho for Thanksgiving. It will be nice and relaxing. Even if it will be an uneventful trip, it will be nice to be in the mindset of leaving everything behind for a day or two. Leaving the stress of work and school behind miles away. Not to be seen or run into accidentally. Impossible. In a way, I love Idaho. I like it's quaint quiet feel. No big rush. No big event. No big anything. Just live your life and watch the world from afar where nothing touches you. Then again, it's almost a reason to hate the place. Nothing big. Nothing exciting. You turn on the news for Idaho stations and hear about Utah a lot. But I think thats why I like to be there sometimes. Nothing will surprise me. I can just relax and know the real world is a state away. Not to say Idaho is not a reality. I'm talking more like my real world. My problems and stresses.
Point is, I will be out of town for a couple of days and it will be nice.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Being 22 is Mediocre
Today my co-workers at work threw me a mini party featuring pizza and cupcakes. It was one of my more memorable birthday parties. But greatly appreciated. It was fun, and for once I felt appreciated and accepted at work.
Now that I'm 22, the nostalgic feelings of being 21 have worn off. When I was younger I thought I would have a bachelors degree or close to. But after going to school for 3 years I have failed to get anywhere meaningful in school. Though I'm more goal directed than I was when I had first graduated high school, I can't help but feel a little lost and perhaps a little depressed about where I am now. I know there is nothing I can do now and things change. But still. I wish I could be done with school and be on my way to a real career. Something I can be proud of. I don't want to be a tech forever. I'm good at my job. I love my job. But I don't want to be the one that ends up being so good it's all I can do. I often worry that I don't have what it takes to get me......well...........anywhere. Even if I had the strong enough desire. My paranoid side tells me that everyone knows I can't do it. My friends and family already feel like I'm just a dreamer just wishfully thinking I can do it. But the more realistic side says, they know you have what it takes, they just want you to do it. But me? I say I'm not sure to both those sides. I hope I do. Doctor. Physician Assistant. Nurse. Any one of those three to keep me from feeling like nothing.
I'm actually in a really good mood presently. But I can't help but feel the presence of those negative thoughts in the back of my head.
From now on, I live in a world where I am 22 years old.
Look out world. Here I come!
(ps. I'm aware of that last cheesy cliche finishing line. But it felt right to say anyway)
Now that I'm 22, the nostalgic feelings of being 21 have worn off. When I was younger I thought I would have a bachelors degree or close to. But after going to school for 3 years I have failed to get anywhere meaningful in school. Though I'm more goal directed than I was when I had first graduated high school, I can't help but feel a little lost and perhaps a little depressed about where I am now. I know there is nothing I can do now and things change. But still. I wish I could be done with school and be on my way to a real career. Something I can be proud of. I don't want to be a tech forever. I'm good at my job. I love my job. But I don't want to be the one that ends up being so good it's all I can do. I often worry that I don't have what it takes to get me......well...........anywhere. Even if I had the strong enough desire. My paranoid side tells me that everyone knows I can't do it. My friends and family already feel like I'm just a dreamer just wishfully thinking I can do it. But the more realistic side says, they know you have what it takes, they just want you to do it. But me? I say I'm not sure to both those sides. I hope I do. Doctor. Physician Assistant. Nurse. Any one of those three to keep me from feeling like nothing.
I'm actually in a really good mood presently. But I can't help but feel the presence of those negative thoughts in the back of my head.
From now on, I live in a world where I am 22 years old.
Look out world. Here I come!
(ps. I'm aware of that last cheesy cliche finishing line. But it felt right to say anyway)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Extra Money
So I'm working an extra shift right now in hopes that I will earn extra money so I can afford extra gifts for everyone when Christmas time rolls around. Plus being able to afford school in the spring would be a huge plus. I think so anyway. This shift has been nice. I sometimes wish more of my shifts would be like this when I'm tired or in a bad mood. Just laid back and calm with good people. It was somewhat busy at first. But luckily its slowed down to a nice chill mood. But it's time to go. A respiratory distress is on the way. Until next time.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Old Writings
I've been reading through a lot of my old writings lately. Mostly my old poems from high school and early college. It really shocks me to see how much has changed about me. From the people I used to love and care about to my general state of mind. I have long since stopped writing poetry, though every now and then I feel like I should start back up again. But what would I write about? I just can't see things in a poetic context. In a nutshell, I don't see in a drastically negative context anymore like I used to.
The difference between the younger me and the present me is like night and day. It's very different. I'm happier. Wiser. A little more mature. Looking back at my old writings made me realize all the things I had went through and faced. Most weren't as big of a deal as I had made them out to be. But I know in the long run, those events made me, me. Still, I can't get over how much has changed. I wonder if I will look back at some of these old writings and think, "wow I have changed." Hopefully for the better right?
The difference between the younger me and the present me is like night and day. It's very different. I'm happier. Wiser. A little more mature. Looking back at my old writings made me realize all the things I had went through and faced. Most weren't as big of a deal as I had made them out to be. But I know in the long run, those events made me, me. Still, I can't get over how much has changed. I wonder if I will look back at some of these old writings and think, "wow I have changed." Hopefully for the better right?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Gym Rats Are Funny
I like to watch people who are obvious regulars at the gym. Not just to work out. But to show and socialize. I can always tell which women got ready and pretty just to go to the gym. Let's not forget the dudes with the cut off sleeves who just flex in the mirror every time an attractive woman walks by. It's quite pathetic. I couldn't imagine getting ready to go work out. Seems counter-productive.
I just wake up and directly go to the gym. Bed-head and disheveled appearance and all. I look like some clueless hobo who just accidentally stumbled into the gym. Then said "oooo treadmills!" and started running. I get a lot of stares since I don't look like everyone else. I'm not all dressed and ready to look good like most of the other people at my gym do.
It's like high school all over again. Everyone is judging based on appearance. Only these aren't 16 year olds. These are grown men and women. I'm not opposed to people going to the gym with the intent of being and shape and looking better for themselves. But I'm more opposed to the people who go there to just look good. I guess if that's what works for you in life then whatever. Just seems kind of ridiculous.
I just wake up and directly go to the gym. Bed-head and disheveled appearance and all. I look like some clueless hobo who just accidentally stumbled into the gym. Then said "oooo treadmills!" and started running. I get a lot of stares since I don't look like everyone else. I'm not all dressed and ready to look good like most of the other people at my gym do.
It's like high school all over again. Everyone is judging based on appearance. Only these aren't 16 year olds. These are grown men and women. I'm not opposed to people going to the gym with the intent of being and shape and looking better for themselves. But I'm more opposed to the people who go there to just look good. I guess if that's what works for you in life then whatever. Just seems kind of ridiculous.
Cartoons Are My Favorite
Venture Brothers. Best show ever. I spent much of yesterday night watching that show. Can't wait till season 3 comes out on DVD. If you haven't seen that cartoon, I recommend you see it asap.
With that up in the air, I've realized I have a great passion for cartoons. Cartoon Network is one of my favorite channels ever. Not so much during the day (although there is some awesome quality programming during the day. Even if it is generally directed towards children) I'm not all that opposed to Nickelodeon cartoons either. But mostly my cartoon interests are a little more low brow. South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, The Venture Bros, Futurama, Beavis and Butthead, etc etc etc. It doesn't matter matter. I'm a huge fan. I stay up late frequently not only to keep my sleep schedule regular, but for the late night cartoons.
Oh they entertain me so.
It makes me feel like I haven't grown up past 2nd grade. I don't care. I love cartoons. I'm not afraid to say it!
With that up in the air, I've realized I have a great passion for cartoons. Cartoon Network is one of my favorite channels ever. Not so much during the day (although there is some awesome quality programming during the day. Even if it is generally directed towards children) I'm not all that opposed to Nickelodeon cartoons either. But mostly my cartoon interests are a little more low brow. South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, The Venture Bros, Futurama, Beavis and Butthead, etc etc etc. It doesn't matter matter. I'm a huge fan. I stay up late frequently not only to keep my sleep schedule regular, but for the late night cartoons.
Oh they entertain me so.
It makes me feel like I haven't grown up past 2nd grade. I don't care. I love cartoons. I'm not afraid to say it!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Asthma Didn't win today
Running did not go as badly as I thought it would. In fact I ran 1.8 miles in half an hour. I accredit this success to the treadmill. The treadmill keeps me paced. If I ran in real time I get winded faster. The point is, I didn't feel as awful as I did when I first ran a while ago. I lifted weights again. That was somewhat embarrassing. It sucks realizing how weak you are. But it still felt good to go and feel like I was doing something. I feel like I can be determined to do this again. I want to be in shape. For reals.
For reals.
For reals.
Monday, November 3, 2008
November? Already?!
I honestly can't believe we have already hit the month of November. This year has come and gone so quickly. Two weeks from tomorrow I turn 22. Which kind of freaks me out. But that's a whole different story in itself anyway. I don't think I'm ready for the cold weather quite yet. I already miss being able to drive home from work and rolling down the windo. Feeling the perfect summer morning air as I drive home. If I tried that now, I would lose at least 3 of my fingers while simultaneously becoming depressed about the cold weather. At which point, I would also lose my will to live along with my fingers. Ok, so maybe that statement was a tad bit dramatic, but you get the drift.
Tomorrow I'm going to start running and working out again. I'm way out of shape. I wrote about running way back in March. I felt so good about doing it. Except for my first time. It was the first time I had started running in months. I could have sworn I was having an asthma attack. Now that I've gotten out of shape and gained weight again, I've decided it's time for me to start up. I've tried to work out for a few weeks but only at home. Unfortunately those campaigns have both ended after 3 weeks. I need to turn it up a little and challenge myself. Let nothing get in my way this time. I want to feel good about how I look again. As shallow as that may sound, I don't want to feel like I'm out of shape when I'm just barely turning 22.
That is all that's new. Stay tuned for more of TALES OF MILD INTEREST!
Tomorrow I'm going to start running and working out again. I'm way out of shape. I wrote about running way back in March. I felt so good about doing it. Except for my first time. It was the first time I had started running in months. I could have sworn I was having an asthma attack. Now that I've gotten out of shape and gained weight again, I've decided it's time for me to start up. I've tried to work out for a few weeks but only at home. Unfortunately those campaigns have both ended after 3 weeks. I need to turn it up a little and challenge myself. Let nothing get in my way this time. I want to feel good about how I look again. As shallow as that may sound, I don't want to feel like I'm out of shape when I'm just barely turning 22.
That is all that's new. Stay tuned for more of TALES OF MILD INTEREST!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Halloween is No Fun (When You Have to Work)
Halloween is a magical time of the year where we can all have an excuse to dress like skanks or murderous psychopaths. Maybe I want to be a bloody surgeon whose malpractice has only begun to see the tip of the iceberg in my rising cost of my insurance and legal litigation. Or perhaps I'll go the leather man-thong route in hopes that someone may find that attractive.
Oh wait. I can't. I work all night. With a crappy doctor who doesn't like me. And 2 nurses I don't know very well. No Halloween related fun for me. No beer. No costumes. I didn't even have time to carve dirty pumpkins like I wanted. Sad. It's going to be a long night. Come to think of it, it's been a long week. Perhaps next weekend I can have the chance to make up for this lack of fun and party like its my glorious birth year of 1986.
Perhaps it will be just another weekend where I will have to settle on relaxing for a day or two. I'll take that as well. I'm not picky.
In any case have a happy and safe Halloween! :)
Oh wait. I can't. I work all night. With a crappy doctor who doesn't like me. And 2 nurses I don't know very well. No Halloween related fun for me. No beer. No costumes. I didn't even have time to carve dirty pumpkins like I wanted. Sad. It's going to be a long night. Come to think of it, it's been a long week. Perhaps next weekend I can have the chance to make up for this lack of fun and party like its my glorious birth year of 1986.
Perhaps it will be just another weekend where I will have to settle on relaxing for a day or two. I'll take that as well. I'm not picky.
In any case have a happy and safe Halloween! :)
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Much Needed Doubt and My Interview
I went to this work party that a nurse I work with held. It was to celebrate the move of everything that was good about LDS Hospital to Intermountain Medical Center. It was fun and slightly awkward to see people I worked with outside of work. I didn't know what to say really. A few of the doctors showed up. That was interesting. I got talking with one of them. I told him I was pre-med. He got serious and told me to not be a doctor. He went through all the other things I could be doing. Business. Music. Entertainment. Teaching. Whatever I wanted. Each one of them I had shot down without hesitation. He went through the cons of being a doctor. I didn't care. I actually felt good that for once someone was trying to talk me out of it. It made me realize that it was truely what I wanted to do. Turns out that was kind of his purpose. To see if it was really something I wanted to do. I feel stronger in my desire to be a doctor despite my doubts to carry myself to that point.
My interview for the volunteer research was extremely intimidating. They were all extremely serious minded people. I felt out of place. I felt I lacked the ability to communicate with them effectively on the same level. It made things awkward. It seemed like they had never had volunteers before. As if I was the first. They didn't have any idea how I could help them. I didn't have any idea how I could help them. That made it hard to form expectations of what was needed. After a lengthy conversation with one of the researchers there was a more defined line of what I needed to do. I saw all the projects going on and knew that this is something I could get involved in. But still don't know to what degree my involvement will be. I have to attend one of the research meetings on November 25th. It will give me a better idea of what projects I want to be involved in.
To celebrate what seemed to me like a semi-success despite the utter awkwardness of the interview, I got myself a new hand gun. I'm excited :)
That is all you get today. Sad, I know.
My interview for the volunteer research was extremely intimidating. They were all extremely serious minded people. I felt out of place. I felt I lacked the ability to communicate with them effectively on the same level. It made things awkward. It seemed like they had never had volunteers before. As if I was the first. They didn't have any idea how I could help them. I didn't have any idea how I could help them. That made it hard to form expectations of what was needed. After a lengthy conversation with one of the researchers there was a more defined line of what I needed to do. I saw all the projects going on and knew that this is something I could get involved in. But still don't know to what degree my involvement will be. I have to attend one of the research meetings on November 25th. It will give me a better idea of what projects I want to be involved in.
To celebrate what seemed to me like a semi-success despite the utter awkwardness of the interview, I got myself a new hand gun. I'm excited :)
That is all you get today. Sad, I know.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Why Do People Hate Atheism?
I have yet to figure out this hate or dare I say even fear of atheism. It tends to be talked and treated with extreme discrimination. Some of the views I have heard on atheism from devout and generally kind church goers have rivaled that of devout and misguided bigotry. I have been met with passive aggressiveness and outright hostility towards me. I have never once gone out to "convert" or convince anyone I was right and they were wrong. People just hear atheist and automatically retaliate. Yes, I'm quite aware of so and so who did this and jon doe who advocated for that and thats why this is this. But really? Why hate?
People often assume that you're atheist because you've had a terrible life and you blame God for it. I admit, I have met several of these types of people. That's not my reason. I've had a perfectly good life. I've met far many more of those people. But that's besides the point. The point is, it's a terrible label that anyone of any belief faces.
I really cannot put my frustration into this blog. I don't hate any religion. I don't hate people or speak condescendingly of those who believe in God. I have lived a good life and dedicated my life to helping others. And yet, no matter what, I have been met with awkwardness and distance. Just why? Do people hate things that are so much unlike their beliefs and standards? Does this not seem wrong to anyone? Does it seem ok to say I hate atheists? But it would be not ok to say I hate protestants? What's the difference. It's more taboo to say the latter. That's discrimination.
I don't get it. I will never try to convince anyone of what I believe. In fact I generally keep it to myself that I'm even atheist because after it's known, some people just don't treat you the same. Bleh.
People often assume that you're atheist because you've had a terrible life and you blame God for it. I admit, I have met several of these types of people. That's not my reason. I've had a perfectly good life. I've met far many more of those people. But that's besides the point. The point is, it's a terrible label that anyone of any belief faces.
I really cannot put my frustration into this blog. I don't hate any religion. I don't hate people or speak condescendingly of those who believe in God. I have lived a good life and dedicated my life to helping others. And yet, no matter what, I have been met with awkwardness and distance. Just why? Do people hate things that are so much unlike their beliefs and standards? Does this not seem wrong to anyone? Does it seem ok to say I hate atheists? But it would be not ok to say I hate protestants? What's the difference. It's more taboo to say the latter. That's discrimination.
I don't get it. I will never try to convince anyone of what I believe. In fact I generally keep it to myself that I'm even atheist because after it's known, some people just don't treat you the same. Bleh.
Being Tired Isn't Half Bad as Long as You Have Copius Amounts of Caffeine
The title says it all. I've been awake for well more than 24 hours now. It's not so bad really. I've done this so many times I'm unfortunately used to it. Because my graveyard sleep schedule refuses to let me go to sleep till about six in the morning, it makes things difficult to do things in the morning the next day when I absolutely have to. Usually I just forgo attempting to sleep and just stay up the entire time until I'm done with what I have to. Then I go to sleep for what is usually 2-4 hours then wake up and go to work. Nine times out of ten this has been because of all crap I'm involved in at work. Lots of classes paid by the company so my application can sparkle career and school-wise. Recently, it's been instructor certifications so I can teach BLS/ACLS/PALS. This morning happened to be that case.
The first hour or two of work is usually the roughest part of the day. Staying awake for about 36 hours then sleeping for 3 hours can take its toll on your mood. It takes me a while to loosen up and wake up. Luckily today there was a good crew at work so it was easy for me to wake up and get with the program. I catch my 2nd wind and do fantastic for about 3 hours then I crash and burn. This is usually followed with a large abundance of kidney-debilitating energy drinks. Then by the traditional junk food (I stress eat when I'm exhausted and tired.) At about 3 in the morning, which happens to be the current time, I crash again. I then debate whether or not to open up another energy drink. Usually I don't in fear that it's too close to my bed time and I would be up all night long. I favored in not drinking my second drink though it would probably do me a lot of good.
Thursday I interview for a volunteer research position. I'm not sure yet what the research entails, but I imagine it will be pretty lame for a while. Probably something stupid like sorting papers and cleaning the toilets of rich burnt out doctors. Alas, I cannot write anymore. I need to keep my mind occupied elsewhere so I do not fall asleep. I have already grown bored of writing about this boring story.
Until next time kids.
The first hour or two of work is usually the roughest part of the day. Staying awake for about 36 hours then sleeping for 3 hours can take its toll on your mood. It takes me a while to loosen up and wake up. Luckily today there was a good crew at work so it was easy for me to wake up and get with the program. I catch my 2nd wind and do fantastic for about 3 hours then I crash and burn. This is usually followed with a large abundance of kidney-debilitating energy drinks. Then by the traditional junk food (I stress eat when I'm exhausted and tired.) At about 3 in the morning, which happens to be the current time, I crash again. I then debate whether or not to open up another energy drink. Usually I don't in fear that it's too close to my bed time and I would be up all night long. I favored in not drinking my second drink though it would probably do me a lot of good.
Thursday I interview for a volunteer research position. I'm not sure yet what the research entails, but I imagine it will be pretty lame for a while. Probably something stupid like sorting papers and cleaning the toilets of rich burnt out doctors. Alas, I cannot write anymore. I need to keep my mind occupied elsewhere so I do not fall asleep. I have already grown bored of writing about this boring story.
Until next time kids.
Monday, October 27, 2008
I'm a Magnet for Punishment
It's true. I frequently do things that seem like it would be in my better interest at first. But once I realize that I only get 4 hours of sleep in a 30 hour time span, it all changes. As we speak I can barely keep conscious. I took my ACLS and PALS instructor course earlier today. That's all well and good, but I'm tired beyond reason. I've done this so many times in the past. Stay up all night, then,...... Stay up some more to do something that might benefit you later! I think I do this at least twice a month. It's exhausting.
I keep wondering why I do this to myself. It puts me in a terrible mood. I'm sleepy. Easily agitated by little things. I'm readily dipping into my insecurities. I guess it keeps me busy to say the least. Makes me feel like I'm doing something and pushing for somewhere that's not quite in sight yet. It feels so senseless and yet so directed at the same time. How can this benefit me if it makes me so miserable? But wait?! This will look good later on right? But for what? There is a good chance I don't have the testicular grapes to make it to med school. I can barely deal with regular school. In fact I'm doing everything else outside of school so well for my pre-medicine requisites that if I had it together in school, I could do really well for myself. The catch is that I'm lazy when it comes to school. I do things I shouldn't. Miss papers. Miss big assignments. Why? I can't even figure that out.
Wow. I really made a quantum leap from frequent mind-crippling sleep deprivation to my doubts of my abilities to be the man I want to be some day. After I get some sleep, all my negativity will slip away. I'll read this later and think "Wow, I'm whiny bitch. I should probably cut back on that."
I keep wondering why I do this to myself. It puts me in a terrible mood. I'm sleepy. Easily agitated by little things. I'm readily dipping into my insecurities. I guess it keeps me busy to say the least. Makes me feel like I'm doing something and pushing for somewhere that's not quite in sight yet. It feels so senseless and yet so directed at the same time. How can this benefit me if it makes me so miserable? But wait?! This will look good later on right? But for what? There is a good chance I don't have the testicular grapes to make it to med school. I can barely deal with regular school. In fact I'm doing everything else outside of school so well for my pre-medicine requisites that if I had it together in school, I could do really well for myself. The catch is that I'm lazy when it comes to school. I do things I shouldn't. Miss papers. Miss big assignments. Why? I can't even figure that out.
Wow. I really made a quantum leap from frequent mind-crippling sleep deprivation to my doubts of my abilities to be the man I want to be some day. After I get some sleep, all my negativity will slip away. I'll read this later and think "Wow, I'm whiny bitch. I should probably cut back on that."
Thursday, October 23, 2008
People's Fascination with Psychology
I've noticed an increase in psychology majors lately. When I was young, I wanted to be a psychologist. I thought I was mentally screwed up, even though I was far from. I'm a really good listener and really good at giving practical advice. I thought it was a perfect fit. As time went on, I realized how boring it would be. How I would be annoyed by listening to peoples problems. How it would be so hard for me to not just say "come on dumbass, quit using your pity as a crutch and start solving things for yourself." At some point, I thought it would be cool to understand how some people come to be the way they are. As I got older that became less important. I stopped caring why some people were jerks, or crazies, or complete idiots. It was simply too depressing to find out what small things put some people over the edge or forced them to give up on life.
I think it's appealing when you're younger to find out those questions. When you're younger its easier to be depressed because you don't understand the world or yourself. But if you grow up normally and find yourself, those questions don't become so important. You don't hang on to the events that make you ponder those questions. You let go of the bad things in your life and focus on your future. However, many people don't let go of the past or their flaws. They thrive on them. I meet these people all the time. They are almost always psychology majors. Every time I hear the same explanation for their major
I was raped and I want to know why.
Ted Bundy was messed up.....kind of like my dad. I want to know why.
I want to know why people were mean to me.
My mom never paid attention to me. I think thats why I'm lazy/mean/shallow (input any adjective here)
It takes all my energy not to tell them that the answers to their life's questions and problems are not going to be in any psychology book. It's not going to be at any school. You can learn all you want and find the psychological answers to those problems. But you will never be satisfied with the answer. There are a few people who are satisfied with the answer and use it as a crutch or reason to do things. "Oh I can cry like this because my dad raped me. It's a natural emotional response after 30 years. It's also the reason why I'm lazy and shallow so don't judge. I was raped. I learned that so don't shame me." Yes, as sad as that is to happen to your life, don't use it as a reason to not let go and live your life like a normal person
I'm tired of psych majors telling me they want to help people to help understand themselves. It makes me sick. Don't use other peoples probelms to solve your own you selfish prick. Your problems are your own and no ones problems are going to help you solve yours. ah!
I'm tired of fucked up people being drawn to psychology thinking all their answers are there. Grow up already and figure shit out for yourself.
I think it's appealing when you're younger to find out those questions. When you're younger its easier to be depressed because you don't understand the world or yourself. But if you grow up normally and find yourself, those questions don't become so important. You don't hang on to the events that make you ponder those questions. You let go of the bad things in your life and focus on your future. However, many people don't let go of the past or their flaws. They thrive on them. I meet these people all the time. They are almost always psychology majors. Every time I hear the same explanation for their major
I was raped and I want to know why.
Ted Bundy was messed up.....kind of like my dad. I want to know why.
I want to know why people were mean to me.
My mom never paid attention to me. I think thats why I'm lazy/mean/shallow (input any adjective here)
It takes all my energy not to tell them that the answers to their life's questions and problems are not going to be in any psychology book. It's not going to be at any school. You can learn all you want and find the psychological answers to those problems. But you will never be satisfied with the answer. There are a few people who are satisfied with the answer and use it as a crutch or reason to do things. "Oh I can cry like this because my dad raped me. It's a natural emotional response after 30 years. It's also the reason why I'm lazy and shallow so don't judge. I was raped. I learned that so don't shame me." Yes, as sad as that is to happen to your life, don't use it as a reason to not let go and live your life like a normal person
I'm tired of psych majors telling me they want to help people to help understand themselves. It makes me sick. Don't use other peoples probelms to solve your own you selfish prick. Your problems are your own and no ones problems are going to help you solve yours. ah!
I'm tired of fucked up people being drawn to psychology thinking all their answers are there. Grow up already and figure shit out for yourself.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I need to relax
Today didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would be. I got more rest than I had originally thought. My class got out early and I was able to sleep for three extra hours. Everything seems to be out of place lately. I can't describe how it feels. But it feels like there is pieces out of place. What pieces? I don't know. Perhaps its because I have felt overwhelmed lately between school and work. In school, I've done better than I ever have. I'm finally comfortable at work. I guess there isn't much to complain about.
Monday, September 15, 2008
A Long Bad Day
It's been a while since I've posted on here. Nearly three months. Unfortunately, I feel the urge to write about a long bad day.
At the end of a work day, most people are lucky enough to retire to their homes, in some cases to their beds. I am not one of those people. For the past 2 years I have been lucky enough to have fewer bad days than I did when I was younger. My quality of life has improved. My state of mind has improved. I guess that's what makes it so hard to have a bad day. When I was middle/high school, I frequently had gut-wrenching bad days. I struggled to stay afloat in my studies. My dad made sure my punishment was large and swift as a result. Every day my anxiety grew. Every day I was waiting for the axe to fall. The humble beginnings I had meeting girls tended to stress me out. If it wasn't one crazy girl trying to make my life hell, it was another. That was more towards my senior year. Everything changed when I graduated. But it wasn't the change I wanted. I still had the same shitty job. A job that nearly every day tore me apart. A job where I felt useless and belittled daily. The way I feel now is the way I felt nearly every day I worked there. I still had the same shitty girl problems. Change wasn't happening for me. I just assumed it would just happen if I was patient. But what I didn't understand that the change I wanted was the changed I had to make happen. After separating myself from a few people, getting a new job, and meeting a new wonderful girl, things started to change dramatically. I was happy with my work. I had money. I had good friends. I had a girlfriend. Things only got better from there.
Since then, I've had very few gut-wrenching bad days. I've had bad days, but not days where I just felt low. Days where I felt as bad as I did while attending high school. I'm not exactly why I feel as low as I do now. It wasn't a terrible day. The past few nights of work have been busy. Nothing exciting. Just busy. It started out like a normal work day. Things didn't start getting bad until I had to babysit a few psycho patients. I lose my patience quickly with mental patience. I just don't care for their problems to be honest. I especially don't care to babysit them like 6 year old children since thats the way they typically behave. Working in the ER has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. However, I did not sign up for babysitting duty for mentally unstable dumbasses. While babysitting patients, I like to do homework. Most of the time the doctors and nurses don't care. Most patients don't really need the supervision anyway. They just need to be watched because of protocol. While watching 2 of the patients one of the doctors asks me to get some ice for a patient. Keep in mind this is not one of my favorite doctors to work with. But as always I'm generally respectful to all of them. I just replied well I'm watching two patients, I can't. The doctor pointed to my homework and yelled, "is this what you're watching? For god sakes put that shit away and do your job!" I was a bit taken back by the remark. I quickly put away the book and went on to watch. The comment got to me more than it should. But what made it worse is the doctor was talking about me behind my back less than five feet away. I was infuriated. Talking about your problem with another employee while they sit 5 feet away is far more unprofessional than me doing homework while watching mentally stable patients. In reality, it got to me more than it really should have. But I felt like shit. I didn't mean to anger anyone over something so little. I typically don't let stuff like this get to me. But I guess I just wasn't as strong as I usually am.
I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I was also worried. This is a doctor who likes to use their position to complain and change things that benefit them immediately. I worried for the security of my job. My nurse manager has a reputation for being impersonal and incredibly cold. I worried I would be fired at the request of the doctor. It put me in one of the most rotten moods I've been in for a long time. I was silent. I shuffled slower than I usually did.
I longed to go home the entire time. At the end of a hard day, my bed is always there to take me away from reality. I can sleep and forget about it all for just a few hours. I soon realized that I didn't have such an option. I had to take my BLS instructor course since my first one didn't take 2 hours after my shift was over. I hate sleeping at the hospital. The bed is always uncomfortable. Not just physically, but mentally. You constantly think of the people walking in the the breakroom outside of the door. You feel very self-conscious. Out of your element. It didn't seem appetizing to sleep for an hour then drive to Murray for the course. Which brings us here to this poorly thought out blog I'm writing right now. The worst part about this is, my long day isn't over. I have to do this course for 4 hours, get home at around one, sleep for 3 hours if I'm lucky. Then come back and get ready for work again. On top of that I have three tests this week.
I have so much to do and so little time to do it. I'm feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. I couldn't help but to keep reminding myself of my goal to one day become a doctor. To one day be equal or superior to those who troubled me. But that's just it. Is it a goal or a dream? It's easier for me to think so pessimistically when I'm in this bad of a mood. No time for sleep now. I need some caffiene to get this already shitty day jumpstarted. I need the artificial energy to boost me just for a couple of hours.
I'm done.
At the end of a work day, most people are lucky enough to retire to their homes, in some cases to their beds. I am not one of those people. For the past 2 years I have been lucky enough to have fewer bad days than I did when I was younger. My quality of life has improved. My state of mind has improved. I guess that's what makes it so hard to have a bad day. When I was middle/high school, I frequently had gut-wrenching bad days. I struggled to stay afloat in my studies. My dad made sure my punishment was large and swift as a result. Every day my anxiety grew. Every day I was waiting for the axe to fall. The humble beginnings I had meeting girls tended to stress me out. If it wasn't one crazy girl trying to make my life hell, it was another. That was more towards my senior year. Everything changed when I graduated. But it wasn't the change I wanted. I still had the same shitty job. A job that nearly every day tore me apart. A job where I felt useless and belittled daily. The way I feel now is the way I felt nearly every day I worked there. I still had the same shitty girl problems. Change wasn't happening for me. I just assumed it would just happen if I was patient. But what I didn't understand that the change I wanted was the changed I had to make happen. After separating myself from a few people, getting a new job, and meeting a new wonderful girl, things started to change dramatically. I was happy with my work. I had money. I had good friends. I had a girlfriend. Things only got better from there.
Since then, I've had very few gut-wrenching bad days. I've had bad days, but not days where I just felt low. Days where I felt as bad as I did while attending high school. I'm not exactly why I feel as low as I do now. It wasn't a terrible day. The past few nights of work have been busy. Nothing exciting. Just busy. It started out like a normal work day. Things didn't start getting bad until I had to babysit a few psycho patients. I lose my patience quickly with mental patience. I just don't care for their problems to be honest. I especially don't care to babysit them like 6 year old children since thats the way they typically behave. Working in the ER has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. However, I did not sign up for babysitting duty for mentally unstable dumbasses. While babysitting patients, I like to do homework. Most of the time the doctors and nurses don't care. Most patients don't really need the supervision anyway. They just need to be watched because of protocol. While watching 2 of the patients one of the doctors asks me to get some ice for a patient. Keep in mind this is not one of my favorite doctors to work with. But as always I'm generally respectful to all of them. I just replied well I'm watching two patients, I can't. The doctor pointed to my homework and yelled, "is this what you're watching? For god sakes put that shit away and do your job!" I was a bit taken back by the remark. I quickly put away the book and went on to watch. The comment got to me more than it should. But what made it worse is the doctor was talking about me behind my back less than five feet away. I was infuriated. Talking about your problem with another employee while they sit 5 feet away is far more unprofessional than me doing homework while watching mentally stable patients. In reality, it got to me more than it really should have. But I felt like shit. I didn't mean to anger anyone over something so little. I typically don't let stuff like this get to me. But I guess I just wasn't as strong as I usually am.
I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I was also worried. This is a doctor who likes to use their position to complain and change things that benefit them immediately. I worried for the security of my job. My nurse manager has a reputation for being impersonal and incredibly cold. I worried I would be fired at the request of the doctor. It put me in one of the most rotten moods I've been in for a long time. I was silent. I shuffled slower than I usually did.
I longed to go home the entire time. At the end of a hard day, my bed is always there to take me away from reality. I can sleep and forget about it all for just a few hours. I soon realized that I didn't have such an option. I had to take my BLS instructor course since my first one didn't take 2 hours after my shift was over. I hate sleeping at the hospital. The bed is always uncomfortable. Not just physically, but mentally. You constantly think of the people walking in the the breakroom outside of the door. You feel very self-conscious. Out of your element. It didn't seem appetizing to sleep for an hour then drive to Murray for the course. Which brings us here to this poorly thought out blog I'm writing right now. The worst part about this is, my long day isn't over. I have to do this course for 4 hours, get home at around one, sleep for 3 hours if I'm lucky. Then come back and get ready for work again. On top of that I have three tests this week.
I have so much to do and so little time to do it. I'm feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. I couldn't help but to keep reminding myself of my goal to one day become a doctor. To one day be equal or superior to those who troubled me. But that's just it. Is it a goal or a dream? It's easier for me to think so pessimistically when I'm in this bad of a mood. No time for sleep now. I need some caffiene to get this already shitty day jumpstarted. I need the artificial energy to boost me just for a couple of hours.
I'm done.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
My Big Realization (A Day at Work)
It was a busy night as I struggled to keep up with the patient load. I looked at the ambulance call recording sheet to see what was coming in next.
Time: 0107.
88 year old female coming from a nursing home facility with altered level of consciousness and running a fever. Lung sounds are crackly with possible decreased sounds on the right side.
"Pneumonia," I thought casually as I walked away from the charge nurse desk slightly irritated. "Why are they coming here? It's busy as it is already." I thought nothing more of it while I prepared the room for her arrival. It was just another patient taking up another bed in an already busy ER. The paramedics arrived in no particular hurry. They wheeled her in, gave a quick report and left as quickly as they came. I didn't stop to notice the patient really. I was too busy just going through the routine. I got her hooked up to the monitor, placed an IV and helped draw blood for the lab tests. As I was securing her IV, I started to slow down a little and take notice of the patient. I looked up and saw a frail elderly woman. Just by looking at her, I could tell she wasn't in good health and probably hadn't been for quite some time. She was pale and sweaty. I noticed her right eye had lost color and muscle control. It was not the beautiful light blue her left eye possessed. Rather, it was a hazy gray that enveloped her iris and pupil. Her peppered gray and white hair was thrown about every which way in a mess. Her wrinkled pale wrinkled skin told stories of her past medical history. She was severly disoriented. Her brow was knit with confusion as the nurse and I performed our tasks. If I had held a mirror to her face, she would probably not recognize the woman staring back her. She looked at both her hands as if she had just discovered them for the first time. I took her by the hand and told her it was going to be ok, we were going to take good care of her. As I held her frail hand in mine, I noticed she was shaking. Her jaw quivered uncontrollably. It was not just a look of confusion anymore. It was fear. As if she had been accustomed all her life to people in scrubs and stethoscopes causing her pain and frustration. The fear was much like a childs fear of getting shots at the doctors office. Only recognizing the scrubs as the landmark for her pain. I felt hopeless knowing that no words or actions could calm her fears. She couldn't understand. Then it hit me hard. Looking at her frail state reminded of what I had suddenly become. I hadn't treated her like a patient. I treated her like a chore.
Time: 0107.
88 year old female coming from a nursing home facility with altered level of consciousness and running a fever. Lung sounds are crackly with possible decreased sounds on the right side.
"Pneumonia," I thought casually as I walked away from the charge nurse desk slightly irritated. "Why are they coming here? It's busy as it is already." I thought nothing more of it while I prepared the room for her arrival. It was just another patient taking up another bed in an already busy ER. The paramedics arrived in no particular hurry. They wheeled her in, gave a quick report and left as quickly as they came. I didn't stop to notice the patient really. I was too busy just going through the routine. I got her hooked up to the monitor, placed an IV and helped draw blood for the lab tests. As I was securing her IV, I started to slow down a little and take notice of the patient. I looked up and saw a frail elderly woman. Just by looking at her, I could tell she wasn't in good health and probably hadn't been for quite some time. She was pale and sweaty. I noticed her right eye had lost color and muscle control. It was not the beautiful light blue her left eye possessed. Rather, it was a hazy gray that enveloped her iris and pupil. Her peppered gray and white hair was thrown about every which way in a mess. Her wrinkled pale wrinkled skin told stories of her past medical history. She was severly disoriented. Her brow was knit with confusion as the nurse and I performed our tasks. If I had held a mirror to her face, she would probably not recognize the woman staring back her. She looked at both her hands as if she had just discovered them for the first time. I took her by the hand and told her it was going to be ok, we were going to take good care of her. As I held her frail hand in mine, I noticed she was shaking. Her jaw quivered uncontrollably. It was not just a look of confusion anymore. It was fear. As if she had been accustomed all her life to people in scrubs and stethoscopes causing her pain and frustration. The fear was much like a childs fear of getting shots at the doctors office. Only recognizing the scrubs as the landmark for her pain. I felt hopeless knowing that no words or actions could calm her fears. She couldn't understand. Then it hit me hard. Looking at her frail state reminded of what I had suddenly become. I hadn't treated her like a patient. I treated her like a chore.
"What have I done?" I thought. "What if this was my grandma."
It's not your grandma.
"But what if it was? Would I want her to be treated by someone like me?"
She is not your grandma.
"No, but she is SOMEBODY'S grandma!"
I don't think it matters what your job title is. Nurse. Tech. CNA. Doctor. I think they all tell you not to imagine a family member in place of a patient. Objectify, not subjectify. Don't put yourself through it. They aren't your family and they probably never will be. You have a job to do so do it correctly, not subjectively. Still, I struggled with this frame of mind. I've been in several different hospital jobs in the past five years. I always told myself that I would never be that person. I would never be that hardened. Yet, here I stood; dumbfounded by my own sense of shame. Have I forgotten what brought me to the medical field in the first place? To help others. Make a difference. Outside of work, I would tell everyone that I loved my job. I would tell everyone what a tremendous inspiration it was for me to work with such talented and hard-working people. I would tell myself how much it motivated me to become a doctor.
"How can I fix this?" I thought quickly. I had moved on to other tasks in the meantime since it was a busy night. "I know! I can go in and try to talk to her. Any company is better than none." I jogged to her room only to find she was fast asleep. "How much time has gone by?" I looked at my watch. "0330! Has it really been that long?" I hung my head in shame. I stood there silently watching her sleep. She didn't seem so sick anymore. Her oxygen saturations and respriations had returned to normal. She seemed so at peace laying in that uncomfortable stretcher, unaware of the fact I was watching her. Unaware of how many other patients in the department demanded medical attention in our chaotic environment. I couldn't look at her anymore. I had failed myself........ Wait. No, I hadn't. I looked at her one more time. "I'm sorry, my dear. I failed you." I walked off to tend to another patient.
I didn't go in there again for the rest of the night. She was there long after I had left my shift. When I got thinking, I realized that this happens to even the best of the medical professionals. I'm still relatively new to the medical field and have a long way to go in what I hope to be a successful medical career. It's a shame that it took a frail, sick elderly woman to remind me of why I got into medicine. Not the trauma cases or cardiac arrests. It definitely isn't about the money since my position can only pay so much. She reminded me of what is supposed to be an endless pursuit of medical perfection. Not just the treatment but the care we give as individuals. She reminded me of what I aspire to one day become. Not just a doctor. But a sincerely kind and caring medical professional. This is something we should all strive for. Not just as medical professionals, but as people as well. I think this is something we can all agree on.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Common Cold
Here I am in the ER sick with the common cold. Don't worry, I'm in the ER as an employee not a patient. I would never go to the ER for a cold. In any case I rarely get sick and of all times to get sick, it has to be in the summer! I haven't been sick in the summer for years. I forgot how hard it is to work with a cold chipping away at your energy. Luckily for me, I'm babysitting a patient so I can absorb as much rest as possible. Bleh.
I just want this cold to go away.
I just want this cold to go away.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Survey Questions That Suck
Yes thats right! Another blog about surveys. Yet another pathetic attempt to seem witty with an old concept I've used before. I'm an uncreative hack, ok! But this time the survey won't be one of my concoction. I have hand picked these questions from surveys I have seen the past little bit. I will then destroy these questions with my bitterness and utter disdain for humanity. Sit back and enjoy.
1.What is the last thing you put in your mouth?
Seriously, this is one of the dumbest questions I've seen on a survey in a while. Obviously made to bring out sexual inuendo. Perhaps truth. But no self-respecting person is going to honestly put for the world to see "my boyfriends cock." Or even "hmmmm I was just fooling around with my lover so I'm going to have to say that the last thing in my mouth was genitals."
2. Done anything you regret lately?
"Hmmmm, should I let the world know I did something regrettable recently? Oh geeze, all I did was kill a hooker and drive a school bus full of children into the brick side of a Wal-Mart. I guess I can say I regret that." Seriously, people blow goats. No one is going to tell you descriptively if they did something they regret lately on a damn survey. "Oh I fucked this guy that worked at a soup kitchen in a drunken stupor at 3 in the afternoon. That's not embarrassing or regrettable."
3. Do you have any secrets?
Certainly I do. I've kept them secret from my family, friends and the law but I guess I'll tell this neutral survey that will be posted for everyone I know to see. Does anyone know a person who put a dark secret on a survey out of no where so casually? Do you have any secrets? "I sure do and I'm going to let the world know on this survey that I raped a cat in front of my grandma last thanksgiving."
4. What does the (insert random number here) text say in your phone?
Even if something bad was said on the said number of text, no one is going to honestly put it up there. "Yeah the 7th text in my phone is from this girl I that I'm dating and it says "hey cutie, when I see you tonight, be prepared. Hope you have lube handy because I'm going to have my strapon handy."
5. Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Everyone and their fucking dog has myspace. The person you are dating is likely to have access to this survey! Who would answer this question truthfully without thinking it wouldn't lead to a giant fight? Because chances are if the answer is yes, you're probably in a relationship or getting out of one. "oh yeah I'm thinking of that one guy I experimented with last week in the back of my AMC Gremlin. My girlfriend won't think that's odd at all." Get lives people and quit looking for entertaining drama on a myspace survey!
6. What are your biggest fears?
Hey myspace stalkers, let me share with you my deepest fears in public so you can one day use them against me when I'm alone at home. I'm deathly afraid of people in hockey masks and butcher knives and people with the intent to rape me. Fuck people. Really.
7. Do you wish any of your ex's would die?
A bad break up is one thing, but wishing for your ex to die I think is going too far. That's a pretty strong wish. There's very few instances I can think of where I feel that such feelings would even be remotely appropriate. Such as smothering your old man in his sleep while you microwave a hot pocket downstairs completely oblivious. Or maybe even if your ex crashed your car, stole your money, used it to fund terrorist feminists, left unidentifiable body fluids on all your pillows, and took advantage of your drunk sibling during a board game themed sleepover. Seriously, even if you wish your ex would die, keep that shit to yourself anyway you moron. You're screwed up, get help.
8.Is cheating ever okay?
Here is another question that guarantees a fight with someone your close with (dating, relationship, etc) Does anyone expect someone to answer that question with "Only if that person is incredibly hot and easy and knows how to keep a secret."
9. Ever laughed so hard you shit your pants?
This is the type of question, if answered yes, that signals to everyone else "let's never be friends." I can't think of a single instance where I might have shit myself as a result of something being incredibly humorous. If someone I didn't know well told me they shit themselves because they laughed hard, I would immediately evacuate the area so I'm no where near their pants-shitting personality. Who knows, I might just tell the golden joke and have a mess on my hands. No one would ever answer that truthfully.
10. Do you hate anything about yourself?
People who like to share their insecurities that openly are just asking to get destroyed by someone at the nearest opportune time. "I hate my nose and the way my mom calls me fat." Somehow they are surprised when someone uses it against them when they do something stupid. As if they weren't even supposed to know! "Well your nose is big and fat and your mom is right about you, you are fat." Oh No, all the things I hate about myself being used against me. How could that have been prevented. Oh life is pain!
So what I'm getting across here is, stop looking for interesting drama or facts about people on their surveys. What do you expect?! I mean seriously? No one answers the really personal questions. Stop wasting your time thinking you're going to find something juicy about someone you probably barely know. Now that I've destroyed your fun and hopes. I will return to working the remainder of my shift.
1.What is the last thing you put in your mouth?
Seriously, this is one of the dumbest questions I've seen on a survey in a while. Obviously made to bring out sexual inuendo. Perhaps truth. But no self-respecting person is going to honestly put for the world to see "my boyfriends cock." Or even "hmmmm I was just fooling around with my lover so I'm going to have to say that the last thing in my mouth was genitals."
2. Done anything you regret lately?
"Hmmmm, should I let the world know I did something regrettable recently? Oh geeze, all I did was kill a hooker and drive a school bus full of children into the brick side of a Wal-Mart. I guess I can say I regret that." Seriously, people blow goats. No one is going to tell you descriptively if they did something they regret lately on a damn survey. "Oh I fucked this guy that worked at a soup kitchen in a drunken stupor at 3 in the afternoon. That's not embarrassing or regrettable."
3. Do you have any secrets?
Certainly I do. I've kept them secret from my family, friends and the law but I guess I'll tell this neutral survey that will be posted for everyone I know to see. Does anyone know a person who put a dark secret on a survey out of no where so casually? Do you have any secrets? "I sure do and I'm going to let the world know on this survey that I raped a cat in front of my grandma last thanksgiving."
4. What does the (insert random number here) text say in your phone?
Even if something bad was said on the said number of text, no one is going to honestly put it up there. "Yeah the 7th text in my phone is from this girl I that I'm dating and it says "hey cutie, when I see you tonight, be prepared. Hope you have lube handy because I'm going to have my strapon handy."
5. Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Everyone and their fucking dog has myspace. The person you are dating is likely to have access to this survey! Who would answer this question truthfully without thinking it wouldn't lead to a giant fight? Because chances are if the answer is yes, you're probably in a relationship or getting out of one. "oh yeah I'm thinking of that one guy I experimented with last week in the back of my AMC Gremlin. My girlfriend won't think that's odd at all." Get lives people and quit looking for entertaining drama on a myspace survey!
6. What are your biggest fears?
Hey myspace stalkers, let me share with you my deepest fears in public so you can one day use them against me when I'm alone at home. I'm deathly afraid of people in hockey masks and butcher knives and people with the intent to rape me. Fuck people. Really.
7. Do you wish any of your ex's would die?
A bad break up is one thing, but wishing for your ex to die I think is going too far. That's a pretty strong wish. There's very few instances I can think of where I feel that such feelings would even be remotely appropriate. Such as smothering your old man in his sleep while you microwave a hot pocket downstairs completely oblivious. Or maybe even if your ex crashed your car, stole your money, used it to fund terrorist feminists, left unidentifiable body fluids on all your pillows, and took advantage of your drunk sibling during a board game themed sleepover. Seriously, even if you wish your ex would die, keep that shit to yourself anyway you moron. You're screwed up, get help.
8.Is cheating ever okay?
Here is another question that guarantees a fight with someone your close with (dating, relationship, etc) Does anyone expect someone to answer that question with "Only if that person is incredibly hot and easy and knows how to keep a secret."
9. Ever laughed so hard you shit your pants?
This is the type of question, if answered yes, that signals to everyone else "let's never be friends." I can't think of a single instance where I might have shit myself as a result of something being incredibly humorous. If someone I didn't know well told me they shit themselves because they laughed hard, I would immediately evacuate the area so I'm no where near their pants-shitting personality. Who knows, I might just tell the golden joke and have a mess on my hands. No one would ever answer that truthfully.
10. Do you hate anything about yourself?
People who like to share their insecurities that openly are just asking to get destroyed by someone at the nearest opportune time. "I hate my nose and the way my mom calls me fat." Somehow they are surprised when someone uses it against them when they do something stupid. As if they weren't even supposed to know! "Well your nose is big and fat and your mom is right about you, you are fat." Oh No, all the things I hate about myself being used against me. How could that have been prevented. Oh life is pain!
So what I'm getting across here is, stop looking for interesting drama or facts about people on their surveys. What do you expect?! I mean seriously? No one answers the really personal questions. Stop wasting your time thinking you're going to find something juicy about someone you probably barely know. Now that I've destroyed your fun and hopes. I will return to working the remainder of my shift.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Warm Weather at Last
I'm happy that it's actually warm outside again. This has been the coldest June I can ever remember. I'm ready for warm and hot weather. I like being able to walk outside at any time of the day without layers of clothing or worrying how long I have before I start to freeze.
It's good to see the sun. :)
It's good to see the sun. :)
Friday, June 13, 2008
Up in Logan for the Moment
I'm currently at Logan Regional Hospital sitting in the cafeteria anxiously awaiting for my basic life support class to start. It's currently 0935. I'm rarely awake at this time of. It's been a while since I've seen what a morning sun looks like. Believe me, there is a difference. I had to take a sleep aid last night in hopes that it might help me bypass my graveyard sleep schedule so I can wake up early. Wake up roughly around the time I'm actually supposed to go to sleep. It worked a little bit, though I could feel my body fighting the medicine. Every move I would make sleep would wake me up for a minute or so then put me asleep. After about 4 hours of sleep, I woke up and could no longer sleep. My sleep meds were defeated by my bodies sleep clock by 4 hours! (the medicine is supposed to knock you out for 8 hours) I was a little woozy waking up at first, but once I got going it wasn't so bad.
Driving up to Logan to get my BLS was not my first choice. If I could have, I would have done it somewhere else closer to me. But I need it done so I take my advanced life support classes. I haven't been up to Logan in years. The last time I went was 2 years ago when I stayed in Jeff's dorm the night before the Senses Fail show in Boise. Logan has long since been deemed "The Great White North" by either Jeff or his roommate Mike. It's always cold up here with snow. I half expected to get out of my car and wrestle a polar bear to save my life. Perhaps even take its life with a miniature pocket knife. But much to my surprise, it was warm and quite the beautiful drive to. Every time I have been here, it's always been snowy insanely cold. I have not been looking forward to driving up here. I thought it would have been cold and terribly boring. Though it is terribly boring, I'm not half as disappointed as I thought I would be. I thought the hospital would be a lot smaller and lamer. But it's actually very friendly and sociable. I can see the appeal of retiring here one day as a doctor or nurse. Just a small community hospital where nothing is really terribly wrong. But for now, I'm too impatient for slow or nothing going wrong. I need to be at a hospital where there is something wrong with people.
The point is, I'm not disappointed with this place. I could wind up at a place like this when I'm older and ready to slow down. Though, I can't quite figure out why anyone would put a major university in this small godforsaken town. If I was from out of state going here, I would have to kill someone. I would be full of rage from the extreme amount of boredom and full of hate for myself for choosing a podunk town to go to school in.
That is all. I must now go to my class. Peace and love!
Driving up to Logan to get my BLS was not my first choice. If I could have, I would have done it somewhere else closer to me. But I need it done so I take my advanced life support classes. I haven't been up to Logan in years. The last time I went was 2 years ago when I stayed in Jeff's dorm the night before the Senses Fail show in Boise. Logan has long since been deemed "The Great White North" by either Jeff or his roommate Mike. It's always cold up here with snow. I half expected to get out of my car and wrestle a polar bear to save my life. Perhaps even take its life with a miniature pocket knife. But much to my surprise, it was warm and quite the beautiful drive to. Every time I have been here, it's always been snowy insanely cold. I have not been looking forward to driving up here. I thought it would have been cold and terribly boring. Though it is terribly boring, I'm not half as disappointed as I thought I would be. I thought the hospital would be a lot smaller and lamer. But it's actually very friendly and sociable. I can see the appeal of retiring here one day as a doctor or nurse. Just a small community hospital where nothing is really terribly wrong. But for now, I'm too impatient for slow or nothing going wrong. I need to be at a hospital where there is something wrong with people.
The point is, I'm not disappointed with this place. I could wind up at a place like this when I'm older and ready to slow down. Though, I can't quite figure out why anyone would put a major university in this small godforsaken town. If I was from out of state going here, I would have to kill someone. I would be full of rage from the extreme amount of boredom and full of hate for myself for choosing a podunk town to go to school in.
That is all. I must now go to my class. Peace and love!
Friday, June 6, 2008
I Graduated Three Years Ago? Really?
It's strange to think that I graduated high school three years ago. I look back on how much has changed since then. I look back and see how much I've grown as a person. I reflect on my failures and my accomplishments. With my successes, I feel a great sense of pride. With my failures, I feel as though I have let myself down. In some ways, I have exceeded my expectations of where I hoped to be and who I hoped to be. In many ways, I have disappointed myself with what I haven't done or should have done.
At the time, being 18 seemed so hard. I never saw myself as a kid then. Rather, I saw myself as a maturing adult scared to step into the real world. Now, when I meet or run into 18 year olds, I can't help but think how childish and naive many of them are. So confident they have the real world figured out. So confident that they learned everything about reality in the safety net of high school. High school was by no means fun or care free for me. But I never realized how much of the real world was filtered. Not so much by high school but my self. In high school, it was easy to hide behind the fact you were too young to care about the things that otherwise scared you.
I wouldn't say my high school days were "simpler times." But there was some good and memorable times. I for one have moved on and let go of those years. I have met several people who still wish they were in high school, being a careless teenager, "having the time of their life." I personally can't understand why so many people carry a torch for their high school days. Being a teenager was like being an overgrown emotional 8 year old. Still a kid but still learning. Young enough to get away with stupid shit but old enough to probably know better. Reckless and arrogant. If you didn't get the person you had a major crush on, it made you sad. If your parents punished you for something, it ruined your day.
I thought of all the people who have passed through my life since my senior year recently. I thought about who had an impact on me and why. I thought about the ones who made me learn powerful life lessons. I thought of the ones who were gone as soon as the came. I thought of the ones who were in my life that left, but wished they stayed. I thought of the ones that I let go. Most of all I thought of the ones who have stayed since I left high school. The ones that still care and stayed with me through it all. I thought of all of those people and realized that much of who I am now is because of them, regardless of the result of their coming into my life.
Overall am I happy with myself? I guess I could say that. But realizing all of these harsh realities of what I have and haven't become has become a brutal reminder of how short life truly is. I wanted to do so much the first few years out of how high school. I have barely found the time or money to do many of the things I wanted to do. Being 21 seemed so far away then. When I pictured myself being 21, I pictured a young confident man. Successful. Put together. Now that I am actually 21, the only certain thing is that I am a young man. I'm still trying to put things together and I'm still trying to build the confidence to go where I want to go in life.
At the time, being 18 seemed so hard. I never saw myself as a kid then. Rather, I saw myself as a maturing adult scared to step into the real world. Now, when I meet or run into 18 year olds, I can't help but think how childish and naive many of them are. So confident they have the real world figured out. So confident that they learned everything about reality in the safety net of high school. High school was by no means fun or care free for me. But I never realized how much of the real world was filtered. Not so much by high school but my self. In high school, it was easy to hide behind the fact you were too young to care about the things that otherwise scared you.
I wouldn't say my high school days were "simpler times." But there was some good and memorable times. I for one have moved on and let go of those years. I have met several people who still wish they were in high school, being a careless teenager, "having the time of their life." I personally can't understand why so many people carry a torch for their high school days. Being a teenager was like being an overgrown emotional 8 year old. Still a kid but still learning. Young enough to get away with stupid shit but old enough to probably know better. Reckless and arrogant. If you didn't get the person you had a major crush on, it made you sad. If your parents punished you for something, it ruined your day.
I thought of all the people who have passed through my life since my senior year recently. I thought about who had an impact on me and why. I thought about the ones who made me learn powerful life lessons. I thought of the ones who were gone as soon as the came. I thought of the ones who were in my life that left, but wished they stayed. I thought of the ones that I let go. Most of all I thought of the ones who have stayed since I left high school. The ones that still care and stayed with me through it all. I thought of all of those people and realized that much of who I am now is because of them, regardless of the result of their coming into my life.
Overall am I happy with myself? I guess I could say that. But realizing all of these harsh realities of what I have and haven't become has become a brutal reminder of how short life truly is. I wanted to do so much the first few years out of how high school. I have barely found the time or money to do many of the things I wanted to do. Being 21 seemed so far away then. When I pictured myself being 21, I pictured a young confident man. Successful. Put together. Now that I am actually 21, the only certain thing is that I am a young man. I'm still trying to put things together and I'm still trying to build the confidence to go where I want to go in life.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
An Important Lesson
I've recently learned that there are two types of people. People who are truly intelligent. People who fake intelligence in order to feel secure and unique while their life has no control or direction. The second group being the most dangerous. Always trying so hard to prove themselves as intelligent. Trying to rationalize why they can't go to school. But if you prove them wrong, you have a battle. You've damaged a piece of their personality that helps them sleep at night. You've damaged their delusional self-image that keeps them from falling apart.
Most of the time, you know who those people are and you just tend to roll your eyes and ignore them. Perhaps even patronize their attempts at sounding intelligent But every now and then, you don't realize when you have hurt this type of person. You start to notice they treat you like crap or constantly try to outsmart you at the subject you excel in. And at first your reaction might be to tell them off; you can't. You can't blurt how stupid they really are. You can't point out their insecurities. You can't tell them that this terrible charade of pretending to be intelligent to make themselves feel better about not having any direction is ridiculous. You can't. These people don't change. They don't want to. It's one of the few things in their life that actually works.
It's truly their only escape from the life they are leading to no where.
Most of the time, you know who those people are and you just tend to roll your eyes and ignore them. Perhaps even patronize their attempts at sounding intelligent But every now and then, you don't realize when you have hurt this type of person. You start to notice they treat you like crap or constantly try to outsmart you at the subject you excel in. And at first your reaction might be to tell them off; you can't. You can't blurt how stupid they really are. You can't point out their insecurities. You can't tell them that this terrible charade of pretending to be intelligent to make themselves feel better about not having any direction is ridiculous. You can't. These people don't change. They don't want to. It's one of the few things in their life that actually works.
It's truly their only escape from the life they are leading to no where.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I'm Gettin' There
I think this is the longest I've been able to work out this long, this hard in a long time. Probably since high school. I feel a lot better now that I'm getting into shape. I feel my health has improved. i feel better about myself and the way I look. I owe a great deal of thanks to my friend Brennon for doing this with me. Hopefully I can keep this up. I would like to be in the best possibly shape I can be in. I'm 21. There's no reason not to be. I've seen vast improvement already.
In short, woot for exercise.
In short, woot for exercise.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I Suck at Updating Lately
I'm terrible at this whole updating thing. I was doing so well till the end of April! Curses! Oh, well. Life goes on I suppose. There isn't a whole lot to say really. The warmer weather makes me happy and the prospect of summer being here shortly makes me even more happy. The only thing I may be bummed about in the future is that I may not get to go camping next weekend for Memorial. Every year we do this camping trip, same place, same date. I'll be so furious if I don't get to go. It's the one thing I look forward to all year. It's the only certain thing I can look forward to. Aside from that, I find promise in this upcoming summer. The promise of renewed hope. The promise of finding out more about myself. So many promises. So much hope.
Yes indeed, the sun is shining and I'm ready to embrace it. :)
Yes indeed, the sun is shining and I'm ready to embrace it. :)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
It's Finally May
I always look forward to the months of April/May during the Winter months (Mostly May). It represents the beginning of warmth. The beginning of fun. Seeing the sun for more than 2 hours. The cold starts to fade and the heat starts to advance. I love warm weather so much more than I love the cold weather.
The first day of May felt more like winter. I was disappointed. It was the month I had waited for so much. The snow and rain to drift away while May brought in the sun and flowers. Luckily, it was only for a day and I was able to enjoy the beautiful weather. If there is anything that I love about Utah, its the warm weather. The sun is out and I feel happy. That's all I care about. I don't care how hot it is.
Even though it's raining now, it's not freezing. I'm happy May is here.
The first day of May felt more like winter. I was disappointed. It was the month I had waited for so much. The snow and rain to drift away while May brought in the sun and flowers. Luckily, it was only for a day and I was able to enjoy the beautiful weather. If there is anything that I love about Utah, its the warm weather. The sun is out and I feel happy. That's all I care about. I don't care how hot it is.
Even though it's raining now, it's not freezing. I'm happy May is here.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Time For Fun I Hope
I'm so glad school is over for this semester. Just like any semester of school, it's always stressing. I feel a lot more relieved now that it's over. It's somewhat of an accomplishing feeling. I was going to take classes in the summer to make up for missing classes last fall. But my financial situation is a lot more restrictive than I had planned. Hopefully, I'll be going to the U this fall. I'm tired of feeling empty every time I go to SLCC. It never feels like a real school.
Screw it. That stuff is mildly unpleasant to talk about anyway. I've got plenty to look forward to at least. I can't wait to go camping for Memorial weekend. It's my number one certain highlight of the year. I can always look forward to going out to the middle of no where to hunt, fish, four wheel, relax. Just do whatever I want as long as I'm hundreds of miles away from home. In June I'm going to Vegas with my best friends, which has me extremely excited. It will be the first guys trip I've been to since the desert parties of 06 and the senor California trip in 05. I have the opportunity to move to the new hospital in July, though I'm not sure if I will. I'm sure there is more to look forward to that I'm missing.
Now time for some random facts, I'm growing my hair out again for shits and giggles. I'm probably going to get glasses either this weekend or next week. Now how is that for craziness?
Screw it. That stuff is mildly unpleasant to talk about anyway. I've got plenty to look forward to at least. I can't wait to go camping for Memorial weekend. It's my number one certain highlight of the year. I can always look forward to going out to the middle of no where to hunt, fish, four wheel, relax. Just do whatever I want as long as I'm hundreds of miles away from home. In June I'm going to Vegas with my best friends, which has me extremely excited. It will be the first guys trip I've been to since the desert parties of 06 and the senor California trip in 05. I have the opportunity to move to the new hospital in July, though I'm not sure if I will. I'm sure there is more to look forward to that I'm missing.
Now time for some random facts, I'm growing my hair out again for shits and giggles. I'm probably going to get glasses either this weekend or next week. Now how is that for craziness?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
School is Almost Over! Yay!
The past couple of weeks have been stressful. Between school and work lately, it's been a bit of an uphill battle balancing them both efficiently. I cannot wait for the semester to be over. I cannot wait to have a break and finally go on vacation. Seems like forever since I have gotten away.
Luckily, Thursday is my next final and I can be done for a few weeks. Woot. It's what I need the most. I have had so much to write about, but have not had the time to log on and write it down. At this time of night I can't force myself to think clear enough to try to remember everything before.
Hope everyone else is doing well in school :)
Luckily, Thursday is my next final and I can be done for a few weeks. Woot. It's what I need the most. I have had so much to write about, but have not had the time to log on and write it down. At this time of night I can't force myself to think clear enough to try to remember everything before.
Hope everyone else is doing well in school :)
Monday, April 21, 2008
Screw You American Idol!
Next time I have someone tell me I look like "(insert name of dumb asshole here) from American Idol! You know that one kid thats from here in Utah!" That person is getting a swift unpleasant strike to their genitals.
I think I get that comment 3 times a day at work and at least once a day if I go out in public.
For the record, I don't want to be associated with some no-name dipshit who has the ability to sing someone else's song just as well as the person who originally sang it. Only in America do people get rewarded for copying someone else's work and pass it off as "talent". I don't want to say copying someone else's talent. Most of the songs those wannabe hacks sing are already originally shitty, made shittier by a no talent ass-jockey.
From Me With [hate] Love!
I think I get that comment 3 times a day at work and at least once a day if I go out in public.
For the record, I don't want to be associated with some no-name dipshit who has the ability to sing someone else's song just as well as the person who originally sang it. Only in America do people get rewarded for copying someone else's work and pass it off as "talent". I don't want to say copying someone else's talent. Most of the songs those wannabe hacks sing are already originally shitty, made shittier by a no talent ass-jockey.
From Me With [hate] Love!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
It's Been A Year
It's hard to believe that little over a year ago, I moved out of my parents for the first time. It seemed so surreal at the time. As if the whole moving out thing would only last like 3 weeks doomed to failure. But I can rightfully say that looking back, it feels like the 9 months stay only lasted 3 weeks. I miss having a place of my own.
I miss seeing my 2 best friends daily. I miss hanging out with them, even if all we did was lay around and drink beer. I miss walking through the door of that place with the mindset "this is mine." I miss doing whatever I want. (Not that I can't now, theres just more supervision) I miss sleeping easily without being woken up often. I miss the short drives home from work. I miss being able to have time to myself. (which is impossible at home)
I want to move out again. But alas, school and money both interrupt that wish. It's not bad at home. Things are great. I just miss having the feeling of freedom.
I miss seeing my 2 best friends daily. I miss hanging out with them, even if all we did was lay around and drink beer. I miss walking through the door of that place with the mindset "this is mine." I miss doing whatever I want. (Not that I can't now, theres just more supervision) I miss sleeping easily without being woken up often. I miss the short drives home from work. I miss being able to have time to myself. (which is impossible at home)
I want to move out again. But alas, school and money both interrupt that wish. It's not bad at home. Things are great. I just miss having the feeling of freedom.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Making An Effort
I've made good of my word and have been working out for the past 3 weeks. I started running last week with my friend Brennon. The first day of running was so embarrassing. I actually used to be good at running for most of my school years until I got to college. In gym class in high school, I would at least be in the top 10 combined with all the other classes. In middle school, it was the same. In elementary school, I was known as the 2nd fastest kid in school. Ah yes, those were the days. However, last Thursday when I tried running for the first time, no one would have ever been able to tell I ever ran at all. I was weezing and coughing. I struggled to breathe after only one lap. It was so pathetic. The last 3 times I have been running have been more forgiving. With each passing day I'm less winded and am able to do 2 laps. It's rewarding to see results so quickly.
I have also been eating healthy for the past 3 weeks. (I know it freaks me out too.) This has helped tremendously. I feel like I have more energy and I feel like I'm seeing results in my over all body structure as well. Some of my uh......excess skin, fat if you will, seems to be slowly diminishing. Before long I won't be a chubby chud of a person. I always forget how easy it is for me to burn off the excess. The difficult part is keeping it off. (lousy unpredictable metabolism!)
Oh well, I feel good knowing that I'm giving it a whirl again. I don't want to look back on my life and refer to being 21 as "the year I started to really let myself go." I'm still young and there is no reason why I shouldn't be in shape. I just need to stick with it and try not to be derailed so easily.
I have also been eating healthy for the past 3 weeks. (I know it freaks me out too.) This has helped tremendously. I feel like I have more energy and I feel like I'm seeing results in my over all body structure as well. Some of my uh......excess skin, fat if you will, seems to be slowly diminishing. Before long I won't be a chubby chud of a person. I always forget how easy it is for me to burn off the excess. The difficult part is keeping it off. (lousy unpredictable metabolism!)
Oh well, I feel good knowing that I'm giving it a whirl again. I don't want to look back on my life and refer to being 21 as "the year I started to really let myself go." I'm still young and there is no reason why I shouldn't be in shape. I just need to stick with it and try not to be derailed so easily.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Spring Finally Feels Like It's Here
This weekend was beautiful. The weather was nice and warm. It was perfect.............Except for the fact I was working 12 hours in a place with no windows. Which I guess is just as well. I didn't want to be able to see outside and see all the fun and sunlight I was missing out on. I'm so excited to finally see warm weather. I hate the cold. The cold is my eternal enemy. The heat is my friend. I practically live in heat with my waterbed.
Seriously, there really is no point to this blog other than the fact that I'm excited that the warm weather has finally arrived. But alas, I do not get to enjoy it. On my first day off in days a nasty storm hits and makes everything cold for a few days. Damn you unpredictable spring! Warm? Cold? What is it?! Sigh......
I just want this month to be over. No ridiculous work shifts. No finals. After this week is over I'll be a lot better.
Seriously, there really is no point to this blog other than the fact that I'm excited that the warm weather has finally arrived. But alas, I do not get to enjoy it. On my first day off in days a nasty storm hits and makes everything cold for a few days. Damn you unpredictable spring! Warm? Cold? What is it?! Sigh......
I just want this month to be over. No ridiculous work shifts. No finals. After this week is over I'll be a lot better.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Vacation Seems So Far Away.....
I just need to go on vacation soon. I won't get a chance to go anywhere until the end of May. I just want this semester to be over. I want this week to be over. Vacation away from all this just seem so far away.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
The Survey I Would Ask Myself
I see that people post surveys on their blogs nowadays. The surveys typically consist of a large number of questions which only 10% are actually relevant/interesting. The surveys are supposed to let you get to know the survey taker a little more. However, the surveys fail to ask questions that I care about, such as: What did you eat for lunch? What is the nearest square thing to you? Lame. Lame. Lame. However, I will join in on this trendy blogging adventure under my own circumstances. I will compose my own survey to ask myself. The questions will be what I think people would want to know about me.
Enjoy my made up as I go, relevant survey of awesomeness and power.
1. Are you awesome?
Shit yeah I am. On a scale of 1-10 on the awesome scale (10 being the best) I would give myself a 22!......well I guess it makes me less awesome to brag. I’ll deduct 12 points from my awesome score to be fair. Leaving me at an honest gentleman’s 10.
2. Would you rather be a pirate or a ninja? (this seems pointless, but trust me, the question is revealing!)
A pirate of course. Pirates score all the ladies. Ninjas are masters of combat, but losers in the sack. Think about it, you always see pictures of pirates with saucy pirate wenches and beer. Ninjas get no such rewards.
3. Where were you born?
Definitely in a hospital. But if you’re talking about a city (which I am) it was in Salt Lake City, on the blessed day of November 18, 1986. I was the best thing the University Hospital had seen in decades!
4. Do you get distracted easily?
Why do we have tongues? I like cars from the 80’s. uhhhhh. To answer your question..... uhhh
5. What do you do for a living?
When I’m not out saving the world from distressing world events, I like to work in the ER. On the side, I sport a fake mustache and try to convince people I’m an oil tycoon with a heart of gold!
6. What do you do for fun?
Handling firearms in a safe but equally fun fashion is pretty sweet. I also enjoy playing music and writing trivial blogs that tend to waste the time of others.
7. What makes you sad?
Being hideously obese, watching others become hideously obese, and any movie Steven Segal says yes to.
8. Do you like to travel?
I thoroughly enjoy leaving my house on a daily basis. More so when I’m over 20 miles away and incredibly so when I’m thousands away!
9. Are you creepy?
Depends what you define as "creepy." I sure do enjoy stalking the occasional elderly lady from time to time, but I can assure you, my creepiness is low on the creepy scale. Like a 6!..............That’s kind of sad.
10. What do you look forward to in the future?
Being finished with school. It’s about a decade away from happening but damn it, I can be hopeful! I can accomplish my dream of being allegedly valuable, but do as little work as possible.
11. Would you qualify yourself as lazy?
I’ll answer that question with a question: Is there any other way of living?
12. Do you get mad easily?
Only if you say anything that I don’t agree with......And I only get mad at people who spell their name with letters.....speaking of which. Fuck you all!...............to answer your [my] question, no, not really.
13. Do you like to meet new people?
I only like to meet people who are interesting and do interesting things, such as: harpooning whales, hunting lumberjacks, and wrestle with Mexicans.
14. Are you emotional?
Not really. I tend to bottle it all up until it explodes as uncontrollable rage. But don’t worry, I only explode in places where no one would care, like a swap meat or a children’s clothing store.
15. Are you tolerant?
Generally, yes. (except for idiots) I try to be towards idiots. But it’s so hard when idiots tend to cripple my capacity to feel joy.
16. Are you sarcastic?
Sarcasm is out. Being an asshole is in.
17. Are you a happy person?
Actually, yes. I’m very happy with my life. I do enjoy life quite thoroughly.
18. Do you have any regrets?
Life is too short to live with regrets. If my live was about 100 years longer, than yeah, I would say I would have regrets. Now that I think about it, I regret letting my friends take pictures of me doing anything remotely embarrassing. Lousy bastards.
19. What do you like to do for fun?
Anything that requires food, not moving frequently, and explosions. (ideally)
20. If you could have one wish, what would it be?
To have the ability to concoct new ways to gain more wishes. Then I’d trade it all for a little more.
That is my survey of awesomeness. Maybe I’ll concoct and post another survey. Until then, comment my thoroughly [shitty and false] blog.
Enjoy my made up as I go, relevant survey of awesomeness and power.
1. Are you awesome?
Shit yeah I am. On a scale of 1-10 on the awesome scale (10 being the best) I would give myself a 22!......well I guess it makes me less awesome to brag. I’ll deduct 12 points from my awesome score to be fair. Leaving me at an honest gentleman’s 10.
2. Would you rather be a pirate or a ninja? (this seems pointless, but trust me, the question is revealing!)
A pirate of course. Pirates score all the ladies. Ninjas are masters of combat, but losers in the sack. Think about it, you always see pictures of pirates with saucy pirate wenches and beer. Ninjas get no such rewards.
3. Where were you born?
Definitely in a hospital. But if you’re talking about a city (which I am) it was in Salt Lake City, on the blessed day of November 18, 1986. I was the best thing the University Hospital had seen in decades!
4. Do you get distracted easily?
Why do we have tongues? I like cars from the 80’s. uhhhhh. To answer your question..... uhhh
5. What do you do for a living?
When I’m not out saving the world from distressing world events, I like to work in the ER. On the side, I sport a fake mustache and try to convince people I’m an oil tycoon with a heart of gold!
6. What do you do for fun?
Handling firearms in a safe but equally fun fashion is pretty sweet. I also enjoy playing music and writing trivial blogs that tend to waste the time of others.
7. What makes you sad?
Being hideously obese, watching others become hideously obese, and any movie Steven Segal says yes to.
8. Do you like to travel?
I thoroughly enjoy leaving my house on a daily basis. More so when I’m over 20 miles away and incredibly so when I’m thousands away!
9. Are you creepy?
Depends what you define as "creepy." I sure do enjoy stalking the occasional elderly lady from time to time, but I can assure you, my creepiness is low on the creepy scale. Like a 6!..............That’s kind of sad.
10. What do you look forward to in the future?
Being finished with school. It’s about a decade away from happening but damn it, I can be hopeful! I can accomplish my dream of being allegedly valuable, but do as little work as possible.
11. Would you qualify yourself as lazy?
I’ll answer that question with a question: Is there any other way of living?
12. Do you get mad easily?
Only if you say anything that I don’t agree with......And I only get mad at people who spell their name with letters.....speaking of which. Fuck you all!...............to answer your [my] question, no, not really.
13. Do you like to meet new people?
I only like to meet people who are interesting and do interesting things, such as: harpooning whales, hunting lumberjacks, and wrestle with Mexicans.
14. Are you emotional?
Not really. I tend to bottle it all up until it explodes as uncontrollable rage. But don’t worry, I only explode in places where no one would care, like a swap meat or a children’s clothing store.
15. Are you tolerant?
Generally, yes. (except for idiots) I try to be towards idiots. But it’s so hard when idiots tend to cripple my capacity to feel joy.
16. Are you sarcastic?
Sarcasm is out. Being an asshole is in.
17. Are you a happy person?
Actually, yes. I’m very happy with my life. I do enjoy life quite thoroughly.
18. Do you have any regrets?
Life is too short to live with regrets. If my live was about 100 years longer, than yeah, I would say I would have regrets. Now that I think about it, I regret letting my friends take pictures of me doing anything remotely embarrassing. Lousy bastards.
19. What do you like to do for fun?
Anything that requires food, not moving frequently, and explosions. (ideally)
20. If you could have one wish, what would it be?
To have the ability to concoct new ways to gain more wishes. Then I’d trade it all for a little more.
That is my survey of awesomeness. Maybe I’ll concoct and post another survey. Until then, comment my thoroughly [shitty and false] blog.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Bigfoot vs. Santa Clause
What is the difference between those two things? What is the difference between bigfoot and Santa Clause? The answer: Plenty of adults still believe in bigfoot. I don't know if everyone saw the same special on bigfoot on the history channel, or bigfoot is a spring time topic. Because lately, (I mean the past couple of days) Everyone has been talking about bigfoot and asking me if I think he exists!
No! No! No! I used to believe when I was younger. But when I was younger I also used to believe I would grow up to be a rockstar, surrounded by beautiful women and money I wouldn't have otherwise earned. After I say "no" there is a slight gasp followed by the question "why don't you believe?"
If you really must know why bigfoot is no more real than Santa, the toothfairy, and peace on earth, then here are my top reasons.
1. We have yet to find a heaping pile of bigfoot shit! A large animal like that has to throw down some pretty hearty crap. Yet, none has been found in fossilized, fresh, or even decomposed form.
2. Bigfoot's diet would be large (based on estimated size) whether he was a carnivore, herbivore, or even both. There is no substantial decrease in plant or animal life where bigfoot supposedly is. No mangled deer, no large patches of plants gone. Nothing.
3. We have yet to find a corpse of bigfoot. According to bigfoot "experts" there has to be more than just one due to the number of "sightings." If that were true, then eventually a dead one would show up somewhere. It wouldn't matter how it died, but it sure as hell doesn't bury itself. It definitely isn't immortal and the lifespan can't be too long due to the size of the supposed creature.
4. The human population is so large, people have run into the most elusive, cunning, and shy animals by accident. From a rare wolf species to eagles, humans have seen them despite how hard they are to find. Yet, the human population has yet to run into a 7 foot tall hairy thing that hangs out in the woods and is capable of never being in focus. How elusive can something that big be? No one has shot one yet. Though, some argue it would take a large caliber to take down bigfoot, I disagree. The same caliber guns used on deer, elk, and bear are also used on elephants, rhinos, and other large game. It would have no reason not to take down a large ape. No one has taken CREDIBLE pictures or video.
5. No the government has nothing to do with it! The government could give two shits less about an ape in the forest. The government has no reason to cover up bigfoot! How would that benefit the American people? They sure aren't training them to fight in Iraq. They aren't experimenting on them secretly for no real secret reason. The government theory is pure idiocy.
There. I ruined bigfoot for believers. Now never talk to me about this subject again.
No! No! No! I used to believe when I was younger. But when I was younger I also used to believe I would grow up to be a rockstar, surrounded by beautiful women and money I wouldn't have otherwise earned. After I say "no" there is a slight gasp followed by the question "why don't you believe?"
If you really must know why bigfoot is no more real than Santa, the toothfairy, and peace on earth, then here are my top reasons.
1. We have yet to find a heaping pile of bigfoot shit! A large animal like that has to throw down some pretty hearty crap. Yet, none has been found in fossilized, fresh, or even decomposed form.
2. Bigfoot's diet would be large (based on estimated size) whether he was a carnivore, herbivore, or even both. There is no substantial decrease in plant or animal life where bigfoot supposedly is. No mangled deer, no large patches of plants gone. Nothing.
3. We have yet to find a corpse of bigfoot. According to bigfoot "experts" there has to be more than just one due to the number of "sightings." If that were true, then eventually a dead one would show up somewhere. It wouldn't matter how it died, but it sure as hell doesn't bury itself. It definitely isn't immortal and the lifespan can't be too long due to the size of the supposed creature.
4. The human population is so large, people have run into the most elusive, cunning, and shy animals by accident. From a rare wolf species to eagles, humans have seen them despite how hard they are to find. Yet, the human population has yet to run into a 7 foot tall hairy thing that hangs out in the woods and is capable of never being in focus. How elusive can something that big be? No one has shot one yet. Though, some argue it would take a large caliber to take down bigfoot, I disagree. The same caliber guns used on deer, elk, and bear are also used on elephants, rhinos, and other large game. It would have no reason not to take down a large ape. No one has taken CREDIBLE pictures or video.
5. No the government has nothing to do with it! The government could give two shits less about an ape in the forest. The government has no reason to cover up bigfoot! How would that benefit the American people? They sure aren't training them to fight in Iraq. They aren't experimenting on them secretly for no real secret reason. The government theory is pure idiocy.
There. I ruined bigfoot for believers. Now never talk to me about this subject again.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Glasses
So I'm probably going to get glasses either this week or next. Depends when my doctor can get me in. I'm not blind. But working graves makes my eyes insanely tired. Throughout the night it becomes harder and harder to see clearly. Thusly, I need glasses to pick up the slack of my lazy and tired eyes. I never thought I would have to get glasses. I don't look good in glasses. It's not that I would wear them all the time or that frequently.
But still, I'm already a nerd/dork. The glasses aren't going to help my cause.
Interesting huh?
But still, I'm already a nerd/dork. The glasses aren't going to help my cause.
Interesting huh?
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Working on Friday Blows
I used to work Friday's all the time with my old jobs. Now that I have a job where I get to pick my hours, I have been rather spoiled by having to almost never work Friday's. Every now and then I would pick up a Friday shift. Every time I picked up a Friday shift, I hated it. We are usually busy beyond reason with the worst patients. Tonight hasn't been bad. But what I forgot about that makes working Friday nights so bad is the traffic.
Driving to LDS Hospital from my house is about 20 minutes away. It would be 45 minutes if I was still driving the Geo and almost an hour with the bus. Typically, going to downtown Salt Lake is easy during 5 o clock traffic. Everyone is coming home from work from the downtown area. However, on Fridays, it's a much different story. Driving to the hospital on Friday is an awful satanic experience that cripples my capacity to feel joy. Everyone drives so horrible and reckless.
That's pretty much all I was getting at this entire time. I hate working Fridays because traffic blows goats.
The End.
Driving to LDS Hospital from my house is about 20 minutes away. It would be 45 minutes if I was still driving the Geo and almost an hour with the bus. Typically, going to downtown Salt Lake is easy during 5 o clock traffic. Everyone is coming home from work from the downtown area. However, on Fridays, it's a much different story. Driving to the hospital on Friday is an awful satanic experience that cripples my capacity to feel joy. Everyone drives so horrible and reckless.
That's pretty much all I was getting at this entire time. I hate working Fridays because traffic blows goats.
The End.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Working Out
For some people, it's easy to work out. They like it because it makes them feel good about themselves. Then there is people like me, where you have to really fight against you're [lazy tendencies] busy schedule to get it done. So far I've done well and seen some good results in a week. I lose the excess fat easy but it's hard to keep it off.
Bleh. I did this same routine for months when I lived out at the apartment. It worked out really well. The big problem with me is, if I get thrown off track just once, It's hard for me to get back on it.
I keep telling myself it will all be worth it so I don't think I look like some chubby American bastard. Well I'm a man of my word, and I will keep at this as long as I can, if not improve at it.
Bleh. I did this same routine for months when I lived out at the apartment. It worked out really well. The big problem with me is, if I get thrown off track just once, It's hard for me to get back on it.
I keep telling myself it will all be worth it so I don't think I look like some chubby American bastard. Well I'm a man of my word, and I will keep at this as long as I can, if not improve at it.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Interview Canceled
So I was supposed to interview for the lead EMT position for LDS ER today. Only me and one other person have applied to lead what will be a 7 person team in May. They canceled the interview because the supervisor got stuck in meetings with hospital inspectors. Which was ok, I guess. But I really wanted to get the interview out of the way. I'm probably not going to get it since the person I'm running against has more experience. And really, in all honesty, is much more qualified to do the job than I. ha ha. I'm not sure if I could be the lead tech. I imagine I would screw up a lot more than I should.
I just wanted to give it a shot. Do something new. I have some ideas that I think would help make the job a little more enjoyable. Thats about all I got. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens when they reschedule my interview.
I just wanted to give it a shot. Do something new. I have some ideas that I think would help make the job a little more enjoyable. Thats about all I got. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens when they reschedule my interview.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I'm Bad at Being Tired
I deal with being tired so very poorly. More so than others. Other people have the ability to still flourish with little hours of sleep. Whereas I crash hard. When I'm tired, all the bad things in my life tend to bother me more often. Not that I have a lot of bad things going, but it tends to hit harder when I'm tired. I have a severe inability to deal with stress, and life in general when I'm tired. I'm sure this is the case for some people, but I rarely see it as bad as I take it. I'm in a bad mood most of the day I'm tired. I don't take it out on others. I'm still nice to those around me, but those who know me know there is something wrong.
Most people say, "just get a good night's rest". It's not that easy when you work graves full time while going to school full time as well. Then other people say "then don't work graves." It's not that easy either. I do like working graves for the most part. Plus there is only 3 shifts available. The 06-1800 is not an option. It screws school right out of the picture. I'm not a morning person. The 12-24 shift is all but taken by more senior staff. Plus they will be getting rid of that shift due to budget cuts. It will only be mornings and graves for almost a year. "Get a new job." Also not a an option. For once in my life, I actually like my job and the people I work with. The graves work with my school schedule.
Sigh. I hate to complain since I'm so rarely this tired. But I can't stand these days where I'm too tired to handle the problems I'm faced with. I hate the days where I'm not strong enough to do what is needed of me. I still have so much to do the next couple of days. I can say goodbye to sleep till Saturday. I look forward to that day.
Most people say, "just get a good night's rest". It's not that easy when you work graves full time while going to school full time as well. Then other people say "then don't work graves." It's not that easy either. I do like working graves for the most part. Plus there is only 3 shifts available. The 06-1800 is not an option. It screws school right out of the picture. I'm not a morning person. The 12-24 shift is all but taken by more senior staff. Plus they will be getting rid of that shift due to budget cuts. It will only be mornings and graves for almost a year. "Get a new job." Also not a an option. For once in my life, I actually like my job and the people I work with. The graves work with my school schedule.
Sigh. I hate to complain since I'm so rarely this tired. But I can't stand these days where I'm too tired to handle the problems I'm faced with. I hate the days where I'm not strong enough to do what is needed of me. I still have so much to do the next couple of days. I can say goodbye to sleep till Saturday. I look forward to that day.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Out of Shape
I need to work out consistently. Every few months I realize this and have an awesome set schedule that works for 3-4 months, then something throws me off. Then I don't' work out for another 3-4 months. After a few months, I realize I'm getting body fat where I don't need it and blah blah blah.
I need to get out and run a few laps before people starting running laps around me. And when I say running laps around me, I mean I'm so fat people use me as something to run laps around. Before I get bigger boobs than most of the girls I know. Before I get a bigger ass than my pants can physically handle. You get the idea.
I'm out of shape and I need to get on it! I'm not ready to be fat yet!
I need to get out and run a few laps before people starting running laps around me. And when I say running laps around me, I mean I'm so fat people use me as something to run laps around. Before I get bigger boobs than most of the girls I know. Before I get a bigger ass than my pants can physically handle. You get the idea.
I'm out of shape and I need to get on it! I'm not ready to be fat yet!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I Can Respect That
There are few things I can respect in this world. I can respect someone who speaks their mind intelligently. I can't respect someone who speaks their mind out of hate, loneliness, or propaganda. I can respect someone who has beliefs. I can't respect someone whose behaviors contradict those beliefs. I can respect someone who is genuine, nice and honest, even if they aren't that intelligent. I can't respect someone who is condescending, cold, or mean, even if they are intelligent. They should know better.
It's hard to like someone you don't respect. That's not a real friendship. How can it be? There is all kinds of reasons to not respect an individual. Yet, there are so few reasons to respect someone in today's culture. Respect is never as universal as it should be. It makes or breaks relationships in just about every aspect. From romantic to work, it damn near determines how the remainder of that relationship functions.
Respect isn't an easy thing to achieve but a much easier thing to lose. To earn it requires work, effort and sincerity. To lose it is to lack only one of those qualities. t.
This world just doesn't function without it. Unfortunately, with each passing day, the world goes on to live without it, more and more.
It's hard to like someone you don't respect. That's not a real friendship. How can it be? There is all kinds of reasons to not respect an individual. Yet, there are so few reasons to respect someone in today's culture. Respect is never as universal as it should be. It makes or breaks relationships in just about every aspect. From romantic to work, it damn near determines how the remainder of that relationship functions.
Respect isn't an easy thing to achieve but a much easier thing to lose. To earn it requires work, effort and sincerity. To lose it is to lack only one of those qualities. t.
This world just doesn't function without it. Unfortunately, with each passing day, the world goes on to live without it, more and more.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
90's Propaganda was Brilliant
Remember some of the tv shows and movies we watched when we were kids? I remember a few. They were good wholesome cartoons and shows that dictated our childhood Halloween costumes for years. They were shows that gave us idols and imagination. But when I really thought about them, I started to realize that we were being fed interesting propaganda. Allow me to explain!
Fern Gully: The Last Rain Forest
I'm sure we remember this one to some extent. To review, it's about a teenager that is shrunk by fairies in the rain forest. This "hip" 90's savvy teen was helping destroy the rain forest. The dialogue was filled with 90's slang in an attempt to reach the decades audience (bodacious, tubular, groovy, mondo, radical, all your favorites!). To get right to the point, the teen character helps save the rain forest. When we were kids, we didn't get the message of the story. It was a preachy cartoon show that was supposed to teach us to appreciate our rain forests. Did anyone get that when we were kids? I doubt it. All I really wanted to do was catch a fairy so I could enslave it to do my chores. If you ever go back to watch that movie, listen closely. You won't believe some of the crap they say and get away with in a kids movie.
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
We all remember that show. I think it's a safe guess to say that 1 in 4 of us was probably a power ranger for Halloween in first or second grade. If not really wanted to be one but couldn't get the costume. There really wasn't a huge message in the show in general. It was after the show where the messages really played. They would do some sort of message that would usually consist of telling you to not do drugs and do homework. But there was one little short skit that sent a different message. Don't be a douchebag! They didn't really come out and say that, but that was implied. The camera followed some white trash go going through the school being a.....well, douchebag. He is giving high fives really hard, slamming peoples lockers shut while they are using them and stealing peoples food. That's not a bully. A bully picks on certain people. A douchebag affects everyone in eyesight. Eventually, one of the power rangers tells him that what he is doing is not cool and everyone is happy. When I saw that, I knew I didn't want to be the douchebag guy. The anti-douche campaign worked! They should bring that back. The anti-douche campaign has been absent for too long. Now we have too many little douchebags running around.
Captain Planet:
This is too easy. I won't get into this one. A show that obviously attempted to not only promote a friendly environment, but world peace too! One of their characters is from "the powerful but corrupt Soviet Union."
That's all I feel like writing about for now. But think hard about the old cartoons. They sent you messages that your little mind was not old enough to comprehend!
This blog also appeared on my myspace: www.myspace.com/johnnydrummerbassist
Fern Gully: The Last Rain Forest
I'm sure we remember this one to some extent. To review, it's about a teenager that is shrunk by fairies in the rain forest. This "hip" 90's savvy teen was helping destroy the rain forest. The dialogue was filled with 90's slang in an attempt to reach the decades audience (bodacious, tubular, groovy, mondo, radical, all your favorites!). To get right to the point, the teen character helps save the rain forest. When we were kids, we didn't get the message of the story. It was a preachy cartoon show that was supposed to teach us to appreciate our rain forests. Did anyone get that when we were kids? I doubt it. All I really wanted to do was catch a fairy so I could enslave it to do my chores. If you ever go back to watch that movie, listen closely. You won't believe some of the crap they say and get away with in a kids movie.
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
We all remember that show. I think it's a safe guess to say that 1 in 4 of us was probably a power ranger for Halloween in first or second grade. If not really wanted to be one but couldn't get the costume. There really wasn't a huge message in the show in general. It was after the show where the messages really played. They would do some sort of message that would usually consist of telling you to not do drugs and do homework. But there was one little short skit that sent a different message. Don't be a douchebag! They didn't really come out and say that, but that was implied. The camera followed some white trash go going through the school being a.....well, douchebag. He is giving high fives really hard, slamming peoples lockers shut while they are using them and stealing peoples food. That's not a bully. A bully picks on certain people. A douchebag affects everyone in eyesight. Eventually, one of the power rangers tells him that what he is doing is not cool and everyone is happy. When I saw that, I knew I didn't want to be the douchebag guy. The anti-douche campaign worked! They should bring that back. The anti-douche campaign has been absent for too long. Now we have too many little douchebags running around.
Captain Planet:
This is too easy. I won't get into this one. A show that obviously attempted to not only promote a friendly environment, but world peace too! One of their characters is from "the powerful but corrupt Soviet Union."
That's all I feel like writing about for now. But think hard about the old cartoons. They sent you messages that your little mind was not old enough to comprehend!
This blog also appeared on my myspace: www.myspace.com/johnnydrummerbassist
Monday, March 24, 2008
Public Affection Depresses Singles
Spring has finally sprung! The weather is slightly warmer and I can see the sun for more than 2 hours before a storm hits. Spring is always associated with "love being in the air." Which I think is ridiculous. There is always love in the air. Everyone is shut in during the winter so you don't see as many people galloping about looking happy. Once the warm weather rises again, this forces those publicly flirty people to the outdoors to have fun activities. Like sitting on a blanket under a tree or riding a bike or whatever activities those types of hacks do on warm weather days.
In any case, this wears on single people to some degree. Watching all these young happy couples prance about, being flirty and affectionate while they sit and watch in both envy and disgust. My theory is, they just haven't seen publicly flirty couples for months because they have all been shut in for the winter. You'll see the occasional one or two. But not as often as around every street corner or every inch of a typical college campus. The single people almost forget what it's like. They eventually adapt in a couple of weeks and completely forget about how abundant flirty couples are in warm weather.
Nonetheless, every year, I never fail to hear at least 2 people a week complain about all the flirty people outside and how it makes them feel lonely and blah blah blah. Don't let a few saps make you feel lonely just because they appear to be having a good time. Feel lonely because a sibling stole your girlfriend/boyfriend, ran over your dog and murdered your best friend. That's lonely. Quit your whining. You'll forget all about it next week when you hear about how dysfunctional everyones new relationships are.
Love isn't in the air. I'll tell you what's in the air. Pollution. Lots of it. Take comfort in that or whine about it. That's more legit than starting a conversation with "Seeing all this love during spring time makes me feel [lonely, depressed, sad, hungry, whatever temporary emotion you are feeling at the time]. I hate Spring."
No, this isn't the funny blog I had planned. I may write that tomorrow. It's better than this one. We'll see. Work is busy. I'm tired and fat. You know, the usual excuses I use to not do something I should.
In any case, this wears on single people to some degree. Watching all these young happy couples prance about, being flirty and affectionate while they sit and watch in both envy and disgust. My theory is, they just haven't seen publicly flirty couples for months because they have all been shut in for the winter. You'll see the occasional one or two. But not as often as around every street corner or every inch of a typical college campus. The single people almost forget what it's like. They eventually adapt in a couple of weeks and completely forget about how abundant flirty couples are in warm weather.
Nonetheless, every year, I never fail to hear at least 2 people a week complain about all the flirty people outside and how it makes them feel lonely and blah blah blah. Don't let a few saps make you feel lonely just because they appear to be having a good time. Feel lonely because a sibling stole your girlfriend/boyfriend, ran over your dog and murdered your best friend. That's lonely. Quit your whining. You'll forget all about it next week when you hear about how dysfunctional everyones new relationships are.
Love isn't in the air. I'll tell you what's in the air. Pollution. Lots of it. Take comfort in that or whine about it. That's more legit than starting a conversation with "Seeing all this love during spring time makes me feel [lonely, depressed, sad, hungry, whatever temporary emotion you are feeling at the time]. I hate Spring."
No, this isn't the funny blog I had planned. I may write that tomorrow. It's better than this one. We'll see. Work is busy. I'm tired and fat. You know, the usual excuses I use to not do something I should.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Slack-a-lackin
So I had intentions to post a good funny blog yesterday. But truthfully I got much too lazy for that. Instead, I spent most of my day laying around playing Wii and doing some laundry. I've gotta lay off the Wii before I become a hardcore nerd.
I realized that it's hard for me to keep my blogs short. I have a lot to say. It's hard for me to keep it concise. But I'm a fan of good rhetoric if it's for humorous purposes. A lot of people tell me they skip out on my blogs because they are always too long. Well sorry, it's a lot of content. But usually when I'm writing something that long. there is probably some good stuff in there. (Not trying to sound pompous or anything but with that much content there HAS to be at least one good thing in there) With these journal blogs, I've tried to keep them short and kind of funny. So far, I don't think I've succeeded so much in the funny aspect. I'll get it. You'll see!
Coming soon [later tonight at work when I'll probably have time] I'll be writing a funny blog. Or at least I think it's comical because I'm cheaply amused. Look out kids!
I realized that it's hard for me to keep my blogs short. I have a lot to say. It's hard for me to keep it concise. But I'm a fan of good rhetoric if it's for humorous purposes. A lot of people tell me they skip out on my blogs because they are always too long. Well sorry, it's a lot of content. But usually when I'm writing something that long. there is probably some good stuff in there. (Not trying to sound pompous or anything but with that much content there HAS to be at least one good thing in there) With these journal blogs, I've tried to keep them short and kind of funny. So far, I don't think I've succeeded so much in the funny aspect. I'll get it. You'll see!
Coming soon [later tonight at work when I'll probably have time] I'll be writing a funny blog. Or at least I think it's comical because I'm cheaply amused. Look out kids!
Friday, March 21, 2008
I Could Fly!
I had the strangest dream last night where I could fly! The dynamics of it were simple. Just run really fast, jump up high and forward, spread your arms like wings, and you're on your way!!! It was so much fun. Of course, it was only temporary being able to fly. I would land like an airplane and skid on and off the ground until I slowly came to a stop. My dream had some other ludicrous plot associated with it, but that's not important. The flying sensation was amazing.
As I slowly came awake, in my still sleepy stupor, my flying experience seemed simple. As if I could really pull it off in real life. How awesome would that be?! I slowly came to realize it could never be that simple. If I had tried that in real life, my fat ass would drop like a rock.
If only it could be that simple and easy. Life would be grand.
As I slowly came awake, in my still sleepy stupor, my flying experience seemed simple. As if I could really pull it off in real life. How awesome would that be?! I slowly came to realize it could never be that simple. If I had tried that in real life, my fat ass would drop like a rock.
If only it could be that simple and easy. Life would be grand.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Silly America
I fail to understand why the game Guitar Hero is so fun. I mean, it's ok, but it's not top 10 most awesome games ever in my book. I'm not a huge gaming person in general, really. However, I can't get into this Guitar Hero phenomenon.
The game encourages you to practice daily so you can get really good. It takes a few months to get decent. Only in a America can you learn to play fake guitar decently in the same amount of time it would take you to learn REAL guitar. What's the damn point?!
Don't get me started on the game Rock Band with the drums. It makes me angry beyond reason. Every time I play it I lose since the game is grossly inaccurate. I turn into the Hulk in the middle of Best Buy and start kickin shit over and punching innocent passing shoppers. (Never really happened)
Silly America, instruments are for musicians. I'm tired of all these hacks who try to boast how good they are at Guitar Hero. It's quite pathetic.
The game encourages you to practice daily so you can get really good. It takes a few months to get decent. Only in a America can you learn to play fake guitar decently in the same amount of time it would take you to learn REAL guitar. What's the damn point?!
Don't get me started on the game Rock Band with the drums. It makes me angry beyond reason. Every time I play it I lose since the game is grossly inaccurate. I turn into the Hulk in the middle of Best Buy and start kickin shit over and punching innocent passing shoppers. (Never really happened)
Silly America, instruments are for musicians. I'm tired of all these hacks who try to boast how good they are at Guitar Hero. It's quite pathetic.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
St. Patricks Day is Odd
St. Patricks is fairly pointless when you think about it. It's right up there with Halloween and Valentines Day. They all encourage you to do ridiculous things. St. Pats day encourages you to drink and pinch people who don't wear green. Which basically, for party-goers and frequent flyers of the bar seen, means that you totally get trashed and grab whoever, wherever, regardless if they are wearing green or not. That's pretty sweet if you ask me.
Oddly enough, working in an ER where we get drunks daily, we didn't get any tonight. At all. It's a miracle! I dreaded today thinking that we would be swamped with drunks, bent on sexually harassing our staff regardless of age, gender, and marital status. Actually, now that I think about it, we had 3 drunks. But they were veteran drunks. But they were people who drink frequently anyway and had no idea that it was St. Pat's day. I was under the impression they had no knowledge that such a holiday ever existed. Still, it was surprising nonetheless that we were not swamped with annoying drunks.
Thanks to my green scrubs, I was permanently protected from pinching predators. Though I still worried about assholes pinching anyway for kicks. In which case I would have to royally ruin their shit. I hate being pinched or spanked. It's a pet peeve I have always had. I'm sure no one likes being pinched, but I hate it a lot. Maybe I'm weird. In any case, I hope you all had a good St. Pat's Day. With or without alcoholic beverages. Woot.
Oddly enough, working in an ER where we get drunks daily, we didn't get any tonight. At all. It's a miracle! I dreaded today thinking that we would be swamped with drunks, bent on sexually harassing our staff regardless of age, gender, and marital status. Actually, now that I think about it, we had 3 drunks. But they were veteran drunks. But they were people who drink frequently anyway and had no idea that it was St. Pat's day. I was under the impression they had no knowledge that such a holiday ever existed. Still, it was surprising nonetheless that we were not swamped with annoying drunks.
Thanks to my green scrubs, I was permanently protected from pinching predators. Though I still worried about assholes pinching anyway for kicks. In which case I would have to royally ruin their shit. I hate being pinched or spanked. It's a pet peeve I have always had. I'm sure no one likes being pinched, but I hate it a lot. Maybe I'm weird. In any case, I hope you all had a good St. Pat's Day. With or without alcoholic beverages. Woot.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Accomplishing Day
We had a cardiac arrest at work today. She didn't make it. They rarely do. On a good day one pulls through. Sad but true. I got to visit the hospital morgue today for the first time ever. I helped take the body there. Most of the time they go to a coroners office to determine the cause of death. The morgue was a place of wonder and discovery. It looked like that hokey 1920's science fiction lab of doom. Metal tables and weird instruments that didn't appear to have a purpose. Awesome.
But then a life long dream came true. I finally got to see a brain floating in a jar! I've always wanted to see a brain or an eyeball floating in a jar. Preferably on a shelf of some sort with other organ collections. Twawesome! (shorthand for: it was awesome) But it was on a metal slab with other organs. Still pretty sweet. There was a couple of hearts in jars just hangin out and a few other things. When I worked at Alta View Hospital in pathology, the coolest thing I would ever see was a gallbladder in a jar. Actually, the coolest was a toe. I longed for the day I would run into a brain or an eyeball. Half my life is complete. All I have to see now is an eyeball floating in a jar for no obvious reason and I can die peacefully.
Now if that's not an accomplishing day, then I have no idea what is!
But then a life long dream came true. I finally got to see a brain floating in a jar! I've always wanted to see a brain or an eyeball floating in a jar. Preferably on a shelf of some sort with other organ collections. Twawesome! (shorthand for: it was awesome) But it was on a metal slab with other organs. Still pretty sweet. There was a couple of hearts in jars just hangin out and a few other things. When I worked at Alta View Hospital in pathology, the coolest thing I would ever see was a gallbladder in a jar. Actually, the coolest was a toe. I longed for the day I would run into a brain or an eyeball. Half my life is complete. All I have to see now is an eyeball floating in a jar for no obvious reason and I can die peacefully.
Now if that's not an accomplishing day, then I have no idea what is!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
To the Update-Mobile!
Very little has changed the past month. I've been living in a monotonous routine of work and school with the occasional social life. The only that has changed is that I got my new car, sold my bus and my Metro was destroyed through time.
I still enjoy my job at the ER. Even though the days can wear on me a little bit. I like the way I feel when I feel like I've made a difference in someone elses life. I know that sounds corny. But for once I feel like I'm really apart of real medicine. I've had several jobs before, but I feel like I'm getting the experience I want and need that other students would kill for.
I feel so behind in school. I realize I didn't have the luxury of a scholarship, but it's taking me so long to get to where I'm going. I frequently question if I have what it takes to be doctor. Many people believe I can do it, and other people I wonder are just patronizing me. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. I'm stepping off my soap box now.
Aside from the routine, I'm fairly content with my life. I need to start working out again before I get fat as shit. I would hate to be the guy people from high school run into and they say later "Man, he got fat over the years." I should avoid that, ay?
This also appears on my Myspace blog:
www.myspace.com/johnnydrummerbassist
I still enjoy my job at the ER. Even though the days can wear on me a little bit. I like the way I feel when I feel like I've made a difference in someone elses life. I know that sounds corny. But for once I feel like I'm really apart of real medicine. I've had several jobs before, but I feel like I'm getting the experience I want and need that other students would kill for.
I feel so behind in school. I realize I didn't have the luxury of a scholarship, but it's taking me so long to get to where I'm going. I frequently question if I have what it takes to be doctor. Many people believe I can do it, and other people I wonder are just patronizing me. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. I'm stepping off my soap box now.
Aside from the routine, I'm fairly content with my life. I need to start working out again before I get fat as shit. I would hate to be the guy people from high school run into and they say later "Man, he got fat over the years." I should avoid that, ay?
This also appears on my Myspace blog:
www.myspace.com/johnnydrummerbassist
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Fell Behind
So I know I said I was going to update this daily, but I've been busy the past couple of days. My great grandma came into town to watch my 16 year old sister since I'm gone a lot. This idea was ridiculous. An 83 year old woman who has to weigh about 40 pounds and is frail as can be is watching my sister. It turned out I had to watch both of them. Not so much my sister as I did my grandma. She is nice, but I kept having visions of her falling down the stairs. She would frequently tell me how the medicine I want to go into "doesn't work very well, ever" and that seeing some guy who charges her obscene amounts of money to do mental healings works better. I'm sure to some extent it works in a placebo kind of way but not really. I got tired of hearing about how microwaves make you eat pure radiation and how medicine is a joke every time I turned around. I love my grandma, but she isn't fit to take care of other people at her age. My sister was so busy she didn't have to watch her at all. My parent's said they didn't anticipate my sister being so busy, but even then, she is old enough to take care of her some to some point. I was home enough to watch over her. Which basically consisted of me playing Wii while she talked on the phone in her room.
Very productive.
I can't wait for this semester to be over.......
Very productive.
I can't wait for this semester to be over.......
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