There's A Good Reason Why You Don't Understand...

And it's because you don't pay attention.
For a while, I have been perplexed by the way some people function in "relationships." People who have been living as single individuals are generally just as lost. Single people see relationships like zoos from the looking glass. It always seems like something is wrong or someone is unhappy etc. Always seeing the surface as either ridiculously happy or Satan-borne shitty. People already in relationships are looking at them like a sports game on tv. Competitively judging other couples abilities to "communicate" and "love" and all that crap they tend to say. After a double-date you can usually observe couples talking about how horrible the other couples relationship must be since its nothing like their own. On some rare occasions you find couples looking up to other couples due to their own relationship growing old or falling apart. I think the funniest is when multiple couples get together and talk about being a couple while doing "couples" activities. Doesn't that seem redundant to anyone?
Recently, it has come to my attention about how some people function in relationships. Not only because most of my friends are in one, but because I'm tired of hearing single lonely people bitch about how they don't understand why they can't get into a relationship. I have composed a few groups of different people and the relationships they tend to be in. Keep in mind that its a pretty wide stretch for all the groups since its fairly impossible without the proper resources to go in depth and find different groups. Likewise, I would like to point I have not based any of these groups on anyone close to me since there is more than 2 people in a relationship right now, believe it or not. You just may happen to fit in a certain group.
1. This is something that I see a lot. People who jump to relationships quickly. Which isn't always necessarily a bad thing. But typically the people I find doing this are people who have multiple relationships in a period of time. Generally those are the people who are quite dependant on others. They tend to base their self-worth and security on whether or not someone is at their side. They tend to be clingy and attached quickly which in turn, is usually the cause of the demise of their relationship. Too much, too fast. For the most part, these are people with good intentions and all the loyalty in the world to offer. Usually impulsive and runs hot on the emotional side. They tend to not know how to protect themselves from heartbreak and rely very heavily on friends and their current relationship for support. Be warned, it could be your most loving and loyal relationship, or it could be your soap opera disaster.
2. This is the one that single people see the most. The people in long-term relationships. The one with all the fights and all the happiness. All the stories. All the drama. The side-taking. Sometimes crying. The occasional heartbreaks. Everything that even the loneliest person longs for. People who are in long-term relationships have what it takes to keep things going. Sometimes its love. Sometimes its infactuation. Sometimes it's the social benefit's of having a relationship. The people who are in these relationships are generally happy despite the fights that you tend to hear about more than the happiness. Which is common in relationships to concentrate on the negative since very few people want to hear you brag all the time about how happy you are. Some find themselves wishing to be single. It's strange how when you're the most unavailable is when people want you to be the most available. Often times, they never go through with it. Breaking something that has lasted a long time is something that is a very hard to do. Both sides feel lost without one another in most cases. Breaking that regularity of having someone there. Of course in some cases, long-term relationships end. I tend see to see that the people who are in longterm relationships, are the people who weren't looking that hard for one in the first place. Life has a tendency to spring you surprises at the moments you least suspect.
3. There is a group I will kind of mash together since they kind of go together. The people with committal issues and ridiculously high standards. People with committal issues are the ones that can get pretty far with a person (not just sexually) then get scared and back off. I've found generally it's because of negative past experiences. The other thing I find is because they have an intense fear of being hurt and its not based on past experience. Outside people see them as "players" or "heartbreakers." Some lame high school title of that sort. It's in my opinion that they don't mean to hurt the people they do. Very few individuals are that mean where they break hearts for sport. They typically withdraw to protect themselves from getting too close. Putting them in range to hurt themselves or the other person more.
People with high standards are relatively in the same boat. Looking for perfection where they will never find it. Looking to win the first try so they don't have to try again. So they never have to be hurt. Being so protective of themselves that their goals of finding that perfect someone become unrealistic. Generally, their high standards are based off of bad experiences. Taking little or no chances. Finding flaws before good. From what I see when these people eventually get in relationships, there is usually trust issues in the beginning. Sometimes it crashes and burns quickly. But most of the time, after the hardship is said and done, I've seen the most heartwarming and fullfilling of relationships.
Like I said, this is a wide base and not everyone is like this. So don't send me hateful comments on how I'm wrong. Some of this is based off my own experiences, personal and observable. So for you single people who bitch a lot, it could be worse and be patient. I hope that I have put some things in perspective for those in and out of the looking glass. So for those that are offended still by this point, realize I did not base this off of you and I'm probably not right. I'm just saying things the way I see it. Also realize, that I have not been committed to anything remotely serious in nearly 2 years. So I'm a little rusty when it comes to these kinds of things. The purpose of posting all this was in a vague hope that this would get people to pay more attention to their surroundings. The quirks, body language and subconscious behaviors we tend to overlook. Asking questions of what we don't understand immediately rather than putting forth a little effort to find the answers ourselves. I believe that paying just a little attention can go a long way. Not only to your surroundings, but to yourself as well. Taking a step back to put things into perspective.

Granted, If I said any of this while in a serious relationship, it would probably mean uncomfortable couchtown for me. Or a permanent camping trip in the van. Worst-case scenario is that I get a sterilizing kick to the balls. But I'm already 2 steps ahead of that inevitable nut-crippling disaster. I plan on exclusively dating parapalegics.(I hope you realize I'm joking by this point) Considering my circumstances, I can say all the bad and good things about relationships I want without feeling any consequences that would take away sexual privelages, dignity, or money. The ones who are slightly offended by this will likely try to place me in a group that would reflect me negatively. I can just imagine someone bitterly mumbling aloud:
"This guy is a dick! That's a group he forgot. The dickhead group. And thats why he's not getting any. Asshole!"

or the more clever ones would say something like

"This guy is about as insecure as a hobo's shack in the rain. That's why he isn't getting any."

I would hope both those angry mumblers are wrong.

Lesson Learned Indeed, Ol' Chum

The other day I was reminded of how summer has finally come to a close. No, it wasn't the fact school has started college and high school alike. It was the fact that the nights have been getting colder. I guess to some of you, thats no surprise. I'm still living in July. August went by so fast. July and August have to be the fastest of the other months. Before you know it, its September and Labor Day weekend is your next ticket to being lazy or being paid overtime. I'm not a fan of September. It's like the Springs distant cousin. It's either really hot, or really cold and everything is starting to fall instead of bloom.
I hate the Autumn and Winter days. They always tend to be my worst. The people who know me well enough, know that I'm a pansy when it comes to the cold. Not only that, I cannot remember a Fall or Winter where I was content. Usually the end of winter/beginning of spring is when I start to feel happy again. A lot of it has to do with the fact its always dark and gloomy in the winter. It does have its points where I can enjoy it in small doses.
Just thinking of the fact that Winter is coming makes me uneasy. Last Fall/Winter I was pretty alone. Everything changed as it tends to after you graduate. I at least had Local to fall back on. I had somewhere to go. Something to do. But this year there is no Local or place I can go to just to pass the time or be in the company of good friends. I refuse to repeat last year. Feeling lonely, having friends but rarely seeing them, taking chances on girls who didn't deserve them just so maybe I could try to cure my loneliness. I won't do it. I really do have better hopes for this Fall. I think I'm in a much better state of mind than I was last year. I'm in a better position in life than I was last year.
I've been working at my new job now for a month. It's ok I guess. Beats the hell out of my last job. My only complaint is how boring it is. The field of laboratory science bores me. To some it seems like it's exciting. To me, it's boring and I can't wait for another job. ha ha. I'm currently taking an EMT course this year. I've shifted my interests to emergency medicine recently. I'm thinking about doing paramedics if I like doing EMT. Probably get my bachelors in it (Yes that is possible) I do realize there isn't a lot of money in it. Every life I go out to help is worth about 8.88 an hour as a basic EMT. Shitty pay for the weight of responsibility on someones life. So far I really love the class. I think I've found something that I can pursue and love that's realistic.
I feel that I'm at this point in my life where I'm starting to feel ready to grow up a little more. Not that I have a choice. August wasn't exactly my best month.  I had a warrant out for my arrest because I forgot to pay a ticket from a year ago. I didn't get arrested but I almost did. I had to pay that off. On top of that I got an alcohol ticket. I rarely drink as it is. More often than usual lately. I've done it once a month since June. To some people, thats nothing, to me, thats a little much. And of course, my beloved van broke down. Getting the ticket was a wake up call to me. I've just been so careless and flakly lately. Not only with how I've handled myself, but my money and the girls that have come in and out of my life. It's a dumb mistake to make, but it reminded me that I have to buckle down if I am to be successful. If I am to actually be somebody.
Altogether, I'm pretty content. I get stressed here and there, but who doesn't during this time of year? I know the next couple of months won't be the easiest given my financial situation. But I do know that the next little while isn't darkness with patches of light. Rather light with patches of darkness and the occasional shades of grey. I can see this through. I'm thinking things through a lot more than I ever have. Though feeling lonely without friends or even a stable girl sucks, it's not forever. And I'm rarely lonely when it comes to friends anyway.
I think everything will be ok.