Yeah, that's the one
In this life of mustached villainy, I would cruise around in a giant blimp or hot air balloon. I would dress pretty classy. Maybe in a black or purple tuxedo, accompanied by a matching top hat. I also haven't ruled out the use of a cane, monocle or pocket watch to this ensemble. However, my crimes would be far less nefarious than world domination. But they would be crimes that would certainly make the world raise an eyebrow or two. I'm thinking my first major crime would involve stealing all the cakes in the world, followed closely by stealing all the worlds easy cake mix. At first, the world would just roll their eyes and say "That's stupid. I can just make a cake by scratch or eat pie or some other pastry." But soon the world will realize the error of their ways. Pies are horrible substitutes for birthday cakes and bachelor parties that feature strippers coming out of cakes. No one wants a stripper to burst from a pie. She would have to shower after her emergence from this heinously large pie or else smell like a pie and look sticky and weird. Also, the world will realize that while cookies, donuts and muffins are decent substitutes, they are no match for cake. Finally, people will realize that 98% of the population is simply too lazy or too stupid to make their own edible cakes from scratch. They will be begging me to give back cake and cake mixes. As any good villain would, I would demand a ransom in return. But I wouldn't ask for money or jewelry. No, I would ask for my own TV show that would need to be broadcast on all channels, once a day, at the same time. Or maybe I would demand that someone teach me to cook my own food for life. Or perhaps I would ask for my own pet wolf that would be made entirely of muffins.
Man, I would make a good villain. It's not even fair.
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