Who Have I Been?

I haven't felt like myself lately. This past month has most certainly been a rollercoaster for me. I can't concentrate. I can't focus. I can't get anything done. I'm so much more forgetful. I'm easily irritated. I'm impulsive. I get random days where I just suddenly feel stripped of my energy and happiness. I haven't felt this way in so long.

It feels so wrong and isolating to feel this way. I know that something is wrong. But I don't know what. I want to pick myself up. But I don't know if I have fallen. If I haven't been myself, who have I been? I know this can't all be stress. I know there has to be more to this and no matter how I try I can't quite put my finger on it.

I feel like everything that keeps me tied together is coming loose. Knot by knot I'm coming undone. It feels like I'm being torn apart from the inside. As if I am my own destruction. My days haven't been that stressful. My financial situation is strenuous but not bad. And yet I can't help but feel like I'm carrying a large weight upon my chest. A weight I cannot define nor see. A weight that's crushing me and stealing my breath.

I know the past 4-5 blogs I've written recently have been more humorous than dark. But I honestly dont know how to fix or process the way I am feeling. For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling lost. I feel like even I don't know who I am anymore. I wish I knew how or why this is happening because this is starting to happen more often than not. I'm not as level as I usually am. I'm either up or I'm down.

I'm sorry to those who have experienced my abnormal behavior recently. It's been something I've been unable to predict, notice or control (or not until it's too late) I wish I knew what was going on. I wish this was something I knew more about. I used to feel this way a lot throughout high school. When I didn't have this problem anymore for a year or two, I figured it was something I just grew out of. But now that it has returned to haunt me again, I'm scared that it will make a longer stay.

Well that it.

P.S here is a quick overview of what's new in case you didnt know: moved out to Murray with Matt and Brennon, possibly taking my EMT Intermediate class this summer, and I might go back to working for Alta Vew Lab again. 

Super Powers and Business

As I sit in this dark room at home, I begin to ponder the things I should have done with my life. Not that I feel like my life has been meaningless or anything. There is just a couple of things I wish I had made possible in my younger years. Granted, I'm only 20 and there probably wasn't much I could have done anyway.
But still, I wish I had some sort of bragging rights about my childhood. Here is a small list of things I wish I could say I have done in my life.
*When I was 9, I created Chuck Norris
*When I was 14 I traveled back in time and invented alcohol, sexual intercourse and the bolt action rifle (in that order).
*When I was 6 I wrestled a bear and tossed it into a nearby ditch. (and by tossed I mean dropkicked......hard)
*At the age of 17 I once again traveled back in time with the mission of stopping Prince from ever putting out another album.
*At the tender age of 15 I ate four 72 oz steaks in an hour. I would spend the first 45 minutes filling up on bread and harassing the waitress staff.
Far fetched? Maybe. But here is another thing I wish I achieved. I wish I had some sort of minor super powers. Nothing crazy. Most people would wish for super powers that included hearing and seeing everything, the ability to kill easily and not be killed easily and the ability to not be seen.
Not me.
I wish I had powers that were a little less exciting and less desired. Like the ability to detect minor celebrities within a 100 ft radius of me. Nobody really cares to look for a minor celebrity until they are pointed out by someone else. This would help me in really minor ways. Like if I'm stuck in a long line at the grocery store and suddenly my minor celebrity sense goes off, I would just blurt "Look everyone! It's Wheel of Fortune's Pat Sajak. Rush him!" Mr. Sajak probably would not appreciate me exploiting his minor celebrity status just so I could move to the front of the line to buy a box of week-old doughnuts for 35 cents. But come on, how cool would that be?! Minor celebrities would finally be getting the non-media attention they deserved. Bob Barker would once again be a king among mortal men. Local news anchors will be forced to purchase their groceries online. And the guy who does the voice of Spongebob Squarepants would never have a moment's peace.
Aside from the things I want and can't have, I have also realized the many things I can't do in life. Even if they aren't that hard. Like being a photographer for instance. I'm not photogenic myself and for some reason I inadvertantly take that out on everyone else by taking the most unflattering, poorly timed pictures of people. I would be an awful and unethical photographer; and probably know it too. I would go into the personal portrait business and charge people ridiculous amounts of cash because I would claim myself to be an "artist." No one would know I was a fraud until it was much too late. I would make people do the most degrading things and create the illusion it was my artistic interpretation all along. "Now stare into the sun until your retinas melt to the front of your brain. Try not to squint. I'm going for a 'no stranger to pain' kind of look."
I could never do anything that has to do with the business industry either. I would either crash the economy or just fail miserably at it and lose the will to live. I wouldn't know where to start. I couldn't ever think of something as genius as the urinal cake or the trailer park. I would probably just take used stuff that no longer serves a purpose and try to sell it with a new purpose. One such idea would be to take sandpaper thats been used so much it could reused again......as toilet paper. Of course there would be no exact guidelines as to how used the sandpaper must be in order to recycle the toilet paper. Some squares might be more smooth while others might be barely used. Every square you use would be playing a game of asswipe roulette. The back up plan in case that failed would be to make insanely cheap condoms. 50% recycled sandwich bags, 50% recycled newspaper. 100% pregnancy. They'll be affordable to everyone for under 35 cents. I'll even sweeten the deal for my own personal amusement and put on the back of the box "Warning: do not use for sex." I'm willing to bet that the cheap price will likely coax them into taking a chance in order to get laid. Poor logic would intervene in the thought process "if they don't work then why are they on the market?" "Why buy five $10 condoms when you can by 100 cheap condoms for $1?" If that fails or some agency led by a group of angry mothers shuts me down, then oh well. I at least got into the prestigous business of manufacturing condoms.
I will stop this blog now. I'm quite bored of writing this and it has taken a wear on my writing. My boredom has also stolen my ability to write semi-humorous blogs and anything that can hold the average American attention span.

Arizona, You One Crazy Mofo

I wrote this while on the plane to Phoenix. You'll notice by the inane rambling that I was quite bored and delightfully absurd. Enjoy.
Flying from El Paso was semi-eventufl. I had to fly into Phoenix to connect to my flight in Salt Lake. For a while, nothing was happening. Every 20 minutes or so I would see a city that looked roughly the size of a gas station and a herd of sheep put next to each other. Then suddenly, the city of Phoenix appeared and all I could see was low income housing for as far as the eye could permit. I looked below to find that every house in nearly every neighborhood had a swimming pool. It was incredibly ridiculous. You could trash your pool with your feces one night then hop the fence and hit your neighbors and your neighbors neighbors. Using pools for their non intended purpose can be exhausting and cause heat stroke. At the end of the block you can finally take a swim and invite all your friends. I laught at the fact they had large community pools. What's the damn point? You could hop a fence and land in a pool from a movie theatre line. As the plane started it's approach to the landing strip things started to get a little bigger. You could make out the colors of the cars below finally. The pools became more clear to see. There was a couple of times at the community pools where you could actually see individual people from nearly 20,000 feet above the ground. At first I thought there was one person in the water and the water helped magnify their appearance. But when I looked around the community pool's parking lots the one speck didn't justify the amount of cars parked there. It came down to one solution. Fat people big enough to be seen by an aerial view of 20,000 feet. I thought well they had the water to help make them visible so it's not fair. Not long after I thought that I could start seeing some fat people just on the concrete of the side of the pool. Now that's just sad. People can see your fat whale ass standing by a pool at an extremely high altitude. Wow. Those obesity statistics weren't lying.
Shortly after we landed at the Phoenix airport the pilot of the plane announced it was 2:56. I forgot Arizona was one hour behind the rest of the western states. Just to be funny I exclaimed kind of loudly "Holy crap, I travelled back in time! I must warn my past self that the flight to Phoenix will be boring and that I will see a ridiculous amount of backyard pools as I land!" My mom and sister just rolled their eyes and the people looked at me as if I said something of complete blasphemy. Rather impressed with my remark I walked off the plane and called RJ to alert him of the fact that I was in his new recent home state. We talked for a few minutes and then he got off the phone in favor of keeping his job. Shortly after he texted me on my cell phone to go to the airport bookstore because there is porno magazines there. Funny thing was that I was already in the store trying to take a picture of myself in front of the nude magazine rack partly hidden behind shroud of white plastic. But alas I was stopped by an airport official. (the store sales associate) She first asked if I was 18. I said I was 20. She then said that it was illegal for me to take a picture of myself in there next to the cover nude magazines without the written consent of a high up airport official. They then banished me from the store after I purchased my dayqil cold pills. Disgruntled and torn I took a picture of my disappointed face to send to RJ to let him know I had failed. I had no intention of purchasing such a magazine, no less at an airport. I just thought it would have been funny.
currently I'm flying over the Grand Canyon. It's quite a beautiful view. But the more I look at it the more I realize that it serves as Mother Earth's vagina. The end of the world won't be because of an angry god or global warming. I predict a male pornstar sized asteroid will ravage the Grand Canyon to a pleasurable explosion. At that point the flying Earth chunks of debris will fly until they orbit a convenient sun and grow and harbor life of their own one day. It's sensible. Aside from the view I'm also flying in jet that I'm confident was a bomber plane that helped defeat that damned Kaiser in WWI and again to topple the Nazi's in WWII. It wouldn't surprise me either if it flush out "commies" in Vietnam. The upholstery looks as if it might have been redone right around the time I was born. The overhead warning lights such as the no smoking signal and seatbelt signal are missing in random places. I also noticed the convenient armchair ashtrays. Which is funny because it's a non-smoking flight as all of them are. The really kids in front of me have their own seats. Not one of them looks like they are capable of being able to recite the ABC's without starting over at least once. Their parents are in the aisle across from them dead asleep while they jump up and down and scream in their seat. Judging by the smell, I'm confident one of those kids had to have shit themselves more than 4 hours ago. They are now roaming about in a smeared pile of their own feces, causing my already irritated sinuses to feel pain in ways that could only be matched by a debilitating sinus eroding disease.
Overall my experience in Arizona (airport) was comical and presented a very positive view on how I see towns from close to 20,000 feet. I'm enlightened.
I'm tired now. I'm done writing

I Can't Believe I Used to Watch That Crap! Part II

Due to extreme boredom, I decided to write a part two about old cartoon shows. I write this to bring you back to the days of cartoon intros full of fast paced synthesized 90's music, corny theme songs, and when eating pizza was the coolest thing to do. I will bring you back to days when cartoons were good. Well kind of. These are examples of crappy cartoons. But still, we all might remember some of these.
Let's just say, they stopped making good cartoons a long long long time ago.

California Raisins:
There is no other explanation for this except for one word: Hippies. Only hippies could have possibly concocted something about singing raisins. More like the singing munchies. A group of raisins that tour the country and sing all the classic hits of the 60's and 70's. Yeah.....I think that explanation speaks for itself.
The Magic Schoolbus:
Educational. Very. But how do you come up with a schoolbus with the ability to do anything? Once again, I think this has to do with well intentioned hippies on acid. I can already see how the show came together. "Dude I was totally gone last night. After we bought the acid we broke into a gnarly school bus. I kept tripping out. I kept having illusions that the bus would shrink and I was the driver. I could go into my own stomach and see how it works. After that I went to pluto and proved how cold it was. We should make a cartoon about it and name the main character after the bubbly acid I took. How about Mrs. Frizzle?" How the hell did these people get jobs?
Robocop: The Animated Series:
All I will say is this: The day this show came on air was the day the world stopped caring about children.
MTV's New Kids On the Block:
That's right. New Kids on the Block, the earliest boy band of the 90's had a cartoon made after them. It almost makes me want to vomit and sit on a pinecone. Would anybody ever classify this as quality programming? The plots were all the same. They went concert to concert and had little adventures before they were on stage. Such crazy adventures like riding skateboards, meeting girls and eating pizza. The show would always end with them skateboarding away into the back of their tourbus as a parade of girls chased them. How do the artists and writers live with themselves for even putting this on tv?
Extreme Dinosaurs:
These aren't just any dinosaurs. They are EXTREME Dinosaurs. These dinosaurs have technology beyond our years, fly jets, firm six packs and possess weapons that any advanced civilization beyond our world would be jealous of. These dinosaurs fight crime for humans against other dinosaurs who evidentally dont like humans. I don't know anyone who ever watched this show, but if you're reading this and remember being a huge fan.......I'm sorry that you were born.
Street Sharks:
I almost forgot about this one. Although a part of me wishes that I had. This cartoon is about 4 normal guys who get transformed into humanoid sharks by science. I don't know what kind of scientist would think that would be a good idea or would even think that would have "Nobel Prize" written all over it. But after these people get transformed into humanoid sharks, they realize they can carve under and through streets like water. If I was a taxpayer, I would be pissed that these sharks were causing more constructions and ruining my commute to work. I would protest they be put to sleep at once! Anyway they realize they want to fight crime and ride motorcycles. That's basically it.......Wow.
Hammerman:
Believe it or not, this cartoon is about MC Hammer. This makes me laugh just thinking about it. In the cartoon he has magical shoes that not only help him bust a move in his famous hammer pants, but they also talk and help him fight crime. When he steps into the shoes, he magically sports an all black outfit with some bling. Thanks to these magic shoes, he is able summon musical notation to beat up bad guys and help him fly. I wish I was making this up.
Captian Simian and the Space Monkeys:
This is about a monkey that was thought lost by NASA but found by highly advanced extraterrestrial beings who decide to make him an intelligent space hero. He then commands a starship of his own monkey compadres who help him battle the evil of the universe. Thanks to him being a monkey and all, he is able to shoot guns with all four hands and give high fives with his feet. They appear to fight villians with the ability to shoot their brain and spinal cord out and attempt to strangle them. Human art and creativity at it's finest.  The Renaissance don't even match this artistic beauty.
In case you're asking yourself, "Gee wiz, what good cartoons did come out of t his era?" Allow me to list a few: Eek the Cat, Talespin, Duck Tales, Chip and Dale Rescue Ranger, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, X-men, Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Mighty Max, Darkwing Duck, Inspector Gadget, Swat Cats, He-man, Rocko's Modern Life, Ren and Stimpy, Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, Ahh, Real Monsters, and many many more I'm sure you can think of.
 I hope you enjoyed this 2 part series of attempts at humor. :)

I Can't Believe I Used to Watch That Crap! Part I

Can you remember when we were kids and the cartoons we used to watch? Don't get me wrong, many of the cartoons we used to watch still kick ass but many of them actually sucked in real life. Allow me to point these out to you.
Biker Mice From Mars:
When I was younger, I even knew this show was stupid. Its about 3 humanoid mice who escape Mars which has been taken over by hostile aliens. They come to Earth on motorcycles to defend it from the same aliens that took over Mars. Evidentally the giant mice are welcomed by Earth instead of shunned because of their smaller counterparts infamous title of being four-legged disease bags.
Captain Planet:I've rant ranted about captain planet before, but seriously, why did that cartoon stay on the air for so long? In case you're not familiar with the show, it's a tree hugger show. It features 5 kids who have the ability to summon a blue man with a green mullet to clean up trash and thwart evil doers who have the intentions of cutting down rain forests and polluting our waters. I wish I was kidding. Sure the intentions were good, but all I got out of it is that people from the Soviet Union like to pollute and hate everybody and trusting tacky blue men with green mullets might help you clean stuff you don't care about when your 6. If you're curious, I know for a fact there is parts of episodes on the myspace videos section, be prepared to be thoroughly unimpressed.
Free Willy: The Animated Series
It's bad enough they made a 3 part sequel of that lame movie, but they had to go the extra mile to make it an animated series. In this version, the whale can talk. The supervillian is a half robotic man bent on trapping whales and/or destroying them in a large submarine. Together, the whale and the boy make a great aquatic crime fighting team. I don't know how you can make episodes about a whale and a 10 year old boy fighting oceanic crimes. That's like the ultimate handicapped crime fighting duo.
Gargoyles:
I couldn't think of a worse concept than dinosaurs defending New York City. I know they are gargoyles and not quite dinosaurs, but really, thats all they are is dinosaurs with wings. I really don't see what made this show so damn popular for kids of my generation. Each episode was relatively the same. At night, they broke out of their stone and defeated petty thugs and some guy who wanted to destroy them repeatedly.
James Bond Jr:
This is about James Bond Senior's love child (one of many) who was lucky enough to be named after his dad (and know who is dad was) I actually watched this show. Thanks to this show, I learned to be a charming British womanizer with a crack team of people who weren't as good as me when it came down to it. This show was cheasy on so many levels. But to address one obvious one, he had to introduce himself at least once an episode as "Bond. James Bond (pause to hold for a effect) Junior. If I was a villian and Bond Jr. introduced himself my first thought would be "Damn it, one of Mr. Bond's illegitimate children finally went somewhere. I knew this day would come."
King Arthur and the Knights of Justice:
Sounds pretty normal right? The answer is no. In this show, the real King Arthur and his knights of the round table are captured. Merlin with his all-wise knowledge goes to the future and enlists a high school football team named the knights to bring them back in time and protect camelot. It's a full proof idea! Protecting a legendary city/castle with 17 year old arrogant assholes who know how to throw a ball and catch it while wearing a vast arsenal of padding. Nevermind you can go forward in time and enlist a historian who knows the tactics of the European kingdoms and military personnel from around the world. Yep, football automatically qualifies you to fight 14th century battles.
The Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series:
I'm not even sure where to start on this. It really blows my mind. This show features actual humanoid ducks from another dimension who play ice hockey. Somehow they get trapped on Earth and become a super hockey team there. They set up their headquarters in an old run down hockey ring where in their spare time, they fight the scum of the world. Their pads are equipped with all the things necessary to start World War III and win. The show sends a strong message that when you mess with ducks on skates, you will definitely pay the price.
Pokemon:I think just about everyone was guilty of watching this for a while. It's a Japanese cartoon where creatures known as pocketmonsters or pokemon for short, are captured in balls and used to fight other pokemon in competitions. The only words these pokemon could say were their own names. I remember going through school and having people wish with all their hearts that pokemon were real so they could battle people. We actually do have something similiar to this. They are called cockfights. Please refer to Mexico for all your cockfight needs.
Rocket Power:
This cartoon came around when the "extreme" age was starting. Where extreme sports were huge. This show follows 4 kids who love extreme. They are pretty much good at everything they pick up and pull off tricks that are beyond the laws of what we call physics. From skateboarding to rollerblading, they do it all while throwing in buzzwords like "radical" "gnarly" "bodacious" and other slang we didn't even consider cool at that age.
Super Mario World: The Animated SeriesDon't get me wrong, I loved Super Nintendo as much as the next guy. But not that much to have a cartoon made out of Super Mario World. Pretty ridiculous. Mario and Luigi were the start of the ultimate Italian stereotype. Eating pizza as often as they could while managing to save a princess that portrayed women as fragile and utterly helpless. This features lines like "Now the plan is complete and now nothing can stop me. Not even Mario!" Just then Mario busts through the wall on cue and does stop the complete unstoppalbe plan.
And finally, I have these last few to address into one category. I felt it would be unfair not to even though they aren't cartoons.
Big Bad Beetleborgs, VR Troopers, The Masked Rider, Super Human Samurai-Cyber Squad, Tattooed Teenage Alien Figters from Beverly Hills, (I didn't make that up) and of course, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers:Every single one of these are the same. Some divine force calls upon teenagers to dress in ridiculous plastic costumes and defend one city that happens to be plagued by monsters dressed in even more plastic costumes. Our heroes give us lessons in teamwork and what it means to use martial arts to defeat numerous enemies. Together they use vehicles that attach  to each other and form one hell of a piece of crap. This was used to defeat over-sized enemies at the end of each episode. Instead of using the piece of weaponry that ultimately killed it at the beginning, They waited until they took a real beating at the last second to use it. But alas, evil was punished until next week when the same costume appeared only with spikes! I remember most of these shows quite vividly. I'm sure you do too.
I went through a lot of research to find these cartoons again. Check out www.retrojunk.com to find what I did. It will jog your memory and make you wish you were in 1st grade again.
If I missed any, leave a comment and some of your own memories and views as I did. If not just leave a comment. I like hearing from you. I hope you enjoyed this. :)

The J.W Chronicles of Life

It's been a while since I've posted a life update blog. I usually try to post one at least once every month with the delusion that at least one of my subscribers and passerby readers care. ha ha. But I like to give the ol' update. Kind of helps me recap things.
It's been a busy couple of months for me. School hasn't been easy. Not hard because the work is bullshit. But getting up and staying motivated to actually do easy and demeaning work that dulls my motivation and steals my soul is the tricky part. It makes me worry about my own sense of motivation and where I want to go in life. If I have the right motivation to carry me through to my goals. It worries me. I feel like I'm not at college half the time. It doesn't even feel like college. Salt Lake Community College is like an extension of high school only you're old and should know better. It's not a bad school. It's done a lot of great things for me. But it's definitely time to move on after this semester to a bigger school. Will it solve my problems with motivation? Of course not. But I'll get to feel like I took a bigger step in the right direction. That doesn't make it necessarily right either. But it helps.
Aside from that, my job situation is looking up. So I will address a rumor right now. I'M NOT A WORKAHOLIC! I work 10 hours a week. Soon to be a whole 17 hours after I'm finished training at my new job. Currently I still work at radiology for the major IHC hospitals only Fridays and Saturdays. I recently got a new job doing EKG at the U of U Hospital. I'll be training for it the next couple of weeks but after that, I'll only work Sundays when needed. Which seems like it will be every sunday now since I learned they are shortstaffed. Fine by me really. Its a pretty hands on patient care job throughout the whole hospital. I see a lot of cool stuff and do a lot of cool stuff. Some of you knew that I was pushing for a wound care job at LDS Hospital. I was offered the job this morning and turned it down. Just as well too. They wanted me to work 8-4pm monday through friday every week. I can't do that while going to school. It's too much and not worth it. Though the patient care experience would be rewarding, it would be pointless since it wouldn't allow me to go to school often. Right now, I have my ambitions set on getting a job at either LDS Hospital ER or U of U Hospital ER as an EMT. I'm really pushing for the U since it has more stuff to do than LDS Hospital. But I'm aiming more to work on call or per diem there. That way I could work 3 jobs with low hours and days and have the hours all add up only to a part time job. That wouldn't be too bad at all since I know the circumstances with all those jobs. That way I could still go to school, gain valuable experience, move out soon, and pay for other crap. Best part is I could pick up more hours if I wanted during school breaks and what not.
I still want to be a doctor. But I fear my motivation isn't as strong as my spirit and good intentions. I really want to do it, and yet the road to get there seems so out of reach for me. I think that's what kills me. Is that the road seems like its too far out for me. But I guess I'll see if I can find the motivation to do this.
That's pretty much it. Aside from those things I just chill with my amigos, my girlfriend and write when I can. Nothing too exciting. Anyway thanks for reading and thank you to my subscribers for reading too. It means a lot that you subscribe. :)

The Poison That Drives

It's the ink that darkens the water. The acid in the rain. The fire that burns off misery. The force that blinds. The coldness that guides.
I'm talking about hate. I'm talking about bitterness. I'm talking about never letting go of grudges. I'm talking about never letting go of fears and paranoias. I'm talking about consuming insecurities. I'm talking about self-pity.
These are all the poisons that drive someone to take a life and maybe even take their own. These poisons destroy judgement and have the potential to destroy the lives of others. These poisons are enough to drive a person to live a life of cold words and even colder actions.
The misery of others compensates for their own misery. Their bitterness rationalizes unreasonable actions. Holding their grudges keeps them longing for closure. Fears and paranoias in large doses promotes as much arrogance as it does ignorance. Consuming insecurities pushes away even the closest of their friends. Self-pity fails to justify their isolation.
Their hate can lead to broken dreams and shattered lives. Becoming an entirely different person in such a short time. Turning to alcohol and drugs. Promoting violence as long as its justified to their own cause. Leading others to their same route to avoid feeling guilty. Creating friction where none was needed. Taking where there was nothing to be given. Looking for answers without asking questions. Stepping over lines and crossing boundaries. Testing the patience of others and running from themselves.
They can't let go. They can't forgive. They can't forget. Consuming themselves in a cycle that only they can end. Putting themselves in the spotlight of the chaos they created while tying the weights to their ankles. They'll sink until they can sink no further. Too prideful to ask for help and yet too consumed to help themselves.
Lies and deceit. Exaggerations and high emotions. Justifying their dying ideals. Smothering themselves with their unrealistic scenarios. Begging for attention only to push it away when recieved. Convincing others of their masks to be their real selves. Drink away the pain for it to be gone just for one day more. It's only casual. Not an addiction right?
We all have a little poison in our souls. It drive us to be better people. It sets our goals and standards. We must take these poisons ourselves for no one on earth is perfect. The right small amount gives us the drive and hope. 

For everyone else, it doesn't matter who or what they hate so passionately. Most of the time, they don't hate anything else more in the entire universe than themselves.

Sell Your soul and Get 50% Off Your Dignity!

As I was driving downtown today, I could see things I had not seen before. Like how many unecessary crosswalks there was that promoted heavy traffic rather than pedestrian safety. Or how the name of a large store like Dick's Sporting Goods almost raises an eyebrow if your mind is frequently in the gutter. Some thing's are obvious. Aside from the growing hobo population (most noticable outside of the downtown state liquor store) there is much more to comment on. For instance, our basketball center which hosts the Utah Jazz has underwent a new change. It changed from the Delta Center to the Energy Solutions Arena. How lame is that?! Before they changed the name, I never once associated that place with the airline company Delta or even had an urge to get on a Delta plane. But now that the Energy Solutions Arena is up, I've never had so many urges to get naked and make love to a tree. Suddenly I want to stop showering and drive a vehicle that doesn't choke mother nature. Occassionally I may want to stop by the arena to check out a basketball game or some large event that usually requires me to pay out the ass. With a name like Energy Solutions Arena, that makes our already unintimidating basketball team seem like a bunch of hippies. We are selling out our arena's and major sports centers. It's only a matter of time until countries, hospitals and schools feel the burn of selling out. I long for the day our country becames almost bankrupt and sells the rights to rename Iraq so they can make back the money spent on the war. I predict in 10 years, Iraq will be renamed "Verizon Wireless Field: In association with Direct TV." The sick thing is, this plan would probably be more than enough to put our country back on top economically. The might of the Euro currency will fall to devious politicians and the tourist industry will go through the roof! European countries will be flooded with Americans that only speak English because of the cheap online travel deals due to the dollars regained power.
In fact now that I think about it, our schools are already getting a head start on selling out. Albertsons Grocery Store actually has a very prestigious law school. It was formerly named after some rich dead guy. But Albertsons thought it would be a good time to get in on that law school craze and name a college after their company. "Albertsons Law School." Albertsons will eventually change their name to Supervalue Grocery Store. So will that change the name of the College too? Can you imagine explaining to your friends that you graduated from Supervalue Law School? Better yet, can you even explain that to an employer when they ask about your credentials? That will be fun. Medical schools are next. They will probably be named after companies that will produce irony. "Ronald McDonald's School of Medicine" Their mascot can be the Hamburglar dressed as a doctor with his labcoat pockets stuffed with hamburgers.
Selling out will one day be so mainstream it will become an accepted norm. With a trend like this taking place, frat boy owned businesses will be on the rise. For just $5.99 some jackass in a polo shirt will take a picture of you taking a crap. He will take a picture that will show the anguish you went through to push your bowels to it's extreme limits. Then with some basic photoshopping, sophisticated phrasing, and scotch tape you can hang the picture above the toilet of your choice with the semi-clever caption: "Never Forget What's Been Done Here." Marketing companies and entrepenuers will think this is "cool" and "hip" among the mainstream and buy the idea and make it into a conglomerate. The common moron will make obscene amounts of money from gullible marketers in search of a promotion. It will get so bad the living will envy the dead and the dead will hope for complete annihilation of Earthly existance.
It's times like these I wish I was a business major with talent of epic proportions in the field. I'd have my sticky little fingers in politics too. That way I could make myself above and beyond the law. Unless I did something publicly illegal. Luckily for me, selling people things they don't need isn't against the law yet. I would rake in money by lulling gullible celebrities into thinking I'm trustworthy by convincing them they NEED my product. That's just how I will get my start. Then I will work my way down the chain of people who don't deserve to be rich and profit off their stupidity. I would get so big that I would sell out to the government for the price of one Hawaiin island, 2 New Guinea tribes, the president's finest bottle of champagne, a cottage built out of bundles of cash, and a sum of cash with the largest number I could possibly concoct. I'll live like a king! Periodically I'll come out to criticize the government with an arrogant smirk on my face then go back into hiding for another decade or so.....Just to be an asshole. Ah, sigh, if only.......if only....
Anyway, Now that I've effectively wasted a few minutes of your life, I'm sure you're thinking "I want those minutes back!" Well too bad. But to help ease the sting, I offer you a mental imagery story that will postively depict what I have done with your life. Picture yourself holding an hour glass full of sand that represents your life. Now picture me wrestling that from you while cursing like an arabian sailor. Now picture me unscrewing the lid of your hourglass and grabbing a good sized handful of sand and putting it into my pocket while laughing like a villian from a movie from the 1950's. Now picture me walking away with a big smile on my face while you sit on the ground cuddling your hour glass. Did that help? If you haven't noticed by now there is no point to this blog other than my entertainment. Hope you enjoyed.

My Last Day at the Lab

This blog is brought to you by Kristen H. originally I wrote this to her for a mailbox. She requested a "witticism" so she could read something when she was able to check her myspace again. When I finished it, I realized the length and structure of what I had written was blog material. So I have copied and pasted it to this blog so everyone can attempt to enjoy. Hopefully this writing lives up to her expectations. :)
Yesterday was my last day in the lab. It wasn't until later that day that they had changed it to my last one there. I was ecstatic. To celebrate, I rumaged through the labcoats in search of a new one that would make me appear as though I were going out in style.
Success was achieved! Perfection in an odd sense. I found a chef's coat that read "Heritage Gardens Catering." I had worn this coat before but it was taken from me by authority figures. It had to have been fate that brought me back to this wonderful piece of cloth that was carelessly mixed up in our company laundry service. I put it on and it fit perfectly. I could go as far as to say that it was made for me!
It was a rather slow day and I decided that it was time for me to strut around one last time as if I owned the place. I got myself a nice cup of hot chocolate and decided to drink it in the lab itself. That is a violation on so many levels. And yet the only thing that could be achieved for such a violation would be to fire me. The odds were stacked in my favor. Fate smiled upon me.
As I sat back in my chef's coat, smuggly sipping my hot chocolate, reminiscing about my past experiences there, I realized that day was truly made for me. But then the ogres of management decided to walk in and check on my progress. My happiness was in severe jeopardy. But alas it was much too late for me to do anything. They demanded I take off the chef's coat. Corporate jargon slandered my good name. (unprofressional, inappropriate, not suitable, and yes even incompetent) The coat was taken from me and I was helpless. I wondered if I had maybe had the chef's  hat maybe things would have been different. Maybe they would have thought it funny and let me go on the count of it being my last day. No such luck on my part. They may have stole a piece of my dignity but they didn't steal my spirit. I managed to hide the hot chocolate behind a computer. After the ogres were out of sight, I enjoyed my hot chocolate thoroughly. It seemed to taste sweeter knowing that I had gotten away with it.
The day came to an uneventful end and I believe a smile crept across my face as I left a note on the whiteboard that said "Johnny was here, Johnny was there, Johnny was everywhere. I'm watching you!"
Alta View Hospital will never be the same again.

Mistakes Aren't the Same as Weaknesses

It's interesting how I have felt this week. It's the beginning of a new semester and I've never felt so charged to just get it over with. I think a sense of responsibility is overcoming me that I have only rarely felt. Not that I'm irresponsible, but I suppose it's in a different sense that I feel like I'm taking control of an aspect of my life. My future.
My classes are simple this semester. They are just ridiculously pointless and full of busy work. It doesn't worry me so much. I know I can do it. I just want to get it over with so I can go to the U and start working on something I actually want to do. More than ever do I realize what that is.
My sister had taken 2 trips in a row to the emergency room this week. Just out of no where she had trouble breathing. Her skin got puffy and she had severe abdominal pain. Her mental status changed. I was the first one to notice when I walked into her room when I heard her breathing heavily. She was panicked and scared. I sat her up and so she could breathe better and got my dad. We both didn't know what was wrong. The only thing we could think of was an allergic reaction to the muscle relaxer she took after she injured her leg swimming on her high school swim team. There wasn't much I could do. I used all the skills I had as an EMT I could remember. When it comes down to it, the skills you learn aren't a lot if you're just basic trained. My dad thought it was nothing and that we could take care of it, but I insisted on the going to the ER. I convinced him and we left to Alta View Hospital. The doctor didn't know what was wrong because the allergic reaction seemed unlikely by that point. We thought it was something viral. My sister was tough. She stayed in the hospital for 9 hours. The doctors had no idea what was wrong, but they knew enough to get her stable and she was fine. The next day, she had a reaction again without the use of medicine. We went to the ER again and they still had no idea. At first they thought meningitis but that was ruled out. They just gave her some drugs and she recovered quickly. She's fine now. But I remember how scared I was watching my sister on a hospital bed shake and jolt involuntarily while struggling to breathe. I was so scared. I was scared because there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless in my abilities to help. It was much like the time I volunteered at Pioneer Valley Hospital as an EMT. I felt so limited in my abilities to help. It's worse feeling helpless when it's your own family. There was nothing I could do, and incidentally there was no diagnosis for what had happened. Even though the treatments worked, the worst-case scenarios ran through my head. I wanted to do everything I could to help. But there wasn't a damn thing I could have done with what I knew. It was nice to know that I knew most of the staff at the hospital so they tried extra hard knowing it was my sister. But there was a few things that weren't done both visits. It's even harder to see people treat someone when you have an idea on how things are supposed to go. I had never been so inspired in my life to be a doctor. I wanted to know what was happening. An idea. Anything. Most of all, I just wanted to help.
It's my personal resolve to become a doctor. I don't care if to some people that seems unrealistic for me or not. Whatever I become, I want to become someone that's capable of helping others. I want to be the best. I want sincerely want to do this because I care. I may not have all the answers, but I feel like I can at least live knowing that I did everything I could the best I knew how.
And that is the life update from me.
The first blog of 2007 from me.
And my 50th blog entry. Crazy ay?

The Last Blog of 2006

At long last we have reached the end of 2006. In celebration, many of you are planning on getting so wasted that the average Irish drunk would seem like a pansy. Some of you are planning on watching other people have fun on tv at big city parades and Times Square. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I'm one of the saps that got suckered into coming into work early. As of such, I have very little else to do but reflect upon the year that was a blur to me.
Everything seemed to happen all at once. I vaguely remember celebrating the coming of this year. Jeff, RJ and I drove around looking for a party only to be demoted to lighting our illegal fireworks at some girls house. A cameo appearance was made by Matt. After that I remember the Belgium Waffle in and thoughts of stealing Brennon's hot tub for the night. (Don't worry Brennon, Jeff and I were too tired and cold to go through with it) After that, the year rolled in slowly. I purchased my VW bus 5 days later and drove it with pride. My hair was shaggy and music was something I thought I could still do for a living. I hated my dietary job more and more as days went. I struggled to get over a red-headed girl whom I knew it could have never worked with in the first place. I was torn knowing my feelings were wasted and my strength to have done something about it earlier was flawed. I would feel this way for months till I left my old job. I started to hang out with my oldest friend Kyle for a bit. I got drunk for the first time at his house on January, Friday the 13th. (creepy that I still remember) From there, I continued on with my college Spring semester. It was probably my best semester to date. I remember parties at Jared's and adventures with Lincoln. I remember RJ's retrun to Utah. I remember girls that came and went. I broke hearts without meaning to and in turn, feeling almost as bad as they did. Maddie came and stayed and saw the mess that is Utah. I remember applying for job after job, interview after interview with hopeless results. Day after day, hating my job and the people in charge of it. I remember how big Local was to me. Giving me a place to go, giving me something to do. Giving me the opportunity to meet new people and hear new music. The memories there were endless. I remember the end of Spring and the inevitable fading of Kyle again. A random adventure to Evanston directly after work with Jeff and Ian. A stop for fireworks and another stop for cloves. I remember the summer with a boys night out that was unforgettable. Minus Jeffrey. Booze, pictures, non-homosexual nudity, the famous "Dr. Phil" speech, and guns. Surely a night to remember with Matt, RJ, Joe, Brennon and Gerald. Another addition to the Warped Tour memories. Farmers tans and burns. And my heat sickness and peeing on a building at Subway. I'll never forget the day I exploded at my boss for being such an arrogant, low-life retard. I'll never forget my anger and hate. I'll always be thankful that the day after that, I got a new job. I remember my last day there. Joel and David. The final Dude Crew. I know that there is a few I will still miss, but I'm glad I'm gone. I vividly remember the party for it. Rj's engagement. "It." The last adventure with my bus, and more drunken phonecalls. I remember nights standing on top of my favorite point, wondering when I would find a girl, when it would get better, would I become anything? I loved the many nights in front of my house when Jeff and I would sit out in his car and talk about everything for hours. It didn't matter how many times a week or how many hours we did this. We always had something to talk about. Something to think about. I remember Allred and John's advice and the final closing of Local. I unfortunately remember the underage drinking ticket and the events that led to it. I remember puking then passing out in Jeff's backseat while Kevin took pictures. (bastard) I remember the BBQ at my house and the adventure after to look at "devil worshippers." Autumn was freaked out and the majority of us grew tired of the antics. I remember the start of my EMT class and the hope it brought. I remember meeting Nicole for the 3rd time. My new job was more stressful then I had hoped and Douchebag only made it worse. I remember a trip to Belgium Waffle in and a city made entirely of condiments and cups. That was one of the days that inspired Good Thursday. And somehow during all this Nicole was the girl that restored my trust in another girl after 3 years of dodging that. She became the girl I've always wanted but thought impossible to have. She came along and showed me that anything is possible. I remember a laid back Halloween and an opportunity for another new job, this time in radiology. I hated the rough start of November and celebrated my 20th birthday being sick beyond reason. Kevin bought me Wendy's with a vague hope of seeing me vomit it back up. (sick bastard) I freshly remember the end of finals and the beginning of Hot Tub Sunday with Brennon.

This is a very fullfilling year as opposed to 2005. Which was pretty much a time of graduating high school, trying to figure out self, and dodging relationships. I hope all of you noticed what made this year. It was you. The people reading. The people who were indirectly and directly involved with all this. This has probably been one of my better years. I hope that 2006 was just as rewarding for you as it was for me, despite the hard times. I've learned a lot this year. Not only about myself, but about life in general. How to deal with things. A better view of what I truly want out of my life, such a view I've been questioning for quite some time.
It is in my sincerest hope that this coming year of 2007 brings us all the great memories and happiness we hope every year can bring. I hope that what we learn this year we can carry with us the next. I hope the memories we gain will be the ones we can look back on and maybe one day share with our children and other close friends. In short...
Happy New Year!

Run, Jump, Steal, Kick, and Lie......... Oh, Merry Christmas by the Way

Ah, yes it's definitely Christmas time. The most magical time of the year where ripping people off and driving like Jesus is coming to town is seen as "Jolly" and "Festive" and my favorite "Merry." I don't think I've seen so many people act like a pack of psychotic backstabbing children during any other time of the year than this one. I see people cut off others driving and in long shopping lines. I see people actually physically playing tug-o-war over a gift. I think the best is when people speak in code to people they don't know. When someone says Merry Christmas without a smile to a stranger in a hostile shopping environment, you can bet that's code for: "I hope you get stabbed in the face with an icecicle." Saying Merry Christmas with an unconvincing smile to a stranger usually means "I hope you get anally raped by someone with an unidentifiable STD" Saying Merry Christmas to someone you kind of know pretty much means "I hope a very unhappy individual shits under your Christmas tree this year."
And somehow with these generally hostile thoughts emerges a group of people who actually do wish you a Merry Christmas. It's hard to find those kinds of people. I know I'm personally not one of those people. Everytime a soccer-mom minivan cuts me off on the way to a shoppting structure of some sort, I get an usual urge to committ petty crimes and eat at Taco Bell. It's hard to stay happy during a time of year when everyone is supposed to care but no one really does. The only things that are crossing peoples minds are usually stressful thoughts like "I hope I get that gift in time." "I hate shopping" "I'm low on money" and occassionally (if you're a male) "I think that girl ringing me up for my gifts is hitting on me"
Sure Christmas day is good and all, but why is everyone buying gifts? Mostly out of sheer tradition and obligation. You're supposed to buy presents for people you care about. But often times you find yourself buying too many gifts for people you kind of know and your much hated boss. Or even better, you're buying gifts for that awkward person who bought you a gift but you didn't have any intention of buying them a gift in the first place so now you're scrambling to buy them a gift so you don't seem like an asshole. Oh what a wonderful time of the year. Feeling obligation and financial trouble all for 2 hours maximum of opening presents in one day. But it doesn't stop there. You get to go to all the unpleasant shopping structures again to return poorly thought out gifts to buy ones that better suit your tastes.The cycle doesnt end for another 5 days. Finally when that's all over, you realize "Wow, I spent a crap load of money and all I have to show for it is 2 packages of socks, underwear that doesn't fit me and a 4 macoroni noodle portraits my best friends made me." Of course every year you hope that next Christmas is better and people won't be so stupid. But like a virus, it gets worse every year as we slowly come to realize an asshole is born every minute and they too will someday contribute to the holiday madness.
As it turns out, Christmas isn't so bad if keep you're head high and enjoy what the season is really about. Not that it's for me to decide. Hallmark and years of marketing and commercialism seems to do decide that for me anyway. I'm a cheap bi-product of low prices and inferior knowledge of knowing when I'm getting ripped off or not.
On that note, have a Merry Christmas....................Really.
:)

Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Batman!

As I was sitting in my car of a dirty parking garage, I somehow got thinking about Batman and his unorthodox way of fighting crime. The first thing that struck me was that Batman only fights crime at night. Except for in the original Batman with Adam West. That was great. But in the Batman movies and cartoons, he is only out at night.
Now I understand he is Bruce Wayne,billionaire extraordinaire and he has a day job to hold because crime fighting just isn't as cheap as it used to be. But in all the movies and cartoons, crime seems to be relatively calm until it turns dark. Then the crime breaks out. Petty thugs elude the police constantly..........Then Batman appears out of the shadows and kicks some ass! Yay for Batman!
But don't you think that at least one criminal would have seen that Batman only fights crime at night? It would be so much easier to committ crimes during the day since Batman doesn't exist during those kinds of hours. They don't know he is yuppy scumbag Bruce Wayne during the day just trying to make a few more dollars to buy Bat-shaped crime fighting devices. Logically, if these crooks can elude police at night, they can do it just as easily during the day since Gothams police force appears to be relatively incompetent without the help of Batman. Crime would be so successful in Gotham that it would be ridiculous.
However, somewhere along the way, Robin gets introduced into the crime-fighting area and fights with Batman at night. Now, I'm not a crazy hobby-less birdwatching fanatic. But I'm 99.9% sure that robins are not nocturnal birds. And I'm positive that most bats are nocturnal. To have a superhero named Robin fighting crime at night is completely ludicrous. That is a lot like having a superhero being named "Polar Bear Man" that fights monsters in the liquid magma core of the earth. It's just that silly. But I have an idea that can revolutionize the way Gotham experiences and fights crime.
This idea is much like something you would see at a real job. Shifts, if you will. Robin, who is not a nocturnal bird, can fight crime during the day. This prevents criminals from seeing a pattern. They'll know their place during the day. Once the night comes along, Batman can come relieve Robin of his crime fighting duties and take the night shift. At that point, Robin can be on call for any serious ass kicking that Batman may need help with. Robin can carry a pager or something.
Batman would never be on call. Not unless it was the Joker anally raping one of Batman's good friends on top of a 2 story buidling in broad daylight. But it has to be extremely emergent or personal for Bruce Wayne to get to the batcave to change into his costume. This will serve as the only shift change in superhero history. Except for those lame superhero crossover episodes. Those don't count. The idea is flawless. You can fear the bird of the day and bat of the night. There's no winning situation. Plus this gives Robin a real chance to shine in his ass-kicking abilities.
Wow, I should probably take on a 3rd job or something. I'm starting to think I have too much free time.

For The Ones That Have Fallen Behind

A very interesting point came across to me today as I read an old friend's blog about her life back home. And that point is never forgetting your old friend's.
I know I have addressed this before but on a more vague level. I'm kind of inspired to write about this topic since I've had time to think about it. I normally try not to write 3 blogs in one month since I'm sure the people who read these get tired of reading my crap. But I think this is something that should be important to all of us
Just because someone's life is no longer impacting it now doesn't mean they didn't impact it before and make a piece of you who you are. True, some friends do come and go. But as I thought about this, I started thinking about the friends that have gone out of my life. Some for good. Some linger and make cameo appearances in my life. I thought about these people and what they brought me. All of them gave me a special piece of their personality and lives that helped make me who I am. A lot of the friends I grew up with (with the exception of one) have gone on to things that ruined their lives like alcohol, drugs, crime. All of them seized to make a difference in my life by sophomore year because of these choices. On the inside it disappoints me, but I can't run away from the fact of how much they have meant to me in the past. The times they were there for me. The times we laughed. The times we got in trouble. All the times that made being young all it was supposed to be and more. Some taught me to stick up for myself. Others taught me trust. Others taught me to laugh at myself. Some taught me that loyalty can mean everything when you have nobody else. And to me, that brings up the biggest point as to what it means to be a true friend. It's not always about being self consumed in making your life this giant party to create the illusion it was worth living. It's about making yourself worth knowing. It's about making an impact on others whether you know it or not. I think some of the biggest memories we all have are the ones of the people who were there for us. The people who loved us. The people who broke our hearts. The people closest to us. We tend to forget about people of the past because they are no longer impacting our lives with little thought as to how much they taught us and how much they meant to us.
There are some people who run away from themselves to try to get away from their problems without any answers in reach. We have all been guilty of this at one point or another. But when it comes down to it, in the end, sometimes all we have is who we are. And who we are is largely dependant on our acceptance. Not only of who we are, but of other people. How we accept adversity, forgiveness, and problems with no easy answers. We all know that change in ourselves is inevitable. We move. We love. We hate. We regret. And eventually we die. No amount of moving can leave behind who we are. No amount of experiences can make us forget our foundation of our true being. No amount of time can kill who we truly want to be in life. Like I said, in the end, all we have is ourselves sometimes. But just because a piece of us changes doesn't mean our foundation by which we have lived and based our lives has changed completely. Ideally, we live on a base or foundation of good will and potential. When you get down to the core you can find that in your nature. I think staying who you are and true to yourself is what makes a person worth knowing.
We all put up fronts to protect ourselves from manipulation and rejection. But those fronts are only good for so long if used constantly. I hope that many of you are true to yourselves and don't forget who you are and who made you that way. I hope that many of you have made a difference in others lives, as many of you have done for me. I hope that many of you live life being worth knowing not just worth seeing. I hope no matter where you go in life, you never lose the ability to impact another's life for the better.
Thank you for reading.

Tomfoolery I say! TOMFOOLERY!

Why hello there little boy/girl. I'm sure you are reading this because you are curious as to what I will write next. Oh yes you are. You are a curious one.
Well it's the ol' life update blog. And I'm sure that many of you will be clicking the back button or the "home" button on your browser to avoid reading this. ha ha. But it's ok. I'm not going to try to be too deep on this one.
Life lately has been treating me pretty well. I feel as I am stepping towards my second decade of life (5 days from today, woot) I'm getting a better idea of who I am, who my true friends are, my real priorities and what I want out of my life. So far, I've had it pretty good. I have an amazing girlfriend for the first time in nearly 3 years. I bet many of you didn't see that coming since I'm so damn picky. But she was worth the 3 years holding out. :) I've also got a new job which literally was tossed in my lap. My parents are good friends with a radiologist who told them that I should apply for the job and they would hold the spot open for me until they determine if they like me. I wasn't even looking for a new job. My parents just told me one day that I have an interview and should go. I'm now a Radiology Facilitator. It's a pretty cool job where I work with radiology doctors directly and help them manage their workflow. I preview the images before hand and make sure they are set up correctly before the doctor views them, I answer all their pages and calls and answer quite a bit of questions for them. And it's multiple doctors too. Before I got the job they paid me to shadow twice to make sure everyone liked and if I could do the work. The doctors liked me a lot and so did the staff so they offered me the job. It's pretty small hours so far, but the pay is incredible. I start off at 15.34 an hour. Now that's pretty sweet. But I only work 2 days a week so far, so I'm still going to work at Alta View lab until they can offer me more hours. I'm super stoked about the job. If I feel like I can make it through med school, this would really benefit me so I could gain recommendations from some of the biggest names in radiology in the state of Utah. That would be good. School has been going really well for me too. I'm nearly done with my EMT course. Which is good because it's starting to wear on me a little. I'm nervous for all the testing that I hav for the next week and a half. I hope I pass. Last night I volunteered as an EMT for my course at Pioneer Valley Hospital. It was probably one of the coolest things I've done in a while. It was real hands on patient care. I was doing anything from taking vitals, to prepping IV's for the doctors and nurses. I helped a ton of people and saw some crazy things. More than ever am I inspired to do healthcare. But I think I want to go beyond paramedic now. I'm thinking a doctor for sure now. As just an EMT basic, I felt very limited as to what I could do to help people. It kind of bummed me out. I want to be able to do everything I could to help these people. I saw attempted suicides, I saw assault victims, I saw dying cancer patients. I saw everything. I wanted to be able to do more to help people I didn't even know. I just knew I wanted to have the ability to help them feel better. To have a sense of trust that people put into a doctor in their time of need. I know it sounds corny and lame. But I really feel like now that I can do this. I want to be a doctor so I can use my abilities to the fullest to help others. What kind of doctor? Not sure. I'm thinking an ER doctor. But who knows. With my radiology job, I will be pretty hands on with the technology and work of a radiologist. I may want to be a radiologist. But who knows. The only thing I know, is that I think I've come to a pretty firm decision that med school is the way I want to go. It's a long road ahead of me. But more than ever I feel like that with the right amount of patience and some help on the side, that I can do it.
The only thing that is troubling me is my financial situation since I owe a lot of money to my parents, and school not to mention. I'm in a pretty tight spot with money. I'm hoping that I can work most of December to catch up on my debt and maybe come close to breaking even. Aside from that is my paranoid side. Things have been going well the last couple of months, but yet, I can't help but wonder, when is the axe going to drop? When is everything just going to suddenly turn shitty and make me stressed beyond all reason? What goes up must come down. That's scary to me. This is really the first winter in years where I don't feel alone and scared of my future. I just don't want that to be ripped away from me because everything suddenly becomes unbalanced. But I am hopeful that maybe things won't be so bad. Sure, I will have some hard times ahead of me, and I'm surely not invincible. But I'm feeling a little more charged to take on life.


For once, I'm not afraid and clouded by my stress.
For once, I feel like I'm not so lost. :)

Let's Revise the Food Pyramid and Society

So after recieving about 4 hours of sleep last night and fighting my way through an 8 hour day at work, I figured that now would be as good of time as any to attempt to write a humorous blog. It's been a while since I've made such an attempt.
So what is today's topic you ask? I'm sure the suspsense in attempting to decipher my title on first impression is fairly intense. Hold your breath no longer my witless chums. Today I will be addressing two subjects. 1. how they should revise the way they advertise food and 2. the utterly ridiculous ideas of a good relationship.
So this was partially inspired by my friend Kevin who's rants about the near crippling diaherria effects of Taco Bell changed the way I looked at fast food. Fast food chains should adopt a system, by which the naming of their product should be REQUIRED to reflect on the effects the product will have on your stomach and colon. And to make it even more interesting, they should also have names that hint of current events.
Lost?
Understandable. But that's why I'm here to put you back on track with these lovely examples.
I'll pick on Taco Bell for a couple of examples because its just so easy and convenient. Examples of products that would accurately reflect on your colon while staying to current events would be:
The Jihad Burrito
Tax Inflation Double Decker Out the Esophogus
The Improvised Explosive Device Beef Gordita (Now with meat!)
The Economy Slump Taco
Appetizing ay? You bet your ass it is. But lets not limit ourselves to Taco Bell. I will go over a variety of products that you would relate to.
Martyr Muffins
Quarter Pound Obesity Burger
Iraqi Revolt Nuggets
Rapid Immigration Sandwich
Tank Stopping Dairy Delight
Prisoner Pita Bread

Wouldn't this be a little more fair to all of us if we knew what was going to happen the second that stuff hit our stomachs? At least once in our lives, we have consumed a product of a fast food origin, that has made us pray for a swift death in our sleep. But with my proposed system, we can educate the ignorant and obese American public at large about current events, but while maintaining honesty that you will be in a world of shit later (no pun intended)
Now for my second topic. Ludicrous relationship ideas. I can't stress this enough about how much crazy crap I see going on in this state of Utah. I would say that about 45% of my graduating class is already married or engaged. And that's surprisingly accurate. Utah has the highest rate of young married couples. It is estimated that by age 23, 60% of the people you graduated with will already be married and will likely have been married for 1 year to 2 years. I read this in the SLC Tribune the other day (If I could have found the article about it, I would have posted it.) What kind of maniac wants to get married before they can legally drink? Even worse, get married before you can legally by cigarettes(19 in case you didn't know)
Yeah get that idea out of your head. That's the devil. That and really sappy and posed out pictures of yourself and significant other on myspace and other websites the public can view them. Stop that. It makes me want to eat Taco Bell just so I have a reason to throw up. And don't get me started about the insane idea that true and passionate love can exist in under one day. Nothing says "I believe in fortune cookies, horoscopes, chain letters and the tooth fairy" quite like you goobers who believe that idea. Stop that too. That's bad. Thats right, I'm posing my opinions as facts :)


(subliminal message)
*subscribe*

Hold On For Just a Moment

The past month or so has given me a lot of time to think about my life. What I've done with it, what I want out of it, what I'll do to make a difference etc. My life has had it's moments and memories. I don't think it was up until the past 4 years I've really been trying to live out my life the best I can. I've tried living my life to what I feel is the fullest. I've made great friends, many have faded, and a few remain. I've played in a band for years before. That's something some people only daydream about. I used to work at a music store and help run the live music events that went on there. I've been to Italy (and I plan to keep traveling) I've had the craziest stories and adventures to tell. I played a variety of sports when I was younger. I was active in theatre and won best director for a play my senior year. I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I've tried my best to brighten the days of others. I've inspired laughs. I've given my feelings to others. (even to those who didn't deserve them) I don't care what other people think of me. I've done my best to be a good person.
And yet with all the adventures and fun, I've had my share downfalls and broken hopes. I've had my heart broken and I've broken hearts. I've seen and told stories I wish I never have. I've done things that were selfish and undeserving. I've cried my tears and disappointed many.
I'm not perfect. Nor am I unhappy. I don't live with regrets. Not to say that I ignore them. But they are an unnecessary burden to carry through life. You can't change what's been done. But at the same time, my most disappointing, embarassing, and worst mistakes are what made me who I am. I've learned from all of them. Some of those mistakes I haven't learned enough from. Because I've repeated a couple. Granted, if I somehow had the chance to change a couple of things I might consider. But maybe I wouldn't have had the life I've lived now. There are just some things worth letting go.
But what is not worth letting go? What moments in life do we cherish most? That varies person to person obviously. I think that a lot of people forget to live their life. Sad but true. If you feel like you don't have time, then you're the only one stopping yourself. There is so much I want to do with my life. Though I question my capabilities to get there. No, I don't lack the confidence. Maybe the right direction and ambition. I think my greatest dream would be to become a successful writer. I question if I have the talent to do so. Right now my ambition is the medical field. Current goal is paramedic. That feels a little more realistic to me. I've always wanted to do something medical. I hope I make it someday.
As I've looked back on the past little bit of my life, I often wonder, "Will I be remembered years from now? What have I done to touch peoples lives? Have I made a difference just by simply being me? Have I made myself a person worth knowing?" I hope there is positive answers to all of those questions. No, I'm not having some sort of life or identity crisis. No I'm not having some sort of self esteem issue. Or as one person would call it "the quarter life crisis." I'm not unhappy. This is probably been the best part of my life so far. I feel as though I'm living it up the best I can right now. As if I am living it up the best I can. I just feel like I'm at this point in my life, where if I haven't made a difference or a positive impression, now would be a great time to start. While I'm young and still have energy. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to make people happy. I want to help. I want to feel like I'm a person worth knowing. Like if I were to pass away early, I want be remembered positively and I want be immortalized by the stories of the life I led. I want to make sure that I was worth knowing and my life was worth living. A life well remembered.
I apologize if any of this sounds pompous or lame. Though it feels good to get off my chest. I would like to end by thanking everyone who has supported me recently. People who really have supported my writing, my goals and ambitions. People of the past who have had the impact and memories. Thank you all.
Now I must stop writing. For I am very thirsty and will require a beverage of some kind to quench my thirst. :)

Damn the Cold and the Horse (or bus) It Rode in On

It's been a little over a month since I've written a blog of any kind. And I'm sure many of you were wondering, just how the hell I'm doing. That's right. I'm just that self-centered to think that everyone simultaneously cares about my existence at any give time. ha ha.
October has always been one of my favorite months. The way the colors change and the faint sound of rustling leaves blowing in the wind. Little things like that make it worth while for some reason. What I like most about October is the holiday of Halloween. It's the most festive time of the year I think. You're not buying into the commercialist bullshit. Though there is some, just like every holiday. I like how just for the month of October, we can all live in a fictional world of death and actually enjoy it. ha ha. Ok, maybe that sounds morbid. But what I'm trying to say is that, Halloween is meant to be fun for everyone. No one is out trying to buy presents. No one is trying to go on a hassle of a vacation. No one is out trying to kill each other. It's the one day of the year where kids and adults alike can dress in ridiculous costumes and not get the police called on them. 10 year old boys are running around in costumes that serial killers and serial rapists envy. Whereas girls and women of all ages dress in costumes that put the skankiest hookers to shame. It's the one magical day of the year where dressing like a drunken wreck or a very incompetent blood covered surgeon, is considered fun. The decorations and mood are perfect. It's the one day of the year, where it is perfectly legal to be a complete jackass in the comfort of the public eye whether you're with the traditional Halloween spirit or not.
Anyway, enough on my random thoughts on October.
Lately, life has actually been good for the most part. But once again, I have fallen back to the clutches of debt. Mostly because of the ridiculous amounts of money I spent repairing my van. Most of the money I saved for the summer has all gone towards keeping my van up to speed even though it's still having problems. Debt, is temporary. I'm not worried so much, because I know I can pull out of it with some time. My goal lately is to transfer to the U for good. I've been talking with counselors and getting ready to make the jump to a bit more of an advanced college setting. I'm thinking about a career in emergency medicine nowadays. I'm thinking I want to go into paramedics for a while and see how I like that. If all goes well, I'm thinking of applying to med school after that. But thats much too far for me to think about right now. I also may have a shot at getting a job that will pay me 5 dollar more than I make now. I would be working closely with radiology physicians and helping coordinate patient schedules and patient care. I hope it works out. The job I have currently is boring me to death. It beats the hell out of my last job. But medical laboratory science doesn't interest me. Plus I have to work with one hell of a douchebag of a co-worker who makes my life hell. It's only one day a week, but it's still a pain in the ass dealing with a man who has no respect for anyone but himself.
Aside from that, I feel as though things are starting to get better for me as time goes on. This is probably the first Fall/pre-winter season in years where I don't feel as though I'm walking alone. For once, I'm relatively happy during this time of year, the time of year I usually dred the most. My friends haven't disappeared and I see them often. I've met some worth while people lately too that help make my life better. There is little tension between myself and my family anymore. I can only hope that this maintains. It's been a while since I've felt this happy.
Hope all is well on your end of the screen. :)

There's A Good Reason Why You Don't Understand...

And it's because you don't pay attention.
For a while, I have been perplexed by the way some people function in "relationships." People who have been living as single individuals are generally just as lost. Single people see relationships like zoos from the looking glass. It always seems like something is wrong or someone is unhappy etc. Always seeing the surface as either ridiculously happy or Satan-borne shitty. People already in relationships are looking at them like a sports game on tv. Competitively judging other couples abilities to "communicate" and "love" and all that crap they tend to say. After a double-date you can usually observe couples talking about how horrible the other couples relationship must be since its nothing like their own. On some rare occasions you find couples looking up to other couples due to their own relationship growing old or falling apart. I think the funniest is when multiple couples get together and talk about being a couple while doing "couples" activities. Doesn't that seem redundant to anyone?
Recently, it has come to my attention about how some people function in relationships. Not only because most of my friends are in one, but because I'm tired of hearing single lonely people bitch about how they don't understand why they can't get into a relationship. I have composed a few groups of different people and the relationships they tend to be in. Keep in mind that its a pretty wide stretch for all the groups since its fairly impossible without the proper resources to go in depth and find different groups. Likewise, I would like to point I have not based any of these groups on anyone close to me since there is more than 2 people in a relationship right now, believe it or not. You just may happen to fit in a certain group.
1. This is something that I see a lot. People who jump to relationships quickly. Which isn't always necessarily a bad thing. But typically the people I find doing this are people who have multiple relationships in a period of time. Generally those are the people who are quite dependant on others. They tend to base their self-worth and security on whether or not someone is at their side. They tend to be clingy and attached quickly which in turn, is usually the cause of the demise of their relationship. Too much, too fast. For the most part, these are people with good intentions and all the loyalty in the world to offer. Usually impulsive and runs hot on the emotional side. They tend to not know how to protect themselves from heartbreak and rely very heavily on friends and their current relationship for support. Be warned, it could be your most loving and loyal relationship, or it could be your soap opera disaster.
2. This is the one that single people see the most. The people in long-term relationships. The one with all the fights and all the happiness. All the stories. All the drama. The side-taking. Sometimes crying. The occasional heartbreaks. Everything that even the loneliest person longs for. People who are in long-term relationships have what it takes to keep things going. Sometimes its love. Sometimes its infactuation. Sometimes it's the social benefit's of having a relationship. The people who are in these relationships are generally happy despite the fights that you tend to hear about more than the happiness. Which is common in relationships to concentrate on the negative since very few people want to hear you brag all the time about how happy you are. Some find themselves wishing to be single. It's strange how when you're the most unavailable is when people want you to be the most available. Often times, they never go through with it. Breaking something that has lasted a long time is something that is a very hard to do. Both sides feel lost without one another in most cases. Breaking that regularity of having someone there. Of course in some cases, long-term relationships end. I tend see to see that the people who are in longterm relationships, are the people who weren't looking that hard for one in the first place. Life has a tendency to spring you surprises at the moments you least suspect.
3. There is a group I will kind of mash together since they kind of go together. The people with committal issues and ridiculously high standards. People with committal issues are the ones that can get pretty far with a person (not just sexually) then get scared and back off. I've found generally it's because of negative past experiences. The other thing I find is because they have an intense fear of being hurt and its not based on past experience. Outside people see them as "players" or "heartbreakers." Some lame high school title of that sort. It's in my opinion that they don't mean to hurt the people they do. Very few individuals are that mean where they break hearts for sport. They typically withdraw to protect themselves from getting too close. Putting them in range to hurt themselves or the other person more.
People with high standards are relatively in the same boat. Looking for perfection where they will never find it. Looking to win the first try so they don't have to try again. So they never have to be hurt. Being so protective of themselves that their goals of finding that perfect someone become unrealistic. Generally, their high standards are based off of bad experiences. Taking little or no chances. Finding flaws before good. From what I see when these people eventually get in relationships, there is usually trust issues in the beginning. Sometimes it crashes and burns quickly. But most of the time, after the hardship is said and done, I've seen the most heartwarming and fullfilling of relationships.
Like I said, this is a wide base and not everyone is like this. So don't send me hateful comments on how I'm wrong. Some of this is based off my own experiences, personal and observable. So for you single people who bitch a lot, it could be worse and be patient. I hope that I have put some things in perspective for those in and out of the looking glass. So for those that are offended still by this point, realize I did not base this off of you and I'm probably not right. I'm just saying things the way I see it. Also realize, that I have not been committed to anything remotely serious in nearly 2 years. So I'm a little rusty when it comes to these kinds of things. The purpose of posting all this was in a vague hope that this would get people to pay more attention to their surroundings. The quirks, body language and subconscious behaviors we tend to overlook. Asking questions of what we don't understand immediately rather than putting forth a little effort to find the answers ourselves. I believe that paying just a little attention can go a long way. Not only to your surroundings, but to yourself as well. Taking a step back to put things into perspective.

Granted, If I said any of this while in a serious relationship, it would probably mean uncomfortable couchtown for me. Or a permanent camping trip in the van. Worst-case scenario is that I get a sterilizing kick to the balls. But I'm already 2 steps ahead of that inevitable nut-crippling disaster. I plan on exclusively dating parapalegics.(I hope you realize I'm joking by this point) Considering my circumstances, I can say all the bad and good things about relationships I want without feeling any consequences that would take away sexual privelages, dignity, or money. The ones who are slightly offended by this will likely try to place me in a group that would reflect me negatively. I can just imagine someone bitterly mumbling aloud:
"This guy is a dick! That's a group he forgot. The dickhead group. And thats why he's not getting any. Asshole!"

or the more clever ones would say something like

"This guy is about as insecure as a hobo's shack in the rain. That's why he isn't getting any."

I would hope both those angry mumblers are wrong.

Lesson Learned Indeed, Ol' Chum

The other day I was reminded of how summer has finally come to a close. No, it wasn't the fact school has started college and high school alike. It was the fact that the nights have been getting colder. I guess to some of you, thats no surprise. I'm still living in July. August went by so fast. July and August have to be the fastest of the other months. Before you know it, its September and Labor Day weekend is your next ticket to being lazy or being paid overtime. I'm not a fan of September. It's like the Springs distant cousin. It's either really hot, or really cold and everything is starting to fall instead of bloom.
I hate the Autumn and Winter days. They always tend to be my worst. The people who know me well enough, know that I'm a pansy when it comes to the cold. Not only that, I cannot remember a Fall or Winter where I was content. Usually the end of winter/beginning of spring is when I start to feel happy again. A lot of it has to do with the fact its always dark and gloomy in the winter. It does have its points where I can enjoy it in small doses.
Just thinking of the fact that Winter is coming makes me uneasy. Last Fall/Winter I was pretty alone. Everything changed as it tends to after you graduate. I at least had Local to fall back on. I had somewhere to go. Something to do. But this year there is no Local or place I can go to just to pass the time or be in the company of good friends. I refuse to repeat last year. Feeling lonely, having friends but rarely seeing them, taking chances on girls who didn't deserve them just so maybe I could try to cure my loneliness. I won't do it. I really do have better hopes for this Fall. I think I'm in a much better state of mind than I was last year. I'm in a better position in life than I was last year.
I've been working at my new job now for a month. It's ok I guess. Beats the hell out of my last job. My only complaint is how boring it is. The field of laboratory science bores me. To some it seems like it's exciting. To me, it's boring and I can't wait for another job. ha ha. I'm currently taking an EMT course this year. I've shifted my interests to emergency medicine recently. I'm thinking about doing paramedics if I like doing EMT. Probably get my bachelors in it (Yes that is possible) I do realize there isn't a lot of money in it. Every life I go out to help is worth about 8.88 an hour as a basic EMT. Shitty pay for the weight of responsibility on someones life. So far I really love the class. I think I've found something that I can pursue and love that's realistic.
I feel that I'm at this point in my life where I'm starting to feel ready to grow up a little more. Not that I have a choice. August wasn't exactly my best month.  I had a warrant out for my arrest because I forgot to pay a ticket from a year ago. I didn't get arrested but I almost did. I had to pay that off. On top of that I got an alcohol ticket. I rarely drink as it is. More often than usual lately. I've done it once a month since June. To some people, thats nothing, to me, thats a little much. And of course, my beloved van broke down. Getting the ticket was a wake up call to me. I've just been so careless and flakly lately. Not only with how I've handled myself, but my money and the girls that have come in and out of my life. It's a dumb mistake to make, but it reminded me that I have to buckle down if I am to be successful. If I am to actually be somebody.
Altogether, I'm pretty content. I get stressed here and there, but who doesn't during this time of year? I know the next couple of months won't be the easiest given my financial situation. But I do know that the next little while isn't darkness with patches of light. Rather light with patches of darkness and the occasional shades of grey. I can see this through. I'm thinking things through a lot more than I ever have. Though feeling lonely without friends or even a stable girl sucks, it's not forever. And I'm rarely lonely when it comes to friends anyway.
I think everything will be ok.

Don't Watch Movies With Me (Because I Ruin Them For Fun)

I was going through my inbox and I realized a lot of people have replied to my old bulletins. There is actually a lot of bulletins I forgot about that usually contain humor about movies or something ridiculously cynical. So I am reposting them for your viewing pleasure because they are kind of entertaining. Enjoy

Action Moveis Are All the Same!
Date: Jan 27, 2006 11:07 AM

So I've been watching cheap action movies lately and They are always the same! Observe as I describe and foil all of the action movies you have seen. They generally all include these characteristics:

1. A good guy who doesn't "follow the rules"
2. Boss who is angry at the good guy for not "following the rules"
3. Bad guy makes good guy mad by generally killing or kidnapping a close friend or family member.
4. The good guy later gets a seemingly incompetent partner.
5. A lot of shit blows up, people get shot, cars crash.
6. The good guy and the bad guy have a showdown in a large factory/industrial complex that features steam coming out of various pipes and chains that hang from the ceiling.
7. The good guy kills every member of the bad guys gang/posse, starting with the ones with the least screen time.
8. The good guy kills the bad guy's invincible assassin/croney/first mate kind of guy. BUT gets beaten up and wounded in the process.
9. The good guy typically, kills the bad guy in a clever way using materials in the factory (chains, acid, pipes, power cables, etc.)
10. Of course the good guy always falls in love with whoever insulted him the most during the "plot"
11. Everyone is somehow unexplainably happy despite close friends, co workers, and family members being killed in the past 2 hours.


You know it's true.

Love,
Johnny
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If You Like Shitty Movies....
Date: Feb 20, 2006 12:08 AM

So I just saw Final Destination 3. If you like movies where a lot of people die in really weird ways for no real logical reason, weak acting, with a weaker plot. Final Destination 3 just might be your movie. I never knew there was so many ways to kill 24 year olds posing to be teens in high school in really unnecessary ways until this movie enlightened me.

If you go, you can get all excited with some sort of distant hope that you might be scared by the end of the movie because it was just so deep and disturbing. After the movie really is over, you will find that you are dumber than you were for just watching it.

"Intellectual and Stimulating!"

You will not be saying any of those words after its done

My recommendation:
Don't pay 5-7 dollars to see it on a regular day.
Wait until it comes out in the dollar movies and when 50 cent monday's roll around, you can casually stroll in and see the first 15 minutes of the movie. You can even leave the movie at that point without thinking you're losing a lot of money. You won't have any obligation to stay through the whole thing.

Better yet, if youre patient, you can buy it for cheap at the movie store or steal a previewed copy from a thrift store. You will save a total of 3 dollars for your endeavors.

Enjoy.
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My Observations on Action Heroes and Such
Date: May 14, 2006 10:37 PM

So I got thinkin about supehero movies and comics. I found some things that perplexed me.

How is it that despite how good of a fighter the main superhero is, the bad guy is equally just as good?

Batman was trained by ninjas, Superman is invincible, Spiderman is damn near invincible, and yet the bad guys compete with such power. Even the nerdy mad scientist always manages to beat the shit out of Batman before Batman somehow cleverly defeats him in an abandoned wherehouse, featuring various steaming pipes and chains hanging from the ceiling. How is that exactly?

Sure it's fiction, but a ninja verse a social hermit genius?

Who is going to win logically?

And whats up with the henchman, croneys, and nameless bad guys? Why do they join up with the mad scientist guy? Are they getting paid? Judging by the popular thrift store clothing look, probably not. And who is that motivated to work for an evil genius against impossible odds like Superman? What is the incentive for them to go out to unload a clip on Superman's face which they know will not stop him at all. Followed by a hell of an asskicking by Superman. Which usually includes the guys getting thrown into brick walls at high volicities or neatly stacked rows of boxes. Are these men retarded? Do they not realize that in half an hours time they will be thwarted? Like always?

And why are diabolical geniuses so angry too? I suspect such geniuses were picked on as kids and probably made fun of at the ol' workplace during the day. I'm sure a good part of the ridicule was drawn from in the lunchroom from their steady diet of juiceboxes, cabbage, and a can of baked beans. But they always use their genius to something completely weird and pointless. Honestly, what kind of angry genius hangs out with penguins? Or developes a freeze gun? or better yet, what drives a man to dress up like a clown and have a dry sense of humor? Can't the bad guys at least wear a nice suit? They clearly have millions of dollars to invest in a doomsday device, what stops them from investing in a nice suit? And how is it that one person can develope a large bomb in 3 days where it takes the military years with hundereds of researchers. Every now and then you see the bad guy with a ton of guys in labcoats working hard. But they have to be contracted somehow? Perhaps a contracting company? What kind of contracting company wants in on world destruction? Especially if they are likely to be killed.



This is probably the nerdiest thing I have ever brought up in my life.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Those were my nerdy rants. Here comes my old ones on me destroying bulletins
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Your Attention Please! You're All Fuckin Stupid!Date: Aug 1, 2005 10:51 PM

So obviously now you've gotten this far, so now that you're here, I'd like to address dumbass bulletins once again but in more detail rather than my previous condensed points. Please read all the way through.

1. What is with these dumbass bulletins going around about a ghost boy or girl saying they are going to kill you if you don't repost the bulletin? Honestly, people, if there really are ghosts, I'm pretty sure they have better things to do then log on to myspace and harass people by threatening to murder them in their sleep. And I'm for damn sure that a dead person would not describe themselves with "scary eyes."

2. I absolutely hate the bulletins that are petitions testifying you believe in God and not posting the bulletin would otherwise insult the faith you practice and ultimately sending you to the pits of Hell. This seems like a very low way of trying to sort out atheists and pagans from people who practice popular religous factions. Now, I am not atheist, but I do not need a bulletin telling me that I do not believe in God if I do not repost a stupid bulletin. In no way, shape, or from should there be bulletins made to even attempt to reflect someone's personal beliefs. To me it seems more blasphemous than righteous to speak for God Himself by hinting that by not posting a bulletin, you do not believe the faith you practice. So in short, Grow up you dipshits.

3. Why are there so many cheesy ass bulletins with some really lame, poorly written story attached about a boy and girl that are so in love that they fail to tell each other but one of them HAS to die in order for them to see it. And of course there is always some sort of secret note hidden that one of the widowed teenage persons finds close by the dead body of their "loved one." Then of course if you don't repost that bulletin you are doomed to bad love forever or 10 years or some random number. BUT if you do repost it, you will be loved in ten minutes, no joke. Who ever makes these dumb bulletins should be thrown off a bridge into icy water followed by target practice with bricks from the people above. Seriously, stop posting these! They are all the same! Really. I can guarantee that whether or not you post that will have no effect on your love life in the coming years. And the worst part is, that these bulletins or chains don't even have a novelty factor. It's not one of those "this is so cute," or "this is worth your time reading," or even "this is so dumb it's funny" sort of deals. It's just dumb and a waste of my time and many other people's time.

4. Ok, how many times does Tom or anyone with half a brain have to explain this? At least once a week I see a bulletin that says myspace will be cancelled, or you will be charged or some stupid shit like that. Just realize that if you believed all this from some random person, then logically if you lived in any other country than America, you probably would have been killed years ago because you're so gullible. These are the same people who enjoy jigsaw puzzles thoroughly with an IQ of 70 and people who get inspired by motivational posters. Chances are if all it takes to inspire you is a cheap saying and a pretty picture, than that probably means you have a job so easy that robots will be doing it soon. None of those rumors are true, and nor will they be true

Ok, so maybe I've ranted enough now. But seriously, stop posting stupid chain bulletins that waste my time and other's time. That way maybe I can actually read the bulletins I would actually care to read and I'm sure others feel the same. If you have any comments I would surely like to hear about them. Message me or something.

Sincerely,
Johnny W.

Please note that I may repost this a couple of times so as many people can read it as possible
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This thing needs more negatives
Date: Nov 7, 2005 1:01 PM
J- Everyone loves you.
O- You love foreplay
H- You have very good personality and looks
N- You are very "FUN".
N - You are very "FUN".
Y - You never let people tell you what to do

NOW YOU TRY!
A - You always want some action.
B - You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C - You definitely have a partier side in you.
D - You have trouble trusting people.
E - You are popular with all types of people.
F - Fake.
G - You are very friendly and undestanding.
H - You have very good personality and looks.
I - Love is something you deeply believe in.
J - Everyone loves you.
K - You like to try new things.
L - You are always smiling and making others smile.
M - Success comes easily to you.
N - You are very "FUN".
O - You love foreplay.
P - You are very friendly and undestanding.
Q - You are a hypocrite.
R - You are a social butterfly.
S - People think you are sexy, especially your bf/gf.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
U - You usally r hella tight.
V - You are not jusgemental.
W - You are very broad minded.
X - You always make every experience great
Y - You never let people tell you what to do.
Z- You're uber cool.

-------------------------------------------------------
They need more negatives in here don't you think? Like:

A- You rarely get laid because of your fake personality.
B- People hate you because of your support for Al-Qaida.
C- You're really lame in bed and probably have an STD.
D- You're ugly and need to stop trying to be attractive.
E- Everyone smiles to your face but talks behind your back.
F- You can't stop eating because you're fat but blame it on genetics.
G- You only get action when you masturbate to an action movie.
H- You have about as much intelligence as the pile of shit you stepped in the other day.
I- Urinal cakes tend to smell better than you.
J- You try too hard to be funny.
K- Cartoons are your only friend.
L- You're socially awkward and spend many weekends alone.
M- You have a great personality, but the looks of horses butthole.
N- You're a dateless wonder but you tell everyone else you're just picky.
O- You're only optimistic to cover up the fact you suck at everything.
P- People walk all over you because you can't say no
Q- You're not good at listening to other people because you only care about yourself.
R- You settle for less because you really are a loser.
S- Everyone knows you're incredibly insecure but yourself.
T- You have a small penis and/or really unnattractive breasts.
U- You need a life if you're still reading this
V- No matter how intoxicated someone is, they can still see you're ugly
W- You base you're personality off of bulletins and chain letters because you don't know who you are yet.
X- The closest you ever got to getting laid was your last physical from your doctor.
Y- You cover up your secret homosexual tendencies by acting like a hardass.
Z- Nobody respects you because you are a habitual liar.


Yeah I'm really bored. If you thought this was funny in someway, let me know! Message me.

Johnny W.
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I'm rewriting this "choose your eye color and month" bullshit
Date: Feb 20, 2006 10:40 PM

Yeah, I'm tired of these lame ass things. They are only accurate because every one of them says the same thing, just different wording. Then its followed by some sort of stupid prediction. This is how it really should be

Love,
Johnny
-----------blue eyes----------
People with blue eyes are often repulsive drunks in denial. It's possible people don't like you because you practice poor hygeine and have a poor personality to back your shallow standards. Being fake is probably your favorite past time. That way everyone looks past the fact you haven't matured past the age of 12. If you repost this, in 7 days you will realize a week has gone by and jackshit has still yet to happen in your life.
-------brown eyes-------
People with brown eyes have a mysterious obsession with their own poop. That's often because that's the only thing worse than you and you figure you can at least walk all over it if it makes you angry. You're typically physically unattractive and socially awkward. You really know how to kill a good conversation and to embarass the people around you. If you repost this in 5 days, you'll realize that everyone now knows you're dumbass for believing these stupid bulletins and reposting them.
--------green eyes----------
You are probably beautiful beyond all reason, but it's likely that piles of shit are smarter than you. You are really flaky and rarely attempt to get anything done hoping that someone else will do it for you. If you had a relationship, your spouse/significant other would probably kill you just to gain money off your insurance policy. If you repost this, in three days nothing will happen, but you'll probably be dumb enough to think this was reverse psychology and will probably wait for something to happen.
---------hazel eyes------------
You are ridiculously indecisive. Your eyes obviously couldn't decide whether to be brown or green. What makes you think you're any better? You try to act smart by combining pompous arrogance and meaningless rhetoric. It never works, but you still tend to think so. You have a wild imagination! You probably still have hopes you'll be laid before you die. Repost this asap and let everyone know who you really are. If you're lucky, you'll be killed swiftly for it.
____________________________________________

----------JANUARY-------------------
You believe that personalities can be described by the month you were born. It's quite obvious that you are dimwitted but people patronize you because they love to hear what you say next. You're always the center of attention because people like to point and laugh at the hideous boil that bulges through the ass end of your pants.
Sound like everyone born in January so far?
----------FEBRUARY--------------------
You're not very deep. Your best friend took a drunken piss and it's puddle on a flat sidewalk is deeper than you. You try to compensate for your lack of social intelligence by making a series of unfunny and awkward jokes. Your friends rarely invite you to places with a lot of people in fear of being horribly embarassed by your inability to grasp awkward situations.
------------------MARCH------------------------
You're an asshole and you work minimum wage jobs. But you tell everyone else that you're an airline pilot that just got laid off which would explain why you drive a piece of shit AMC Gremlin. The opposite sex enjoys ignoring you because they feel its their civil duty to isolate you from society.

------------------APRIL-------------------
It's really easy for you to pass as a handicapped individual due to your poor posture and grotesque lack of intelligence. If you're alone downtown, people like to give you their spare change and tell you "Good luck" or "I hope you find a home soon."
-----------------MAY-----------------
You're a waste on society. You don't vote and you believe your destiny is controlled by the stars and planets. You're too dumb to do drugs but it certainly doesnt stop you from eating paint chips. You're political views are often radical and have hints that you long for a communist regime. You're opinionated and nobody really cares what you have to say.

------------JUNE-------------
You have no personality. Masturbating to an action movie is the best action you will have in your life. Your insecurities are almost as powerful as the other odors the eminate from your body everyday. Your a slave to routine which usually consists of porn, tv dinners, bathroom breaks and vigorous scratching in the crotch region. Your a person of real principles.
----------------JULY--------------
Not a year goes by where someone prays a horrible fireworks accident takes your life on the 4th of July. It would be strangely patriotic and well celebrated. You are living proof that public education schools DO produce dismal failures.
------------AUGUST---------------
You are a special kind of breed. You are tolerable for more than 10 minutes because you don't smell bad. But your conversations somehow always come back to your dark and deepest sexual fetishes. It creates the illusion to other people you can attract the opposite sex with relative ease because they assume that anyone you go for is poor trailer trash. Even thats too good for you.
------------SEPTEMBER---------------
It's always difficult to tell if you're male or female. You never fail to disappoint those around you. You're like a blackhole of failure and everyone affiliated with you gets dragged into the same sorry ass state as you.

---------------OCTOBER-------------------
Optimism is your best friend because reality would otherwise tell you that you have very little to offer in this lifetime. What you think usually isn't valued because everyone knows you didnt really think in the first place, you just merely take other people's words and make them your own. You look in the mirror and think you are the spitting image of William Shatner and that any day now you will get laid.
---------------NOVEMBER--------------------
The only reason why you exist is because your dad took advantage of your mom on Valentines day while she was drunk at a party. Thank's to the miracle of Vodka and cheap condoms, your existence can be thoroughly resented because you're a pathological liar. You tell amusing stories that usually center around you and often defy the laws of physics and logic.
---------------DECEMBER---------------
Things might have been better had you not been born. You get jealous easy over really stupid shit, and others find it hard to believe you're still alive. Your existence makes people question their religion and and the theory of evolution.
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That one is my favorite:)
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Anyway, that is my collection of my favorite bulletins. Hope you enjoyed them if you didn't read them the first time I posted them. I hope that a few of you remembered them and enjoyed them a second time.